


Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by NastyB



Category: One Piece
Genre: Abuse, Blood and Gore, Can’t be spoiling the goods, Crackhead energy, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Description, Kidnapping, Maybe - Freeform, Obsessive Behavior, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Stockholm Syndrome, The Kid Pirates being gremlins, Violence, We’re talking extreme slow burn, the slowest burn in the world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 181,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NastyB/pseuds/NastyB
Summary: You’ve been working as a marine for years now. At a peaceful island in the New World. Life had been good, even though it went off with a rocky start.Of course, nothing lasts forever. Especially not good things.
Relationships: Eustass Kid/Killer/Reader, Eustass Kid/Reader, Killer (One Piece)/Reader
Comments: 420
Kudos: 624





	1. It’s a quiet life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Work was inspired by two fanfics I found on here which would be  
> The Captain and Birdie from AbyssCronia 
> 
> and
> 
> The Kidd Pirate Café [Kid Pirates x Reader] [Heat x Reader] by RavenRunning
> 
> I hope I’ll do them justice.

It was too early for this, you reckoned as your alarm went off at merely 5 AM to get your scrawny ass out of your bed. If only you could remain in bed forever and let the worries of life wash away for good. 

You had a lot of work to do though and it wasn’t like any of your colleagues would do the paperwork in your stead, so supposedly it was completely unavoidable to get up unless getting fired was a considerable option. 

It wasn’t, by the way. So, after five minutes of dozing and trying not to fall back asleep you slowly started shuffling out of bed, ending with you rolling right out of it and hitting the floor with a muffled ‘oof’. One might think it was an accident but no, quite on purpose.

It helped you wake up and as someone who was not a morning person, that was one of the prices you had to pay to be able to function this early during the day. Your boss was a fucking lucky bastard he had such a good assistant working on covering his ass when he was out hunting pirates. 

Not that hunting pirates was easy in the New World, most of them were either big shots that were itching for a fight or a group of hooligans that were pretty good at running away. Both a pain in the ass to deal with. 

Man you’re tired.. But, even so, you manage to get up, wrapped up in your blanket to make your way to the kitchen to set water to boil. You need a shitty coffee to wake up otherwise you’ll be incompetent. Your gaze drifted through your little apartment. 

It only had three rooms, all remotely small. The bathroom, Bedroom and then everything else. Living Room and Kitchen had fused to safe space. You could probably buy a better apartment, they weren’t exactly expensive. 

This island was pretty remote, surrounded by extreme weather which made it hard to get to, so people didn’t usually plan on living here. The people that did were a close knit community that had formed something like a huge family over the decades. 

Everyone looked out for everyone. That included the marines stationed at this island, which was the working force you belonged to. Repeat here, not as a soldier but as an assistant. You could probably defend yourself well enough against a robber or whatever but an all out brawl with actual pirates was beyond you.

You’re not toned to hell or whatever, you have an average build for someone who follows a loose fitness regime. As was expected from all marines in duty, you had to keep yourself in fighting condition in case something did happen. 

During the process of getting clean and dressed the sun had started to dawn, shining it’s annoying light right in your face when you moved to open the curtains and the window to let in fresh air. In the distance you see the shore and beyond the shore the black ring of death. 

You called it that since it was the ring that protected the island from pirates and slavers, many ships didn’t expect the harsh weather coming here and sank as a consequence trying to get here. It made living on this rock very peaceful. When a single pirate ship did make it through, well, you had your colleagues to deal with that.

Those men were as buff as they were resourceful and mean towards pirates. The sweetest men when in the company of civilians but all hell broke loose in the face of a battle against the actual enemy. Most of them were haki equipped and could throw a punch as fast as a speeding bullet train.

Well, the fight force anyway. Most of those guys were currently out to hunt with your boss for pirates. The soldiers that remained here weren’t all that strong but still pretty tough to deal with. Where they lacked strength they had resourcefulness. 

You didn’t agree with the notion of leaving the weakest behind to hold down the fort, as it would not be a well protected fort anyhow but Han-san, your boss, kept waving it off. Nothing you could do. At least the ring of death would never leave you. 

One comrade you could count on. The thought made you smile a little, currently busy putting on your shoes and shouldering your back, checking if you had everything. Keys, yes. Money, yes. Documents, yes. Gun, yes. 

You had shot a gun before but your aim was atrocious. If you weren’t close enough to not miss, you usually would. That wasn’t what you were good at. You weren’t good with combat anyhow. What you specialized in was tinkering.

You could make a bomb out of a pen and a clip with a little bit of gunpowder in under five minutes. It’s what helped you qualify to get this job in the first place, you guessed. You had failed the physical exam two times before finally making it. 

By then it was clear that putting you into a combat squad was going to be a death sentence and you tried desperately to find a team that’d take you. Introduce Han-san, who had a knack for odd eggs. He didn’t care about how fit you were, he just wanted someone who could come up with crazy inventions to nerd out about them later.

The man loved machinery but was awful with them. The thought of the giant, buff man smiling at whatever you had pulled out of your ass, his white moustache basically shining and his bald head too- you snort. 

After making sure to lock the door behind you, you trotted down the stairs and out the main entrance. It was a nice, cool air. Little bit too fresh to be running around in a shirt, of course you forgot something. Eh, whatever.

The harbor wasn’t too far off. Your base stood right at the shore, watching out for trouble. You had four separate outposts around the island but the main one was with the village. The other three were just to make sure no one was sneaking up on you guys.

Never happened before, the weather was consistently worse back there than here. It’s a bit of a secret passage that made crossing easier but not by much. It’s been five years since you’ve been stationed here. You got lucky. 

In more ways than one. Not only did you get stationed at a place where death was not constantly looming over you, the way on how you got here was also full of miracles. Thinking back, you were merely thirteen when your parents were murdered by pirates in a raid. 

Them being the only two people you ever really knew well you were suddenly left with no one. You didn’t exactly have friends or other family you could rely on. The only person willing to help you back then was one of your teachers. 

The elderly man felt so bad for you, watching you spiral down into a dark pit that once you were in there, there’d be no way out. He rigged your grades, signed you up for a transfer course to join the marines. You didn’t know how it worked, but it did.

You got accepted and picked up a month after the loss of your parents. During that time the man even allowed you to live with him, trying to support you through your grief like a grandfather you never had. He would always hold a dear space in your heart.

It had been so long, you couldn’t remember his face that well anymore. You wrote his name down in one of your many notebooks to make sure that even if something happened to you and you forgot everything else, it would always be there. 

It was painful to admit, but without his pity you would have probably hit rock bottom and be at a darker yet place still. Not just his pity, but the pity from your coaches during the program. They were extremely sympathetic towards the broken girl they were dealing with. 

If not for them completely writing you off as something that needed protection and saving, you’d have failed the course. Still struck with grief and set deep in depression you didn’t study a lot or train enough to make it through the tests as well as you should.

But, thankfully yet embarrassingly, the pity of your peers saved you. Even Han-san. The man didn’t ever say or show much of it but everytime he looked at you, you could feel his inner workings almost. You were only a marine because everything else would have left you stranded. 

You were a marine because you had to suffer loss. The man could probably relate, seeing as he had a wedding ring and pictures of children in his office and yet no family to show off. Maybe he was projecting a little onto you, seeing as how he fathered you everytime he was home.

It was almost nice. He was a good man and having the luck to end up in his squad was one of the best things that ever happened to you, even if his motivations were grounded on the pity that had been following you your whole life. 

You were weak after all. What else was there to say..? Smarts can only bring you so far against an enemy that’s as common as grass in this day and age. You’re more likely to run into a pirate ship than a marine ship, especially in the New World. 

Smarts can’t protect you from someone breaking your rib cage under their foot as if it was made out of cardboard. Smarts were good, strength was good, but only together did they complete each other. 

A strong person could easily fall into a trap if they weren’t smart enough to figure a way out and a smart person can’t defend themselves on their own. It’s a cycle of codependency. Never ending.

The small building that was your HQ finally came into view, the town wasn’t all that big but big enough that you’d need a while to cross it. It’s still remotely dark, no one seems out yet except some early birds. The bakery has lights on. 

Yeah, they had to get up early too to make sure the bread was baked for the customers when they came from going to work or school or home. There were such things as night shifts. Like the nurses from the hospital that was deeper in the city.

The town all in all was built a little depending on safety. The marines were stationed right at the harbor, everything else came behind them. It was completely dependent on the fact that if Pirates did come, they’d have the option to evacuate the people while defending them without having to worry about getting run over.

During these five years of living here, that had never happened. Not a single ship had managed to get through the ring of death without being so beat up that they couldn’t just pick the people off at that point. It was reassuring to have that protection. 

The marine ships they had were enforced like hell at the bottom so the waves couldn’t break them. Sure, there were pirate ships out there who had that too but none of those ever tried to get here. Not that there was a reason why they should.

This island didn’t have anything of worth, no gold or whatever. The only thing it could be used for was a base of defense and the navy had already claimed that spot so it didn’t matter. Your gaze drifts up. The sky is clear. Today would be a good day.

Maybe you should go to the beach.. alone. It’s not like you had any friends, even now. The men you worked with were all nice to you but that was on a professional level. If they went drinking you weren’t invited. Why would you be?

Only Han-san really cared to interact with you outside of work. The man was a blessing but.. he wasn’t here. You were on your own for the time being. When you entered the building you worked in you were greeted with two men who had been working the nightshift.

Both of them perked up when they spotted you, ignoring the game of cards they’ve been playing to wave. “L/N-san! Good morning!” Herm and Clip. Both had been longer here than you. Middle aged. Family men. 

“Good morning, aren’t you supposed to be on watch?” You muse, walking over to look at the game they’ve been playing. Looked like.. mhh.. go fish? Or.. something. You didn’t play cards, who knew what this was. 

“Ehh,” Clip, a brunette with shoulder long hair was waving you off and just glanced at Herm, who shrugged and gave a sheepish grin. The man’s blonde locks were all over the place. “Nothing happens anyway. Hasn’t for almost ten years.” 

You made a face at the two, who shrank a little under your scrutiny. “Don’t slack off because of that. You never know when things go wrong.” And who loses their parents because they do.. 

The two older men just exchanged glances and slumped their shoulders, lowering their heads in unison. “Yes Ma’am.” They parroted at you. It made you smile a bit wider. “Don’t call me that. It’s weird.” Especially since they were your seniors.

Both men just gave you a weird face as if you were being unreasonable but it only made you snort and grab the newspapers next to them, rolling it up and effectively papping them both on the head with it. The men grunted, immediately pretending to have been fatally wounded. Clip even fell off his stool to play dead. 

“Idiots.” You snicker and put the newspapers under your arm, pointing at it. “This new?” Herm stopped his dramatic gasping and relaxed his body posture. Clip continues to play dead. “Yeah, just came an hour ago or so.” That was early.

Your eyes squint a little. Weird. The carrier birds usually just came during the day. Ah, whatever. Everyone sometimes got up too early, even birds you guessed. Plus, birds were notorious for being morning people anyway. “Have you read it yet?” 

Clip finally spoke up from his spot on the floor. “Nah, we were busy.” Your eyes fall back on the cards on the table. “Yeah. I guess I can see that… I just wish you’ve been busy with doing your duty.. instead of playing solitaire.” 

They have the fucking nerve to look offended. “Solitaire? Woman, this is Checkers!” You make a doubtful face. “Checkers is a board game.” They blink at you. Clip is finally getting off the dirty floor. “No it’s not.” God preserve you, you’re herding cats.

“It actually is. The game with the tiny disks that you hop around with on the board.” The man are looking at you, then at the cards. Herm makes a face like he went through all five stages of grief so fast he had to invent a new one. “The hell have we been playing then?” 

Just- Just great. “I’m sure you will figure it out eventually.” You blinked towards the windows. It was getting bright out for real now. “How about you two head home? I can hold down the place until the morning shift gets here.” That’d be an hour or so anyway.

Not too far off. The men both perk up and give you a candy grin. “You mean it?” Clip’s moving over to slam his broad palms onto your petite, much smaller shoulders. “You’re a real doll, L/N-san!” They say that but that’s how it usually goes.

You always let the night shift off the hook. Not like they can do much except mope around and pray for their shift to be over already. You can make sure to glance out of the window every now and then to keep an eye out. 

It’s hard to not let your guard down when nothing ever goes down. The only interaction you had with pirates was when you lost your parents and that was when you were hidden in a closet. You didn’t even see them. You just heard them..

Slaughtering your parents.. The thought made you cringe internally. “L/N-san?” The voice of Herm had you jerk out of your thoughts. “Mhh. Yeah?” Both men were looking at you with an odd expression. “You sure you’re good?” 

“Hah, yeah, just tired.” It’s not like you can tell them what’s actually bothering you. It wasn’t like you can dump that trauma onto people that weren’t really close to you. Or anyone really. Han-san knew because he read your files when he employed you but aside from that no one else really knew.

You liked it that way. “Anyway,” You continued, turning around and walking towards the stairs that would lead up to the offices. “I’ll be on my way! Have a wonderful day.” You can feel their eyes burn into your back.

Lying to men who had so much more life experience was not exactly a smart move but what could they do? They wouldn’t be able to squeeze your secrets out of you and if they tried with every bit of their being.

Some things were just better left alone, like a bruise. If you kept poking at it, it’d never fade.. or at least very slowly. You’d know. You’ve been poking your bruises your whole life. Thinkin about the ‘if’s’ and ‘maybe’s’. 

What would have been if you weren’t such a coward. What would have been if you weren’t so weak.. If you had known what was going to happen, you like to imagine you’d have trained and beaten the hell out of those bastards.

But it was just a fantasy. A story that would never come to pass. After all, no one could control time. You can’t go back and erase your mistakes and biggest shames. Your father was a strong man, he worked as a mechanic. If he couldn’t beat those pirates, there was no way you could have.

It’s what you tell yourself to sleep easier at night. Those nights where, no matter how much you try to block it out, you can just hear the hysterical, pained voices of your parents. 

Maybe dying with them would have been easier than living with the guilt of having hid like they told you to. You know they would not have wanted that, but living became harder each day. It was impossible to forgive yourself.

You had reached your office door while pondering to yourself, staring at the dark wood and rolling your shoulders. New day. New you. Time to get into it. You grabbed the door handle and opened it, staring at the messy office in front of you.

Han-san was overworking you. It wasn’t that hard to see. No matter how much you worked, there was always too much to ever be done with it. But you never complained. He trusted you to keep everything running and that’s what you did.

For all of them, so they could continue to go out there and catch pirates and save families that hadn’t been faced with the grim reality of loss yet. It wasn’t just kids losing their parents after all.

Casualties didn’t care about age or gender. Parents were losing their little boys and girls all over the world too. People were losing their friends, grandfathers, grandchildren, employees, employers- it was a never ending list of what pirates liked to take from the common class.

From those who just couldn’t defend themselves. Not everyone was born with a will strong enough to develop haki or fight on with a broken limp. Normal people curled up in pain when they got hurt. Ran for their lives if it was in danger. 

It’s what worked sometimes. You walk into the office, drop your bag onto the floor next to your desk and settle into your chair. Staring at the many papers you’d have to fight through. 

Look at me, mom, dad. I’m doing my part to make the world a safer place. You wonder absentmindedly if they’d be proud if they could see you now. You hope so. You prayed so. 

You glance at the clock hanging over the door frame. It was now almost 6 AM. It's another hour before the morning shift came.. Plenty time to get some work done without being interrupted. So, you let your thoughts drift out of you as you start to work in silence. 

* * *

_“I need for you to stay in there, yes?” The pale, bruised face of your mother is right in front of you but it was unclear. Messy and blurry as if someone wiped over the visuals with their arm and ruined the picture._

_You’re too scared to complain or move much as your mother settled you into the closet, prying a secret compartment open with her bloodied fingers that were missing some fingernails, gently shoving you into it._

_It’s a tight fit, so tight that you could barely breathe and your whole body protested. You sob behind your hands and stare at her. “Mommy, please don’t leave me alone..” You’ve cried all the tears you had at this point. There was nothing left._

_“Shh, shh,” A gentle touch to your face had you lean your face into it. “You’ll be fine. Mommy and Daddy are going to make sure that our sweetie pie is going to be alright.” She’s moving away and closing the compartment, squishing you._

_It goes dark. You can’t see anything, your breath smells like the cotton candy you had not even thirty minutes before. “Mommy and Daddy love you, honey. You have to be really brave and quiet now. Don’t say a word and don’t come out until we get you.”_

_Her voice sounded muffled through the wood. Your face is pressed against your knees, kept down by the wood. This space wasn’t meant for people. You wonder how long you’d be able to stand this position before you hurt yourself. “Ok..”_

_You sound weak and pathetic even in your own, child ears. “I’ll wait for you. I love you. Please don’t forget me-“ Whatever your mother wanted to hear, you’d say it if it meant all was going to be ok._

_There is no reply. “..Mommy?” No answer. You listen hard but there is no more noise from outside aside from the faint noises of the brawl that your father had started with the three pirates that broke into your home looking for money._

_You stay quiet. You’re quiet when the screaming of your mother starts, you’re quiet when the yelling of your father gets louder. Eclipsed by the cruel laughter of the men here to hurt you._

_You’re quiet when both of these voices disappear one by one and nothing but the scratching of boots on the wooden floor is heard, muffled voices that belonged to strangers._

_You’re quiet when someone opens the closet and rummages through the clothes and items inside, the heavy breathing not yours or your parents._

_You’re quiet when there’s nothing anymore. Even when all the noise is gone you remain absolutely silent. Staring in a horrified manner at the darkness in front of you, waiting for your parents to come and pick you up so this can all be over._

_You want for them to come and get you so, so badly._

_They never do though._

* * *

A soft knock has you jerk your head up, staring in confusion at the documents underneath you. You’ve been spacing out. You managed to get plenty done but of course there is always more-

“L/N-san?” The timid voice has you look up with wide eyes. One of the mornin shifts. The man was looking pretty uncomfortable and confused, you wonder what face you had been making to cause such a reaction.

“Uh..” You feel a bit lost, the memories you’ve been forced to relive had come unexpected. It happened from time to time but it was never pleasant. You rub over your eyes. “Yeah.. What’s up?”

It’s not as formal as you like and internally you slap your face to try and get a grip. “Ah, Han-san is on the snail.” You raised an eyebrow at the man. Glanced at your transmitter snail and sighed.. “Tell him to call my snail. I’m not running around right now.”

The man gave a quick salute and hurried off. You stare at the wall and try to wipe your mind clean from what it just did. The fuck was that about? You hadn’t had actual flashbacks in public during the middle of the day in.. so long. 

It happened sometimes but usually after getting triggered. You wonder what triggered it this time.. Maybe the cards. Hah. Your snail goes off. You expected it and pick up right after the first ring. “Y/N L/N here.” You chimed into the receiver.

“Y/N! My girl! I am bearing great news!” The deep, boisterous voice that belonged to your boss made you wince a little. Geez, he is loud. “You don’t say. Pray tell.” It’s better to just go along with it.

“Our last hunt has yielded extreme results! We have sunken several pirate ships!” Right. Han-san didn’t take many prisoners unless the pirates surrendered. He didn’t give second chances. The thought was a bit scary. 

He was so gentle with you and your colleagues but had no mercy whatsoever for pirates. “That’s great to hear, sir. Do you know when you’ll be back?” Please be back soon. This paperwork was piling.. 

“Ah yes, of course. We should be back in a few days. Gotten so caught up in the hunt we kind of drifted pretty far!” Not that unusual. You leaned back in your chair and smiled happily. 

“That’s wonderful. Please stay safe.” There’s a moment of silence before the man speaks again. “Of course. You too, Y/N. Make sure to keep an eye on our comrades. Without you they’d be completely hopeless!” Right.

“Yes sir. Just like always.” Your gaze wanders to the window. “Without me this island surely would be doomed, seeing how strong I am.” You can’t help the bitter undertone. It just seemed to put Han-san off. “You have been training.” 

Not much. Everytime you tried to start it just made you depressed seeing how much you sucked. “I guess.. I just feel safer with you all around. The island is so peaceful without you lot breaking everything.” The man on the other side of the snail gasped in mock offense. 

“Giving sass to your superior. I’m firing you.” You break into a snicker and just continued to scribble on the paper beneath you. “Oh? And I was so busy filing all of these finances to ensure you don’t get fired. Guess I’ll just pack my things and-“ 

“Now hold on! Let us not be hasty- I was just joking! You know me!” It’s nice. Talking to him made you feel warm and protected. Like your father was still around. They were so alike from the personality wise. 

Outlooks? Not so much. “Ah, yeah?” His voice moved away from the snail, sounding muffled. When it came back he sounded a bit dejected. “Ahh.. there is another pirate ship I must take care off. We are already on our way back home though and will arrive soon.” 

You look straight ahead, your hand stilling. “Of course, sir. I’ll leave you to it then.” Please come back safe. You don’t say that. It felt like saying it too much would only encourage fate to do the opposite and crash that ship full of good men. 

“Yes, yes! Until then! Make sure to eat a lot so you’ll grow a bit more!” Asshole. You grin into the receiver. “I’m fully grown, sir. Goodbye.” And just like that you hang up. Staring at the snail as if it could help you feel easier about this. You were always worried when they were gone. 

So much could go wrong. It was just natural to expect the worst when you were in the New World. The East Blue never had this kind of tension. The worst things you’d come across were some hooligans and seakings. That part of the sea was relatively calm compared to the New World.

Or these particular waters. Sometimes you got boiling rains from the ring of death that wandered over here and everyone had to stay inside since it’d give you burns but aside from that, nothing else was wrong. 

It was a streak of good luck that this island was so well guarded, even if it was a bit of a curse. Leaving the island was always a bit of a camble, especially for the locals if they wanted to leave. They’d need to wait months until they managed to. Even with the help of the navy.

Your eyes drift to the clock. 1 PM. Your eyelid twitches and you glance around in confusion. Time had passed you by as if it was nothing. Were you losing it? Hahh.. whatever. At least you got a lot of work done! 

Might as well get something to eat! Now that you were thinking about it, you were starving. So, you get up, groaning as your entire body cracks and pops. “Fuck me.” God it hurt. You’d kill for a massage. 

With nimble fingers you grab your purse out of your bag in passing and jog out of your office. No time to waste! Only normal employees had the freedom of enjoying a normal lunch break! If possible you wanted to keep this under 15 minutes. 

On your way down you spotted some more men during work hours. You wave to them with a tired smile and miss the way they wave back at you in your hurry to get some food into you. No rest for the wicked.

You can’t wait for Han-san to get back and show him how well you did while he was gone. He was sure to praise you and take you out to dinner again. A happy smile spreads on your face, despite already being exhausted.

“Ah, L/N-san!” The voice of an elderly woman had you stop in your tracks, turning to face her. It was the bakery lady. She ran the shop with her two grandchildren. Her actual child and in law had left this world due to sickness way before you even got here.

“Oh, hello! Good day.” You want to continue on your path and not waste any time but the woman’s already closed in and took your hands into hers. Very small. Soft. Warm. She smelled like an old lady and daisies. 

“Off for dinner? Why don’t you come in and spend some time here? It’s on the house!” Ohh.. on the house. Tempting, tempting.. You glance around. “I wouldn’t feel right just taking your food.” 

Apparently any resistance was worthless as you had to follow the lady or physically resist her. Her still having you by the hands and ushering you into her shop. “Oh don’t be silly, there is plenty to go around! You work so hard, you deserve a break!” 

You really don’t. You would work without taking any breaks if not for the need to take in food. Otherwise you’d be scolded for eating unhealthily. It looked like no matter how much you fought this. There’d be no escape. Especially when her grandchildren started climbing all over you with their customer service. 

As expected, it takes way too long. Almost an hour later do you finally manage to wring yourself out of their kind, grappling fingers. You loved these people but yeesh were they overly friendly. So very trusting too.

The bakery lady just kept shoveling food into you. If you walked too roughly you’re pretty sure your stomach will pop like a balloon.. Rubbing over your middle you had reached the base again and just wanted to get in there to continue to work. 

You almost get slapped in the face when you open the door and are faced with the majority of the staff, all running around and seemingly extremely on edge. Immediately you felt your skin crawl with discomfort, seeing these hard boiled men so serious. Even Clip and Herm were back. In the middle of the day.

Your hand shot out and managed to grab someone by the scruff of their neck, having them choke a little as you pulled in closer. “Ey! What is going on?” Your voice sounded a bit high. You’re nervous.

The man glared at you but relaxed when he saw who he was talking to. You let him go so he could rub his throat and start explaining. “A pirate has been washed up.” It was a single sentence that was.. what?

“..Washed up?” Your gaze fixates towards the window, the ring of death was still there. But it was so far off. Did their ship break over there or something and then they made it all the way here?

That was impossible. Aside from the ring of death there would still be the seakings that occasionally made their way into the calmer waters to nest. And even ignoring those, swimming that distance was just impossible! 

“When we found him he was unconscious but by now he has woken up.” There’s something wrong. How can anyone survive something like this? “I- is he in the brig?” You walk past the man, ignoring his fumbling about. “L/N-san! He is dangerous, please do not get too close!” 

The man’s trailing you. “Who even is it?” People were talking. You could hear them talk about having called Han-san. If everyone was in so much turmoil over a single pirate you’re pretty sure you were dealing with a big shot.

That wasn’t good. You didn’t want such a wild fire in your home. Please, let it be some loner or someone unimportant that you could deal with. If it was someone from a huge crew, chances were they’d come looking for him. 

Depending.. if they had more than one ship. You want them to be dead. All of them. You pray to whatever fucking, higher entity was listening to you, let them have drowned back there. Let this man be the only survivor so you could deal with him in peace.

You haven’t gotten an answer from the soldier jogging after you. He just looked uncomfortable and it made you uncomfortable. “Hello. Still asking who we caught, please.” You don’t have enough nerve for this right now. 

Everyone was in panic almost, they were stressed over this one, half dead guy they found at the shore. It was enough to make you break out into cold sweat about the possibility that this would escalate.

Flashes of mangled corpses fill your visual but you press them down. You won’t let that happen to these people, they depended on you. You won’t let them down, no matter what. 

“It’s.. Eustass ‘Captain’ Kidd.” The soldier mumbled, right when you reached the stairway that led down and to the brig. The name made you stop in your tracks, ravaging your mind for details. 

The first thing that shot from your memory was the fact that the man was part of the worst generation. The second thing that had your head swim in confusion was that he was a devil fruit user. 

Sure, you had seastone to tie him with But the man couldn’t swim. You turn your whole body around and walk to the window, slamming your palms against the glass and staring out of it. “And you’re super positive that he was by himself?” 

He couldn’t have swam that distance. Did he get lucky and catch a drift all the way to the island? There were a few but so far in between that catching one by accident was basically trying to find a pin in a mountain of hay. 

“Yes, Ma’am. He was by himself. We checked the whole area and are still running tight patrouls.” You’re not feeling good. The idea of a crew as notorious as the Kid Pirates just beaching like idiots wasn’t even on the table.

“Have you checked the borders of the ring? We’re not in for an attack, are we?” There was no way those guys kissed the world goodbye just like that. You might have allowed the notion if it was literally anyone else but someone from the worst generation? 

That was surreal. “No ships anywhere near the island.” Then how the fuck did Eustass Kidd get flanked onto your shores? How did he not drown and die- like any other normal fucking person. 

You feel sick to your stomach. This wasn’t right. Why did people like him have this kind of luck and people who actually deserved good karma got the short end of the stick. 

“I’ll have a talk with him. You and you-“ Your turn around, pointing at the soldier who’d been following you and one that was passing right now. “Accompany me. Let’s go.” With Han-san gone, you were directly in charge.

You needed to take in the reigns and show that you could handle this. Realistically, this was the first time you ever had to deal with a pirate that closely before. And then it’s one like this.. Bad luck all around.

You walk down the stairs briskly and narrow your eyes, already seeing the one cell that had been locked. More details on the man were slowly swimming to the surface of your consciousness. 

Violent, Brutal, Sadistic. This man burned whole islands down for fun and then dishonored the corpses for the hell of it. He was notorious for having no regard for anyone, be it woman, man, elderly or child. 

The Kid Pirates were also known for taking prisoners just so they could execute them in a gruesome, gorey fashion. Eustass liked to torture and play with his food. It was disgusting you by just thinking about it. 

And now a man like that was sitting in your fucking basement. Maybe this was karma.. You wanted to believe that his journey would end here. Han-san would reach you soon, having probably abandoned his current hunt to come straight back and then all would be ok.

Han-san would fix this. He always did. But he was not here now and you needed to take charge. Before you get to the cell you stop and adjust your uniform, pulling your hat a bit down and into your face before stepping the final bit and stopping in front of the cell.

The view that you got wasn’t one you were expecting. Despite your urge to widen your eyes you leave them cold in the face of danger that was sitting there on the floor. Two, golden orbs staring hatefully right at you.

Beneath all of that hate though, was exhaustion. Who could blame him, seeing how he looked right now. 

Eustass Kidd was a huge man, you’d maybe reach his chest if you were lucky when he was standing up. Not just was he tall but he was wide. A broad torso double yours that was mainly covered by the chains that held him. The man wasn’t wearing anything but leopard patterned pants and boots. 

Even so, there was little to see of him. The men had been careful. Extremely so. The redhead was basically mummified in seastone chains which were also connected to the floor and walls to ensure that Eustass wasn’t moving even an inch.

His arms were chained firmly against his sides and his legs together. So firmly in fact, you were sure that was hurting a little. Your eyebrow goes up a little, spotting the muzzle he was wearing. Judging by the fact his cheeks were a bit blown and flushed from strain you could assume that they gagged him with something else to keep him from talking too. 

He wasn’t going anywhere.. Not like this. And yet, even with him being as immobile as he was, he was intimidating. His gaze was staring holes into you as if he was about to break out anyway and tear your head off your shoulders. 

This man was muscle and intent to kill. Nothing else. It was almost with a sick fascination that you watched him, more like a rabid animal than a person. Maybe he was a little like a rabid animal, seeing as he began to trash and yell muffled into the muzzle upon laying his eyes upon you and the two soldiers that followed you.

Yeah, he’s angry. Pissed and Furious. You’re scared. “He’s.. wearing a muzzle.” You commented with a quiet voice, proud of managing to not break into shivers in front of the pirate captain. “How am I supposed to talk to him like this..” You turn your attention to the man that had been with you since you entered the base. 

He just looked at you with a firm frown. “Ma’am. I advise you to leave him be for now. We can’t take his gag off while he is this agitated..” The fact that Eustass will bite off their fucking fingers goes unsair. No one needs to say it for it to be true.

It was amazing just was vigilant the man was, even being wrapped up in seastone. He was raging like a monster against the chains but they weren’t budging. Lucky you, if they would, you’re sure you’d be dead. You liked these men and trusted them but something told you that without your strongest present this would just.. go bad.

“We need to know how he got here.” You rubbed your face with both hands, staring at the redhead. “We can’t risk his men popping up from nowhere, looking for their captain.” What if the dude had a vivre card..? That’d be worse.

That would mean his men could find him wherever he was and just leaving him here was like trying to fish for them. Keep it down, Y/N. Calm. You’ll be fine. Everyone will be ok. You’ll make sure of it. 

The two soldiers were babbling to each other, trying to find a way to not lose fingers in the endeavour they were about to undertake. Maybe this was a bad idea.. Seeing him was scary. 

Having to listen to him talk about all the ways he was going to kill you and your comrades was a scenario you didn’t want to come to pass. “Nevermind.. Just.. Just tell Luther to take care of the interrogation later.” 

You don’t want to be here anymore. It was unnerving you. You felt like no matter how hard you were trying right now, it would amount to nothing. The people of this town deserved better than a coward.

Unfortunately, right now it was all they had. Han-san was gone. “Let us rejoin the others and call a meeting. We need to strategize.” In case his crew did end up looking for their captain here. 

You highly doubt they’re dead. Men like those always found a way to survive, even if you hated them for it. Without another word you move to turn away, your and Eustass’s gaze meeting for a split second before you walk off.

You’re sweating. Your stomach hurts. Looking into his eyes had been like a promise of violence. A promise that he’d tear all of you apart like paper. No matter if you didn’t see him anymore, it felt like his eyes were still burning into you.

You want to doubt it. You feverishly want to believe that everything was going to be ok. That Han-san would get here and take this foul man away and lock him up in Impel Down or execute him on the spot. 

Deep down you don’t doubt it though. You firmly believe that everything would not be ok. You wanted to be optimistic and say this story would have a happy ending but you knew better. When there were pirates involved, there were no happy endings.


	2. Tension Arises

_No one is coming for you. You try to hold out as best as you can but it just hurts so much to hold this position at this point. There was no way out, even if you wanted to leave the closet. You tried to open the door but there was no budging from it. The thing could probably only be opened from the outside._

_People weren’t supposed to hide out in here after all. Your whole body is splitting with pain, the stench of a previous accident had become unbearable. Without a way to leave there was no way to relieve bodily needs and you had basically pissed yourself without any other option._

_You tried to hold it in as long as you could but it was no use. You have no more tears to cry. After what your mother had told you, you were silent. Not once did you try calling for help out of fear that the bad men were still here. Pirates. You hated pirates._

_You hope that your dad kicked their dumb faces in. How long have you been in here? Time was dragging on, making this last an eternity. The hunger that had started earlier had become a feeling of someone splitting your stomach open. You felt so empty it was gruesome. You could barely stand it. You’re sure you passed out at some point, you can’t remember your whole stay. God, you’re so tired._

_You remain silent anyway. You told Mom you’d be silent. You promised. Soon they’d come and get you out of here and you’d be praised on how brave you’ve been. You’re so, so tired. You want them to get you now. You could fight with them! Maybe.._

_Your body isn’t responding as well as it should to you anymore. Everything felt heavy and sluggish and you can’t breathe correctly, your knees pressed into your chest so hard you’re sure you’re bruising._

_“Hello?” Your eyes twitch wider open. “Samuel? Linda?” The names of your parents. The voice sounded familiar. There’s the noise of someone breaking something and you close your eyes._

_A scream pierces the air and you want to disappear, just to make it stop. “No! No it can’t be!” The footsteps were going wild, they’re gone for a bit and you hear someone scream at the front door for help to come._

_“Y/N?!” It takes a whole few minutes before someone yelled your name into the house. You recognize the voice. Mr Harper. He was your classroom teacher. Your head perked a little. You’re quiet, unsure what to do. He wasn’t your dad but-_

_God, you were in so much pain. You sobbed dryly into your knees and just tried to hold out like your Mom told you to. The voices were muffled, there was plenty talk before it was interrupted by a rough, deep voice. “Shh, shut the fuck up, I’m hearing something!”_

_It’s quiet, you try to silence yourself but you can’t anymore. You just hiccup into your knees and sob your little soul out. “Y/N? Y/N is that you? Get the hell away from me-“ “Be careful!” People were talking again. “Where is she? I think I can hear her-“ and “Look over there, turn everything!”_

_And then the noise of someone opening the closet door had you almost scream in blind panic. There’s so much noise all of sudden. “There!” “Someone do something!” “Break the fucking thing open!”_

_An ugly crunching noise and then there’s light. You have to cover your eyes and just scream, kick and struggle as you’re dragged out of the little hole of safety that had protected you. Voices are blending together and someone is hugging you tightly to their bigger body._

_It’s too much stress on your wounded form. Your body and mind give out, you lose consciousness._

* * *

You wish you could sleep instead of remembering these things. But you can’t sleep. It’s in the middle of the night but you can’t sleep, after an almost fourteen hour shift of trying to make sure no one broke something important during this crucial time. What were you supposed to do..? It felt like sleeping easy was ridiculous at a time like this.

You didn’t go home tonight. You were laying in one of the bunks that were on base for the medics that stayed here. You had three that rotated duty regulary. It’s dark and the bed was comfortable, yet it did nothing. 

No matter how you turned and threw your body around it did very little to help make you even more comfortable. It was as if no matter where you were, as long as that man was in the same building he knew where you were. People had started to report they felt the same. This weird ‘I am being watched’ phenomenon. 

Han-san assumed it was haki, maybe or probably observation. For him to even be able to use it made everything just freakier. You wondered how it worked. Wondered if he could actually see you all. You hope not. If so he’d have watched you break down and nervous cry for fifteen minutes once you got a private moment to yourself.

Who could blame you? You guys were nowhere near any interesting spots for big shots to cruise. It’s how you had stayed this peaceful. Sure, you dealt with pirates but that was the combat unit. All soldiers stationed here weren’t exactly Strong McGoo. 

They were all average soldiers. Some had haki, two of them might be able to put up a fight but very fast everyone realized a very crushing fact. None of them would be able to win a fight with that man face to face. Not even if you all went together, especially if he got rid of the seastone. 

It was the wolf that had gotten caught by the chickens who were now desperately waiting for the farmer to come and kill the wolf. Otherwise it might get out and eat them all. After it tortured them for an unspecified time..

Everyone’s on high alert. Han-san had called you, even he seemed nervous about having that man on the island but removing him now with the last ship you had present was even riskier. No one wanted to chance moving the pirate while he was awake.

There had been a bit of a plan to sedate him when he was asleep but the redhead was just as stubborn as you guys. He glared, stared holes through the people that had to watch over him. The few times you had to go in there to check if all was going smooth he had looked so hateful you were sure he was a devil.

He was radiating bloodlust off of him as if he was soaked in it. Dripping it. You knew he was going to get some of you the moment any of you made the poor choice to try and move him. The only valid option was execution. 

Except for where no one wanted to chance and risk the man getting out when Han-san was still off island. A missed shot might break a chain link or whatever. Just too dangerous. But this tension was too much. It felt like you were all just waiting for death. 

You were marines shaped by the peace of this island. The soldiers Han-san took with him were different, but again, they weren’t here either. You didn’t doubt that a few of them could probably put up a decent struggle but when trying to imagine a scenario where you guys came out on top it was only with Han-san being the man to beat the pirate into a bloody pulp.

Please come back soon. The bald man had declared they were going as fast as possible, they’d be here either tomorrow or in two days, depending on the wind. It felt like too long. Of course it was too long. Every second was unbearable for you to stand. These men were, to you, like family. Of course they didn’t see it like that. But you did.

You stuck with them for five years and the chance of losing another home and family had you sick.. There is no sleep coming, no matter what you do. Your body fights it’s way out of the bed and moved to get your uniform. Might as well do some work.. Check on the prisoner. 

Your gaze flickered to the window. It was dark out. The moon stood tall in the sky, shining down at the town you were sworn to protect. Absentmindedly you’re unsure if you could, even if you tried. You suppose it does not matter.

The men are trying to stay positive, they make jokes and talk about the feast they’re gonna throw from the money they’ll gather from this. A pay raise was clearly in order if they handed the man over. You smile weakly at the prospect. Maybe you’d be able to get a bigger apartment after all without having to stress about money..

It was a nice thought. A few weeks from now you’d just sit in your office and muse about what a coward you were. Not like that was something new or whatever. Suppose old habits die hard. All of this would be an unpleasant time in your working career but once it was over you’d be commended for how well you did.

Han-san would buy you something delicious for sure.. The thought makes you perk up a little as you leave the room and head downstairs. Your mood sours fast when you approached the brig though, the two guards making sure no one went in there gave you a worried glance as you walked past them without so much as a smile.

You felt sorry for them, usually you were so much nicer and polite but right now it was hard to force a happy demeanor. With quick, quiet steps you hurry down the stairs and along the cells until the last, locked, cell came into view.. You don’t walk around it. You stay out of his field of vision as you stood there and listened.

You can hear his labored breathing, it sounded like he was in pain and the shifting of chains let you know that he was still tensing against his cocoon. There’s no getting out of there on his own though.. Your gaze flickered to the ground. He must be hungry. Maybe starving.

Who knew when he ate the last time.. “I know you’re there.” The borderline mocking tone of the voice that called you out had you flinch with your whole body, already about to panic before you remembered. Right.. The gag had been removed from him earlier so he could talk. 

He didn’t give them any useful information, but now he was just wearing the muzzle since it was impossible to get the gag back into his mouth. “Stop hiding, it’s not doing you any fucking favors now.” He’s tired. Earlier when the gag was removed he just yelled and cursed at everyone.

Now his voice was a lot more quiet, if not decent. There was always a mocking undertone though, as if he took none of you seriously. Supposedly.. seeing how scared you all were of him there really was no reason to take you seriously. It’d be hard if the situation was reversed. Think. Han-san will be back soon. 

You step out of your hiding spot and stare him down before raising an eyebrow. He’s bleeding out of his mouth. Did he try to.. bite the chains in half or something? “Yeahh.. There you are, you fucking cunt.” Don’t be intimidated. He’s chained down. “The hell do you want? Eh? Come to fucking gloat?!” His voice was getting louder and you have to resist the urge to run as fast as you could.

“Well don’t be too proud of yourselves yet.” Your fingers twitch and you wish you took a gun down here to shoot him right in his fucking face. “As soon as I’m out of this cocoon you’re all fucked.” And he sounded so sure of himself it made a part of your brain believe him. You were all fucked. 

“How’s that going?” Your voice is quiet, timid and almost shaking. You don’t sound brave at all. You sound like you’re about to piss yourself, no matter how cold you managed to look. He clearly knew that you were just lowballing here to make it seem like you were under control. “Just you fucking wait!” He snarled at you, his huge body tensing against the chains.

They creak dangerously that makes your eyebrows furrow but nothing happens. “Been doing that all day..” You mumble, just loud enough for him to hear and his angry expression melts into a sadistic grimace of glee. “Papa not home yet? Fucking shame. I’m getting bored in here.” You bet he is. 

The fact that the man was so lively while covered in seastone was beyond any normal comprehension. “I’m sure you’re so much more productive when outside of this cage.” Why are you even indulging him in this? You should leave. If he did get out he’d just pick you off first and make it last a lifetime. Right now, with him tied up though, you couldn’t help yourself.

The hate and bitter anger you felt towards pirates was directing itself at him, with him being the first pirate you ever managed to converse with longer than a minute. Han-san kept these waters safe, after all. “Bet your men are missing you. Can’t have a proper jerk circle to blow your ego’s without their main buddy.” The space, where his eyebrows would be, twitched.

His grin slips off and then it comes back. “Doesn’t work well without a whore in the middle either.” You need to go. This was just stroking the fire. Han-san told all of you religiously that poking a bear in a cage was a bad idea because anger made people do things that you didn’t think they’d be capable of. “Didn’t expect someone as chickenshit as you to give me sass. Your colleagues are twice your size and one of them pissed themselves just looking at me.” 

You blink at him. You’re pretty sure he’s lying and no one soiled themselves looking at Eustass as if he was a nightmare on legs- well, technically he was. “..I’m sure.” You’re out of words. You’re so uncomfortable you can barely breathe correctly. It felt like there was a weight on your shoulders. “For what it’s worth.. Aside from your position, I hope the last hours of your life are semi-comfortable.” His expression shifts. “Don’t pretend to give a shit, that’s pathetic.” 

You are pathetic. “I don’t give a shit. You’re right.” Your eyes narrow at his tied form. “I’m just better than you.” His whole body tensed and started to trash in a short fit of anger. His grin was so tight by now it looked more furious than gleeful with sadistic tones in it. “You sound so sure.” Eustass’s voice had dropped a whole two octaves you’re sure. “I am.” You’re not.

You turn around and start to leave him behind in his cell. “I don’t need to torture random strangers to compensate and feel better about myself.” You should have left. Before this conversation. This had been so much of a waste of time. You didn’t even manage to ask him anything important, too focused on not having your legs turn to jelly. It just made you upset. 

People like him were the reason your parents were gone. They were the reason people lost loved ones all the time. Without pirates the world would be a better place. God, you hate them. “Fuck you! You prissy, stuck up, shitty Bitch!” His voice was loud again and the trashing of chains against stone filled your ears. His cursing doesn’t stop until you leave the brig and the door is closed behind you. 

Your vision is blurry. The two guards stare at you with the same, pitiful expression everyone always had towards you. You ignore it and plan on just walking onward before there’s a napkin in your face. You blink at it and turn your head to the guard who was holding it. “Don’t mind that guy. He’s a tool.” 

Oh. A joke. You smile weakly and take the napkin to wipe your face with it. You were sweating like balls. Cheesus Crust. “Bet he’s mad because he can’t pick up any chicks.” Both men broke into soft snorts and chuckles. You feel slightly easier as you leave towards the main halls. This had been a ball and a half but now that it was over and you saw that Eustass Kidd was still secure.. 

You sigh softly, exhaustion making you whoozy. That’s fine. You’re going to sleep as much as you can and hope that when you woke up, Han-san would be here to take care of this mess. No one wanted to deal with it after all except the huge, bald man. Han-san was fired up. The man couldn’t wait to get back and beat the hell out of Eustass Kid. The man was pretty high on his shit list thanks to his bounty. Whatever.. Sleep now. Everything else later. You yawn and rub over your face.

As soon as you enter the room you just kick your shoes off and flop into the bunk in uniform. Oddly you felt safer with it on. You didn’t want to have to bother to dress in case something went wrong.. Why this sudden spike of paranoia was there didn’t really make sense. The prisoner was tied up tight. He’s not getting out.. 

What bothered you was the fact that his crew was nowhere to be seen. You’re sure they’re fine. The man would be more upset if not, right? No wreckage has been discovered and no other ship either.. You were safe. Should be safe.

Yet you don’t feel safe.. Even now. You curl up in the blanket that was provided and close your eyes, trying to just ignore the sting of discomfort within your soul. You can’t wait for this to be over. Once it was over you’d all throw a feast.. You can’t wait..

Sleep takes you.

* * *

Four hours. Han-san would get here in four hours if the wind did as wished. You were all ecstatic to get the news. Some men even relaxed so much you’d think there wasn’t a monster in your basement. Some were even planning the feast already, even though you weren’t out of the waters yet. 

The fact that some were forgetting that unnerved you but at the same time the tension that had been eating at you was finally gone. Four hours. What could go wrong in four hours? There were no ships around the island, you were safe. You blink and stare at your hands. Talking about feast.. It’s been two days now almost and no one had given the prisoner anything to eat. 

You frown and stare at the floor. That wasn’t an issue. Let him starve.. 

_“For what it’s worth.. I hope the last remaining hours of your life are semi-comfortable.”_

Fuck yourself and your shitty personality. You shouldn’t feel bad for someone like this and somehow you did. You remember the stinging hunger from the time in the closet and it just.. Starving was such a horrible feeling. You spend two and a half days in that fucking closet before you were found.

As a kid, not a good record. But you made it. The memory of that suffering kept coming back every time you got even slightly hungry though. Now the thought of that man sitting down there, maybe starving. Whatever.. Whatever! Let him fucking starve! He deserved it!

But you’re better than him. You didn’t need to make people suffer to feel ok. Even if they deserved it.. You said that yourself. To him. Your face is a grimace, staring out of the window of your office, watching the ring of death.. The sun was setting already. No wonder you weren’t made for fighting. The thought of people getting hurt, even the enemy, made you jittery. 

Fuck. Fuck him and his shitty fucking deal. You spin around and storm to your bag, rummaging through it to see what you even had. Only some leftovers. Two energy bars and half a piece of bread with cheese on it. Your eyelid twitches. You’re not giving him the bread, that reminded you of feeding a rat. Even though he was one..

So, you grab the energy bars and stuff them into the pocket of your white pants. They were your favorites too and here you were giving them to his worthless, shitty, piece of shit ass! Calm down Y/N.. Calm.. You breathe in and out, closing your eyes and relax your shoulders. He’s going to die anyway.. Han-san will likely kill him.

Let him have those stupid energy bars. They won’t change anything. It’s not like giving them to him was going to save his scummy ass now. Death was knocking loudly. For him. Still, the idea of going back down there and.. well you’d have to feed them to him. Like someone fed a puppy. A gross, ugly puppy. That was evil. 

You look at the window again and sigh unhappily. It’s evening and Han-san won’t be until a few hours.. Whatever. You haven’t managed to do much paperwork anyway since everyone was looking at you to tell them what to do since Han-san had these long conversations with you on what to actually do. 

Had worked so far.. With a brisk step you walked out of your office and trailed back all the way to the brig. The guards had switched by now and just saluted you upon arrival without stopping you from going in. Only you and the few seniors were allowed in there right now anyway.

The brig wasn’t a dangerous looking place or anything. It was friendly even if you ignored the cells. Some funny pictures on the walls, some tables with flowers on them, someone drew smiley faces onto the white ceiling for fun. No one thought it was necessary to clean them since you never had anyone down here anyway. Maybe someone who played a dumb prank but otherwise?

Now though the air was thick with bloodlust and you just want to turn around and leave him to his miserable existence. Let him rot in hell for all you cared, after all, it wasn’t your fucking job to be feeding pirates energy bars when they didn’t deserve it from you. Eustass Kidd, definitely did not deserve it. 

Even so, you walk all the way to his cell without faltering and stop in front of it. He doesn’t look too good.. A bit paler than he already was and he had baggy eyes. Probably from depriving himself of sleep. You didn’t know how but he knew of your plan of sedating him while he was out. He didn’t take you seriously.

Before you started trying to sedate him he had slept freely in there, snoozed a fucking storm. Not anymore though. You guys kept waking him up too often with your attempts until he stopped going to sleep entirely. Leaving you stranded from your only valuable option.

“What a surprise..” His voice was firm and unyielding, not showing any of the discomfort he was probably experiencing. “It’s the stress relief of the marine..” Your eyebrows narrow at the disrespectful tone. “Come again to show me how sassy and brave you are?” Eustass sounded bored almost, staring at you with a frown and half lidded eyes.

You just pull the energy bars out of your pockets and show them to him. “If you manage to not bite my fingers off. You can have these.” Just- Just make this quick. Give him the food. Leave. All is going to be ok. You’re not here to be executed, you’re standing in front of someone on death row. 

Eustass gave you an odd look before he grunted. You want him to say no. Have him show off his pride and tell you to fuck off so you could get out of here faster with both of your snacks still in your possession. But, unfortunately, life hates you. 

“Can’t promise I’ll keep it down if I have to look at you while I’m eating, but sure.” Fucking. Asshole. You exhale hard through your nose and then stare at the cell door. Right.. he’s tied up. Helpless. This is going to be ok. You’ll be fine. Just- you unwrap the snacks first and shove the trash into your pockets again before unlocking the cell.

You had keys and access to every single room and area in this building. This was not an issue. Eustass was watching you with a mocking grin under the muzzle. “Nervous?” You glare at him. Yes. Scared? Of course. 

He can tell, you know he can, so you don’t bother answering. It’s not like you need to make a bigger idiot out of yourself as you already were right in front of him. Instead you just walk over and look at him, frowning.

“You bite me? I’ll shoot you in your fucking nutsack before the boss pulls your head off your shoulders.” You mean it. You were already going out of your way because of your shitty morals, the least he could do was to make it easier and let you keep your fingers. You just get a low growl in return. 

“Wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly, now hurry the hell up before you grow roots and I’m forced to spend even more time with you.” You hate him. You hope Han-san slips or something when he kills this man and breaks something unimportant by accident- No. Stop. Don’t think like that. 

You reach out and unlock the muzzle from his face, making sure to keep your hand behind his head so he couldn’t turn and ram his teeth into your flesh to tear chunks out of your arm. That image stays in there while you slip the muzzle off his face and put it on the ground. 

Eustass Kidd was working his jaw, chewing the air a bit and opening his mouth as wide as he could, letting his jaw joints crack a little. Right, he was unable to fully open his mouth until right now. Ever since he got caught he wore the thing. 

You can’t help but admire the man’s teeth. They were clean and white and also very deadly looking. They didn’t look anything else like a normal human’s teeth but something about the way the redhead was snapping them together made you feel like he actively mauled people with them before. 

You’re pretty sure the muscles in his jaw were stronger than the muscles in your entire body. The thought alone made you want to run for the hills as the visual of him tearing flesh out of you came back.

“Fucking hell. You shits are way too overkill.” 

Not at all, seeing as how weak you all were.. You don’t tell him that. There are things you just don’t say in front of the enemy. So you just hold the first energy bar out, close enough for him to reach the snack but not your fingers. “Just eat.” You bite out, tense and sweating a little.

Eustass stared at you a little and then he snapped his head around and basically snatched the snack right out of your hand. Against your better judgement you jump a little and tear your arm back, watching him crunch the energy bar into nothing in his mouth. 

This was not like you imagined it. This wasn’t like feeding an ugly, evil puppy. This was like feeding and ugly, evil, son of a bitch monster wolf who could probably eat you whole. You don’t doubt Eustass could eat a whole person if he wanted you. You wonder if he ever had. 

His head was angled back so he could chew the thing without dropping half of it and the muscles in his throat and neck worked visibly as he began to swallow. A low groan of satisfaction left him and once he was done he licked his fuchsia lips, staring at the remaining bar. “Give it.” 

Telling him that manners were important or whatever wouldn’t do any good anyway, so you just hold the bar like you did with the first and he snatched it right out of your hands. It disappeared just like the first one. The man shifted a little in his chains and looked much happier than when you got here.

It makes you sick in your stomach. “The muzzle goes back on.” You state dryly as he eyed the object in your hands with narrowed eyes before he just shrugged and turned his head to face the cell bars. “Whatever. Those won’t do much to protect you.” He’s right.

Out of all the things he’s tied with, these muzzles were made out of leather and two metal straps. They won’t hold him once he’s out of here. If he got out of here. Stop being negative.. But, his acceptance made putting it back on easier. So, without saying anything else you shove it back over his head and strap it in place.

Eustass gave a low growl of discomfort but he doesn’t fight it otherwise. He just glared straight ahead as if his gaze could go through the bars and the wall behind it. You’re so fucking happy when you’re done and you can leave the cell. “Hey, navy-brat.” 

You look up from the lock you’ve been locking, seeing his gaze was fixated onto you. “Why the hell the sudden change of heart?” Your furrow your eyebrows and blink a few times before you get what his question was about. “There was none.” As if you’re going to tell him all about it. “Have fun dying.” Just because you can’t shut the fuck up.

When you retreated from his cell the barking laughter of the pirate followed you all the way up the stairs like a snake trying to dig it’s fangs into you for shits and giggles. The soldiers looked at you with a put off expression, even moving away a little from you as they saluted. You ignore them. 

You hate him. You want him to fucking eat his fucking words. You want this man to die and pay for the suffering he had caused. Your step is firm as you march down the hall to the main entrance and past it to go up the stairs to your office. Let him choke. Let him rot.

Let him think about the people he killed, let their souls be the ones to guide him to hell when he died. It wouldn’t bring them back to life but maybe it would help them find peace after what he did to them. Mental images of news articles you saw flare in your memory. 

Giants, bloody crosses made out of metal. The bodies had been taken down before the pictures were taken but it didn’t need much imagination to think about what he did to those unfortunate enough to cross him. 

Your fingernails dig so hard into your palms that you’re sure you’re going to bleed a little when you removed them from the death clench you had them in. Walking up the stairs you meet Clip, the man blinked like an owl at you. “L..L/N-san?” But you ignore him.

You just stomp the rest of the way upstairs and all the way to your office to slam the door so hard you were sure the lower floor could hear it. Maybe even everyone in the building. This had been a huge waste of time. 

Why did you even think that giving him food was worth it? You’re a fucking idiot. The man should starve for what he did with his life and you decided to give him something you had bought with your hard earned money. Like he deserved your mercy. You’re sure he gave those people none. 

Your way led to the window, ready to just stand there and steam. Only to spot your reflection. It was hateful and angry, scary even. You flinch and your face melted into it’s usual soft expression of confusion and slight worry. You let yourself go a little there..

Mr. Harper once told you that anger led to nothing but more hate. That vengeance was a road you should never go down. He told you to support those who could not defend themselves but never at the cost of your very own being. Once you lost yourself, there was no chance of coming back.

Especially since you were fighting an enemy with such large numbers. There would always be pirates. No matter how many Han-san or the rest of the navy took down, there’d always be pirates.. It was impossible to kill them all, there were new crews each and every day. Trying for the New World or being born into it.

Your temper was gone, replaced by exhaustion. Your gaze drifted outside. By now it had gotten completely dark. The sun set fast during this season. It seemed to get faster each year.. You turn and check the clock. Almost an hour had passed. So three hours and a few crushed minutes until Han-san would finally get here.

You can’t wait- Something catches your attention out of the corner of your eye and your head snaps back towards the ring of death. You narrow your eyes, trying to pinpoint what you saw and then you see it again. 

It’s a light.

For just a moment there was a light flickering in the darkness of the sea before it was put out. Your veins go cold. So very fucking cold. You turn abruptly and slam into your desk, tearing the shelf open and rummaging for a binocular. It takes a hot second but after you find it you go right back to the window and start to feverishly stare through it.

You need to look for a bit, seeing how dark it was and there was not much to go by but you find it. The outlines of a ship. The only reason you spotted it at all was because whoever kept turning that light on was either signaling or stupid. It’s not one of your ships. 

Please no.

But this was exactly what you were worried about. The skull at the front of the ship told you what you’ve been fucking terrified of. 

It was the Victoria Punk.

The Kidd Pirates had come for their Captain. 


	3. Disaster As Expected

This had to be a fucking nightmare. You want for someone to slap you awake but no one came to do so, leaving you stranded in this would be nightmare. A Pirate Ship, incoming. Not just any pirate ship, it wad the Kidd Pirates. Which were notorious for carnage and torture. Seeing how you captured their captain and were holding him in the basement like an animal, they were sure to be angry.

Which would only cause more distruction and disaster upon the people of this island. You try to estimate how far off they were but it was hard, the light was gone again and without it, it was impossible to pinpoint the location of the pirate ship in the dark of the night. It frustrated you to no end. 

Seeing how far it was when you did spot it, you gave it thirty minutes to reach the harbor. Make that forty to reach the harbor and kill all of your colleagues to plunder the town and kill the inhabitants. You feel sick just thinking about it- You don’t have time to think about it.

Your body spun around and broke into a sprint, shouldering your door open so hard it slammed into the wall and audibly cracked a little at the angles. Two officers who had been conversing in the hallway gave you a look as if they were looking at a ghost. You might as well be.

At this point your skin had gotten extremely pale and you were sweating buckets, with wide frantic eyes. Say something- “P.. Pi..” The word clamps your throat and you have to keep from throwing up. “L/N-san?” One of the men was coming over to you, holding out a hand in worry as if to stabilize you by the shoulder.

You catch his hand with both of yours and cling to it with a grip like vice. The man winced a little but just used his other hand to gently grab you by the shoulder. He looked like he was going to say something but you were faster. With horror clumping in your stomach you choke out a dry “Pirate Ship incoming.” 

Both men narrow their eyes. You can see the process of them trying to make sense of what you said, having just thrown the prospect into the room and left it to burn at their feet. As soon as it makes it’s way from their ears to the brain though, both tense incredibly. “Are you sure?” Your throat is dry. Words don’t make it, so you nod desperately. 

“Will, notify everyone else. I’ll call Han-san and you, L/N-san.” The other man gave a curt nod and ran off. The one remaining grabbed your hands back now, engulfing them easily as he forced eye contact upon you in your frantic state. There was the pity again that knew your whole life. He was pitying you for being scared. How could they not be? Maybe they were but were just hiding it. 

“I want for you to go and sound the alarm and flash those fuckers with the bright lights, yes? Start the evacuation. We’re manning the battle stations.” It’s going to be hopeless. You want to tell him so. None of you were actually equipped for a battle of this caliber. Most of the men stationed at the island were family men or way past their prime. 

And then there was the Kidd Pirates. A group notorious for leaving whole cities in nothing but ash after hanging the bodies from every roof there was. Those men were worth hundreds millions- all together they almost came up to a billion. People, when telling tales of them, only did so because they got lucky or got spared because the captain got bored. 

Death was their craft and that craft they had honed and mastered until perfection. People told each other tales of their doings as horror stories. Even though those stories were definetely not fiction. The masses of corpses following their trail were proof of that. These men were monsters..

And you guys were about to be their fucking supper. “L/N-san!” The man shook you, gripping your shoulders firmly and staring at you. “Do as your told. Don’t falter. We have to protect these people under any circumstance, do you understand?” Protect these people. Right.. The memory of the bakery lady and her grandchildren enters your mind.

With a firm step you back off and salute to him. “Sir!” Then you turn around and bolt towards the staircase. You’d have to go all the way to the top to sound the alarm horn and you were running out of time already. You can hear the officer behind you run off to do his respective task. 

You’re not really all that fit so running up the stairs burns in your lung and reminds you that you desperately need to train harder. What kind of marine are you? A useless one. The only thing you were good at was your shitty tinkers. Your tinkering.. You stash the thought into the back of your head as you make it to the control room. 

With shakey hands you unlock the door and tear it wide open, scrambling inside and moving to the console. There were many buttons, only higher ups were allowed in here. From this room you could easily cause a lot of havoc. You take a seat in the old office chair and turn everything on. 

With the flick of several switches the bright lights that, to be fair, resembled a lot stage lights went on. You squinted and with three joysticks that were situated right below the switches you aimed the lights, searching the dark waters. It isn’t hard with those powerful things lighting up the whole area. If you wanted you could easily reach all the way to the ring of death.

It takes you roughly four or five minutes until you finally find what you were looking for. The Victoria Punk. They weren’t much closer, which gave you an immense surge of satisfaction. Right. The waters within the ring of death were rather calm. A ship as big as theirs was going to get slowed by the little wind unless they had a motor. 

As soon as you pinpointed their location you turned in your chair and lifted your arm, slamming your fist with as much power as you had onto a giant, red button. It was old and cracked a little as you forced it down but the effect is immediate. The alarms blare their souls out all over town. Lights go on everywhere. 

With a heavy heart you watch people file out of their homes in confusion and panic. You didn’t want this for these peaceful people. They deserved so much better than the fear of being pulled apart by a pirate like this. You were going to do your remote best, as you’ve been told, to protect them. You grab the microphone, lowering the noise of the sirens to talk into it. 

Your voice echoes throughout the whole town. “Marine L/N speaking, reporting a Pirate Ship incoming! Please head directly to the designated hideouts immediately. I repeat, Pirate Ship incoming. Please head to the designated hideouts immediately!” Frankly, seeing how long this shit hadn’t been used, it was a wonder it even worked.

Sure, you maintained it regulary but usually stuff like this always refused to work when it was needed. You stand up from the chair, overlooking the people of the town flee in a blind panic towards the forest. Once they reached there it would be much safer. Those woods were confusing as shit with all the giant roots and whatever. 

If you didn’t know them, you’d be sure to get lost. Your eyes widen a little and your eyebrows go up all the way. Now that you were thinking about it.. Aside from you lacking the fighting power you needed to defend this island, it was rather secure. 

The ring of death, the calm waters with little wind, the sirens, the confusing forest and the hideouts. You never thought about it like this, but it looked like Han-san had put a lot of thought into the safety of these people even if he was absent.

Even so.. you would be even safer with manpower. Your eyes zero in on the Victoria Punk that was making it’s way over. You could see the figures of people on it but no one specific. Your gaze drifted back towards the town. Taking in the position of the buildings. Luckily the hospital was right in front of the forest. They’d have plenty time to move the patients.

You raise the noise of the sirens again to keep people on their toes and fast before you bolt back out. You had to help them after all. In your hurry you almost fall down the stairs, wobbling and making a short detour into your office to grab your some of your stuff and pocketing it, then continuing down the stairs. 

Everyone’s in a frenzy. Men were yelling, filing out to get the canons, everyone is in a battle mood today. Except for where these men were not primed for battle. They used to be, a while ago. Now they were defending their families and friends against a threat they could not possibly hope to defeat. But seeing everyone in such high spirits made you feel easier.

Even though you were not going to win this fight.. Your pessimism was just going through the roof right now. Your fear was going through the roof right now. You’re scared of what that man will do to you if he catches you. Your eyebrow twitches. That man.. He was still in the basement. You should kill him. Grab a gun and shoot him..

Except for where you are a coward and you refuse to waste time on the man when everyone was getting ready to throw hands. You hurry down the stairs completely and stop, looking around frantically. You wanted to help with the evacuation but you can’t just leave- you want to. You want to run.

You can’t just leave these men behind. They had families. You need to protect- “L/N-san.” The voice has you spin around, almost ramming your face into the chest of Herm. The man was looking down at you with wide, worried eyes. “Why are you still here?” Your brain freezes. What?

“You need to go. Those bastards are about to reach the harbour.” What? “I- But-“ The man grabbed you by the arm and started to drag you towards the main entrance. “You won’t be able to contribute during the fight, please, take care of the evacuation.” He’s right. You know he is. But the fact that you’re openly told you’d be getting in the way makes something cold settle in your stomach. 

Pity. You’re back to being a child. You’re to be pitied and protected. You couldn’t hope to fend for yourself in this world. How could someone like you ever stand up to anyone? “We’ll be fine, now hurry! If you run I’m sure you’ll catch up with everyone before they lock the bunkers.” They couldn’t be opened from the outside. 

Your colleagues planned on sacrificng themselves. Buying time. You can’t even comprehend it as you’re shoved out the door. The door slammed shut behind you as everyone was too busy to deal with you. You know what’s going on. They’re protecting you as well. The pitiful girl. Had to be protected. Couldn’t fight. 

Your gaze flickered to the ocean. The Victoria Punk was much closer now. You could see people at the front of it. Not clearly, but better than previously. Fear settles in your stomach and you turn around, running away. Your feet didn’t carry you fast but as fast as you could go. 

Run. Run as fast as you could. Get safe- you could make it. 

_Family men. Men that served their whole life and deserved a good retirement._

You feel your eyes begin to tear. Don’t think about this. But you do. You do think about it. About them. They were such good people and you were abandoning them because you were afraid. You were- 

Your foot catches on an uneven step on the road and you slam into the ground, yelping in pain. You land in the dirt, basically kissing the ground. Hiccups break from your body as you stayed on the floor. You were always so upset about the pity. About how people looked down on you as if you were still a kid.

But they were right to do so. You were pathetic. A fucking coward that couldn’t stick with her people because she was deemed too useless. Too weak. Han-san wasn’t going to be here in time. These men were going to be slaughtered and there was nothing you could do about it. There was no chance of you beating these monsters.

Even without your pessimism that was just not a valiable thought. Unrealistic. Slowly you gather yourself up again, sobbing messily into your hands, torn on what to do. You’re so, so fucking scared. So terrified of the torture those men could put you through. And then the images of the faces of your colleagues come to mind and you know what you have to do.

You don’t, actually. You have an urge. But then again, sometimes an urge was better than nothing. At first slow but then faster and faster your feet carry you into a different direction. Not towards the forest, but your apartment. It was close to the base so it wasn’t much of a run before you spotted the building you were living in. 

The door of it was open so you only needed to bolt up the stairwell and unlock your door after rummaging through your pocket desperately, ending up dumping everything else out of it. No time to waste- No fucking time. You leave the keys in as you stumbled into your shitty apartment and immediately went to the bedroom to drop next to your bed, dragging a box out from under it.

You open it to see if it was the right one. It was. Several things you brewed up were stashed inside. They weren’t weapons- not at all. They were mostly shit you built in case you ever wanted to prank someone that pissed you off a lot. Two colorbombs, a stickler, one that was just gonna smell atrocious and then the last one, which was an actual bomb. The pen bomb. 

That was five. Five.. attempts to help. You swallow. Suddenly feeling sick again, even more than before. What the fuck are you doing? These men weren’t playing pirates. They were actual pirates, out to kill everyone. You grab the box and get up anyway. Your legs are shaking. You’re going to die.

You feel like this is going to be your last stand. You don’t want it to be. You still want to run as fast as you could but the mock sensation of bravery moved your body for you. You weren’t a lot of things. You weren’t strong, you didn’t consider yourself to be pretty either but who did- but you had smarts. You had loyalty.

It was time to use it for your.. friends. You’re charging into certain death for them. Someone like you was fodder at best. Yet here you are. Going right back there. The run felt like forever. It was so empty now and yet, light shone out all the houses. Some doors were opened. Yet it was empty. The people had left. They had left to be safe. 

You should have left too but you didn’t, out of fear. Fear of failing, yet again. Failing people who should be able to rely on you. They had relied on you for five years. Five, long years. They should always be able to rely on you just how you relied on them. Their grim determination to defend you and everyone else infected you. 

You’re going to die trying to play hero. Like a fucking idiot. No- No! You will just throw your stuff at them and once you were out of ammo from your gun, that you had put into your belt when it fell out of your bag earlier, you’d run again and hope you’d make it. You’re taking a stand! You’re going to fucking live through this!

The noise of battle shocks you a little back into reality. There’s fire that had spread from the harbour to the civilian homes. Already? You’re scared. Your legs feel so heavy. You cling to the box, holding it and pulling the lid off, slowing down until you were sneak running.

There was no way you were highballing it in there. You’d die immediately. So, you peek. The sight that awaits you makes you want to throw up. You were too late. There were bodies on the ground already, your friends were dying. They were putting up a valid struggle but they didn’t stand a chance. 

The people of the town had evacuated. By now they were safe. What could you do to safe your colleagues? What could you possibly- you blink. The colorbombs. Right! RIGHT! You fumble around with the box and pull the two orbs out of it. You can buy time- You can buy time! 

You never had to fight, you just needed to buy some time for the others to get away, now that everyone was safe. But how did you let them know..? As soon as you screamed at them to retreat everyone would know where you were. Your eyes scan the area. There’s more marines than pirates but it was hard to really tell, seeing how they pulled you apart like string cheese. 

You can run. You have a stickler, a smelly bomb and an actual bomb once you threw these colorbombs. Calm- you’re gonna be ok. Just throw and yell and run. Your body won’t move. Your eyes are fixated on the headless body that came flying in your direction and slapped wetly onto the ground right in front of you, splattering you with blood. 

Whatever bravery you had previously leaves you. You cramp, stumble away and vomit onto the floor. Your eyes are watering, you can’t see correctly, everything was blurry. Here you were. At the battle. Almost pissing yourself because you saw a dead body. What did you expect? You knew this was going to happen. This is what pirates did.

Do it. Do it. Do it Do it Do it DoitDoitDoitDoitDoit- Throw the fucking balls you shitty bitch! Using all the force you had within you, you moved your body back to the corner of the building and stepped shakily out of your hiding spot. Inhale. Don’t mess this up. Voice, don’t break. Please. 

“RETREAT!” Your voice is shrill and high and it sounded so scared but it was loud enough. People were turning their heads. You pull the tiny pins for the colorbombs and throw them in two seperate directions. “THE CIVILIANS ARE SECu-Rrergh-“ Your voice broke, just like you expected it to. Making you cough and stumble.

The message was sent though. The bombs hit the ground and went up just moments after. It’s chaos pretty much immediately. Two giant clouds of any color imaginable flooded the entire battlefield. Yelling of anger turned confused. “MEN!” That wasn’t your voice- it sounded like Luther. One of the officers. “SCATTER! RUN AWAY!”

And if you thought previously was chaos, now it just escalated even further. People were screaming and running around in confusion. The cloud was making it hard on both sides but your colleagues knew these things. It wasn’t like you never demonstrated what you build before. And it begins. With wide eyes you watch as more marines than pirates were fleeing the clouds, running in every direction possible.

Some didn’t make it- but you don’t stand around. You don’t want to watch this any further. You gather your last three bombs in your arms and throw them willy nilly in the direction of pirates you spot coming out of the cloud. A combination of getting stuck against each other, bad smell and then actual injury. 

You panicked a little there- you only have your gun now. You did your part though. People were running around like headless chickens and the pirates seemed much more confused than your guys. Your gaze flickered around, trying to see if there was even anything else to do- no one was attacking you yet. 

Only to have your eyes fixate on the main entrance to the base, where Eustass Kidd was walking out of the building, staring bewildered at the mess in front of him. Right behind him a bulky, blonde man. Your throat goes dry. Massacre Soldier. Killer. A man named like that was named like that for a reason. 

These two men, free and all, were a nightmare to behold. Now that Eustass was free of the chains you could really see just how massive the man was muscle wise. He was like a well toned machine build for murder. He was still just wearing boots and pants and he still looked like he could kill everyone in his sight. While looking like he could not afford a shirt. 

And then there was his partner, Massacre Soldier Killer. The man was just as bulked up as his captain, maybe a little shorter but it was kind of eclipsed by the huge amount of mane the blonde had going on. He was wearing jeans and a shirt that did little to hide just how well build he was. You’re pretty sure the man could wring someone’s head off with his arms alone. Using no weapon. 

Both of them looked so casual, chatting apparently a little while Kidd was surveying the battlefield. It’s hard to tell, since you couldn’t see the face of the blonde. Hate and disgust pool in your stomach. They looked like they were just out on a little bit of a road trip while slaughtering your people. Your colleagues. Your friends. The gun at your belt felt heavy. If you tried, maybe you’d-

And then Eustass’s goledn orbs find you and for a moment your heart stopped. There was no slowing down of time, nothing to give you a chance to process what was happening right now. He saw you. He’s looking at you. And all the bravery or ideas went out the window.

You don’t wait for him to realize who he was looking at and tore back into your hiding spot. You’re running. You didn’t know you could go this fast but you were running down the street faster than you’ve ever ran in your whole, entire life. Your lungs burn but you don’t slow down. 

What the fuck? What the fuck! What the fuck were you thinking?! You?! Out of all the fucking people, you wanted to play a fucking hero?! With your shitty prank gags?! Your stumble and almost kiss the ground but you continue on your way, sobbing out in stress. You need to make it. You want to make it.

You don’t want to die. You don’t want to be in pain. You want to be ok. You’re panicking. You can’t really tell where you’re going, just that it was the vague direction of the forest. You realize faintly that you’ve been left behind. You came back for them, yet here you were. All alone. They probably felt just like you.

It’s not like they could bother with you, slowing them down. You’re too scared to cry right now but the cold, helpless feeling settled within you. It’s not like you had the whole picture. Everyone was focused on making it home to their family right now.. not like you had one. There was no one waiting for you. 

Suddenly your friends are your colleagues again. One reality check after the other. You can’t even cry about it because it was your fault for thinking the way you did. Typical. Everything is cut short with an intervention.

The intervention being an arm suddenly ramming you right in the chest. Your whole body flipped and your head slammed into the concrete below you. Everything is swimming. You’re pretty sure you have a concussion and some cracked ribs from that alone. You can’t breathe and pain is everything you could feel.

Breathe- you can’t. Breathe, god damn it! You gasp, swallowing air hectically as your body cramped. Your vision was blowing up, you can’t see shit. It was black and your ears were ringing. Please no. No. A firm, broad hand grabbed you by the ankle and started to drag you over the ground like a sack of garbage.

Ignoring how it tore your clothes in some spots, cut you in others- Your fingers try to find leverage but there is no strength left within you to actually hold onto something. Help. There’s no one- your eyes catch blonde. Eustass send his first mate after you? Why would he- you were just a fucking assistant. Also a bitch to him. 

You regret it. You wished you hadn’t conversed with him. You’re scared. You’re so scared and in pain. You’re sure a rib or two were broken or whatever, breathing was hard and painful. Someone help you. Please. Your eyes flicker desperately around but there is no one. Left behind. All alone.

An image of your parents flashed within your mind. You know they would be proud for you having tried at all. Either proud of ashamed that you failed as badly as you did. How many did you save with your stunt? Five? Six? Out of thirty. Sure, the others would be so grateful to you. You sob as the massive man dragged you down a bunch of stairs, completely ignoring the discomfort and pain it gave you. 

“S-Stop- Let me-“ Your voice is hoarse and broken, quiet. The blonde doesn’t even bother to react at all. As if he was just dragging garbage. You might as well be. You were about to be turned into paste. They’re going to crucify you or something- rape you- torture you- you don’t beg. 

You want to, you do. You just know it wouldn’t do you any favors, seeing how these men were sadistic pieces of shit. That’d be like throwing oil into the fire and expecting it not to burn you in the process of kindling it so aggressively. Your vision was slowly coming back, yet you think it didn’t matter at this point. You didn’t want to see your end coming. 

You were scared. Please, help. If you think hard enough, maybe someone will be there- maybe.. but there is no one. Everyone was gone, except for the corpses of those who didn’t. You don’t want to look at them. You don’t want to see them. See how badly you lost. 

Among all of that.. you realized there was little you could have done. This outcome was not your fault. It was bad luck that this devil was washed up on your shores. You bite your teeth together, the grip of the blonde almost breaking your ankle. Just let them make it fast- you want to be brave.

You don’t want to die though. And then you stare at two wide eyes. It was Herm. The man alive, laying face down and not moving. _He’s playing dead._ How no one seemed to notice it was beyond you, though, the pirates seemed to actually be clearing out. There were less around. You can’t begin to wonder where they went.. you don’t want to.

Your eyes meet and you can see the panic in his expression. You want to beg for help. Please, help me. Don’t let them take me- don’t let them rape and torture me. But you don’t. You just stare at him with a desperate, blank face as you were continuesly dragged away. You can see the gears in his head turning.

Both of you come to the conclusion that there was no saving you now. But maybe there was a saving him.. He doesn’t try and help you. You don’t call him out and blow his cover. You hope he’ll see his family again after this. Maybe that’d make this worth it. You keep telling yourself that as slowly you were dragged around a corner. 

The man was crying. His face was contorted into an ugly face of fear and sorrow when you see him the last time in your, very probably, ending life. You wish it would have been a nicer face, something to reassure you. There were no small mercies. 

Suddenly you’re jerked around and thrown, for a bit your world spins again and then you slam into the ground, hitting your face and audibly breaking your nose in the process. “Delivery Service.” The deep baritone that belonged to the Massacre Soldier seemd so unreal. So calm and unbothered while he was killing a person. 

He must have done this a lot in his life. Your vision is swimming again, your head spinning, your ears ringing, you’re tasting blood on your tongue and then there is a hand in your hair, grabbing it until fingers dig into your scalp and jerk you upwards. You can’t even scream, you’re too out of it from the landing. 

God, it hurts. You’re bad with pain. You would do whatever you could just to make it stop. But, you don’t beg. Your survival instincts kicked in. Your end would only be more painful if you begged these men not to hurt you. You were so sure of it. 

“Fucking precious. Look who’s dying now, you fucking cunt.” Eustass sounds relaxed and yet there is a mocking undertone. He moved you. Turned you around to grab you by the neck and shake you like a dog. “Fucking look at this mess. Feast your worthless eyes upon what the hell happens to anyone who gets in my way!” 

You have no choice. If you refused to look, he’d only hurt you more. So you do try to focus your gaze, gritting your teeth. You can’t sob. His fingers are pressing onto your windpipe. Against your better judgement your fingers are clawing at his to try and get him to let go so you may breathe. 

He doesn’t seem bothered. “All of your pals are pushing daisies, in case you’re too stupid to see it.” Why is he mocking you? Out of all the people in the base you were probably the nicest to him. Then again, you were probably one of the few who actually decided to talk to him. Telling him to have fun dying.

Alright. So not the nicest- You’re turning blue as he continued to shake you. Gloating about his victory. Any longer than this and you’d lose consciousness. You want to at this point, just to escape this horrible reality that had become your life. He lets you go before that, throwing you onto the ground where you bled all over the cold stone, hacking and coughing. 

A foot ends up on your back, pressing you into it, stressing your back and ribs. You can’t breathe again. “You worthless pieces of shit never stood a fucking chance!” No shit. Of course you didn’t. No one ever said anything else- No one here expected to be able to win this battle.. 

The bakery lady and her grandchildren enter your mind. You did win. The people of the town were safe. As a marine, you all had done your job. “And just imagine, a few more hours and you’d have made it! Not.” Eustass was grinding his sole against your back, you grunt and groan in agony. Your vision was darkening again. 

“Even if your boss had gotten here, I’d just have killed him too. Like we did with all your shitty, worthless buddies.” There’s a moment of silence. You’re left gasping for air. There’s nothing you could say to make this better. No word of defiance. You’re not that brave. You’re passing out-

“But.” The foot gets off your back. “Call me a lot but not ungrateful.” Eustass was snickering down, giving his first mate a signal that made the man reach over and grab you by your arm, yanking you up and holding you onto your weak, shaking legs. It’s basically him just holding you up and you hanging there like a doll.

Killer had grabbed you by the back of your head and was making sure you were facing Kidd, who was crossing his arms and boasting at you with a sadistic grin and cruel glimmer in his eyes. “I was really hungry back there.” Please, just end this game. Whatever it was. You didn’t notice earlier but now that you were semi-standing straight..

You might have broken your jaw. It felt numb, swolen and in pain. “Whatever you gave me was nasty as hell but beggars can’t be choosers.” He waved it off. Shut up. Please just shup up. Your vision was going darker, even without them choking you. There was just too much stress for you to handle. “And then there were those weird balls you were throwing around..” His voice turned a bit thoughtful.

What was he even getting at? It’s getting harder and harder to concentrate. The redhead stopped and gave you a grim glare. His sadistic glee was gone. You hope it’ll be over fast.. Please don’t let him crucify you.. Please. “I’m not killing you just yet.” Your eyes try to focus on his face but it’s impossible. Everything was spinning. 

The man was walking over to you and his first mate. “Let’s board. The sooner we’re off this worthless dump the earlier I can take a fucking shit in peace.” As if you didn’t exist. The blonde behind you gave a soft wheeze that sounded awfully like something close to a chuckle. “I’m surprised you didn’t piss yourself yet. It’s been three days.” 

“About to. So let’s fucking go.” They’re inhuman. Their bladders too apparently. You’re basically unconscious as the men were moving again, Killer throwing your limp body over his shoulder and easily carrying you off like you weighed nothing. He was strong, you might as well feel like nothing. 

You want to put up a fight and get away but your body felt too heavy for any of that. Your body twitched weakly. It’s all you can manage. The two men were talking to each other but you’re not listening anymore. Help.. Someone. Don’t let them take you. You gaze slowly trailed around. 

You can’t make out anything. Too blurry.. Too much ringing in your ears. So tired. In pain. The faint noise of heavy boots walking over wood made it’s way to you, and then you’re thrown down again. 

The moment your head hits the floor for the xth time today, you’re out. Everything goes black for good this time. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for a beta reader if anyone wants to. 
> 
> Also for a One Piece Discord Server or Community that’s dope if anyone knows one. 
> 
> Aside from that, thanks for reading!


	4. Start Of A Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. This Chapter contains extreme violence, humiliation and abuse plus an intense near death experience. 
> 
> Or in short, this chapter contains Kidd beating the piss out of you. 
> 
> If you have a weak stomach, maybe skip that part.

_It’s been a week since you were rescued from the closet. You’re still in the hospital. During your stay in that horrid compartment you developed a little but of a muscle issue, you were dehydrated and starving. Aside from gross chafing you had gotten from pissing yourself in that shitty thing.._

_The room you were kept in was lonely. No other beds were here, just yours. The room was clean and bright and full of happy pictures. A giant window right at your side, letting you watch the town. You could see your house from here.. It was lonely too, probably._

_Seeing how you were no longer around and your parents were dead. You cried. You continue to cry even now just thinking about it. Right now you have no tears left within you though. So you just stare blankly at the wall in front of you. Mr. Harper was goin to take you with him once you were released._

_The man kept coming to visit you several times a day. Apparently he was skipping work to do so. His boss didn’t seem to have an issue with it. You knew the principal. He once was in your class helping putting up decorations during festive times._

_Everything felt wrong. You felt like you were never going to be ok again. You felt like whatever you did from now on would never even reach what your parents had. You weren’t rich, the home you lived in was just a rental, but you had been happy. Modest, Humble, Happy._

_You don’t think you can be happy again. The doctors tell you that you will be, that this will take time but heal. But you don’t believe them. You don’t even want to. Something within you wants to stay this way forever. After all, if you healed from this and it no longer hurt, maybe Mom and Dad would be sad to be forgotten._

_You’ll never heal. You won’t let yourself._

  
  


* * *

Your head is killing you. You feel the pain before you even really wake up. It was splitting your head and you’re surprised you woke up at all, seeing how many times you got introduced to the floor with your face the other time. You wince, eyes still closed. Why did you get hurt anyway-

The memories that flood back into your head make your whole body jerk a little. The Kidd Pirates- They came for their captain. They had arrived in your little town and killed off your colleagues as if they were fucking cattle. And you- You were still alive but suddenly you feel like maybe death would have been better. 

They took you. You were on the Victoria Punk. 

Your eyes snap open without your body moving. It doesn’t really do much. The room you were in was almost completely dark, save from a bit of light shining through the gap at the bottom of the door. You try to figure out where you are without having to rely on your eyesight.

It’s a little hard with your body feeling like it got put through the ring of death. Talking about your body, you want to stress again how the hell you even woke up, seeing how you were probably concussed to hell and back. Your eyes felt heavy still. You want to go back to sleep.. 

That is a luxury you can’t afford right now though. You had to figure out a way to get out of this mess.. Laying down and dying was not a valid option. Even if it was the easiest way out of here- unless they were planning on raping you to death. The thought makes you sweat. 

Slowly you moved your body, noting the feel of wood on your skin and how the room wasn’t all that big. There seemed to be stuff in there.. a storage room? Did they respect you so little you didn’t even deserve an actual cell. Well.. that’s not much of a surprise.. to be fair. 

You groan and sit up, realizing with a bit of frustration you weren’t even tied up. What the fuck? There was not being taken seriously and then there was being seen so much of a non-threat that they didn’t even bother taking any security measures against you. 

Your gaze fell onto the door with a blank face.. Something within you is raging that this door better be locked at least, while the rational part of you hoped it wasn’t. Then again, if it wasn’t, you’d probably only get a fist to the face from whoever was around at the time. 

You can hear noise from outside, men talking and laughing, heavy boots moving around on deck. You haven’t been on many ships in your life, mostly to get from one place to another before you eventually settled in your home.. Home.

You stare at your feet. You wonder if they would come for you. Wondered if Han-san would get there and be sad about you being gone- maybe they thought you were already dead. There was no telling after all. The Kidd pirates didn’t take prisoners and let them go. They just killed them all in the end.

The realization that you’re still going to die settles heavily in your stomach. You want to cry.. you can’t though. Not because you needed to be brave but because trying to stress out the tears just made them get stuck and refuse to show themselves. Little bit of a blessing, even if it hurt your face. Your throat feels tight.. Very dry.

You wonder how long you’ve been out. Judging from your smell you might have been out a few hours.. At least you didn’t piss yourself this time. It’s hard to decide on what to do next.. You could try and leave this room but something told you there’d be nowhere to run. 

By now you were likely in the middle of the ocean with no way off unless you wanted to drown. You’re a strong swimmer but not strong enough to swim all the way back home. You weren’t an anchor but not a fish either.. Also, once you left this room, they’d know you were awake.

..Maybe they already did, seeing how the redhead had haki. Who knew if anyone else on this ship had it. You hug yourself tenderly, hissing at the pain that made you shiver. You’re all kinds of uncomfortable. You were hurt, kind of cold with your clothes ripped in some places, hungry and on top of it all, you really needed to pee. 

Even with all of this combined, you don’t try and move any further. Just staring blankly at the door in front of you. You felt so helpless right now. Surrounded by strong, cruel men. What could you even do but hope to be rescued. Maybe you should give up.. 

There wasn’t much of a way out anyway. So, you wait. Out of fear. You’re too scared to try and open the door. Eventually you lay back down and accept the fact that you won’t be playing hero anymore. You’ve done enough of that.. Herm’s face enters your memory and you curl up a little bit more. 

You only had yourself to blame for this outcome. You should have done as told.. or maybe this was just how it was supposed to be. You helped good men get back to their families so their kids didn’t have to make due without a dad. So that wifes didn’t have to go without a husband. ..So that grandkids didn’t have to go without their grandfather..

You try to take comfort in that but it does little to quell your nerves. How long were they going to leave you in here.. It’s hard telling what time it was but judging by the light it seemed to be daytime again. You’ve been out for hours then.. Maybe they were waiting for you to die or something..?

Whatever the case. You hold out. Because you have no other options. The noise of the pirates outside scare you but you realized faintly that the choice not to beg really had worked in your favor. So to speak. You’re sure the captain would have killed you on the spot if you did beg.. 

Maybe you should have.. better than getting raped. The noise of footsteps coming closer has you whimper and curl up. You turn your face towards the floor just in time. The door opens. “Ey, girl.” You don’t react. Maybe you could play dead. You don’t recognize the voice. It wasn’t the massacre soldier or his captain. “Nh.. Still down?” 

The man walked over and nudged you with his foot in the stomach. You remain limp, even let your arm drop onto the wood when it slipped off your side. You keep your eyes closed and your breath shallow and even. Not daring to do anything to give away that you were awake. 

“Fucking hell..” The man grunted and turned to leave, the door slammed shut again and the steps moved away. Your eyes snap open. He left. He left? You actually sold this? Fucking hell you’re a great actor! Someone give you a shitty award or something.. You carefully sit up, peering at the door and listening.

You’re so freaked out. Who the hell was that? You didn’t see him with your eyes closed. Why had he checked on you? Why did they even want for you to make it- hold the fuck on. You narrow your eyes in annoyance. The door hadn’t been locked after all! Fucking assholes! 

You want for them to be relaxed until you slipped out of here like a slippery eel to slit their fucking throats- No, no you would not. You’re too scared to get up. Leave the room and commit murder? Out of the question. So, you stay on the floor. Trying to figure out how to- there’s footsteps coming closer again.

You scramble to try and get into the same position as earlier, closing your eyes a second before the door opened again. Sounded like two men now. Maybe more..? You can’t tell. “See, still out.” It was the dude from just now, who checked on you. Yeah, believe your buddy, whoever you are.

“No. She’s not.” Deep baritone. Fuck. It’s the Massacre Soldier. You don’t move anyway. Maybe persistance was key. Maybe you just needed to stay on the floor and not move, no matter what they said. You’re scared- you’re pretty sure you’re sweating. “Girl..” 

You can hear someone moving closer, probably the blonde and shuffling as if he had crouched down. You don’t know how but you know he was crouching right in front of you. “If you stop this charade now, I won’t break anymore bones of yours.” And his voice sounded so casual saying this. You know he’s serious. 

A broad hand that ended on your calf only confirmed that and you flinch out of your possum state and try not to frantically scramble away from him like a cockroach on instinct. Instead you just snap your eyes open, searching the semi-darkness imposed by his shadow until you found his mask. 

For a moment you’re just staring at each other.. you think. The mask hid everything pretty well. What the fuck were you supposed to say? Hello? Nice to meet you? Fuck him, really. You want for him to take a knife and put it up his ass. “Right.” He stated dryly. Letting your leg go and getting up.

“Bring her to the captain.” The first mate of the Kidd Pirates ordered easily enough, walking around the man who had tried to wake you earlier and going on with whatever business he had to attend to. You watched him leave with a hateful glare that melted into a fearful one upon seeing who he left you with.

The man standing in the door, crossed arms, was a giant man that resembled a zombie if you ever saw one. He had a pessimistic expression resting on his face and stitches covering most of it too. Unfortunately you realize he was built just as robust as his captains. Maybe not as bulky but clearly out muscling you.

“Come on then.” His voice was deep but not as deep as Killers, more in the direction of his captain with a bit of a drawl, as if everything was a bother to him. Come on then? You blink at him. He makes no move to grab you, he just gave you an impassive look as if you were wasting his time. 

Oddly though, he doesn’t seem all that rushed. He let you just sit there and stare at him as he waited for you to get up and going on your own. “The longer you make the boss wait, the higher the chance of him dragging out your death.” The man supplied unhelpfully. Your stomach goes cold. 

He’s going to kill you? Right now? Why did they leave you in here to wake up, just to fucking waste you. God you don’t want to be in pain. You try to wobble to your legs because you don’t have any other options but do as you’re told unless you wanted to be tortured but your body ached.

You yelp as your body tumbled to the side almost immediately, you can’t keep your balance correctly. The leg that Killer had dragged you with was in agony. You grit your teeth and try to limp over to the Zombie, who just watched you in an unimpressed manner. 

What’s he staring at? Thinking this was funny? You want to show him funny but that was a fight you were only going to lose. Your wounded leg gives in, you brace for impact and throw your hands up- only to never hit the floor beneath you and instead getting pulled up by the scruff of your shirt. 

Mr. Sadman had grabbed you by the back of it and was holding you like a puppet. “I got it.” He supplied and just walked out the room, leaving you to glance back at it. You frown at the realization that it really had been a fucking broom closet all along. Bastards. You felt so worthless. 

Being thrown into a room with buckets and trashbags and whatever else they used to clean this shit hole. You hope the blood stains you left behind will stain the wood forever. Something tells you that they wouldn’t mind that too much though.

That thought only got stronger when you saw just how filthy the ship was. There was dried blood in some spots, dirt caked on the floor and the mast, someone hung dirty laundry against the railing. 

It wasn’t really all too bad as the dirt was scattered but to someone as cleanly as you it kind of fell into your eye immediately.

Men were working all around, some were just lounging, barely anyone was paying attention to the Zombieman carrying you like a babykitten over the deck and towards the captains cabin. You don’t know if that’s a good sign or not.

If they didn’t pay so much attention to a prisoner being taken to the captain, how often did that happen? The man carrying you didn’t even really seem to classify you as a person and more like an object, seeing the way he was neither addressing you properly nor carrying you like a person.

Then again, as little body contact as possible was great. You appreciated that. Still, it was unnerving how normal it seemed for these dudes to have a wounded, half dead woman dragged across deck. You got some leering glances but that’s it. Some didn’t even bother looking at you aside from seeing what the hell their friend was carrying.

You’re scared. The captains cabin is coming closer and closer and you’re so stressed it’s making your stomach ache. You don’t know what to do about that. You have the intense urge to say something, anything, just to make this easier on you. 

“Uh.” Zombieman doesn’t bother answering to it. You can’t see if he was watching you or not, as his arm was in the way. “Thanks for carrying me.” Really, you weren’t all that grateful. He was carrying you to your death after all. But oddly the thought of having to struggle across a deck filled with pirates and humiliate yourself further..

This was the more pleasant option. The grip on your shirt tightened a little. There’s no answer. You don’t expect one but the little voicing out had you relax a little. Frankly, you wanted to scream and yell and struggle but there was no point. It’d only make what was going to happen more painful. Antagonizing the sadistic pirates was not a good idea..

The door was there way too soon. You want to be back in the broom closet and curl up in there. You want to pee.. eat- you want a lot of things but none of them brought you closer to this door. You’re set down a little but the blue haired man did not let you go. He’s staring at the door with a sad expression. He kind of looked constantly depressed..

Nothing happens. You’re just standing there with him. Were.. you supposed to knock? Tell him thanks again? Was he going to knock? This was just stressing you out and you were almost about to ask before suddenly the deep voice of the man startled you to flinch. “Don’t beg.” 

You blinked and looked up at him. “The boss hates people who beg. He’ll just kill you more painfully.” He’s not looking at you. He was still staring straight ahead. You’re shocked to think that your instincts paid off after all. You swallow thickly, feeling your throat clamp up. “..Thanks.. for the info..” You mumbled and looked at the door again.

The Zombieman grunted and lifted his arm, almost carefully knocking against the wood of the door. It was a stark contrast to how strong the man seemed to be. Without waiting much longer you’re lifted again as you’re forced to enter the room with the other man. 

Right into the fucking lions den. “She’s here.” Zombieman muttered, unceremonely dropping you out of nowhere, making you yelp as your wounded leg gave out and you landed right on your ass on the floor. Your gaze flickered around, fixating on the man who brought you but he was already on his way out.

He doesn’t even turn around to look at you when he closed the door, leaving you alone with the monster that had taken a hold of your life. Oh god. This was going to be it. The realization of your impending doom hits you in the gut and you’re glad you’re empty.

You’d vomit otherwise. Somehow you can assume that he would probably torture you if you did vomit onto his floor.. Your gaze slowly travelled through the room, trying to take in everything it could just to distract you. Death was knocking. Not on Eustass Kid’s door. But on yours.

The room was semi-messy. There were metal parts everywhere, even on the wall or sticking in the ceiling. Considering what his powers were this whole room was a fucking death trap.

There was a huge, comfortable looking bed in the corner right next to the bullseyes, a desk, closet, another door that seemed to lead to a bathroom. You don’t have enough time to take it all in, as the huge form that was the captain got up from mentioned desk and turned towards you.

He looked good. Healthier. Better. The man seemed to have taken the time you were unconscious to groom himself. He wasn’t wearing just pants and boots anymore, now he was wearing a huge, fluffy coat too that was colored like the dark abyss of the ocean, something corset like wrapped around his upper body but it didn’t meet in the middle.

And then there was his arm made out of metal.. He’d been missing it when he was captured but the man had been so imposing you didn’t even notice the missing limb. Now you did, with that monsterous contraption hanging off his right shoulder. It was massive and full of sharp edges. 

He’s going to crush you, isn’t he? 

His fiery hair now slightly controlled by goggles that were strapped around his head. He wasn’t looking through them though, they were positioned above his eyes on his forehead. Those eyes were staring holes through you. He’s not grinning. He was looking angry.

His dark, magenta lips were pulled into a tight frown as the man crossed his arms and took in your form. He almost looked disappointed, watching your pathetic form or what was left of you. You stare back, not defiantly but quietly.

You can’t bring yourself to cry, not even out of fear. Acceptance was settling in. You were going to die. What would it be like? Being dead..? Was there really something after death? You hoped there was, maybe you’d see your parents again. 

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, there was the memory of the better life you lived with your parents and then on the island as a marine. It had not been filled with friends but it had been filled with content peace. It had been humble. You wonder if Han-san missed you.

Or anyone else.. Seeing how you just had to go without even getting to say goodbye. You’re unsure if you’d done the same knowing the outcome. Something tells you, yeah. If only so that one kid could keep their dad. But you’d have told Han-san goodbye.. and how much you appreciated him. And how thankful you were..

Even though you not having enough manpower to protect the island you were supposed to keep secure was his fault. His need to go and capture more dangerous and further away pirates had cost all of you something. Your life, for example. You can’t bring yourself to be angry.

“So..” His voice startled you a little. Your gaze flickering around before settling on him again. His sadistic grin was back as he crouched, supporting his arms on his knees. “Having fun dying?” You hoped he forgot about that comment. You grit your teeth behind your closed lips.

Don’t beg. You remember the man’s words. But what were you supposed to do..? Just.. just lay down and let him kill you? “Not dying yet..” You muttered under your breath, too scared to talk any louder and risk the man retaliating or screaming at you. Right now, you’d cry. 

His eyelid twitches and he gave a snort, reaching over to grab you by your chin forcefully, squishing your face effectively as he turned it from left to right. “Yeah. I guess you’re not dying yet. But I’m in a good mood and you want to know how a good mood gets even better?”

You don’t want to know. He tells you anyway. “It’s when I get to cut open some random, marine cunt that decided that mouthing me off was a smart idea!” And then there’s an audible crack as his fingers tensed and broke your jaw. The pain is horrible and no matter how much you did not wish to, you scream.

It’s a shrill noise that made Eustass just grin wider, his eyes getting a dangerous glimmer inside them. You’re dead. He’s going to- his hand let’s go but only to connect right with the middle of your face just a second later. You’re no match-

Your nose breaks and you go flying backwards and slam against the door as everything went black for a moment. Everything is pain and you want it to stop. You croak weakly, your body slumping down and hitting the floor. There’s so much bloodcoming out of your face.

The boots are in your view again. The man was probably looking down on you and there was nothing you could do to stop it. He had every right to, just look how pathetic you are. The tears you’ve been trying to keep inside you were welling up and down the mess that was your face. 

He’s talking, you can hear him but you can’t make the words out. That seemed to displease him, as the next thing on your body was his foot ramming down onto your leg and cleanly breaking it too. You’re out of breath- 

Someone help. Please. 

The Zombieman told you that begging would make your death only more painful but what was this supposed to be?! You were in agony and this wasn’t even Kidd when he was angry? You’re almost glad he broke your jaw. You would have begged him to stop otherwise against your better judgement.

You want to argue and find a way out of this mess but there isn’t one. There is just so much pain. You’re out of air. His foot was grinding your leg into fucking paste at this rate and you can’t even scream because your lungs were empty from screaming prior to this. You squeeze your eyes close.

You don’t want to go out like this- your whole life you tried to be a good person and this was what you got in return? Some asshole torturing you to death? The man had grabbed you by the shoulder and was tearing your coat off of you. You barely even notice it.

You’re too far gone already.

“Oh you fucking bitch!” You get hit right in the stomach, your eyes roll up and you spit blood and spit. What? What did you do- the feeling of warmth running down your legs gives you a hint. The smell another.

You pissed on his floor. Your bladder gave out. “The fucking hell is this supposed to be?!” His voice was louder and angrier now, grabbing you by your hair and dragging you around. “Are you a fucking dog?! Do you need for someone to teach you to not do this shit indoors?!”

Eustass slammed your head down, pressing your face right into the mess, your broken jaw complained in agony. You hate him. It’s disgusting and yet, oddly, this wasn’t the worst thing about the whole situation. You’d probably rather have your face pressed into bodily fluids than this torture. 

“Fuck!” Kidd let you go and you want to desperately lift your head out of the mess you left on the floor but your body won’t move. You croak weakly with every breath in, feeling your broken ribs protest. How none of them poked through your lungs yet was a miracle. 

Your vision is dark as you heard the door open. “Someone come here with a fucking mop this fucking instant! Heat, tie her outside! Use a barrel or whatever- fucking, dumb, shitty bitch!” He’s stepping on your limp body again. Surprisingly this time nothing breaks.

Then again, he probably broke everything he could without killing you already. You can’t think clearly with all the pain. You want to beg for it to stop but your jaw was too broken to let you speak coherently, only pained grunts coming from you sometimes.

There’s a heavy hand on your wrist and you’re dragged through your piss and out the captains cabin. “Fuckin- lift her! Don’t spread this shit like she’s a paintbrush!” That wasn’t Kidd’s voice. Or was it? It’s hard to tell. It only makes everything worse though.

Whoever had you lifted your body by your arm from the floor, your hair was sticking to your face, you hated the smell but you can’t pay attention to it now. For a moment you’re suspended and the jolts of the dude carrying you down a set of stairs makes you sob dryly but it’s not coherent.

When your body is put down again it wasn’t as rough as earlier but still carelessly, making you land on your broken leg first and then having your head hit the floor. You don’t move. You don’t think you can anymore. You’re dying. You can feel your life slowly but surely draining out of you. 

The feeling of someone wrapping a rope around your waist has you jerk a bit but nothing else. “It’ll be over soon.” You blink your eyes open weakly, staring at a cascade of blue hair. Mr. Zombieman. Was he comforting you? There’s nothing you can give him in return.

The man was staring down at you with this sad demeaner but his eyes were lacking empathy. His words didn’t match just how uncaring he looked in the face of your pain. Maybe this was just some piece of tradition. Maybe he was projecting or whatever- who knew.. You’d take it. Nothing you can do or say anyway against it.

Just a weak croak, closing your eyes again. Everything goes black. You welcome it with the hope of not waking up again.

* * *

  
  


You don’t expect to wake up again. You didn’t even want to wake up again, just so the pain could be over finally and you would be able to rest. Yet, here you are. Opening your eye again.. You can’t open both, one of them swolen shut from the bruising happening on your face. 

You smell like sweat, blood and piss and you can’t even begin to care about your body odor. Not even sure what was going on as you woke up, needing the full time of fifteen to thirty minutes to slowly become lucid enough to comprehend what was going on. 

You’re on deck. It was dawn. You were out an entire day.. It’s not two days almost since you’d eaten last and it was making itself known.. Without any input you had nothing to put out though. You no longer needed to use a toilet. 

You feel sick. Your gaze fell upon a barrel that stood in front of you, a rope was wrapped around it multiple times and said rope trailed all the way back to you. You can’t move so you can’t tell for sure but you’re thinking it was tied to you. Why though? So you couldn’t run?

With what legs.. You’re in pain. Glancing around you see less men than previously on deck. You can smell food though, it makes your stomach cramp painfully. Your body is sluggish and weak as you manage to somewhat curl a little, trying to find a more comfortable position to starve in. 

It’s no use. You can’t roll around. Your body was trying to heal but there was no way it could keep up. Not without any food or water. But why were you out here.. People were ignoring you. Despite your various state of undressed. Their captain did pull your coat off, tearing your shirt in the process.

You’re not exactly naked but not as covered as you’d like to be. They probably already got all the eyeful they could want.. if they were into half dead ladies smelling like piss and whatever else. God, you want to pass out again. 

Maybe you’ve been put here to slowly waste away, helpless to do anything about it. You wonder what Eustass would have done to you if you did beg. Something within you tells you that finding out would only cause you brain damage from ptsd. You already had some but, well.. whatever.

The sound of footsteps has you zone in a little on your concentration, fixating on a pair of boots walking over. You don’t think they’re Eustass’s shoes.. the build was different. You want for them to pass you by but instead they stop right in front of you. Standing there for a bit.

No one is paying attention to it. “You don’t know how to let go, do you?” The deep baritone of a voice has you close your eyes in dismay. It was the Massacre Soldier. Why did he have to come and mock you? You hadn’t.. you did not deserve this fate. 

But then he just turned around and walked away again, leaving you on the floor and staring blankly after his feet leaving your vision. Ah.. Just a comment and he left. Right, he probably had better things to do. Prettier things to look at. Your vision was slowly fading to black again.

You want to do what he implied. You want to let go and drift off into sweet nothingness. Just be with your parents and the people you failed. You wonder if the bakery lady missed you.. You didn’t even know her name. She told you, you just forgot..

You wonder if they’d tell Mr. Harper that you were gone. Out of this world. You wonder if he’d be sad. If he’d regret sending you away. You hope he won’t find out. Hoping that he’d live the rest of his days out thinking that you were out here, making the world a better place. 

You want for someone to miss you though. For people to think your existance was worth it, that you had an impact on their lives. That when they thought back on their lives, they’d remember that at some point you existed at all.

The thought of being forgotten as if you’ve never been there terrified you. People died all the time but if there was no one there to remember then, then there was no one to miss them. There was nothing that implied their existance having had any worth.

Maybe only to them but you weren’t like that. You wanted to find worth within yourself but it was impossible. You needed other people to do it for you.. You feel like you failed though, like you never managed to get there. 

Your eye is closing again. Let go.. If only it were that easy. 


	5. How To Let Go: Not Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic Description of a near death experience and starvation, humiliation and gross shit. 
> 
> Or in short: Before things get better they have to get worse. 
> 
> Lol.

_ “But I don’t want to go!” You’re clinging desperately to Mr. Harper, the man was looking pained just having to watch you cry and sob. “I don’t know anyone there! I’m gonna be all alone there!” You hiccuped into his shirt as the man gently petted your head, ruffling your hair. “Y/N.. Don’t you see what opportunity this is?” _

_ He’s trying to talk this up. “You’ll be so much safer. They will give you an education I would never be able to provide and when you retire the goverment will pay you well for the rest of your life.” The older man was holding you against his body as you cried your little heart out.  _

_ “I can’t provide for you.” His voice cracks a little. “I tried but it’s impossible on my salary..” You want to hold him by his hands and never let go just so you could stay. “You can do this. You are so very brave.” You aren’t. You’re a coward and your parents are dead because they felt obligated to protect you.  _

_ “Please.. don’t leave me too.” You hiccup. Wiping your face on him and listening to the man sigh. “I must. But I won’t ever truly leave.. if this ever goes wrong.. I’ll come and get you, yeah?” He crouched down, holding you by your shoulders. Smiling. “We’ll figure something else out if this doesn’t work. But please try. For me.”  _

_ You’re quiet, sniffling a little from time to time. But you nod. You’d do what he asked of you for him. You don’t really want to but what choice did you have? The last choice of your life you made a while ago anyway and see where that brought you. All alone. You’ll do what you’re told. “..Ok Mr. Harper.”  _

* * *

Why do you keep doing this to yourself. Or more, why does your body keep doing this to you. Your entire life you’ve been fragile and on the whimpy side and the one time you wanted to give up and your body kept dragging you back into an awake state to stare at the people around you. 

It’s day three. You’re severely dehydrated and by now you lost some serious weight as your body was burning calories like crazy, trying to fix your bones. Not like that was going anywhere. The spots were swolen and bruised and you’re pretty sure you’re about to develop an infection that would make your passing only more painful. 

Some of the men had dumped trash over you, only completing your ‘gross and nasty’ look™. Sometimes, when you were conscious, they’d throw a hurtful comment or tell you how disgusting you smelled. You’re thinking they might be trying to make your mind give out faster than your body. You hate to say it, but it’s working.

You wanted to die at this point. You were in so much pain every second of your measly existance and this hell was not worth it. It just went on and on and on.. The only light in all of this shitty mess was Mr. Zombieman. You didn’t know his name. Supposedly it didn’t matter. 

The man told the other men on the ship halfway through day three to stop hassling you, because he didn’t want them to make even more of a mess that they’d have to clean later and keep their harrassement to nasty comments only. No touching or throwing garbage at you anymore. 

You’re in the unclear if he took actual pity on you or if he just genuinly didn’t want to clean all this shit up when your body turned into a corpse and had to go overboard. You suppose it was the latter, yet still. You appreciated it immensely. One of the pirates had kicked you in the gut to wake you up and you didn’t want to imagine what else they would have done to you if the blue haired man didn’t tell them to stop spreading the nasty. 

The nasty being you, unfortunately. If you were at least clean this would not be as excrutiating but you were literally wasting away in your own bodily fluids and a pile of rotting garbage. You’re pretty sure you saw some fruit flies. That wasn’t a good sign. Fruit flies meant maggots once they laid eggs. You hope you’ll be dead by the time they hatch..

Being eaten alive by bugs isn’t an ideal way to go.. not like your ending wasn’t painful enough already. You stopped thinking about rescue at some point, you don’t even think about your colleagues anymore. A bitter spot had settled within your heart against your better judgement, that was how much pain you were in. 

Who could blame you? They all got the easy way out and the one person who can’t actually fight is being forced to rot away alive. Time was blending together and the hours dragged on, feeling like you were laying here for eternity. Yet, another up side, you managed to roll onto your back and could stare at the sky while the ship was moving.

The first half of the day had been extremely pleasant, actually. It wasn’t too hot and there were plenty clouds to make sure you didn’t get an eye full of sun. If only the pain wasn’t there, you could imagine snoozing peacefully to this kind of weather. Watching clouds and guessing what they might be. Unfortunately you’re in agony. 

Your arms were probably the only things not extremely hurt right now. You’re surprised no one broke them yet. Eustass for instance, checked up on you sometimes. Twice a day. One time in the morning, one time in the evening. He seemed surprised everytime that you were even still breathing. 

‘You’re more stubborn than I thought you’d be.’ Is something he might have said but you don’t actually know if he did or if it was a weird hallucination that had been induced by the pain you were in. Maybe he hadn’t even checked up on you once and you were just having a gruesome fever dream. 

The Massacre Soldier, Killer, had checked up on you one time in the middle of the day. What he was thinking was impossible to guess from your side. The man just stood next to you, staring for what felt like a solid, whole minute. Before he tilted his head to the side, rolled his shoulders and went on his way. 

People who checked up more often on you was the crew. They didn’t touch you anymore but you quickly caught on that they had a betting ring going on to see how long you’d be able to stick out before you finally croaked your final breath. Some of the men got extremely angry for you not dying in time for them to win.

One threatened to stab you right in the chest and a fucked up, lost part of you wanted to tell him to go ahead. Not that you can. Your jaw was bruised and so swolen that moving your mouth was impossible. You’re beyond recognition at this point and probably looking like a hot mess and a half but there’s no mirror so at least that was a plus. 

Frankly.. you don’t know how you made it for three days. Three whole days. Without any food or water.. You don’t know how much longer you can take this. In theory a person could live up to 21 days without water and food but that was talking about someone who was at their prime. You weren’t at your prime, neither did you want to stick around that long.

You just wanted to rest but life had other plans. 

* * *

Time continues to drag on. It’s day five. People were raising the stakes on seeing how far you’d make it. You hate them for it. They were making your death slow and painful and then had the fucking nerve to bet money over it and cheer when they thought you died, only to realize you fell asleep or unconscious. Fuck them all. 

You hope hell is toasty on the day they make it down there.

The sun isn’t shining anymore. The wind was cold and from time to time a drop of water landed on your body. You wanted to catch it with your mouth desperately but the only body parts you could move without being in pain (too much at least) were your arms. The only body parts that were unbroken.. for now.

Eustass had been eyeing them with a frown the last time he checked up on you. You’re pretty sure he was considering it and the only thing stopping him from doing so was the fact that you were covered in dried piss and sweat and god knew what else. ..Somehow you felt blessed by that.

You’ve went that far down the rabbit hole, didn’t you? You were glad that you were too disgusting to touch so that you wouldn’t get hurt anymore. Not that you were in any less pain.. But, now that your body was numb from laying in the same position and spot the whole fucking time, you were slowly getting comfortable actually.

It was fucked up. You’re wasting away like an onion. Your stench was probably enough to make people’s eyes water but you were so used to it now you actually smelled not much at this point.. You zone in and out of consciousness. Just staring blankly at the sky. Time still blended together, hours felt like an eternity or seconds in different intervals. 

Before you know it, it’s evening and Eustass was back to see if you had bit the dust yet. You hadn’t but you feverishly wish you could. At first you flinched everytime he entered your visual but by now you’re too exhausted to even look at him properly. Staring straight ahead was easier than glancing to the side.

“You made me lose the fucking betting ring.” His voice was gravelly and sounded dry, uncaring. The man is grinding his heel into the floor as if he was keeping himself from kicking you. You blink slowly. It’s the only way you can signalize that you heard him without moving your arms and risking him breaking them also..

You want to smile in his face about this insignificant thing you accomplished but moving your face was not on the table. You can’t even bring yourself to look at him, out of fear that he would hurt you further than he already had. Your vision was bad, so you couldn’t tell how close he was. Just by hearing him. 

God, you’re tired. Was he still standing there? He was. But he doesn’t say anything as he took your pathetic, shrivelling form in. The man left without saying anything else to continue his day as you continued your death. You still had not given the thought of rescue another glance.

It’s almost a week now. The marine ships at home had motors to cross the calm waters after the ring of death more safely, they would have caught up with this one if they had actually tried the first day after the Kidd Pirates took you. When you woke up and realized no one had come for you, you let it go. It was the path of least resistance and the easiest way to accept your fate. Don’t hope for good things to come your way.

Don’t hope for anything, don’t rely on other people to safe you from your misfortune. You wonder if your parents had hoped for help, even though none came. You want to say you were mistrusting but unfortunately you were naive to a fault. You did trust easily, but as ready as you were to trust, you also had no issue letting it go. You expected people to disappoint you.

They kept doing so after all. But maybe that was your fault for being the way you were. In all of your years alive you didn’t make a single friend you could remember fondly or say confidently, yes, this person would have come for you. It’s your own, dumb fault for being here. You were dying a worthless death of someone who wanted to play hero.

You learned your lesson. Just way too late. You thought you had found a happy ending but deep down you always expected the worst. This. You always somehow expected for it to be a pirate that did you in. Now that it was happening it was so surreal you couldn’t help but congratulate you internally for being right again. 

Even though you wanted to be wrong for once, desperately so. But, as usual, you don’t get what you want. 

* * *

It’s been a week now. The betting ring had kind of crumbled because no one had bet on you making it this long. A huge disappointment for all of them, you’re sure. You got congratulations from some of the crew members for breaking the record on making it the furthest among the ladies. Apparently the unfortunate lady that had your spot previously only lasted five days. 

On the side of men was a dude who held out 17 days before finally going to sleep for good. Apparently with all limbs broken since he was a fighter. The thought made you sick to your stomach and you want for your end to please, please come faster than this. 

You envy her. You’re barely conscious most of the time. Still no infection. Your body hates you. If you got an infection, maybe you’d go quicker. It would probably be more painful and you’d actually have maggots chewing on you but now it didn’t seem like a bad idea. You contemplated drowning yourself by rolling off the ship but decided against it.

If there was one thing you feared more than pain, it was the ocean and it’s never ending depth. You didn’t want to drown and then slowly disappear into the abyss of the world, to never be seen again. If they were dumping you over the railing, you didn’t want to be awake or alive for it. Preferably dead. 

Your throat was dry and tight, your lips cracked and even opening your eyes was too much now. Most of the time you just wasted away without an actual grasp on what was going on around you anymore. The only moment of clarity you had was when someone suddenly dumped water on you to try and wash some of that terrible smell away you were leaving behind. 

You didn’t see their face but it didn’t matter in the long run. You hated all of them. Even Mr. Zombieman. He could take a knife and fuck himself with it. He was just as bad as everyone else on this fucking vessel, not that you’ve been expecting much else but a tiny spark of hope had been there when he had shown mock concern previously. Whatever.

You sometimes, when you’re sure no one is watching, move your arms around to get the feeling back into them and feel the breeze of the ocean on your skin. The rest of your body stays the way it is. You refused to even try and move it, now that it was so numb you could barely feel it.

You didn’t want the pain to come back. Right now you were as comfortable as you could be. Dying and all.. The swelling in your face went slightly down but your nose is crooked from Eustass breaking it. The fact that you lived long enough for the swelling in your face to go down a little was a sign to you that you were really pushing it. As if this was the last act of defiance you did not wish to take. 

It’s dark now. Time had passed by so quickly. Soon it will be day eight. You feel like that’ll be your last one. It’s harder and harder to stay awake. You can’t hear much anymore aside from the occassional ringing in your ear and your eyes didn’t wish to open- well, that one eye that was able to. The other one was still swolen shut, maybe it was gone, actually.

You couldn’t tell and frankly, didn’t want to. If it was gone, you’re glad you hadn’t been thinking about up until now. Now that you started it was hard to not think about it and you were scared to check with your hands. So you didn’t. The wind was howling and only a few men were manning the deck, making sure the whole thing didn’t get off course and crash them or whatever.

You wanted them to crash. You would be able to take drowning if only all of them came along the ride.. then at least your body wouldn’t be all alone down there. 

Drip. 

Your eye snapped open. Blinking a few times, trying to see what was going on. Then it happened again. Drip. A teardrop right on your face. It feels so nice you might cry. And the rain kept coming, it started off weak but then it got more and stronger. It wasn’t an all out pour but there was no way to stay dry. 

Against your insincts telling you not to, you move one of your arms to force your mouth a little open despite the agonizing pain, quickly putting it down again and closing your eyes at the feeling of the rain ending up a little in there. It was a fucking blessing. You wanted to cry but that’d take away all the moisture you were taking in right now.

Which, to be fair, was not much, but it was enough to keep you happy for the time being. Someone cursed the weather but they could go and fuck themselves. It was so nice and cooling on your swolen, battered body. Like a frozen pack put onto you and helping numb the pain a little more. 

Maybe you’d even freeze to death. That was a nice thought. People said right before freezing to death you’d feel incredibly hot and after such a nice downpour, a little bit of warmth sounded inviting. You’re fucking gone, aren’t you? Mentally gone. You must have gone insane. 

For the next few hours you just let the rain pour into your mouth one drop at a time. Eventually exhaustion claims you and you end up having to force your mouth close so no one would notice what you did. The fear of punishment outweighing the sweet release that water brought you and your tortured throat. It felt better now though. 

You go to sleep slightly happier. If not by a lot. 

* * *

**_CRASH_ **

Your whole body jerked awake at the loud clapping of thunder rolling through the clouds, right above you, leaving you startled and immediately wondering how the hell you did not wake earlier. Not just because the deck was a mess, but because it was pissing from the heavens as if God was pent up. 

The loud noises of men running around and yelling orders at each other to secure the ship during the storm had you whimper and try to curl as much against the railing as you could. You’re not in a hurry to get stepped on and losing the few ribs that weren’t broken under a heavy boot. 

This was a bit of a reminder though. You were actually dying. You were getting weaker and weaker everyday, seeing how long it took for you to wake up to this hell even though it was impossible to ignore once awake. The noise, the moving of the ship, the vibration of feet on deck running to do a job.

It all piled up into a huge pile of sensory overload, not doing much for your already overwhelmed mind. It wasn’t all that reassuring either that basically most of your body was incapable of moving aside from one leg, if you stressed it, and your arms. That was not taking into account if you’d even be able to ignore the pain any movement would cause.

You were weak. You were frail. You had nothing to protect yourself from pain, nor any resistance to it. Living a life that was pretty unconventional at best but peaceful aside from losing your parents and the training at the academy- Some people lost an arm like it was nothing, not looking at anyone specifically, but some people, like you, couldn’t handle broken bones and push on.

Usually you couldn’t even stand the threat of pain. If Eustass had not broken your jaw, you keep repeating yourself, you’d have begged, even against your better judgement. It would have been instinct, reflex at that point. You’d have screeched and shrieked if you had any air left within your bruised lungs.

If you had, maybe he’d have killed you more painfully but faster. You no longer know which would have been better. Maybe he’d have combined it- so you’re not too pressured to find out. You squint your eyes into the darkness but it’s hard to see anything. 

“PULL THE FUCKING SAILS IN, GODDAMMIT!” Eustass’s voice, hollering over the chaos like he was the personal deity of the ship. “STABILIZE OUR SUPPLIES AND WEAPONS! GET US FUCKING STRAIGHT!” He sounded angry but oddly, it didn’t seem to be aimed at anyone but the weather. 

You couldn’t even see the man, you’re being delusional. You’re sure someone did something to piss him off further. There always was. You don’t get to ponder on it for long as the whole ship shook as a wave crashed onto deck. People are screaming and yelling, and then they’re not.

Not because they got washed away but because you were engulfed by the freezing cold of the ocean. Both of your arms snap out to cling to the railing in time before you got washed away and another realization hit you. No one was paying any attention to you.

It looked like everyone had decided that this problem was between you and god at this point, as they didn’t have time to take care of their filthy prisoner. Your instincts to not drown overran your urge to force your jaw open to try and drink again. Why were you even trying, there was no getting away from this fate. You were just dragging out the unavoidable at this point. 

Still with the little strength you had left you continued to cling to the railing as the bood continued to dance an aggressive dance against the crew, threatening to tilt all the way over any fucking second now and fuck, you’ve never been so terrified of drowning than now.

Because now it was an actual threat that could take place, sure, they could have thrown you over board before but they wanted to see how long it’d take you to starve. You’ve been happy that they weren’t drowning you but now you were about to. It was hard holding onto the railing while everything shook. 

You’re scared again. You’ve beenn drifting in a weird state of acceptance when you learned that you could minimize your pain by not moving but now your body was screaming at you, and so were you. Screaming through a shut mouth as you refused to relax your jaw, lest it flop around or something. You can’t ask for help.

Even if you did, who’d actually help you? You were a marine girl, the enemy. A victim they were going to kill. And then you notice something out of the corner of your eye that has you going paler than you already were.

The barrel, that had been tied to the railing for good measure the day you’ve been tied to it, had come loose. The thing was shaking dangerously as another wave hit the deck and loosened the ropes even further. You’re going to die- you’ll drown! It didn’t matter if that barrel floated, it was a cylinder! You wouldn’t be able to hold onto it without it spinning you off!

And then it started to slip, tipping over and clattering onto it’s side, beginning to roll towards the middle of the deck as the ship tilted again. Your arms clench desperately against the railing as hard as they can in their weakened state but as soon as the rope pulled taut you realized you couldn’t hold out.

Maybe a minute if you pushed it. That was excluding your willpower when your whole body cracked in agony as your broken bones were forced into movement. You shriek, loud and shrill but it’s lost in the noise of the storm. Someone help- Of course no one is going to. You’re alone. You can’t do this- You’re going to drown and all of this would be worth nothing.

You held out for what reason?! Your body was a fucking bitch was the reason! You should have gone a whole while ago but it just kept you going as if there was a happy ending waiting for you around any corner now. But you knew better! When there were fucking, shitty, trashy pirates involved, there were no fucking happy endings!

And then suddenly the pressure is taken of your waist and you weakly swivel your head around, squinting your eyes desperately what had changed. Had the barrel come loose? Had the rope given out? Both no. You’re staring at Mr. Zombieman, who had planted both feet firmly on deck and was holding the rope as if the barrel wasn’t filled with whatever it was filled with.

Maybe it was empty, actually. It just felt so incredibly heavy on your stressed body. What was the meaning of this? His eyes are barely visible in the darkness but he moved over and crouched to seemingly attempt to tie the barrel back into place where it had been before, against the railing. 

He was helping. You didn’t even care what the reason was. Maybe it was just to see how long you’d last after this, maybe he actually had a soft spot somewhere in his cold, dead exterior. Way in there. One would probably have to dig in there. A lot. Very deep- Whatever! 

You sob between closed lips in relief at the prospect that you weren’t going to drown today. And right after that everything went wrong. The whole ship actually spinned abruptly for what appeared to have no reason, New World weather, what else was new- and everyone was thrown around. The blue haired man hit the railing with a grunt but it wasn’t over with that. 

Out of nowhere came an unidentified object, it was too dark to recognize the thing but whatever it was it was hard and heavy, as when it slammed right into the back of Mr. Zombieman the dude slumped and almost fell over the railing into the ocean if not for the ship tilting back again, making him hit the deck with his back instead. 

You stare in horror at his unconscious form. W-What?! What the fuck? You jerk your head around hectically but everyone was still trying to not fall into the water themselves, except for where their buddy was slipping the hell of the fucking deck at this point. You’re shocked into action-

With one arm you let go of the railing to grab him by his wrist instead, not even thinking about the fact that there was no way you’d be able to hold him right now, lest of all with a singular arm. It doesn’t occur to you. “Heat’s down!” You hear someone yell frantically, your gaze flickered to the knocked out dude.

Was he Heat? You don’t even know! Maybe someone else got flanked as well! There is no time to think about it. The next wave is bigger than all the other ones and this time you can’t hold on. Your arm gets torn off the railing as you get washed with your new tag team partner over the whole deck and then.. right off of it. 

There’s only water. You can’t see. You can’t breath- You can only cling to the man desperately as you were too horrified to let him go just yet. Both of your hands digging their fingernails into his arm to try and stick to the blue haired figure. It’s cold and you felt your body getting pulled downwards.

It’s over faster than you thought it’d be. Something rams into your arms from below and suddenly you’re back on the surface, hacking and coughing. You’re dying. You’re going to die! You weren’t dead just yet though. It takes you a whole minute to realize what happened.

It was the fucking barrel. It had come up from below you and pulled you both up. And neither of you rolled off. It was fucking physics! With the Zombie on the left of the barrel and you on the right you had just enough balance for the thing to not be spinning either of you off! 

“Man overboard!” “FUCK! HEAT!” “Someone pull him back in!” Their voices sounded so far away now. There are too many voices and you can’t make sense of them. It’s dark and yet, to your horror, you saw that the ship was quite far now. “HEAT! FUCKING ANSWER YOU BALL OF SHIT!” 

The next thunder clapped along lightning, for a moment showing everything to you and giving you a certain kind of picture. 

Eustass Kidd was clinging to the railing and staring with a furious, frantic expression out to the sea as he jerked his head around, clearly looking for his comrade that was lost to the wild waters of the New World. Even soaked he still looked like a fucking demon. 

You didn’t think the man was able to care about anyone and seeing him scan the waves as intensely as he was doing, it put him into a relatable corner against your better judgement. He was losing a friend. You lost friends before- stop. You weren’t anything alike. This was your kindness speaking. 

You can’t scream. You would but seeing how your throat was too dry to do anything that would be loud enough.. there was no way it’d reach. You try though, you yell behind clenched teeth but there was no dice. You and your new pal are send off. The ship got smaller and smaller. 

As did your stamina, you were out of breath. You’re in so much pain, waves kept trying to push you off the barrel but you used your less beaten leg to hike it up and cling to it like a monkey. You needed to act fast- your arms were giving out. You’d slip off and drown and the man was still unconscious. 

The rope! You could use the rope! But to do so you’d need to let go with one hand. Could you hold his weight that long?.. Not much options! You had to try! Or you’d drown the moment your arms did give out.. One, two, three. And you let go, slamming your arm as fast as it could go into the water and digging up some of the rope from the water. 

And then with all you had left you started wrapping it around your and his arm, basically turning you into a coat that hung from a barrel hanger. The rope was digging into your flesh and it took you three times to find a way to wrap it for it to actually keep both of you stuck together.

If you could let him drown without dooming yourself, you probably would. It was a dark thought in the corner of your head that you kicked out fast. You were better than them. Always would be. You sob as with a cracking noise you felt your arm almost give out as another wave swirled you and him around. After that, adrenaline left you fast. Very fast.

It’s too much. Just when you got done tying you two together, sloppily, your vision finally gave out as everything slowed down. Not now- you’re scared. You don’t want to drown- please- but it’s no use. You go under, your consciousness leaving you stranded on a barrel. 

  
  
  
  



	6. Changing Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gettin softer now

_It was ok, the academy. The people here were nice to you, especially the trainers. They had been told of your struggle and were extremely sympathic towards it. You’d think they’d get bored eventually of having to deal with oprhans. Seeing how you were by far not the only one. There were many of them._

_Children that lost their parents. En masse, basically. They were almost outnumbering the kids that still had a functioning family but that was what the program was about, taking in kids that had nothing left and shape them into something that could be used to protect the world from the evil that was embodied by pirates._

_You didn’t like it here anyway.. as predicted, you made no friends. Everyone was fueled by some grim, bitter and hateful motivation you didn’t manage to scrounge up for the life of you. Sure, you were angry, sure, you felt cheated but you couldn’t bring yourself to be as aggressive about everything as they were._

_One could easily different the kids from which ones lost something to pirates and which ones got into the course through recommendations. Those who lost something were easily shooting to the top of the classes, usually talking about nothing but about how much they hated said pirates._

_There was a lot of talk about how much they were going to change the world and you felt out of place. All of these kids had some ambition and you were here because Mr. Harp thought you needed a fucking change of pace with proper education and structure. He was probably right._

_You highly doubt he knew what kind of circle he put you into though. It was like being stuck in a cage of wild animals that were being trained into hunting and eating people, all of them eager to break out of the cage and do just as they were taught. It made you, personally, nervous. As you did not feel like a tiger but a person._

_You felt like you’d get eaten too._

* * *

Your cheek stung. You remotely struggle for around a second before relaxing your body again. It’s numb. Your arm was angled up but you don’t remember why you were hanging off of something. Nor did you remember why you were hanging in the first place. Everything was slow. Everything was distant. 

You smell salt and ocean.. it’s nice. You can easily sleep a little easier like that. You’re sure Han-san would be ok with you taking a bit of a break and coming in later. This was a different tune, you never skipped on work but you’ve never been so tired before. “Oi.” It was like you swam a marathon. 

A true struggle.. you can’t swim like a master. Maybe if you trained a little more.. you’d be able to. It’s a nice thought, getting as strong as Han-san. The man was always so confident and happy go lucky. Who could blame him? He was basically impossible to beat! Probably. You never saw him loose a fight bef-

A fat slap gets you right in the face, jerking your head to the side and against the barrel you were hanging off of. Your body cramped a little and your healthy eye snapped open, staring blankly, exhaustedly at your barrel roomie. It’s Mr. Zombieman.. Aka Heat.. Heat? 

Oh fuck. The memories are flooding back into you, making you cringe in dismay. Why.. why couldn’t you just let the fuck go- You just wanted to rest. In fact.. you might just go back to sleep. You were exhausted enough that you could probably fall back asleep, even while submerged. Your eyes droop again before you can finish the thought.

A shame the dude won’t let you. He reached over and shook you by your hair, jerking the roots and making you groan in dismay. “Hey. Stay the hell awake.” Why did he care if you stayed awake or not. You don’t think you’d have the energy to ask him even if your jaw was not broken.. 

Everything was just too heavy. “They’ll pick us up soon.. I got a vivre card on me and the boss has the other half.” The man supplied. You don’t really get what the fuck he’s talking about. Vivre Card. You knew what those were.. You.. your eyes slowly close again but you only get shaken awake again. What did he say?

You can’t piece anything together, even hearing it directly. You reached your limit. Physical and mentally. You were expiring for real now. At an alarming rate. You didn’t even grasp that anymore but apparently your companion did. He pulled a face, showing you that he could, in fact, look more depressed. 

“Tough it out.. You made it this far.” Why did he even care? You keep repeating it in your head. You should have let him drown.. then you could rest right now- wait. Your head jerked up a little. You didn’t let him drown. You saved him. You squint your eyes and croaked weakly at him, a bit of lucidy coming to you.

The man had his free arm slung over the barrel and held you at your shoulder. He seemed to perk a little at you moving about a bit. “There we go. Just keep your eyes open.” The man squeezed your shoulder, making you whine in pain. The man doesn’t look remotely sorry. Apparently seeing it as a way to keep you awake- and then it hits you.

Vivre Card. He has a Vivre Card- They’re going to pick him up!? Your whole body started to twitch and jerk weakly with dismayed noises against your better judgement- you can’t do this again. Why did he want to drag you back?! For this fucking betting ring?! You can’t- you don’t care anymore if you drown- no wait retract that you don’t want to but you don’t want to go back onto that cursed ship anymore either.

“Hey- Shit, stop! You’ll tip us over!” The man kept leaning into the opposite direction to keep you guys stable and you easily tire yourself out with a weak sob. Heat just relocated his hand from your shoulder to your head, grabbing a handful of your messy hair and digging his fingers a little into your scalp.

“I think you’re good.” He still sounded so impassive, like this all was just a distraction. The man was slowly pulling on your hair a little, making you tilt your head from side to side. “The boss is gonna be grateful to you. We never really let a prisoner go but no prisoner ever saved one of the crew.” Oh. Fuck. 

Puzzle pieces were slowly putting themselves together. He thought you did this deliberately. That you decided out of the fucking kindness of your heart to save his life when really you just needed a weight to counter yours so you wouldn’t roll off the barrel and drown. 

A part of you had hoped he wouldn’t wake up actually. Now here you and him were, with him awake and clearly thinking you saved him on purpose. You swallow nervously. What would happen if he found out the truth..? Not like you’d tell him. This- you don’t know what to do. 

“Your jaw is broken, right?” You swallow thickly and get pulled out of your train of thought, nodding weakly before resting your forehead onto the wood of the barrel, closing your eyes. You want to rest- he jerked you back up by your hair that he still had a handful off and you groan weakly. “I think Doc might be able to fix it.” 

You’re so fucking out of the water, not literally, but situation wise. What kind of joke was this? The situation you were in seemingly did a full 180 degrees and now suddenly there was talk about fixing your broken bones?? He has to be joking. The man had to be fucking around right now. This is either a really good joke, or a nightmare in disguise.

There was no way, not one single, fucking way in hell.. Kidd was going to kill you regardless, right? They didn’t seem like a bunch with honor. More like a bunch that needed some fucking therapy and a rope. To hang them- you’re so put off. “Hngheuuhgh..” You just groan at him and stare at his sad eyes. The man was staring back. 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. At the very least, he’ll end your suffering finally.” Oh yeah, ok. There it was. God you’re so over this. You lifted your free arm weakly and- slapped him right in the face. It wasn’t much of a slap and more of a dropping your hand against his face and papping him weakly with it in frustration.

You manage two times before your arm was too tired to move again and slid off the barrel and back into the water. During this time, the Zombie didn’t really fight you on it. He just raised the space where his eyebrows would be. “That’s fair.” You want to strangle him with the rope that connected you two. 

Especially now that he was trying to make you hope that you might actually make it out of this. How fucking dare he- over a week you suffered and now he was trying to plant a seed of hope for better things? Escape? Please- untie the rope and drown yourself.. asshole. He has you by your hair still, tugging on it everytime you tried to doze off.

You’re going to pull his fucking arm off if you do recover. Time passed like this, with him keeping you awake against your will and you trying to growl at him to cut this shit out. You felt that if you went to sleep now, you wouldn’t wake up for sure. He seemed to think so too and just kept on being a dickweed.

It does give you time to take in your surroundings. It was daytime but it looked like the sun would set soon. How long had you guys been drifting? You felt like a sponge.. You’re surprised you didn’t get eaten by a seaking yet or whatever other kinds of monster was swimming about underneath you. Scared™.

So it goes on, until he eventually talks again. “I’m Heat.” You blink tiredly at him and he just blinked back. What.. was he expecting you to reply to that? “..Nhhngg..” His head lifted a little. “Right. That’s fine. You’ll tell me later.” Will you, though? You don’t really think you’ll live that long.

Frankly you’re amazed at your body. Nine days now. You held out nine days but you’re pretty sure you won’t make it to ten without an intervention. You just want to sleep and this asshole keeps tugging on your hair as if he expected for you to do a trick or whatever everytime he does so. Sometimes he’d even gave a dry comment about the weather.. how he wondered what was going to be for supper-

How can he be so relaxed. You guys were stranded. Literally in the middle of nowhere- no chance to navigate or swim anywhere since you didn’t know where you were. You might as well be going in circles. Maybe his friends didn’t even fucking made him. How would he know- ah, right. Vivre Card.. 

You can’t breathe so well.. it felt like everytime you breathed in, your ribcage screamed in pain and you couldn’t ignore the pain. You never could.. and you were so, so tired. Even with the man present, you just let your tears roll down your face in silence, hoping he wouldn’t comment.

He does though, because he fucking sucks. “You did good. Held out longer than any other dame we ever had on board.” As if that was going to make you feel better. His friends will pick you up and drop you in the ocean and that’ll be it. All of this had been for nothing- you could have taken one of them with you and you chickened out.

Because you were a fucking coward.. 

Hours pass. It begins to get dark. You’re scared more than ever, being unable to now see correctly if there was something on the surface of the ocean. How long did his fucking pals need? Were they busy jerking each other off or something before daring these dangerous waters?

And the Heat suddenly jerked his body up, letting your head go so suddenly you hit your head against the barrel. “Ah, sorry about that-“ and then he inhaled and hollered so loudly it almost blew your eardrums out. “BOSS! I’M OVER HERE!” You can’t even flinch anymore. You hung here like a raw chicken. You’re on death’s doorstep. Any moment now.

You think so and wait but you’re still alive when they reach you two unfortunately. You had to listen to the Kidd Pirates cheer and yell in outrage at the same time. Cheering because their pal was alive. Yelling because you were too. Toasty. Hell was going to be fucking toasty.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Toast him to hell, in hell. Eustass’s voice was a rough contrast to all the voices of his men, as they immediately quietened down as he spoke up. “She’s still around?! The fucking hell is she made out of.” The metal rings around the barrel vibrated slightly and then the thing got lifted out of the water.

“Ah- Shit! Boss!” Eustass probably imagined this to go down easily with him pulling both of you out of the water but with you out of the water, Heat’s weight outdid yours by a mile and before you knew it you slipped right over the barrel and slammed with your head right into his broad chest before you both fell back into the water. 

You can’t breathe for five seconds as the blue haired man wrapped an arm around you and resurfaced to a bunch of jeering and cackling men. “Here, grab on!” What was even going on anymore. Your head was laying on the shoulder of the zombie and then you were being pulled up with him. Heat having no issue supporting his and your bodyweight with one hand clamped around a thick rope.

“Why’d you bring her back?” Deep baritone. Massacre Soldier. “The betting pool already collapsed. It’s null now.” You wonder what he bet or if he even did. You couldn’t tell if he was the type to bet on stuff like this, seeing how calm and collected he was. Then again. He was as fucked as his captain.

“Just throw her overboard. I don’t feel like having her stink up the fucking place again.” Eustass sounded so close and you felt a broad palm grab you by your shoulder, jerking you backwards. Heat let you go easily enough and you hit the deck like a limp sack of rice. 

“Ah, well.” The blue haired man had to crouch to unwrap himself from the rope. The fucking thing had buried itself into your arm and hip, he was being nice and tore the thing cleanly apart and released you from your bondage. “Actually she kind of did the rope thing while I was out.” He’s still crouched next to you, poking you absentmindedly in the side.

You barely feel it. You don’t even really listen anymore. “I probably would have drowned.” It’s quiet. Dangerously so. “Tell me you’re shitting me.” Footsteps are coming closer and before you know it you’re grabbed by your hair again, jerked up. Tired. You’re not feeling anything. Just blinking bankly at the angry facade in front of you. 

“Ms. Prissy Princess did-“ his voice tuned out. Your head felt like it was sitting in cotton. Your ears are filled with ringing. The man’s clearly talking to you but you don’t even care anymore if he did break you further. It’s finally time to sleep. You just.. you close your eyes and let darkness take you, ignoring the faint feeling of being shaken roughly. 

* * *

_You’re not remembering this. Was this a dream? You blink blankly down at yourself, seeing you were unharmed. What had happened? Where were you? You stared around a little and then spotted a bright light in the dark void you were standing in. It hits you._

_You died._

_Didn’t you?_

_You weren’t in pain anymore, now that you thought about it.. before you know it you start jogging towards the light, snickering to yourself. “Follow the light at the end of the tunnel.. It really is true!” Who cared if this wasn’t real. It made you feel better._

_“Mom?” You yell out, “Dad?” hoping for an answer. There is none. Not immediately, yet, the voice who spoke sounded different. It wasn’t either of your parents. “You’re too early.” It’s matter of fact and you squint._

_“What?” But instead of another answer, suddenly the light expanded, swallowing everything and turning your vision white._

* * *

And then you blink and you’re staring at a ceiling. Not just with one eye but with both of them. At first you were a little confused, seeing as you were just yeeted out of whatever awkward dream you’ve been having-.. what was it about again? Something about.. Mhhh.. You close your eyes, thinking. For some reason you can’t recall what you were dreaming about. 

The curse of dreams. An escape from reality but then you woke up and they were gone forever. Unless you got lucky and managed to remember whatever freaky adventure you had while you were unconscious. You don’t this time though.. Instead you got to remember where the fuck you were and you jerked up a little, only to squeak and drop back again.

Pain- Pain and.. you’re not really in that much pain right now, to be fair. You blinked confused and slowly sat up again, noting the ache that filled your body but oddly you weren’t convulsing in agony. In fact, you felt.. kind of numb actually and it made you nervous enough to just lay back down.. in the bed you were laying in.

The first thing on the list is yourself, so you peer under the blanket that was thrown over you and you find that you wore an oversized pajama over a bunch of bandages that had been applied to your, now clean, skin. The thought makes you feel odd at first without getting what was off about the picture before you did catch on.

One of them undressed you, washed you and then redressed you after putting a cast onto your broken leg and bandages everwhere else. Oh hell no. You flushed and wrapped your arms around yourself, staring in shock at the ceiling. You’ve never been naked in front of any man and the first dude to see you in the nude was a pirate.

One of those fucking bastards- Well.. You blink dryly and stare around a little.. You suppose if it ended up being being a professional doctor you could let it slip but you doubted that this was going to be the case.. You felt like this ship was full of monsters only. Heat getting them to patch you up did not put the man off your shit list. It put him on a not so shitty list but he remained up there. 

Your gaze finally connected to a few things in the room that implied that you really were in a medbay. For one, an IV drip that was connected to your left arm. Eugh. You hate needles.. you don’t pull it out anyway as you probably needed dehydration and also it might be painkillers. 

There was a table with some boxes and pill bottles and among all of these was a feeding tube. You stare at it like an owl. Oh. They.. fed you with a feeding tube? You’re.. you’ve been unconscious a lot lately and you don’t even want to ask how long you were out this time but it was the first question on your mind..

You want to open your mouth to yawn only to notice that your head was wrapped up too, keeping your mouth tightly shut. “..Pfhhffrr..” You make a sad fart noise at the ceiling. How.. How were you alive. Not only were they fixing you up, they fed you- Oh shit. 

If you were out for a while the doctor probably had to make you pee or whatever.. You didn’t even know how that worked. You.. some things you didn’t need to know. Actually. The mere thought of the man washing and clothing you was enough to make you combust in shame. 

Please, just let the bed swallow you and- the door creaks open and you don’t move. Staring with wide eyes at the ceiling without even daring to look to the door as someone entered the room and closed the door behind him. The steps sounded lighter, kind of off balance as if they were hobbling. 

You’re scared again. This was the best you have been feeling for a while and if they saw you were awake, would they redo this? Restart? A new betting pool? If they did, you’d bite off your tongue as soon as no one was watching. You listen feverishly to the noise of a chair being pulled back where the desk was and then the creaking of weight being put on it.

For a moment nothing happens, then there’s scribbling of a pen on paper. You’re sweating balls right now and didn’t know what you were supposed to do. Should you reveal yourself? Tell them you were awake before they found out and then punish you for trying to hide? 

How were you supposed to do that when you were scared shitless though? You don’t want to go back to that spot on the deck, wasting away in your own piss. But you’re stil hungry, even with them having fed you. You’re pretty sure you lost a lot of weight.. You don’t even want to think about it that you hit your dream weight with a near death experience..

Kidd Pirates.. Diet Helpers and Life Coaches. You almost smile. Almost.. And then you have to sneeze. Pretty suddenly you inhale and hiccuped a muffled sneeze out, the bandages letting your jaw tense but not open. It hurt a little but not a lot. You want to scream and hide but you don’t. You just lay there. Cursing your nose. 

“Are you awake?” It’s a new voice you don’t recognize and you don’t reply. You close your eyes but your breathing is uneven. There is the scratching of the chair being pushed back and the clatter of a pen falling against wood, the man was getting up and you’re scared. Please, just let him leave you alone. Of course he doesn’t.

“Hello?” You felt, or rather heard, the man leaning over you and was currently breathing into your face. You’re surprised you’re smelling peaches instead of some foul stench. You don’t reply but can’t keep your face straight when the man didn’t move away. Him staring at you just was so uncomfortable that your eyebrows furrowed and then your eyes snapped open when you realized the gig was up.

You’re.. not sure what you’re staring at. Why the hell did people in this crew have to conduct some awkward warfare with fashion? Heat already looked like he was in stitches and still decided to wear a corset. A corset. Even during a fucking storm apparently? You’re not sure if you’ll be able to get used to it. You’ll probably have to if you’re staying alive any longer than this.

The man leaning above you was probably staring but you can’t see because there was a yellow hat with stripes and dots and a funny looking, white bush of feathers sticking out of the side. His eyes were not visible. “Knew you were faking it.” He grunted, leaning up again and you could see the rest of him.

His shirt was a bit oversized and in the same fashion as his hat, minus the feathers and to that he was wearing brown shorts that went all the way down to his knees. He looked like one of the footsoldiers from the game of chess, or at least he reminded you of that game in particular. 

“Nhgf..” What are you supposed to do? ..Nod? The man was moving again and checked your IV drip before going back to you and sitting on a stool right next to the bed. “Color me surprised when the boss told me to fix you up.” So he’s just going to talk at you? Without even wanting you to reply? Fine. You can listen.

Listening didn’t mean you had to move. Listening left you with no way to screw up and get more hurt in the process. “He said it wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t manage and you croaked anyway but some of the crew said you were a lost cause and if that didn’t grind my gears, I tell you!” He shuffled around and then suddenly, pop, peach in his hand.

Where the hell had he stashed that fruit? He bites a huge chunk off of it and muffled on with a full mouth. You want to cringe but you’re trying to be a neutral listener right now. “And I fixed you up, alright.” He grit out, biting off another chunk and chewing, looking a little annoyed. “Showed ‘em. They didn’t believe it when I told them you’re gonna wake up.” 

He swallowed thickly and leaned over you again, you press a little into the pillow underneath your head to try and escape close proximity. “I’m Sam, by the way, remember it. Or don’t. Dunno how long the Captain is keeping you around for.” How charming. “People call me Doc though.” 

His mouth pulled into a tight frown. “I can fix anyone. Kind of.” The man leaned back again and yikes why is he moving around so much? He seemed extremely active. “Going to be honest, didn’t really know if you were waking up. Been awhile since you last were awake but that’s to be expected. Man am I happy that I don’t have to take care of your shit anymore though.” 

You blink and stare at him. Once. Twice. He stared back and seemed to realize what he said, the man perked up a little. “Well, with you being unconscious and being refed your metabolism picked back up and I needed to assist you with-“ “NMMMHFGP!” You do not want to hear this!

You fight to sit up a little and wave at him with a bandaged up arm, the man puffed out air, easily dodging the offending limb that was trying to grab him by his face. “Alright, alright! Don’t make a big deal out of it! Be happy it was just me and not one of those perverts out there!” Oh fuck. You remember. The first man to see you naked and it was this assclown. 

This fucking shit. You slowly settle back into the mattress and hiccup a little when you felt an ache go down your back. What was in that IV drip? Must be strong stuff to dull the pain of broken bones so well. The man was shuffling a little closer and suddenly there’s a scissor in your face. 

Against your better self you shriek and try to scramble backwards, he catches you easily enough by the shoulder. “Shut up- Shut up! Do you want for the captain to hear you?!” Your voice cuts out at that and Doc nodded at you. “Oh yeah, we both don’t want that. He’d just ruin my work and after all the hours I put into you, I’m not letting you hop off just yet.” 

God, everyone was a fucking psychopath on this ship, weren’t they? “I never had a patient as fucked as you make such a fast recovery. You’re almost like the captain.” The man moved the scissor closer to your face and you tense, only for him to start and snip at the bandages that were holding your face together. 

“Almost creepy.” He muttered. “Really.. You’ve been out for.. what? Four days..?” Four days.. only? You stare at him with wide eyes as he continued to remove the bandages. “And yet here we are.. Did you ever break bones before?” He started pulling the bandages off your face and you wait a bit before risking shaking your head carefully.

No, not in particular. You never really carried a heavy injury aside from the closet time where you developed muscle atrophy and needed to spend a week in rehab to remove the cramps and refeed you properly. That was it though.. well, you dislocated a finger before but.. eugh.. you don’t wanna recall that.

It hadn’t really lasted that much. You got it relocated and the next day it didn’t even hurt anymore to be fair. “Mhm.. Well, shame. Really wondering if this is normal for you.” It’s not, this isn’t normal for any casual civilian and you were civilian class. What were you talking about? “How long has it been? Little bit over a week, yeah?”

Right.. you just nod blindly and watch him remove the rest of the bandages. “Your leg and ribs really took the worst, your jaw was kind of just cracked and dislocated. Your face being swollen like a mushroom worked in your favor since your muscles cramped too much to move around much.” You squint.

That’s.. not at all how that worked, right? Or was it..? You can’t tell if you had been really as tense as he was saying, seeing how much pain you were in right then and there. Everything was pain while you were laying on that deck, staring at the sky and begging for someone to kill you so you could go to sleep. 

“Anyway..” He muttered and held your chin in his hand, carefully patting it over and forcing you to tilt your face around. “..You heal abnormally fast.. You tanked quite a bit of damage but I think with proper nutrition and plenty of check ups you’ll be good to go in another week or so..” You don’t really grasp what he was talking about, you just let him pap all over you. 

Yeah.. you guess your body didn’t feel as bad as it did previously. Hold on.. “Nh.. Nh?” You stare at the man and jerked your face out of his grasp, unwilling to try and speak without his go ahead but just trying to process what had been said seconds prior. Four days. You were out for days and.. and you had made it nine days. That was thirteen days and the breaking of bones happened sometimes on day two you think. 

There’s no way human bones heal that fast. You grab yourself by the jaw and just blinked like a fish. “Your jaw should be ok to move. It was merely a bit cracked and dislocated. Didn’t even need to use pain medication.”

Doc supplied but you were too confused. You’re a normal person- there were stories of strong people healing in record time but you weren’t like that! You were just some fucking weakling- And then he mentions you’re not on any pain medication and you feel your face slip further. You’re pretty sure you looked kind of dismayed.

The man frowned at you. “One would think you’re happy about this. People would kill to have your metabolism and recovery factor.” But you don’t really- You healed under two weeks? Almost completely? You’re not buying it. You shuffle around and throw the blanket off of you. “Ey-“ Ignoring the doctor and frantically tugging on your cast to try and break it off to check yourself. You’re not believing a scummy pirate! 

“What the fuck- Stop! Hey! You little fucking rat do you know what kind of effort I put into you!?” He grabbed you and you learned real fast that no matter what he said, you were still the weakest person on the ship, probably. Without much effort you’re wrestled back onto your back and bundled up in the blanket like a frantic burrito.

“Yikes, Woman, if you want to die so badly do it where I don’t have to watch. You were too much work!” You’re not trying to get up again but you’re staring at the ceiling just.. breathing. It wasn’t unheard of. Han-san healed really fast too. He once came back from a mission where he broke both his legs and not even a month after that incident he was hopping around like a rabbit again. 

But that was Han-san. A trained, strong, marine veteran. You were just.. you. A glorified secretary. You couldn’t be like he was.. you weren’t strong, you couldn’t just punch a hole into a boulder like that man could. You didn’t have haki. You liked to build funny gadgets that were usable a singular time before they broke and that was it. 

Your gadgets back then hadn’t actually managed to seriously injure anyone and you actively tried with that one actual bomb you had possessed at the time. It didn’t matter. You couldn’t have healed, you didn’t have the conditioning that Han-san had. Neither that nor his extreme metabolism. 

Apparently you had something though. Normal civilians don’t heal from broken bones this fast.. You’re left staring around in confusion. Reeling. Suddenly you’re hit with the question of whether you could have been like Han-san. Maybe you could have become strong and defended everyone if not only for the fact that you were too scared to try.. only to fail.

Don’t be stupid. Don’t believe everything you hear, Y/N! “I.. dunno..” You wince at your voice. It sounded hoarse from days of not using it. You swallow a few times and close your eyes. Doc has no sympathy. “Whatever. I’m sure we’ll figure it out, I’m particularly curious so I’m hoping the captain keeps you around a bit.” You don’t hope so. 

If you really had a fast recovery factor then you didn’t want to stay around at all. Eustass could just torture you, fix you up a little and then continue doing so for whatever time he thought was appropriate. You didn’t know how pissed the man was at you after all. Maybe he blamed you that his buddy went overboard.

But why bother fixing you at all. You don’t want the answer. “Ok, so. Imma go and tell the Cap’ you woke up now.” You wince and stare with a horrified expression at him. He just gives you a thumbs up. “Gonna be great. Like, 35 percent sure. Usually it’s under 1 so here’s hoping!” He turns around and you clamp your hands over your mouth to keep silent.

Please. You want to say.

Please don’t get him. Please let me go. Help me. Please. 

But Heat told you that begging wasn’t a good idea with the boss and you didn’t know if that applied to the rest of the crew. Who really knew, right? So you watch him go. You watch him leave through that door and when it closes again you stay in the bed like you were supposed to. Too scared to move. To ashamed to try. 

You refuse to believe that you could have been like Han-san. If you did, the deaths that piled up that day would feel like they were on your hands..

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know who Doc is? He actually exists (though only as a background character)  
> Loved his design so much tho
> 
> Also I had this fun idea of what if someone with the bodily potential to be strong chose a civilian life.


	7. Ship Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myes now we’re slowly getting to the good stuff.

What started with you panicking desperately at the prospect of having to face the captain of this vessel again slowly turned into you just sitting in your bed as tense as a 2x4. (A wooden plank for those who are confused.) It was an immense surprise that the redhead didn’t just bust in here all guns and glory.. It was.. Yeah, you didn’t know what to think or do.

So you did nothing and just stayed where you were. For five minutes. Ten minutes.. Twenty minutes? What the hell was going on. Just recently the man wanted to kill you as painfully as he could and now he didn’t even have time to come in here to beat you up again? You don’t know what to think about it. Maybe he was getting old..

You almost laugh at that but it dies in your throat when you heard yelling outside. Sounded like you’ve been relaxing too soon because the voices came closer and one of them definitely belonged to the captain of this ship. You wrap the blanket around you but stay seated as you did not want to be on your back when facing him. That was just a bad combo.

You’ve been laying on your back for a week now and you were fucking tired of it too.. You used to love sleeping on your back and now laying back down on it just gave you flashbacks of your torn apart body wasting away in a puddle of piss and sweat and blood and.. well, garbage. You don’t get to ponder on it too long, as the door got kicked open and not just Eustass but a bunch of men came in.

There was Heat, you recognized the man immediately, he was just idling after his captain and took a stance next to the door once inside the room but even so he gave you a tiny wave when he noticed you staring, his mouth pulling into something that seemed to almost be a smile. You can feel his gratitude from where you were sitting.. he really thought you saved him on purpose. You kind of felt bad.

After all that had not been your intention, if you could have left him to drown without drowning yourself you probably would have done that, yet there had been no other option but to tie yourself to him to not get knocked off the barrel. That stupid, shitty barrel. Why didn’t they tie you to a plank or something where you could hold onto- but then again. Maybe Lady Luck had been giving you a hand. 

You were still alive, weren’t you..? Now it was just up to find out whether that would work out in your favor or not. 

Right behind Eustass, who came in first by the way but you’re not getting to him yet, was Massacre Soldier, Killer. The blonde monster of a man was seemingly trying to get a word in but the cursing he got from his partner were just kind of shitting over his head at this point. You hate the fact that your eyes notice the way his shirt seemed to be too small for his chest, as the fabric over his pecs visibly strained. 

You’re going to pretend that wasn’t the first fucking thing you looked at and you immediately avert your eyes to look at Doc who was just being silent and kind of nervous looking as he trailed into the room last and closed the door behind himself, making his way over to you and dropping himself onto the stool next to your bed, as no one else seemed to want that particular spot. 

The dude pulled another fucking peach out of his ass or wherever he got them from and took a huge bite out of it. He’s stress eating, you realized. Your eyes widening a little at the magic trick that Sam pulled. One moment you see the peach, next moment it was completely gone, even the core. Did he eat the core too? That couldn’t be too good for his stomach..

And of course. Ignoring Sam and his eating habits, there’s Eustass ‘Captain’ Kidd, who was currently ranting at his first mate about something you didn’t even process in your internal panic. You needed a moment to actually filter the words from the air into your airs and from your ears into your brain. “-and I don’t give a fucking shit what they say! Since when do I even need to convince anyone of anything!?”

The man slammed his organic fist against the wall, making the wood crack a little but hold. Doc made a face but said nothing to the damage, Killer did though. The man grabbed his captain by the wrist that was connected to the offending fist and slapped it downwards. Yeesh. You pull your shoulders up, expecting an outburst. Kidd ignored it instead and snarled onwards. 

“I’m the fucking captain! What I say goes and who doesn’t like that philosophy is free to hop off and play with the seakings!” At that he just left his blonde companion where he was to spin around. Killer almost visibly rolled his eyes with his entire body, the man’s shoulders lifted, his head lolled around a little and then he just slumped completely. 

You can’t really look at him any longer though, as Eustass was now staring straight at you and you wanted to shrivel into a shrimp and just swim away. Hop off and play with the seakings, as he said. God, those eyes were as fierce and cruel as the ocean was. Those amber orbs were just.. staring right into your soul. He narrowed both his eyes and crossed his arms.

It’s quiet. You don’t know what to make of it. Eustass seemed to think a little and then he growled lowly. “Right.. that’s why we’re here.” Did.. this assclown forget what he came here for in the first place during his rant? If it wasn’t so fucking pathetic coming from a devil like him it was almost cute. Also only if one ignored the immense anger issues this man seemed to have. 

You say nothing. All bandaged up and everything, you don’t even want to try lest he went ahead and re broke every bone within your soft and fleshy body. “So, little navy-rat.” Navy-Rat. Suck a cock. “Give me a fucking reason why we shouldn’t just restart this whole game, you healing fast doesn’t make you special.” And you wince a little and stare at him as if he was the only thing you were capable of looking at. So you really were healing abnormally fast though..? You stash the knowledge away for later.

What did he want you to say? Was this a test- or was he trying to get you to beg. Judging by how tense everyone in this room was, you were pretty sure this was going to be a make it or break it kind of moment. Way too soon, in your opinion. You just woke up and here you were, already being interrogated with the fear of death put into you. Death and torture.

And then something catches your gaze out of the corner of your eye. You don’t look directly at it at first, letting your gaze flicker around as if you were thinking and then in passing you saw it. Heat was slowly and carefully shaking his head behind the other guys, who’s eyes were trained onto you. It was barely even noticeable if not for the fact that he was right in your vision. 

_“Don’t beg. The boss hates people who beg. He’ll just kill you more painfully.”_

You don’t linger with your gaze on Heat and let it flicker a bit more before refixing it onto Eustass, who was visibly growing impatient with you not answering right away. His whole body was bristling with pent up violence. Do something. Anything. You just need to offer something you could do and make it until you could get away. 

“I..” All men in the room perked a bit up, as if they didn’t actually expect for you to answer this question. You’re nervous. You’re sweating like shit, you’re sure. Your voice still sounded like it was made out of shit and you’re kind of not feeling it right now but you ignore the pain in your throat to try and talk your way out of this. “I can.. do tasks..” 

Very carefully you aim to not let it sound like a question. You keep staring at the captain of this vessel who was staring in turn at you as if you were a cockroach in his view. “Tasks.” He repeated deadpan, crossing his arms now and leaning his whole upper body to the side as he bore into you with his gaze. “What fucking tasks you be able to do with your shitty, weak body. You wanna wrestle the sails during a storm and fly away?” 

Yeah, no.. You would never be able to do extreme hard labor that needed a lot of strength but there had to be something you’d be able to do to make yourself useful before these men decided to repeat your torture and then something kindles in the back of your mind, coming up from memory. 

The ship. While it had been well organized, it had been rather dirty and the men didn’t really look all too clean in their clothes, most didn’t anyway. You stare straight ahead, now a little through Eustass as you pondered if this was a good or a bad idea to offer. You’re no cleaning lady. You never wanted to be one either. You’re pretty sure they’d try and make you fail-

“I can.. chores.” Eustass raised a space where an eyebrow would be. “Laundry.. and cleaning.. and cooking. I can make very delicious and nutritious food.” That was a bit of a stretch. You’re no masterchef. You just knew the basics of a healthy diet and put that into your day to day life. You read a lot of cookbooks for the pictures and curiosity but actually cooking something?

You didn’t cook that much.. you didn’t have that kind of freetime. You were riding yourself against the wall here. Give them something else. They were looking at you as if you had lost a screw. “I’m also.. very good with organization.. and I.. can build handy gadgets.” At the last part Eustass’s eyes widened a little in remembrance. As if he recalled something.

He’s thinking. You can see the gears in his head grinding away as if it was something heavy on his shoulders he had to bear. The Massacre Soldier was leaning against the wall now and seemed to be expecting the worst, judging by his body posture but you weren’t sure what the worst was. Out of the corner of your eye Heat was staring at you and Doc was kind of fiddling his thumbs. 

“..The things you threw at my men.” Eustass’s voice almost startled you into a wince but you cramp up and refuse to move instead. “Did you build those?” The question didn’t really occur to you even if it made sense. Right, you terrorized his men with a bunch of prank gags before and those were hastily made with nothing but fun in mind. “..Yeah.” 

The redhead was staring at you and squinted a little. “So you’re good with mechanics.” His voice was rather level considering he’s been yelling this whole time apparently. You’re surprised his throat wasn’t sore from it. You just nod and grab your hands under your blankets. Eustass was thinking still. You can’t read what was going on but at some point his expression slipped from angry and impatient to thoughtful and impassive.

The tension in the room is so thick you could probably take the dude’s chin and cut the air with it. That was probably the strongest jawline you ever saw your whole life but you didn’t know what to make of it. You blink a few times and try not to cry under all the pressure. You felt like you were going to but somehow you manage not to.

“Alright then, cabin-girl.” The man was relaxing his stance but not by a lot. “I’ll give you the chance, as a show of.. goodwill, for saving one of my men.” He sounded like he was being sarcastic. “If only to watch you struggle and fail miserably, in which case we’re just straight up throwing you overboard. I’m not walking around your piss covered body again.” You flush out nothing but shame and just look away before staring back at him again.

You felt like you were dealing with a wild animal and leaving him out of your sight would only cause him to turn on you and bite your throat out. “I don’t like this, Kidd.” The blonde man, who had said nothing this whole time, finally spoke up. Shouldering his partner a little as he stood next to the man. 

“I don’t care how weak she is, she’s still a marine and having her just run around the place is screaming for disaster. Having her here playing ‘cabin-girl’ is endangering everyone else.” He exhaled. “I say we thank her with a painless death.” 

You want to strangle the man. Wrap your fragile fingers around his thick throat and try to squeeze the muscles out of him. You’re petrified. You don’t want to die and the first mate was notoriously loyal to Kidd for a long time. There’s no way the redhead would ignore- “Right.” Please no. “Since this is Heat’s fault, he’s assigned as babysitter until further notice then.” Oh fucking thank you whoever is listening in and protecting you.

“That’s not what I mean-“ The blonde raised his voice a little but his captain already turned around and just walked out of the room with the confidence of a king that just declared a law. Killer stood there for a bit, then turned his head a little at you and you swear to god he’s about to kill you, his knuckles actually turn white for a moment there. Instead, he turns away and walks after his captain, slamming the door behind him.

And then the two men who had your life in their hands were just gone like that, their steps sounding further and further away until they were gone completely and you just... stared at the door. Your eyes are burning. Your throat was tight and the pressure was making it hard to breathe. Doc was eating another fucking peach and Heat pushed off the wall, walking over and crouching down next to the bed. 

“She’s gonna cry. Calling it.” The man with his shitty had commented and made another fruit disappear. That poor thing. You can’t cry. You needed to tough it out so that they wouldn’t hurt you. If you just sat there doing nothing it’d all be ok. You just needed a bit of time and- 

Heat put his hand onto your head and gave it a little bit of a jerk how he used to jerk you around by your hair while you were hanging off that barrel for hours on end. You try not to react, you’re scared that if you look at him your dam will break. You’ve been holding it in for weeks. Two roughly. You couldn’t anymore- you just want to be left alone so you could let it out. 

He seems to get that. “We’re not going to tell on you. Just make sure to do it under the blankets and try to be quiet, yeah? I’ll stand watch.” The man got up again and gave you a thumbs up. Doc just pulled a face. “Also try not to snot all over the place, like, leave no evidence.” Heat rolled his eyes and finally walked to the door. Doc got up and went to his desk.

You’re left semi-alone. You want to hold out and show them that you didn’t care to take them up on their offer, you can be strong and not be a crying, little bitch. 

That sentiment holds out for maybe five seconds when you do glance around and spot Heat looking at you as if he was actually caring about your welfare and the fact that he only did because he thought you saved his life out of the goodness of your heart when really you’d have left him to drown if not for the shitty barrel. How he didn’t realize it yet was beyond you and you’re scared of the moment he will. If he ever does. 

You throw the blankets over you, curl up and break into quiet sobbing, burying your face into the pillow beneath you and just letting it all out. You do your best to be quiet, you do. But at some point your sobbing gets loud enough that both of the men in the room can probably hear you. If they do, neither really says anything about it. 

You just hiccup and sob and cry the stress out that had been gathering. All the pain, the betrayal- they never did come for you. No one ever did. Not even Han-san. They could have. Their ships were faster than this one but they left you. You were all alone on a pirate ship where everyone but two people, right now, wanted you dead.

You couldn’t believe that it was over- something told you that you were never going to manage it back home. Who knew where those pirates were going now and where you’d end up and even if you did manage to get off the ship. How the fuck would you, weak, pathetic, little you be able to fight your way back to the safety of the island you’ve been living on for five years..

Maybe they were happy that you were gone now. You just got in the way in the end after all. Who knew what they were thinking of right now, what they said about you. What did they write into the report. Did Herm-san ever wonder how you were doing? If you were dead.. They probably thought you were dead by now. Who could blame them?

You continue to cry for what felt like hours. 

* * *

_“Please, Y/N, I need for you to try again.” The man that was trying to teach you how to skywalk looked more in pain than annoyed over your continued failure. “Everyone has succeeded this far. You need to be able to at least get a few feet off the ground to qualify for the physical exam.” You remember this. You were never able to do it properly._

_Even after months of training it, you merely managed two or three steps upwards. That was enough to qualify but it didn’t do you any good since your legs weren’t all that trained. You never got that high. You didn’t really try all too hard, you were going to fail anyway after all. Everyone was already on the next step of the training course and here you were._

_Stuck._

_Why did it not surprise you? Everyone was so much more motivated than you anyway, you just wanted to curl up and not go to the training grounds in the morning. In fact, you tried throwing the towel but the trainers that were in charge of you just kept coming to your room personally to get you and pour their essence into you._

_All that effort and attention put into you specifically. The other kids hated you for that. They talked behind your back and ignored your attempts to make friends. One of them put a note on your back that said ‘crybaby’ and everyone got in trouble for it because no one wanted to fess up. It only made them hate you more._

_You get it though. You hate yourself too._

* * *

After your intense crying session, of maybe thirty minutes if you were pushing the numbers, Heat announced to you that you needed to get ready to get to work. The man had left a bit to get orders and apparently you were a true cabin-girl now, because you were going to be cleaning and doing laundry for now.

No one trusted you to cook the food, seeing as you might try to poison them or something. You wish you could and that the worry was valid but it really wasn’t. You knew next to nothing about toxins and could probably only give yourself food poisoning. You’ve done so plenty in your life..

So, you got up, feeling your whole body protest but apparently it was either get to work now or go overboard. You chose to work, it was an easy decision when looking at the surface of the deep ocean through the window in the medbay. Even through the hole that was the bullseye it looked menacing to you. You’re scared again.

Not just of the sea right now though.. but also of the clothes that had been given to you. Heat had actually digged through his stuff to find some semi clean clothes that you could switch into, not wanting you to work in the shit you were wearing right now. Who knew who had it on before you, apparently. You wince at the thought. 

So, you get clean, get your bandages redone and then put on the clothes that the blue haired man gave you. Which would be a huge turtleneck and shorts that easily went down all the way to almost hit your ankles. You only had your own shoes and after soaping them and scrubbing the fuck out of them they barely smelled like rot and piss anymore.

Even though the white color was ruined and was never coming back. Sad boi hours. Staring at your reflection in a dirty mirror that was in the medbay you realize you looked like a gnome. Your face was barely even visible being encased in this prison of fabric. The turtleneck, aside from covering your face so much, also reached way past down and made it look like a short dress.

You could probably go without the shorts if you weren’t worried about showing people your underwear. If you had any. They threw all your shit overboard because the stench was too bad. You had to wrap your chest up with the bandages you got and hope that it would be ok. You didn’t want to give anyone a dumb idea by accidently poking a nipple. 

So here you are. Your hair tied into a bun and looking like a real sack of potatoes. You stared at your reflection and made a face. Heat stood right behind you and looked pretty confident about this, he even nodded to himself. “You’re looking sturdy in this.” You squint at the mirror. “Sturdy..?” The man nodded again, this time at you. “Sturdy. Like you won’t break easily. You could probably fake confidence in this.” 

He got you there. You made a face. “I’ll.. try. Thanks again..” You fidget around a bit on the spot. “Heat-san..” You added then, not wanting to be rude after him probably sticking his neck out a little to get you this far. You couldn’t believe you made it past this- the horrible torture phase. You had the option to prove your worth and make it long enough to make it off this fucking ship.. maybe even back home. 

Then your gaze is glued on Heat, who was beaming at you. Though he still looked kind of depressed somehow. “Let’s get to work before the boss comes back here to hang you by your tits.” He says that so casually as if that actually happened before and you don’t doubt it has. 

Then he slaps you on the back so hard you stumble forward and run against the mirror, crashing it and cutting yourself. 

Doc isn’t happy with the dude and neither with you as he had to bandage your whimpering self up at the arm again where you were bleeding profusely. Heat apologized repeatedly but somehow, even now, he didn’t sound all that sorry. You believe that he is though. 

* * *

This place was fucking disgusting. It didn’t look too bad before but now, that you were looking for filth to clean, it was fucking everywhere. Heat was hanging back and doing his own chores, helping the other men with the ship while you were left to have to clean the deck.

It was evening by now so it wasn’t all too busy, lots of them inside, but it was still busy enough to make you nervous. You didn’t really know where to start.. you’d have to wait with the laundry until they docked since otherwise there wouldn’t be enough clean water left to drink. Maybe the walls would be a good start. 

Begin with the top and end with the bottom.. that kind of thing… Maybe you should put up laundry baskets so they could throw their stuff in there, you used to have that kind of system back home and it made laundry a little easier as your parents didn’t have to gather socks off the floor anymore and just dump it all to wash it. 

You perk a little.. yeah, that was an idea. You could start with the railing.. You only had three buckets max of clean water at your command basically. Heat said they’d be docking around midday tomorrow for a supply run and you were actually hyping yourself up a little for the monster mountain of.. filthy laundry.. from those fucking pirates. 

You squint at the bucket in front of you. Maybe you could convince Heat to keep people a bit off the deck so you could actually clean without people running around and leaving pawprints everywhere. 

“Shouldn’t you be working?”

You jump a little and spin around, just looking at a broad chest and letting your gaze travel upwards fast. It’s.. the fucking Massacre Soldier. “Uh-“ Jesus he’s much more intimidating when he was directly talking to you. You don’t think he had done so before. He usually talked over you with his captain while not caring about you. Yikes. 

You realize you’re staring at him and he is shifting as if he was running out of patience for this marine brat that was intruding on his territory. “Right. I was just.. thinking about how to make this..” You wave around a bit with your hands, almost forgetting the sponge in your hand until you almost accidentally threw it at him, you help and clamp it to your chest. “Like- you know-“ What the fuck were you doing.

He’s staring you down. Just like his fucking captain. You wonder what his face looked like for him to be hiding it at all times. “Uh- Laundry baskets..” That wasn’t even a sentence. The man had his arms loosely at his sides but his shoulders lowered a little, tensing and then relaxing. “Laundry baskets?” You hate yourself for being so scared of this man. 

“Y-Yeah!” You clap your hands together but with the sleeves being way too long they slip over your hands in the process, making you look like a fucking oversized toddler. “If.. I put up some laundry baskets.. people could put their dirty laundry in there and you guys wouldn’t constantly be.. tripping over them? Right now there’s just.. they’re everywhere? The smell can’t be nice, right?” Please. 

Please just talk without stuttering for a fucking second you dumb cow. You berate yourself internally as you tried to keep eye contact with a dude you didn’t see the eyes off. He’s quiet for a bit and then lifted his hand to scratch at his goatee. Why did they keep you waiting the whole time. Just say what you were thinking from the get go, goddamnit! 

“Alright.” Wait, really? “I’ll get some then. Before that though.” And then the hand that had been on his goatee is on your shoulder and his fingers dug into you with enough force you were convinced he was about to dislocate or break everything in that area. “If you try anything, you’re going swimming.” He leans a bit closer, his voice calm and collected. “Without any arms.” 

You’re going to piss yourself at this rate- he’s so close you felt like you were getting lost in the dark abyss that were the holes in his mask- and then it’s over. He leaned back and let you go, watching you grab the spot he abused and knead it frantically to get the pain out of there as you stared with wide, frantic eyes at him. 

“You saving Heat isn’t changing the fact that you’re not welcome here and I don’t want you getting comfortable thinking it will rescue you if you do end up trying something that could end up hurting any of the men on this ship.” 

During this whole conversation he never changed his body posture as if he was having a civilized conversation at a shop or something. Even him grabbing you looked friendly if not for the pain. The man pondered a bit, ignoring your tense form. “Aside from that..” 

He continued. “If you need something specific for your work, let me know and I’ll get it for you. Don’t hesitate to ask, it’ll be easier in the long run on everyone.” And with that he walked past you towards the captains cabin, leaving you standing there, wanting to cry a lot again. They were so hostile it made you feel like you were walking on landmines.. 

What the fuck was with this man? He seemed so collected earlier but these extreme topic changes from work to I’ll murder you and back to work just showed that the blonde man was just as unhinged as his captain. 

And then you spot Heat, who gave you a thumb up. You feel guilt grip you again but you give him a thumbs up back! At least one ally on this stupid ship.. You would make due with that one. You would use what you had and make it out of this mess! You just needed to find a marine base or something- then again. 

They tore into those like meat anyway. You probably had a better chance trying to slip away but before you’d be able to do that, you’d need to gain their trust a little to make sure they didn’t just re catch and then kill you. This needed time. Patience. Hard work. You should probably get started.. 

So you grab the bucket and shuffle over to the end side of the ship, you’re going to start from the rear and work your way all the way over to the front. You’re gonna do it! This piece of shit of a ship will fucking shine like a diamond!.. made out of wood… It’s not like you had any other options right now but distract yourself. 

Might as well get busy. 

If Han-san could see you right now.. you wonder what he’d think. Maybe he’d want for you to accept death but you were too scared to.. You reached the rear of the ship and began wiping down the railing, scrubbing off dirt and grime, dried and caked on blood. You want to vomit five minutes in.

You continue to scrub the hell out of the railing anyway. Hard work would only pay off if you did it right after all, hard work wasn’t always good work unless you made it good work. You were going to throw your everything into survival. You made it this far, which was supposed to be impossible with the Kidd Pirates. 

The Massacre Soldier was surprisingly civil, even if he threatened you. He said you should come to him for work related stuff and you.. were not looking forward to that but you would use these times to make sure to show him that you knew what you were doing. That you were serious about staying alive.. It might not get you any bonus points but it might make him relax more if he thought you were a diligent worker. 

Somehow you doubt that. You highly doubt that you could trick him. You throw the idea out of the window. If you could avoid it, you won’t talk to him. No reason to make your life even more endangered than it already was. 

* * *

You’re fucking dying. Your arms are going to fall off. Your back was screaming and your still healing body was screeching in utter agony. It had every right to be cursing you right now. You’ve been working for hours, until it went dark actually and then past that. You used the light that torches provided to continue.

By now most of the men went to sleep and only the night shift was still awake, patrolling the ship, keeping watch, annoying you with lewd comments about you looking good on your knees. You fucking hate them so much. 

Heat was still around. The man was sitting on deck, watching you with sleepy eyes and a relaxed posture. He was dozing for sure. The man couldn’t leave you unsupervised but when you told him you were going to continue cleaning while no one was on deck, he accepted it and just got comfortable. He even got you both supper which consisted of some bread and a hot cup of soup to dip it into.

They were running low on food. You noticed. The bread was stale and the soup tasted like garlic and potatoes. You need some fucking cleaning supplies but not for the ship but for yourself. Your hygiene was begging you to please pick up again on the routine you’ve gotten used to during the years. The last time you were this hairy it had been when you were a fucking teenager. 

You hadn’t seen the captain or his first mate again, only in fleeting when they both headed off to their respectful quarters to sleep. The Massacre Soldier passed by Heat again to tell him to not push it and head to sleep soon and to leave you in the hands of the night shift. That was before supper. Oddly he didn’t just leave.

He was falling asleep on deck keeping you company as you were scrubbing the floorboards with as much vigor as your exhausted body could muster. He helped you sneak another bucket, saying that the others would be able to go half a day without constantly drinking around. You hate to say it but he was becoming a serious support figure in your current life. Your not quite healed body was crying in pain and at some point, so were you. Silent but fat tears rolling down your face, hidden by the shadows the torches created.

You’ll try your best to not hurt him and his good will towards you. You don’t want to hurt anyone, even now. You just wanted to go back home. You grit your teeth at your filthy hands, doubling down on an extremely filthy spot. You’re not giving up. In all your life there wasn’t a time where you were this motivated but you made it this far. The Kidd pirates didn’t do this. You were one in a million or whatever, a singular special case. Lady Luck had it out for you and you were taking that chance. You had no other option.


	8. Unlikely allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You suck at lying but an understanding comes to pass.

_You failed. Severly. The first time you took the physical exam and you failed so badly you ended up at the bottom of the queue. Last of the class. Only one to not graduate. Everyone was saying stuff how you deserved it for being as ‘spoiled’ as you were. You think they’re right._

_“This is fine, Y/N.” It was one of the teachers, he was holding you by the hand and smiling down at you in an encouraging manner. “You have two more tries. We’ll make sure you’re ready next time.” You don’t want there to be a next time but you don’t argue. What good would it do you to fight against it now._

_You should just put your head down and do as your told. “Yes. I’m sorry.” You sound weak and pathetic even in your own ears, devoid of any life or emotion and just waiting around like a broken component to be replaced so that the bigger picture might work again._

_The man gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go inside.. It’ll rain soon.” You love the rain. You want to stay a bit longer outside. You just follow the man as he tugged you gently back to the building. Your ears are ringing with the voices of your classmated._

_“That’s what you get!”_

_“Knew she had no redeeming qualities.”_

_“Good Riddance.”_

_By the time you reach the door of the complex you’re sobbing profusely into your free arm, the teacher having to stop and pick you up so you didn’t fall over. He was rubbing your back in an soothing manner. “Shh.. It’ll be fine. Next time is going to go great. Just you wait.”_

_But you didn’t want to. You just wanted to go home to Mr. Harper. See your parents again. You can do neither of those things and have to accept your losses. There was no fighting this anyway. The path of least resistance would hurt the least, so that’s what you picked._

* * *

You continued to work, despite the pain that was making it known that you overdid it. You stressed your body into overdrive, forcing it to move even when it did not wish to anymore. And even though you tried to push past your limits, you could only do so much of it. During the night you were forced to take more and longer breaks from cleaning, lest you tear a muscle or something.

At some point you even fell asleep during cleaning for an unidentified amount of time, only to wake up curled up against the railing, right next to Heat with the man having a hand on your shoulder and also sound asleep. First time you saw him you didn’t peck him for someone who had honor in his body but here you were, with him clearly trying to repay a life debt with the short time he had with you. 

After all who knew when his captain decided you’ve been on board long enough. Who knew when he’d kill you.. It’s not like it’d be out of the water, seeing how you only got the blue haired man’s help through dishonesty. But now that he was showing this soft, supporting side of him, you were happy to have saved him. 

Maybe you could make a friend.. No. Stop. You’re a marine, this guy is a sadistic pirate. Just because he wasn’t tearing into someone right now did not mean he was not going to in the future. Maybe you’d even have to watch. The thought scared you, you didn’t know what to do if that did come to pass. 

It’s not like you’d be able to save them but you were just as bad as the pirates if you sat there doing nothing, right? Yet, without even being faced with that kind of situation you knew you wouldn’t fight them on it. You were too scared. You would never be able to actually make a stand in front of the whole crew.. and a tiny part of you didn’t want to disappoint Heat, now that he made the effort of keeping you alive. 

That was the most shitty reason ever for someone like you. Where did your conviction go to disliking pirates? Just one of them was nice to you and you immediately wanted him to like you.. were you that desperate for human contact? Friendship..? What was this anyway.. some weird companionship because he felt indepted.. That was it. 

Whatever it was, you were unwilling to kick the bucket yet so you’d have to do what you could with what you had. Speakin of bucket, you had two of them now for your improved cleaning method. You figured out a system to save water and use as little as possible where you filled a little bit clean water into the second bucket and then put the nasty in there. 

You loosened the dirt with the filthy water and then got everything clean with the non-filthy water. It was a bit extra steps but it made sure you had enough water for the ship. The top side anyway. There was no way you’d be able to clean the inside of it with just four buckets but the deck? The deck you could do and the deck you did do.

As soon as you woke up again you went back to work.. finding a rag and putting it over Heat while he was busy snoring up a storm. The man grabbed the nasty blanket and pulled a leg up, staying asleep but apparently a little bit more comfortable. You wonder who that dirty piece of fabric belonged to but hoped they wouldn’t throw a fit once they found it. 

Your fingers are raw. You’re sweaty and filthy. You broke off a nail trying to get rid of a particulary tough spot. This was the most physical labor you had committed yourself to in a long time. Sitting in an office and shuffling papers wasn’t exactly physical work. The most your body moved there was your hand getting into a cramp from writing so much.

The only positive thing that came out of kneeling here and working your ass off was the gossip you got from the few henchmen that were willing to have a casual conversation with their new aquired slave. You kind of were a slave, seeing how you were forced to work or risk death without the option to leave. But even as a slave you got some really interesting info.

The crew of the Kidd pirates was split into two categories. 1. The henchmen and 2. The actual crew which consisted of only a few people on board, less than half of the men here in fact, but they were easily recognizable due to the fact that they were extremely strong and foremost, comfortable with the captain.

As soon as you were part of the inner circle that Eustass seemed to call his brothers in arms, partners in crime.. or buddies, he would put your safety over the safety of the henchmen and do his remote best to ensure you made it out of the current situation alive. Now, that sounded great and all but becoming part of the crew seemed to be a bit tougher than hoped.

Apparently one had to be part of the crew for a while and show their worth. Everyone needed to have some sort of basic understanding of each other, or just get along with the actual crew. Next to that they had to be strong and capable, obviously but then there was the most important part.

Eustass or The Massacre Soldier had to want them to be in the crew. It was either you got told you made it or you didn’t. If one asked about it there was a 100% chance you’d never make it in there as both of them apparently hated beggars or whatever. They didn’t care for people who just wanted to get close but people who had it within themselves to be in it for the adventure and thrill.. or whatever they were doing.

Even so, the henchmen and crew weren’t treated all that differently on deck. The crew usually ate before the henchmen and talked about duties and plans and stuff like that but the crewmembers had just as many chores to do as the henchmen. Everyone was pulling their weight here in an equal measurement, whether Eustass saw one as a friend or not. 

It put some things into kind of an perspective for you. The devil was a devil to everyone but his kin, apparently. It was weird seeing things from that kind of angle. When Eustass wasn’t busy screaming at something he almost seemed civil even.. not that you could judge, seeing how you usually tried to avoid looking at him too long. 

Whatever.. you blinked tiredly at the spot you’ve been cleaning when your hand hit wood. Your gaze traveled up and looked at the railing that was now in front of you. It takes you almost a whole minute to realize what that meant- but when it does hit you, you almost shriek in excitement.

You did it! You cleaned the whole fucking deck on your own! You stumble to your feet and wobble a little from being down so long but then you’re off to kind of try and take in what you’ve done and where else there might be dirt. The railing? Check, wiped down and what not. Dirty laundry or garbage? Piled up or thrown overboard. The deck in itself? Completely mopped with he single sponge you had, your back was killing you.

Walls? Also check. They were clean as could be, ignoring the dried blood splatters here and there.. Seriously, what kind of shit did these guys do on their own ship? No wonder it smelled a little icky even out here.. Well, at first it did but you got used to it real fast. You look down at yourself and make a face.

Gross. You’re covered in caked filth, dried blood, mud and other shit you didn’t want to identify. Cleaning the spot where you’ve been laying had been a whole trip you didn’t even want to get into and if you put your nose to the wooden boards you could still smell the piss and rot that you had been rolling around in.

Now that you got to wipe down and stuff it felt like a faint nightmare. You don’t even remember the time on the ground so well.. It kind of blurred together and was just one hot, uncomfortable mess. Your leg that got fucked by Eustass gave in and you almost fall onto your ass, managing to catch yourself on the railing instead.

You hectically glance around but no one was around safe you and Heat. The man was still fast asleep and you realize in a dark, lonely corner of your mind that you could maybe kill him right now.. if you had a weapon which you don’t so that thought goes right out the window. What were you gonna do? Drown him in the bucket..? 

Somehow you’re glad you don’t have a weapon so you can feign ignorance. You didn’t want to kill anyone.. not even in self defense really. You don’t think you’d be able to anyway. With your noodle arms.. You wobble them a little in front of you and give a weak, sad snort. Your everything hurts.. Just dump the buckets and sleep.. 

So you slowly move back to the front of the ship, noting that the sun was coming up. You really took all fucking night, didn’t you? It felt odd. You somehow felt a little accomplished having cleaned something so huge, even though it was probably nothing in comparison to the rooms within the ship you’d be cleaning soon.. 

Today would be exhausting and you didn’t sleep at all.. Fuck. Once you dumped the buckets you make your way back to Heat, curling up next to his huge form and making sure not to touch the man nor get too close. He was a pirate and unpredictable.. even if you desperately wanted a friend right now. 

You doze off. 

* * *

You wake up because someone shakes you by your shoulder. Immediately you’re startled into action and bolt up into a sitting position as if you were about to get shot, only to hit your head on the railing and curse, throwing both hands onto the spot and holding it as you curled in reflex.

You notice the dirty blanket had been put over you at some point and you couldn’t help but feel slight appreciation behind all the disgust for the dirty thing and hoping whoever owned it didn’t have lice or some shit. Maybe they did.. Who knew.

It takes you a second but whoever woke you seemed patient enough, which would make sense, as when you looked up it was Heat. The man was holding a plate and staring down at you with droopy eyes. “Brought you breakfast.” He doesn’t even apologize for startling you. Ass. But!! Food! Your stomach makes itself known as he settled down next to you and put a cup and the plate down.

Bread, some meat and a slice of cheese. It was piss poor and looked kind of raunchy but you didn’t care. You worked your ass off and were starving, so you mumble a thanks and quickly begin to dig into the nasty slob. It tastes horrid. Stale and you’re pretty sure the cheese went sour but it doesn’t even matter.

You eat because you were going to starve again otherwise. You can deal with a stomachache easier than starving. “So.” Heat hummed, leaned against the railing and watching the people walking around on deck. You notice the sun was fully up now and were unsure what time it was and how long they let you sleep. “The boss was pretty happy with your work.” 

You halt, bread halfway to your mouth as you watched the blue haired man, waiting for him to continue. He needs a bit but he does eventually. “I think Killer was finding it pretty ok too. Neither of them thought you’d do the whole deck in one go.” The thought of these men giving you their approval to be a cleaning lady made you want to retch out the food you just consumed. You carefully put the bread down.

“I told them that you ran out of water so you had to make due but.. you did a good job. Can’t remember the last time the deck looked this tidy.” He hummed and stared onwards. You watch the deck with him for lack of activity. Just do what he did, you’d be fine. But then he speaks again.

“Say.” You don’t speak yet. You’re getting nervous though as it seemed like he was about to ask you a question. “Why did you save me?” And oh god your stomach twisted in guilt. You should lie. You’re sweating. You needed to come up with some sweet excuse that would save your life. “I didn’t really think on it..” Shut up. Don’t do this to yourself.

“I was trying to hold onto you when you slipped off the deck.” You could feel his gaze settled onto you. Shut up. Make up an excuse. Tell him a lie. “When we both ended up in the water I kind of clinged to you because I didn’t know what to do..” Your voice sounds like it was going to break. 

“Then the barrel pulled us back up and I tied us together because I was passing out and wouldn’t be able to hold on like that.” He’s going to get up and tell Eustass to kill you after all. This was it. Because you were a shitty fucking liar. You panicked. Why the fuck were you so stupid?! All your hard work was for nothing!

“Why did you grab me in the first place?” The question caught you a little off guard and you looked at him with wide eyes. His face was unreadable. .. Why did you grab him? You’ve been thinking a lot about the barrel incident but never about what led up to it. Just that you were drowning. If not for you trying to hold him you wouldn’t have slipped off the deck maybe.

“You were nice to me.. and got hurt because you were busy trying to tie my barrel back to the railing..” You widen your eyes a little at the admission. He continued to stare at you but you kept talking. “Even before that you were nice to me..” Telling you not to beg, he picked trash off of you, told the men not to kick you.. 

Now that you were looking back at it, it felt like he had been your secret support ever since you even got on this ship. You stare at your hands. “I don’t get it..” You’re going to cry. You’re so fucking scared right now. “Why even?” 

The silence drags on. The man shifted a little where he was sitting and then crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring at the sky and seemingly thinking to himself before he spoke again. “I guess I found you polite.” Your head snaps around and he just waved you off before you could say anything. “I didn’t particulary care at that point. I just felt like it at the time.” 

Heat was tilting his head from side to side. “I can’t really blame you for not wanting to save me, I didn’t want to save you either. I still wouldn’t go between you and my boss if he decided it’s time. You’re nice and all but you’re just some marine girl we picked up.” He squinted. “You tried though. Subconciously or not, you did save my life.” 

He didn’t seem particularly bothered with that admission but his arms tensed for a bit and you felt nervous sitting this close to him but you felt like you’d offend him if he noticed you trying to scramble away from him. You swallow thickly. “You might die soon. Boss might just decide he isn’t feeling it and throws you off the ship.” 

He looked so relaxed, just like the Massacre Soldier, talking about it.. his body posture didn’t betray anything if he was feeling turmoil about it. You don’t think he does. “I won’t stop him when he does..” When. Not if. You feel yourself deflate and your eyes fill a bit with tears, you wipe them away quickly, looking around in a paranoid manner but no one was paying attention. 

Why would they. “But until that time..” Your gaze flickered up to the man next to you again and you noticed he was watching you. You felt pathetic but he didn’t seem particulary bothered. “It doesn’t hurt to keep you company. Waiting for death is never pleasant. See it as a thank you.” 

You don’t answer. He seems to wait for one but you don’t. Your throat felt tight and you were scared that a wrong word would make him tell his captain to waste you right here and right now. Heat shifted a little from left to right with his whole body as if he was uncomfortable. The man glanced away. “Uh.. I..” What was it now..? “What’s your name?” 

He scratched the back of his head and stared right ahead. You want to lie to him, it didn’t feel right to give him your actual name. You didn’t want to give him your actual name. If you didn’t he might make you though. 

“It’s.. Y/N.” You mutter quietly, too scared too actually lie to him again. Not like you succeeded the first time. He just grunted. Your gaze falls onto the dirty pile of laundry you gathered and you noticed it got bigger. 

Both of your eyebrows go up a little at this.. monster that was standing there. Fucking.. hell. Heat followed your gaze and hummed a little. “Right. Killer told the men to put their stuff there if it needed to be cleaned since you’re doing that today while we dock. Hanma has a pretty big network of lakes and rivers.” You blink a few times. 

“Hanma..?” It reminded you of Han-san.. You feel sad again. He continues. “It’s the island we’re headed towards. A bit of a shit hole, not going to lie.. Lots of pirates and slavers and other crooks running around there.” The man grinned a little then and nudged you with an elbow. “Also prostitutes in case you need some stress relief.” 

Both of you stare at each other. There’s a sweatdrop at the side of his face as he grinned at you. Was he trying to joke around? Make you feel better? The fuck did he think you were going to do- you snort. You stuff the bread into your mouth to muffle the noise but Heat already got you pegged. 

The man continued to grin like an idiot and you giggled into your food. “Bet one of them has a clit big enough.” Oh fucking gross but it only made you snicker harder. You shove at him a little, freezing right after and staring at him. He stares back but he’s still grinning. It gave you a boost of courage. 

“I’m broke though. Sponsor me.” In that moment of bravery you just quipped back to him and Heat gave a low scoffing laugh. “I’ll see if Kidd will expand my allowance.” And it just continues like this until both of you were giggling and snickering like school girls talking about a crush. The blue haired man seemed to be pretty open about hanging out with you.

Some people gave you two an odd look but Heat didn’t pay attention to them so they were probably just henchmen anyway. “Alright- come on.” The man got up, patting himself down and then reaching down to lift you by your turtleneck. “You smell like piss again, so before we hit the port you ought to get clean. I’ll bring you some clothes.” 

You made a face. “You say that so easily but you don’t have to wash them.” You muttered under your breath as your feet found the deck. Your body still hurt from the cleaning the night before and your mind was still reeling from the conversation you had just now. It felt so much better, actually..

You got this off your chest and Heat was going to stay around anyway until your time to either pass on or escape came. You didn’t think he’d let you get away if you asked him kindly so you didn’t even bother bringing the topic back up. You didn’t want for him to get suspicious of you, everyone already was. 

The man shrugged and walked towards the medbay, you trot after him like a duckling. “Depends, actually. In case you haven’t noticed, someone is going to have to help you carry all that nasty shit to a lake. Just hope it’s someone willing to help if it aint me.” You squint and catch up to him with smaller but quicker steps. 

“Aren’t you.. like.. supposed to keep an eye on me?” The question was valid but the man just waved it off. “That’s on the ship. The crew splits into two groups when we reach land usually. We can’t just leave the ship unsupervised and Eustass only trusts us to do what he says without fault.” Heat pulled his mouth into something resembling a pout for a second before he continued. 

“I think he’s sending a crew member with you since, well, you’re marine and kind of tough.” Not really. You don’t correct him on it though. “So it’ll be three groups. The supply runners, the ship watchers and then the laundry hogs.” You almost stop and cough a little. “...Are.. Are you calling me a hog?” Why that was your first question does not occur to you.

The man froze and turned to you with slightly widened eyes, waving both hands as if signing defeat. “I didn’t mean it like that- more like, hogging. Hogging the laundry-“ You trot by him and just made a pained face at him. “I see how it is..” The man puffed his chest out and caught up easily. 

“Are.. you’re not actually upset right now, are you?” You blink up at him. That was a really stupid question. What were you supposed to say? ‘No, even though I will die in a horrific manner I’m feeling fine.’? There wasn’t really.. you didn’t know if you should be honest. Maybe you should ignore your impending doom and just do your best.

Like that you’d be able to tell your parents that you at least tried. 

“No.” You hide a sigh behind the fabric of his sweater and knock on the door of the medbay before walking in. “I’m not actually mad that you called me a hog.” Like that you didn’t even have to lie, your gaze was still fixed on Heat though so when his eyes got an amused twinkle you turned around. 

Fuck your life, Lady Luck says. Fuck it on every surface of the world. Doc was present, which was already a bit embarassing but with Doc you could deal. Who you did not know how to deal with was the Massacre Soldier standing in the medbay as well, slightly bended over a list on the desk with a pen in his hand. 

Both of the men were looking at you. Doc, who was sitting in his chair leaned back far enough to look past the blonde’s ass and bark laugh at Heat. “The hell, man, did you call her a hog?” The tension that had been present with the first mate wasn’t around as much with two people who were relaxed around you. Semi, at least. 

“What, no-“ Heat started but you just put a face on and trotted to the bed you laid in previously to sit on it for a lack of places to go. You didn’t want to give the Massacre Soldier a reason to cut your arms off after all. “Yeah, my self esteem is shattered..” Just ignore him. Just ignore him. Be casual too! They were casual to you- 

Doc laughed out loud as Heat gave you a sour look and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “Wipe down, I’ll go get clothes.” He scoffed and just left the room, you almost thought he was genuinly upset but when he closed the door, he gave you a thumbs up again out of Killer’s vision. Right, that’s a situation about to happen. You want him to stay all of sudden. 

The door clicks shut. You regret making him leave because with him gone the tension goes up immediately. Killer was staring at you. For just a moment but it’s a moment too much and you just avoid eye contact. Pretending that your hands are interesting. Fiddling your thumbs and all. The dude kept staring though.

Your saving grace is Sam as he cleared his throat, pulling the man’s attention onto him. “Anyway. If you add great chamomile to the list that’d be all. That stuff is cheap but plenty effective and I can make some pills out of it.” Yes. Finish your list and please fuck off. You just wait. You might be able to clean yourself with just Sam present but fucking .. the first made?

The memories of the man dragging you over the ground, away from your home, like you were some sack of garbage came by your inner eye and you felt cold inside, tuning out their voices as they continued to talk about what else could be good to stock up on. It didn’t concern you anyway. You don’t want to seem like you’re eavesdropping anyhow.

He might use it as an excuse to kill you off sooner. Sweat runs down your neck just thinking about the man’s blades ripping through your muscles and bones as if they were nothing. And it drags on. You feel like it lasted fucking forever before suddenly there’s a gentle hand on your shoulder. You immediately connect it to Heat and turn your head-

Only for it to not be Heat. It was the blonde man who had taken a space next to you, standing next to the foot of the bed and having put his hand onto your shoulder. “It’s good you’re here.” It was? “I want for you to go to Doc and write onto the list what you need to make your job easier.” 

Not ‘what you need to live’ but ‘what you need to work’. You hate him but you nod silently. The man doesn’t let you go immediately though. His fingers dug a little into your shoulder and you were sure he was about to threaten you again. He doesn’t though, he just let go and then moved to the door to leave the medbay. 

“Hand me the list once you’re done.” If he’s talking to you or Doc didn’t seem to matter since Sam wasn’t even paying attention apparently, he was still scribbling on the paper in front of him with his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. Hhnghhfffffuck him. To hell.. you don’t say anything and he left the room without saying anything else.

As soon as it closed Doc was all over you, he just jumped out off his chair and crowded you, grabbing your arm, pulling on your leg- “Hell! I thought you healed fast before but I think you being active actually fastened the process! When the boss told you to get straight to work I was super sure your bones would give and yet here you are!”

You’re overwhelmed and just opened your mouth as he tapped the side of your jaw, he put a stick on your tongue and pressed it down, you wince and just try to avoid breathing completely. “Fuck. If I didn’t know better I’d say you never broke any bones at all. Can’t believe the captain pulled a diamond out of that mountain of rocks.” 

You know he meant healing wise so you try not to get flattered. You didn’t even really know what was up with your fast recovery. You try not to think about it. “Anyway-“ He lets you go and you cough and rub your throat, how uncomfortably close that man got.. yikes. “Hurry up with the list, we’re docking in an hour or so.” Seemed far off.. But you move to the desk to stare at the existing list.

What did you need.. You just start writing on the stuff you usually use for the laundry and the cleaning of your own apartment. Laundry Baskets. ..That kind of was it. You didn’t dare put anything you needed down on the list and Doc folded the paper and shoved it at you. “Great, better give it to him now or he’ll get cranky.” When isn’t he? You don’t argue. You take the papers and jog off.

Finding Killer didn’t take too long, the man was currently speaking to a large man in black clothing and.. fishnet stockings..? You don’t pay attention to these muscular legs in.. fishnet stockings. It just looked surreal to you. With the paper in your hand you idle yourself behind the blonde, waiting for him to notice you.

He takes about a second to and when he turns around he humms. “That was quick.” The man commented when he took the paper from you, opening it and reading it over. “That’s all?” You nod. Biting the inside of your cheek and staring at his mask as confidently as you could. Thanks to the turtleneck he couldn’t see your mouth anyway. 

Something told you he knew anyway what kind of face you were making. “Alright. I think we can get these.” He nodded and hummed a little. Looking over the paper and not telling you anything.. could you.. go? Maybe he expected you to just fuck off. You kind glance around and then carefully took a step back. He doesn’t say anything about it. So you make another and then turn around to quickly jog off, back to the medbay. 

You don’t need to look back to know he’s staring at your back.

When you get back Heat was also back, currently chatting with Doc over another list apparently. Both men notice you and Sam scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “The woman of the hour. Come here, we’re making a list for you.” Hhnnfgg.. What? “For me?” You walk over and peer past Heat’s chest at the piece of paper. 

  * Tampons



You stare at the single item they had written down and just slowly turned your head to give them a bit of a stare. They’re pointedly avoiding looking at you. Sam shoves the pen into your hand. “Heat’s on the supply run team so he’s getting you shit you need. Just write it down already before someone notices.” 

You’re beyond knowing what the fuck was happening. “Why are you letting me..? Heat I kind of get but-“ You’re cut off. “Hello? Doctor here. I put too much effort into saving your ass to let you die because you can’t commit to proper hygiene.” The man pulled a peach out of nowhere. 

This time he just ate the poor thing whole and crunched it into oblivion. Fucking- What were his teeth made out of. You just stare at the pen in your hand and start to write onto it quickly after a short moment collect your thoughts. It’s gonna be a bit of a list. 

In the end it’s a list that contains: Tampons, Shampoo, Toothbrush, Hairbrush, Plastic tweezers, Toothpaste, Waxing Stripes (a lot of them), Bra (2 please) and 3 panties. Neither of you thought that buying you any other kinds of clothes was advisable as they didn’t want to send Eustass the message that you were getting comfortable.

So underwear would have to do for now. Maybe you’d live long enough to gain clothing priviliges. Heat said he’d hide your underwear in his compartment and just continue to lend you his heavier wear. He had a bunch of stuff he didn’t like apparently but he kept it around for rough weather. Only to never wear it. 

That was a solution you were quite happy with for now. It was not much but it’d make your stay here much more pleasant. You wanted to add deodorant to the list but Doc said the scent would tip people off too much and give off that you were feeling safe enough to wear some. Also it’d arise the question on how you got your hands on it. 

The Razor was out of the question for obvious reasons but the tweezers you were excited about. You’d be able to pluck your eyebrows at least! You never really did much, only enough to keep shape, so it wouldn’t fall into anyone’s eye, really. They grew pretty slow and you only needed to do it once a month anyway.. 

Once the list was safely stashed away against Heat’s pec once he slipped it into his corset you stared at them thoughtfully as they chatted a litle bit more about the expenses, they were sharing the bill. You felt immensely grateful. “Are..” Both glance over. “..you not getting in trouble if you’re caught?” You ask something that’s been weighing down at you.

Doc pulled a face, Heat just shook his head. “We’re not exactly buying you any weapons.. The tweezers, hairbrush and toothbrush are staying with Doc and you don’t get access to them unless you’re using them on yourself.. aside from those, everything on this list is incapable of helping you murder the whole crew.” 

Doc continued when Heat glanced at him. “Don’t think we’re not keeping an eye on you aside from that. If we think you’re about to tinker a bomb made out of tampons, waxing striped and underwear we’ll be sure to put a bullet right between your eyes.” It sounded so ridiculous and had to blow your cheeks up to not laugh.

It dies when both of them continue to look at you in a serious manner and you deflate. Only for both man to bark out into laughter. “Oh screw you! Don’t scare me!” You whisper hissed and shuffled around, spotting the clothes that Heat brought you this time sitting on the bed. You jog over and grab them. 

“Ah, yeah, right. I’ll leave you to get clean and let you know who you’ll be send off doing laundry with.” Heat exclaimed, making his way to the door and giving a short, friendly wave. You wave back but remembering that you two would be seperated made you anxious again. Doc gave you a bowl and a rag + some bandages for your chest. 

He seemed confident that you didn’t need the rest anymore.. Lucky you, the man didn’t care for your body as he let you hide behind one of the beds, in case someone came in, to wipe down in peace and get as clean as you possibly could before wrapping up your chest and then slipping into the clothes that had been given to you. 

It was as if Heat wanted to see how ridiculous you could look. The man had given you his biggest shirt and some shorts of his. You looked like you were wearing a dress and you had to tie the sleeves on the top into knots so it didn’t just slip off your shoulders and flashed everyone around you.

Your face was now visible and you stare at the glued mirror. (Heat made you break it previously so Sam forced the man to glue it back together.) Your arms were visible and your lower legs, your throat and face.. a bit of skin below your throat too. You had lost a lot of weight. 

Not because of proper training but because of starving. You made a face and patted your skinny looking arms. They seemed even more fragile than before. And aside from you having lost weight.. you were bruised. Your skin was alight with color. Purple, Yellow, Blue, Green.. You looked like an abuse victim. You were but.. you stare at your reflection and narrow your eyes hesitantly.

You’re not giving up this time… right? 


	9. Partner in Grime

Ten minutes until you hit land. The Kidd Pirates were excited about everything right now. They were currently bashing each other a little seeing how, once the chores and duties were all done, no one wanted to stay and watch the ship then. So they decided to pull lots. All well and stuff but you were supposed to hold the straws. 

So that’s what you did, you did just as told as the men insulted and yelled at each other as if they were bitten by rabid animals. Technically.. they might have been. It was hard to tell with some. “Fucking stop stalling and pull a shitty straw!” Someone snapped loudly, making you close your eyes to not wince. 

“Stop rushing me you dickweed, I’m doing it!” Whoop, straw gone. No one was looking at what they had yet. Either the end of the straw was red or they had to stay on board. Only four straws were red as one of the crewmembers had to stay regardless. That’d be five people guarding the ship.

They must be pretty confident and you wonder who was also staying on board after everyone went out to have some fun. The men were talking non stop abut all the food they were going to eat and all the whore’s they’d be screwing. It was kind of gross, seeing how you could never really predict wheter these ladies used protection or not. 

Against your better judgement you pity them a little, that couldn’t be a nice occupation to have and live through. You wonder faintly how someone’s life would have to go to do something like this and you stop doing so when you noticed that they stopped screaming around and where looking at you know.

Fuck. Did they say something? You felt a drop of sweat run down your face. Guess. “Go..?” Maybe they wanted to all do it at the same time? They were oddly organized with this. Immediately everyone checked their straw and the whole deck errupted into hysteric yelling and cursing. You wince this time and stumble away, trying to not get run over by men congratulating each other as if they won a jackpot.

Yikes. With timid steps you find your way to the railing and lean against it, staring at the port in few. It wasn’t all too big. To be fair, you had expected something bigger than from what Heat had told you. It looked kind of ok and peaceful on the outside. You wonder if it was as bad as the dude had said or if he was overselling it.

A shadow looming over you signalized that your partner in grime had arrived, as in he would be helping you fight the dirty laundry. Or at least carry it. All of the fabric had been bundled up into a giant sack that you were supposed to lug at first but when you got tag teamed Heat had a short heart to heart with his friend. It wasn’t like you were carrying nothing. You had to move the stuff you needed to do laundry after all.

Which would be Wire. Aka fishnet man. King of the sea, as he was carrying a trident wherever he went. The dude was huge, bigger than Heat or Eustass but not nearly as bulky. Still, even if he was plenty slim, you had no doubt that he could easily break your face in with his heel as if you were made out of cotton. You do not wish to test him on it though, so you just stare a little at him.

He gave you an unfriendly glare in return and you winced. The man seemed to have it out for you, who could blame him? You were the marine intruder in his home, on his ship. The man probably felt threatened or something.. Kind of stupid seeing how you were already completely dehumanized being turned into a slave and all. 

Still. He doesn’t like you. Well, sucks! You didn’t like him either! Poopy asshole! You just stare a bit at him and narrow your eyes a little, testing the waters. He narrowed his eyes even more at you. You squint. He squints.. “..Can I help you?” You get no answer to that question. He just glared holes into you and then looked up when the ship docked.

You roll your eyes when he looks away and turned around as well. The one positive thing was that you would not have to lug the whole mess. At least not all of it.. Maybe he’d make you carry it back.. Maybe he would ignore Heat’s favor and make you carry it all the way anyway. The man was so fucking creepy.

Aside from him looking like he broke out of a BDSM club or something, he just stared and ignored you and didn’t say anything. It was hard to decide what he wanted from you and what he was thinking. Now that you and Heat were being seperated you couldn’t rely on the man to save your hide anymore.

..What if the man killed you and said to his buddies it was in self defense? Heat said that Wire was harmless until provoked but you were scared anyway. It’s not like you could tell what provoked him or not. People were securing the ship at the port. Wire turned around and walked to the huge bundle of dirty clothes.

You’re so fucking grateful and want to follow him around like a good little duckling when you spot Doc waving at you from the corner of your eye. You blink, turn and immediately go in his direction instead. The man was giving you a bit of an odd look as you reached him. “They put you with Wire? That’s gonna be rough. Here.” The man shoved something at you and when you looked down it was a rolled up bandage. “In case you lose a limb and need to tie it off.” 

Charming. What a sweet man, you turned around and spotted that Wire was currently turned to Killer, you can’t see any of that conversation. His back was turned to you and the Massacre Soldier was wearing his mask as usual. Hhf.. “Thanks.” You mutter and stuff the bandage into your shorts. “Why.. is it going to be rough? Is.. do you think he’ll kill me..?” 

The man pulled a tight mouth and then waved that notion off. “Cuz’ of the language barrier.” Your eyebrows go up and the man stared a bit at you before he laughed out loud. “The hell? Heat doesn’t tell you shit, does he?” Yeah kind of. Sam, being the ass he is, just laughed what felt like forever. 

You don’t see what was so funny about this but then he just stopped extremely suddenly and crossed his arms with an amused sigh and continuing. “Wire’s mute. He doesn’t talk. He uses SL to communicate.” Slowly your gears are turning in your head and some pieces click together. “SL..?” The man glanced past you. “Sign language.” Oh.

Oh! That’s why he didn’t answer you! He thought you wouldn’t understand him if he tried- You’re fiddling around a little with sudden excitement. Because, yes, you would be able to! Maybe not so clearly but learning Sign Language was something Han-san expected everyone to learn so that you could help every citizen to your best possibilities. He didn’t take ‘I could not understand them’ as an excuse.

You’re very hyped all of sudden and Sam seemed to notice. “No language barrier then? Go and tell him. He’s staring holes at me.” You flinch and turn around. The blonde is gone and the huge man is staring at you two with an impatient expression while pirates were filing off the ship to do as they have been instructed. 

You’re feeling oddly giddy even with the chance of the man killing you. You hadn’t used your Sign Language reading skill in forever what it felt like, you’d probably be a bit rusty and you couldn’t really sign so well with your clumsy movement but it wasn’t like he was deaf! Maybe.. Oh my god.. a plan begins to form within your head. 

Maybe you could soften the man up a little like you did with Heat.. You squint and trot over to him. Put it on thick. Be polite. Be sweet. Innocent and Charming. And make sure to tell him you could talk to him. He’s staring at you, the luggage slung over his shoulder like it was nothing. Man that was a lot of laundry. 

You stop next to him and he just gave a scoffing noise. “Uh-“ The man had been about to turn around but stopped to look at you with an unimpressed expression. “Thanks for carrying this for me.. and.. Doc told me you sign so, if there’s something I can do just let me know?” His eyebrows go up. “I know Sign Language, I might be a bit rusty though.” 

You’re shifting from one leg to the other. Glancing around a little and spotting Doc who had already turned around and was heading back to the medbay. The hell did he even do in there the whole day..? Your attention is drawn back to Wire at the noise of a whistle. You look up and notice two things. One, he’s nodding and telling you he understood. Two, he relaxed his body a little.

Before he seemed tense and ready to jump you but now that he knew you’d be able to follow orders if he gave them he seemed to have a worry off his plate. Then he grabbed you roughly by the shoulder and jerked you around, giving you a shove forward and making you yelp and stumble. Now looking off the ship you saw a group from the Kidd Pirates gathered around their first mate.

The Massacre Soldier was clearly giving them instructions as they were splitting up. Telling who what to get and stuff like this. He seemed pretty in his element. You wonder if there was anything that could make the man not relaxed. Yeah, the dude was going with the supply run. You spot Heat as the man separated with two others from the group and left towards town. 

“Bye..” You whisper to yourself, glancing around as you reached the exitpoint and stepped onto the plank. Then you spot him. Eustass. The man was standing in front of the captains cabin and he was staring at you with his golden ambers as if you were.. you don’t know what this look means. It wasn’t as disappointed like it had been previously.

Annoyed? Certainly? Borderline aggressive? For sure. But whatever was going on you don’t get to stare back too long. He noticed your gaze and his eyes narrowed and- you just fucking wave nervously. The man blinked and made a face and you spun around so fast you felt your bones pop. What the fuck is your fucking issue?!

Don’t fucking wave to him you dumb cow! What the fuck were you doing? It had been a fucking reflex fucking hell. Wire, behind you, was making weird wheezy noises that tempted you to glance over your shoulder to him. Only to find the dude laughing at you. Ah. You seemed to be so funny today but you didn’t get it. 

Hhfg.. You turn around and once you feel land under your feet you wobbled a little. It felt weird. You’ve never been this long on a ship and it was like your legs got used to the constant swinging around, the constant gentle rocking of the vessel. Now that you were off it felt awkward. 

You stop and start patting your legs as if that would make the odd feeling fade. It does. Kind of. Wire is giving you an odd look and tilted his head in question but you felt stupid over this, so you just give him a shakey, sweet smile and wave it off. “Legs fell asleep.” And you follow him again, as you didn’t know where to go. 

“Wire.” You want to yell. You hate this man. Still, Killer moves over to you two and looked between you two. “Remember that if she gives you trouble, feel free to kill her.” You grit your teeth behind your lips. That man did not like you.. It was kind of obvious that he didn’t agree with his captain to let you try and work so him telling people they could off you if there were slight complications was not a surprise.

You felt cold in your stomach anyway. He gave you a turn of his head and now he might be looking at you. He’s not saying anything. You were angry at him. You hated him- But.. you were also fucking better than him. So. Despite your anger you put on a forced, tiny smile. “Have a nice day.” And it actually made the man lift his head a little.

You turn around and trot away. “Where is that lake?” Your anger was making you stupid. You’re not brave. You just hit one of the many limits of yourself. People telling each other to kill you all the time was tiring. Heat wasn’t here to defend you- a sharp whistle makes you stop and turn around. 

Wire’s looking like he was trying to herd cats and Killer was standing there with his arms hanging relaxed at his sides but he was also looking at you. Wire snapped his fingers and pointed into the opposite direction. Oh. You make a face and flush in shame. There you went. Trying to look cool and walking off in the wrong direction.. 

Well, technically you did not want to look cool. You just wanted to look unbothered.. Fuck. You trot back and past them as Wire was laughing at your cumbled form. Your shame really was a source of delight to these people, wasn’t it? The man in his shitty fishnet stockings easily caught up and passed you. The man’s shoulders were still shaking as he seemed to recall this. Eugh. 

Maybe that gave you plus points for making him laugh..? You can’t help but hope.. against your better judgement you glance back over your shoulder and stop in confusion. The blonde was staring at you again. You’re better than him.. No matter what people thought, you didn’t need to torture others to compensate and feel better about yourself. 

Wire’s footsteps were slowing down up ahead, he probably noticed- yeah, there’s that sharp whistle. You narrow your eyes a little as you looked back at the man.. and then you give him too a curt little wave. It only seemed to put him off more as the blonde squared his shoulders and clenched his fists. You want to shriek and the body posture reminded you of why the hell you didn’t interact with them.

You turn away and quickly jog after Wire, who’s shaking his head at you. “Sorry! Sorry…” You mumble and hug yourself. The fuck were you doing? Eustass was a reflex but Killer you just poked with a stick. It was like you were in a cage surrounded by wild, dangerous animals and instead of hoping they’d forget about you, you kept picking up stones to throw them at the animals.

Like a fucking idiot.

You realize with a start you had gotten a bit too comfortable. Heat and Doc’s support had made you feel safer but by any means, you were not. You were just as fucked as you had been two weeks prior. They might still kill you.. You weren’t sure at first why Heat made you live when he thought you might still get killed. 

He said he did it because there was a chance somewhere in the negatives that the boss, as in Eustass Kidd, might let you off the hook after you worked hard enough. Alone the fact that he kept you alive this long was way out of the norm and Heat was curious to see how far this could go. You made a face. 

When it all came down to it, you were entertainment.. Nothing else. To Doc too. You were an investment at best, a pet project for both of these men. What were you to Eustass and his partner though? A pet? A rock? You try not to think about it too hard and only when you paid attention again did you notice the creepy atmosphere. 

Something had shifted. Wire was walking a little slower to stay next to you and he was kind of puffing his chest out, squaring his shoulders and glaring grimly ahead. At first you didn’t get it, then you did. There were some men staring at you guys with a leer. Not just you, him too. One of the dudes even whistled at Wire and yelled out. “Those nets make you look like a faggot!” 

Oh. Ew. You scowl at the dude who yelled and Wire ignored him pointedly. The man didn’t seem to care all too much for the insults, he just seemed annoyed in particular. You look up and try to figure out if you should say something. Your mind was reeling with compassion. You shouldn’t be kind to these people. 

“I think it looks good.” You comment after you were out of earshot. Wire glanced down at you and you flush in an embarrassed manner. “I mean- they’re just jealous they can’t pull your look off.” You’re dying today. Your plan to soften the man up had sounded so good in your head but trying to do so in person was awful. 

You were anxious and felt like you were actively lying to him. It’s not like he was ugly or looked bad, but you were nice with an intent here. You were trying to manipulate the dude into liking you. And then he stopped walking and dropped the sack right on the ground. You jump a little. Oh god. “I-“ 

Apologize fucking hell! You don’t want to die yet- you- he turned to you and lifted both hands, fumbling with them. You were too scared to get what was happening and needed a bit before you realized that the man was signing to you. “Ah! C-Can you maybe repeat that? You caught me off guard..” He rolled his shoulders and lowered his hands, then lifted them again to sign at you. 

‘I’ll kill them later anyway.’ Oh. ‘But thank you.’ Oh! You squint and stare at his hands, he seemed to wait for you to fail reading his hands but then you looked up and smiled happily at him. “You’re welcome!” This was such a huge fucking start. You know the Massacre Soldier probably separated you from Heat to make you mess up but he was giving you ammo. 

You’re going to make every single fucking person on that ship like you… That sounded like a plan that was not out of your league. No fighting, not much lying. You just needed to work hard and be nice to the crewmembers and henchmen. Maybe you could do something nice.. If you asked nice enough maybe you’d be allowed to cook some soup after all. Soup you could do. 

Kind of.. Wire was picking the laundry back up and you continued to trail after him like a lost duckling. You wonder how long you’d have to walk until you found that lake. You shoulder the bag on your back and huff. You already felt your muscles ache. 

* * *

It takes ten minutes once you’re out of town. Happy noise. Both of you were settling and rummaging around. But when Wire opened the sack, more tinier bundles fell out and you looked on in confusion. The man noticed your stare and moved his hands up, signalizing for you to pay attention before he explained to you. 

‘Killer told people to put their stuff into bundles since he doesn’t want to have to file through everything later once it’s clean.’. 

Ohhh. That sounded good! Made the cleaning progress even easier! Now you could clean the dirty ones and then file them away easy enough. You hop over and grab one of them, surprised when Wire did so too. Both of you are staring at each other. You blink. “I.. can handle this?” You doubt he wants to help. 

He drops the bag to sign again. ‘I want to get back to ship before it gets dark.’ Ah. That did make sense. You bubble happily around at the prospect of not having to do this monster of a mountain of laundry on your own. “Thanks a lot then! I’m sure it’ll go faster by with both of us working on it.” Wire made a face and kicked the bag at his feet, his hands in motion again.

‘It better. I’m not their grandma and don’t want to be doing this for the whole crew.’ Your smile goes and you just felt.. stupid. Yeah.. You glance around. “..Sorry.” You press the bag close to your chest and hurry to the water without turning around again to begin your work. Faintly the man was shifting behind you but you ignore it. 

Eventually the man settled next to you with a bag on his own, grabbed what he needed and began to scrub the filth away as well. The water filled with .. fucking disgusting. “..The bubbles are brown..” You mumble as you watched them drift away and Wire made a clicking noise with his tongue. He put his stuff down for a bit to comment on this.

‘We’ll need to take a full body dip in bleach once we’re done.’ His face was pretty serious, even though it made you snort. Both of you continue to clean and after a moment of silence you couldn’t keep it to yourself. “Maybe if we ask Doc he’ll give us a Bleach IV Drip.” You mutter carefully. Glancing over. 

You were surprised how easy this was to just talk to the man, even with him having to sign. Maybe that put him a bit at ease. Not having to worry about you misunderstanding him. Couldn’t be easy to be a mute in a crew as aggressive as the Kidd Pirates. Something told you not all of them could read SL. At least not the henchmen. 

A soft, wheezy rattle comes from the man as his shoulders trembled a little and out of his view you let a smile bubble on your face. This was so much easier than you thought it would be- but.. subconsciously you slowly forgot about your objective of worming yourself into their bubbles and just enjoyed the company he gave you. Just like Heat.. or Doc. 

You knew none of them would save you if their captain decided it was time to get rid of you. They’d remember you for maybe a week and then move on. Heat and Doc, while nice to you, were quite audible about that. It made you feel a little sick but you let it go in favor that you weren’t on this friendship mission for long.

They were leaving themselves wide open for your tactics.. Not that they were good ones. You didn’t know if you even had any social skills aside from polite talk to civilians about problems that needed to be resolved. It wasn’t like you were drowning n friends throughout your life but then again, you never tried making them so hard.

You just kind of accepted that you had none and remained content to have any human contact at all.. 

Both of you quiet down as you continued to work through the masses of dirty laundry. At some point you find Heat’s clothes. You recognize them through a corset.. You wash them extra carefully. 

One clean bag joins another and there follows yet another one- The man sometimes made a wheezing noise, getting your attention and then showing you a particularly nasty piece of clothing. It began small but then it became a whole competition.

It was like, you tried to up each other to see who’d find the most filthy piece of garbage in here and the one who could make the other yield with nasty was the winner. Unfortunately you end up the winner as you grab into the bag you were currently going through and then pulled out what was probably the most disgusting thing you got to touch lately.

You shriek and jerk your hand out of the bag, dropping the undergarments on the ground and making Wire tense and jerk his head up, giving you a row of sharp, annoyed whistles. They die down though as he watched you scrub your hands frantically as if you got the plague. 

“Noononono I can’t! I  _ can’t! _ ” You whined, glaring at the dirty piece of underwear. Which was not just looking like it was covered in shit, it was also smelling like it, now that it was out of the bag. You had been ignoring the smells because there were a lot and you needed to wash them anyway. Wire looked like he was going to blow a fuse as he stared the filthy cloth down.

Here it came. All the work you put into making you two on good terms was ruined right now because you just grabbed into someone’s nasty business. What were you supposed to do?! They were men! Not toddlers! They should be able to not fucking shit themselves! Your whole body was cringing and bristling in disgust. 

The man got up and walked to the bushes. You stay and look after him in confusion, expecting to be scolded or told to man up and clean this up for fucks sake. You were their slave after all. Instead he came back with a stick, easily plucked the thing off the ground with said stick and then flung the shit in underwear all the way into the lake. Guess he didn’t want to use his trident for this. 

Both of you watch it getting washed away and never before were you so happy in your life losing a piece of clothing. Neither of you moved until you couldn’t see the underwear anymore. It got washed away. Lost to the will of nature.. You’re slightly shaking from the sheer.. disgust you were feeling right now. Wire knelt back down and gave a clicking noise with his tongue, making you hesitantly glance over.

‘You win.’ Both of you are staring at each other. You’re a bit put off. “I- I’m going to get in trouble-“ The man made a wave off motion and signed again. ‘We’ll say I found it. Like hell am I scrubbing someone’s shit.’ You stare at him and you’re trying to connect the dots. Did.. you make it? 

You blink a few times and then smile giddily at the tall man who seemed startled by your happy expression. He shifted uncomfortably. ‘Stop that.’ And you try. You shake your face and shift back into your previous position, looking into the bag and making a face. It smelled like shit in there. You doubt the other clothes weren’t full of it with the underwear on top. 

You didn’t see any stains anymore though. Wire had gone back to cleaning but he was watching you out of the corners of his eyes like a hawk. You wonder what he’s thinking about. You sigh and cringe with your whole face, reaching into the bag hesitantly and beginning to continue your cleaning process. Just do it. Bleach after. 

“I want that full body bleach dip now.” You whine as you scrubbed as if your life depended on it. The man relaxed his shoulders to wheeze rattle at you and you just tried to focus on that instead of the stench of shit. 

In the end, you found another poop covered piece of clothing in that bag and Wire grabbed the whole thing, tied it close and then kicked it so far you didn’t even see where it landed. 

* * *

It’s getting dark. Both of you were gathering everything up again. You couldn’t dry it now and decided to hang the clothes up back on deck. He agreed he’d help you if you cleaned his side of the room super well. You were still going to have to do that after all, cleaning every room within the ship. You were going to do a good job anyway so it didn’t hurt to promise him that. 

Wire was sharing a room with Heat, a dude named Oliver and another guy named Haiku. You saw them before when he described them to you. Haiku was a dude with an orange mohawk and black glasses, usually wearing a bright brown coat and the man with the name Oliver was the broad, grim guy.

He had two scars going straight up his face and a blonde bundle of hair, mohawk like but not quite. You forgot what it was called.. it was very fluffy looking. You interacted zero times with both of them but apparently both were crewmembers and not henchmen. Good to know for the future. 

With a grunt Wire shouldered the huge bag of clothing again and waited on you until you caught up. You’re exhausted… your stomach hurts. At least your clothes were clean this time. You made sure to not kneel on the shirt and keep the dirt off of it. You felt good about that. Both of you smelled kind of flowery right now though.

After you got done dealing with the laundry monster you noticed you had started to smell like the dirty laundry, so, to avoid embarrassment you had found some flowers and slapped them all over you to try and get the stench away. Wire noticed what you were doing and helped gather some flowers. 

You end up throwing them at each other like fucking toddlers and after the flower war is over you pretend like it never happened. The man was much more relaxed than you thought he’d be. His explanation to that was that it didn’t matter how he acted around you. You were just the prisoner. Who the hell would believe you over him?

It was grim and he was right and you threw a bundle of flowers right in his face- to which he kicked you right in the gut. In fact, so hard that you flew back and landed in some nettles. You’re going to bruise there, you’re sure. The man had jogged over and pulled your shrieking form out of the unpleasant plants. 

He didn’t apologize and told you that was a reflex reaction because he couldn’t see you with the flowers over his eyes. You couldn’t stand immediately after and needed to curl up on the floor until the excruciating pain subsided. After checking that, yes indeed, you were fucking bruising, you told him it was ok and that you were sorry.

He seemed surprised you apologized and told you he’d carry the laundry back to the ship again. You’re kind of walking hunched forward. Your stomach burned and you felt like you had to vomit.

The reason you didn’t was because there was little to vomit. You had been gagging and coughing once you could breathe again. At first you didn’t notice how much slower you were walking than previously but then you noticed the tiny steps Wire was taking and how slow they were. The man was matching your pace, only giving you a shove from time to time.

The worst part is you had to go through town again and now that the evening was strolling in it was more active. You’re feeling sick.. you don’t want to be sold but you felt if anyone tried to buy you, they’d sell you. Why would they say no to money? You groan weakly and rub your stomach. Wire looked slightly uncomfortable.

Everything had been fun and games until he kicked the shit out of you. Maybe he felt bad but you doubt it. “Someone looks like they had fun!” You look up and saw a huge man leering at you and for a bit you’re confused until he spoke up again. “Your owner rough with you? Poor thing.” 

What? Rough? And then you remember. Your bruises. You flush in shame and without noticing it much you idle a bit closer to Wire, who squared his shoulders as the huge man got up from where he was sitting. “How much for a night with her? Bet some worthlesqueer can’t even give it to her properly.” Wire isn’t moving. “Just as incompetent as your fucking captain, aren’t y-“

It happens so fast you didn’t know what the fuck was going on. One moment the dude was talking, next he had a trident going through his throat. Wire dropped the sack of laundry, and then spun around, fucking catapulting the man. Watching the Trident go through that fat throat and then slide out of the already dead man as his body was flung over the building as if he was made out of paper-

Blood spurts everywhere around you, barely hitting you as the Kidd Pirate was settling back into his passive stance. It’s fucking silent. The people that witnessed this stared for the bigger amount of a second before they just turned away and pretended this didn’t happen. You’re feeling sick and reality bites you hard.

You’ve been joking and smiling at this killing machine the whole day. Trying to make friends with him. He just killed a dude three times his width and dunked him like a basketball. Threw him like a dog toy. Wire spun his trident, getting rid of the blood on it and moved to pick up the laundry. 

He didn’t look like this had winded him at all. When he turned around he even smiled at you, signing with one hand. ‘Loser.’ Was he expecting you to cheer or something? He just killed a man over an insult. You can’t smile back, no matter how hard you try. You’re pale and sweating again. Do something. Make a joke- Show him that you were able to deal with this.

You don’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for One Piece Nerds. If you up for friendship lemme know eyo.
> 
> Aside from that, thanks for reading. This chapter ends a bit cropped due to the fact that I wrote too much and split one chapter into two.


	10. A Lesson Required

You turned stiffly around and started waddling clumsily away from the spot of the crime. You can hear people screaming faintly from a block off or something where the body probably landed. You’re going to be sick. Your stomach was empty, there’s nothing to let out.. What the fuck were you doing, trying to be all buddy buddy with these people..? There was no way you could be.

They were going to kill you just how they killed your comrades. You heard the man’s footsteps follow you again and to your surprise, he doesn’t just catch up to you. He stays behind you as you slowly made your way through the town. The pain of your stomach was unbearable.. Something felt wrong.. You put your hand over the wound and winced in pain. 

You can’t breathe right. Were you having a panic attack? Suddenly your vision narrowed down until you could only see straight ahead, everything around that area went blurry and dark. It had been so fast the dude couldn’t even yell or try to defend himself. That trident picked him up like sushi. 

A hand lands firmly on your shoulder right before you run into someone and steers you to the right, a darker spot. Suddenly everything was clear again as Wire put the bag down and to turn around and scowl at you. There’s disdain in his gaze and you know he thinks you’re pathetic again. ‘You want to be next?’

“What?” You frown and pull your shoulders up. Your stomach burned. It’s hard to stand straight, you realize you’re slightly hunched. The man continued to berate you. ‘You’re no better, marine girl. Stop pretending you’re so much above this than us.’ What the fuck was he even talking about? You blink, your eyes are tearing. What were you supposed to say.

“How.. I.. What did I do?” You ask the obvious question. You couldn’t read his mind after all and he seemed genuinely close to stepping on you and crushing your body. Wire scoffed and made a face. ‘You’re not better than us just because you have a fancy excuse for murder.’ You flinch and hug yourself. 

“I.. was never this close to a person being murdered..” Which was the truth aside from home and your parents. And home was different since they were way dead when you got there. You’re scared of the other man’s reaction and try not to show anymore weakness, staring at him in terror. 

It’s how you don’t miss the progress of his anger seemingly just melting right out of him. Replaced by confusion. ‘You’re a marine.’ He points accusingly at you and continues signing. ‘And you’re trying to sell me you never witnessed slaughter.’ This conversation could go so wrong. His left leg kept tensing.

It was the same leg he used to kick the shitbag out into the woods and the same leg he used to kick you in the stomach with. “I’m.. just a secretary..” You mumble quietly, finally avoiding your eyes. “I was never stationed on any battlefronts..” Please. Don’t hurt me. The thought is running wild in your head as you stare everywhere but at Wire. 

There’s a sharp click of his tongue and you flinch, looking back up at him. His anger seemed to have mostly disappeared.. oddly. Instead he almost looked apologetic. ‘Alright, whatever. Just make sure to not have a reaction like this in front of the others. Especially Kidd.’ He’s giving you advice, you faintly realize.

‘Kidd hates weakness and Killer doesn’t tolerate it much either.. Come on.’ He picked the bag back up and started to walk into the direction you had just come from. You do not like this, but you follow. You had to do what was told to you. Maybe he’d kick you again if you didn’t. “What.. are we doing?” He lifted a single hand and waved you off.

You’re scared that he’ll make you kill someone. He’s looking annoyed that he has to deal with this. By now it was remotely dark. He led you past the blood splatter and through a sidealley, you don’t like this. Mainly because now you were headed to where the yelling had come from and into the direction where the body landed. You hug yourself tighter. 

Wire doesn’t communicate whatsoever as you finally find what he’s been looking for. It’s the corpse. It just.. laid there. At the side of the road. People had left the dude there, rolled him to the garbage and went on about their night as if a life hadn’t just been taken. Wire grunted and rolled his shoulders and grabbed you roughly, forcing you to drop your bag almost. 

“No- What are you doing? Sto-“ He pressed a hand to your mouth, leaned down and pressed a finger onto his own mouth, pointing at his eyes and then his chest. He wanted for you to pay attention.. You carefully nod. He let your mouth go and walked to the body. The few people in the area completely ignored him as he grabbed the corpse by the neck and started dragging it after himself. 

He gave you a sign to follow and you needed a hot minute to do so. The sight of the corpse in front of you, being dragged like roadkill- you’re sick. You’re feeling your sanity leave your body slowly. What was he fucking doing..? A cold feeling grew within you as you realized you were heading back to the forest. 

You didn’t enter it though, you stayed behind a building and made use of the torches that lid up the area faintly. There was a dude currently dry humping a prostitute but when they spotted Wire dragging the body both of them scampered real fast and real far. The man dropped the body and then put the bag of laundry down.

He doesn’t sign, instead walking to you and grabbing you roughly again, forcing you to take your bag with the cleaning supplies off and throwing it to the laundry. ‘Look how nice I am.’ His eyes are cold and lacking any compassion. ‘What we’re going to do now is giving you a hand making sure Kidd won’t skewer you next time he shoots someone.’ 

With that he shoved you towards the body. You’re openly crying now at the stress and fear of what was going to happen. Wire stood behind you and had you by a shoulder- and then there was a knife in front of you. He was dangling it around right in front of you and your body jerked back, hitting him slightly as you tried to avoid the weapon.

He doesn’t stab you. Instead he gave a sharp, annoyed wheeze and turned it, holding the handle to you. “I- I don’t-“ His grip got so firm it turned painful real fast. You shriek and grab the weapon shakily, clinging to it as the man walked around you and back into your sight. ‘Stab.’ 

You’re feeling faint. He can’t be serious. He was. The man was towering over you like a force to be reckoned with and when you didn’t move he rolled his eyes, grabbing you by your wrists and engulfing your hands in one of his, dragging you to the dead body. “No! No stop- I don’t want to! STOP!” But he doesn’t.

He just moved you onwards until the blade cut through the man’s fat. Straight through his skin into his body. Wire had made it even easier on you and pulled the man’s shirt up. You try to scream only to get an elbow right to the face. You’re tumbling to the ground, the knife still stuck in your clenched fist. Wire slammed his foot down onto the spot he had kicked before, you wheeze, out of breath. 

He’s clicking his tongue but you need a moment to focus on him. ‘He would have raped you if I’d have let him. Pretty sure he put his dick into younger girls who didn’t have your fucking privilige of protection.’ Fat tears are rolling down your face as you hiccuped. “How- How is this protection?! All you people do is hurt me!” 

The man rolled his eyes and waved it off. ‘You have no clue how lucky you got.’ But you did know. You had a clue and you didn’t know if it was luck or bad karma. You lived, sure, but now you were stuck in a hell where these men would make you stab corpses. He got off you and reached down to jerk you up again. 

Wire was signing at you again and you tried to keep up, seeing how he was getting faster. ‘You want this to be you? This but envision yourself as paste if the guys see you freak out over a dead body. Stab him. You’re angry, right? Oh so fucking sad. Let it out on him. I don’t care. Just mutilate this asshole until his organs are everywhere.’

He kept pushing you, shoving at you and every time you refused the cycle of him forcing you to stab the body began again. You want him to grow tired, want him to stop and just let you be and your weak morals but the longer this went on the more you realized just how fuckin patient the guy was.

Maybe even more so than Heat. Definitely more than you. He slapped you to the ground with the safe side of his trident, kicking you over to the corpse after you tried to run away from it. He just dropped the knife you let go in front of you. It was a struggle that didn’t end. You hiccup and sob as Wire just kept you in place. Just right in front of the, by now, pretty picked apart corpse. 

And he kept pushing you closer and closer, threatening to dip you right in there, right into that dude’s guts. You still had the knife. Everytime you dropped it he gave you a slap right to your face with his open palm. Your face burned pretty hard by now, so did your stomach because he kept stepping on the spot he kicked. 

He’s doing this on purpose. You’re about to go face first into the guts of this guy. You’re struggling but it was like going against a mountain, there was no way out but one. You should struggle more. Not abandon your morals over the threat of getting dirty.. but after wasting away on that deck, being dirty just scared you straight. You do not want to rot again.. nor smell like it.

The sickening sound of metal slicing through flesh has both of you frozen. You stare down and see that you jerked your arms up, impaling the dead body on it as if to stable you so you wouldn’t fall into it. It takes you a second but Wire gets it immediately, the man pulled you back and ruffled your hair. Signing. ‘Do it again. On your own this time.’

You’re staring at your hands. Your arms are bloody all the way up to your elbows from the blood going everywhere. It was still warm.. not nearly as warm as it should be but.. this man had not been dead an hour ago. It had been.. easy. Using the knife had been so comically easy it frightened you. If he had still been alive, he would be severely injured. 

The knife went right in there.. All the way to the hilt. You’re shaking. Wire gave you a gentle pat to your back and you noticed his approach. He’s training you like a dog. He was using negative and positive reinforcement to make you connect these actions you were taking with either good or bad. 

He gave a gentle whistle, nudging you towards the corpse. You stumble towards it. How much for a night with her, he’d asked. As if a woman was just an object. He hadn’t even addressed you. He had seen you in pain and laughed at it. People have been hurting you so much and he had no fucking idea of what that had been like and he had.. laughed, at it. 

Torture. Starvation. Near Death. Humiliation. Your home had been attacked. People you cared for had died. Your hope had been taken, the hope of a better future, of a happy life, it had been taken and crushed.

And he laughed. 

Your face is warm. Not because you felt warm. The warmth you felt was dripping down your face and sprayed your clothes. It was everywhere and the soft surface you were beating the hell out of with the knife turned into mush fast enough. Faster than you thought it would. It was easy.

It was so easy letting your anger and frustration out on this dead guy. He was already dead. You doing this had no effect on him. He wouldn’t die again. People didn’t die twice. You wonder if he had raped girls before. You wonder if he killed them. You know you’re being unfair. You were relating him to your suffering out of desperation to make this easier.

But it worked. It made this so much lighter to bear. Your arms are aching, as is your face and your stomach. Your body was slowing down, your vision clears and fixated onto the mess you caused. You had punched a sloppy hole through the dude, mixed his organs and hacked them up like minced meat. You’re shaking.

Someone who taking you by your wrists, you drop the knife. This time you’re not getting hit. Wire just ushered you to the side and made you sit down next to the bags before walking off and leaving you on the floor. You don’t follow. The fear and terror was gone, as was your anger. All that was left was blank, empty.. shame. 

What was happening to you.. You did this. You tore this corpse apart like it was made out of string cheese and the fact that this was even something your person was capable of was scary. Maybe standing up would be a thing that could help make you feel better but there is nothing motivating enough to do so. Just this dead body.

His eyes were blank and wide, staring straight through you. Just go away.. Go away and stop looking. He knew who’s crew Wire belonged to and provoked him anyway. This was his fault, not yours. He should have taken some advice from you on how to stay the fuck alive even if one did not want to.. God, you’re.. lost. 

You lost yourself today. A huge part that made you had been torn straight from your soul and thrown into the fires that fueled these men, the fires of hell, the fires of sin. Whatever was left of what used to be you.. you don’t know what to call it. What you did know was that from today on, you’d never be able to be the same.

Because even now that it was over, you felt little towards it. It had still been so easy. And thinking back on it.. you should have shot Eustass.. Right between the eyes. It would have been easy. Perfect.. You almost smile weakly at the thought of his dead body hanging limply in those chains.. Yeah. Today was a bad day. 

What would Mr. Harper say, seeing you now? He’d regret everything, you’re sure. He’d blame himself for getting you into the navy and into this situation. The man had always been so kind. He tried to make your life easier and just fucking threw you to the lions like food. 

You can’t help but hate every person you ever met. The kids from your class. Mr. Harper. Han-san. Your fucking colleagues. Herm. They drove you here. Their decisions drove you here. Drove you into this mess where you had to either fuck up a dead guy or get beaten. 

But you weren’t sure what to make of it. Wire just spend an hour or so making you do this. What was the end goal? You want to ask why he’d care if his captain turned you into mush but by now you know the answer. Or you think you do. Entertainment. You were an investment to see what would happen.

After all no other prisoner ever managed to live this long. You knew for a fact some people were betting on your death again, to see how long you held out before you screwed up and Eustass nailed you to a tree or something. You’re worried about when that time comes. You’re also slightly worried what the outcome would be if you tried befriend the captain or his partner.

Something tells you that that’s a shit idea and no, do not even think about it. There was no safe way to get close to these men, even emotionally. They were absolutely unpredictable, at least to you. If they found you entertaining, who could tell what would be done to you to make you more entertaining?..

Wire was back. You’re still staring blankly at the corpse. The man sat down next to you and put an arm around you, resting his hand on your head to ruffle your hair again. He’s giving happy whistling noises from himself and then shoved a bottle into your hands. You take it. What else.. you fucking coward. 

The man had one too and clinked it against yours, starting to down it right away. The blank, empty feeling remains. You lift the bottle to sniff on the head and made a face. It’s alcohol.. what kind though? Who cared. You weren’t one to drink a lot but you knock the thing back as if you were dying of thirst. Squeezing your eyes shut and letting some more tears roll down your face.

It doesn’t stay down and you end up vomiting everything out. Wire makes you hurl onto the corpse. He even made sure you didn’t fall into that mess. It felt oddly comforting, having someone make sure you don’t fall over while you were dehumanizing a corpse that you mutilated ten minutes prior. 

* * *

“What the fuck happened to you two?” Heat was staring down at you two, looking more confused than worried seeing you covered in guts and blood. Wire had told you he’d clean these clothes with you tomorrow before you headed out to the ocean again. Right, back in your cage and all. He probably meant to be reassuring but it just reminded you that there was nowhere to go soon. 

Once the Victoria Punk left the Port, it was back to an endless ocean and the threat of drowning. You want to cry at Heat just out of instinct but you remind yourself of what you had to go through. Wire told you that while crying was fine, to never do it in public where the other men could see. Especially Kidd. 

Seemed reasonable enough.. You don’t know how to answer Heat’s question though, turning your head and looking up at Wire who grinned and signed at his friend. ‘She killed a dude.’ Your eyebrow twitches. “Wh-“ You don’t even get to deny it. Wire wrapped an arm around you and put you in such a strong headlock that your bones protested. 

This wasn’t something you talked about prior. He had given you a bit of a rundown how to act and stuff but that was right about it. ‘We gotta hang these clothes, give us a bit.’ Wire signed to Heat, forcing you and himself past the blue haired man, who threw a somewhat worried look at your frantic struggling in your general direction. You can’t breathe. 

Only when you got to a darker corner of the ship did he let you go, just moving to unpack the clothes you had washed. He’s a pretty fast worker and you need to keep up to be just as fast, even if you were upset. If someone saw him working and not you, there went your plan of making them like you. 

“What the heck?!” You’re not brave enough to curse at the man. “I don’t want you going around telling people I killed this guy-“ Your voice is cracking a little and you fiep like a surprised dog when he suddenly leaned down and grabbed you by your shoulders, giving you a quick shake, glancing around and then signing.

‘This man wanted to rape you.’ You wince. ‘What do you think the consequence of the men finding out you killed someone who tried to rape you will be?’ And it slowly dawned on you. There had been leers and threats of it but that had been while they thought you were completely harmless. 

Wire telling people you killed a dude twice your height and fifty times your weight (Or however heavy the dude had been) for trying to rape you would have the consequence of people thinking twice before they tried. You swallow thickly at the options in front of you.

Make Wire a liar and dislike you or accept his ‘kindness’ and be a bit safer from losing your virginity on this ship. The answer is obvious. You nod shakily and just hug yourself for a bit, he slaps your arms down. ‘Stop doing that. If you need to, do it out of sight. You need to stop curling up when you’re uncomfortable.’ 

What the fuck was his fucking issue- even though you knew what he was trying to convey. You needed to show people you were confident and ok, not scared. Fear was seen as weakness here after all. You swallow thickly and nodded again, leaving your arms loosely at your sides but feeling tense. You’re still hunched. He raises an eyebrow and made a hand motion for you to get up.

“..But my stomach hurts.” You mumble quietly, hoping he’d take mercy. No, he doesn’t. ‘Tough it out. I’ll tell Doc to give you something before he heads out.’ Right. They had been waiting on Wire, in case something went wrong and the crew had to go and save their buddy. Now that you two got here they were all filing out slowly. 

“Thanks..” You mutter and wait until he turned away to continued hanging clothes.

You hung them over the railing and a laundry line that you had requested from Killer in the morning. It was a tight fit but it worked out alright.. Watching your handiwork you kind of felt proud. Wire was shifting a little and gave you a shoulder pat. ‘I’m off now, I’ll tell Doc to bring you something on his way out. Remember what I taught you.’ 

You nod and wave goodbye when he left, he blinked at you, then grinned and waved back before jogging to the medbay. You notice out of the corner of your eye that Heat was approaching you. You swallow thickly and clench your fists instead of moving your arms. 

Wire lied to him too. Now you’d have to or make his friend out to be a liar and as the tall man said, who’d believe you over him? You’re sweating a little, nervous already about what the man would ask. Instead suddenly there’s an arm around you as he analyzed you. “So.” Please don’t ask. “Killed someone today?” 

You can’t tell the truth. “It was.. yeah..” You avoid looking at him. Heat made a noise in the back of his throat and let you go. “..Are you lying to me?” His voice didn’t sound all too friendly there and you screech inside your mind. You reel to try and salvage this. “W-What!? No! I’m just.. uncomfortable.” 

He doesn’t say anything and you hurry to continue to talk. “This was my first time killing someone!” You’re sweating and slightly frantic trying to sell this lie. Your heart is racing and guilt was settling within you. The man stared at you, squinting and trying to figure you out but eventually relaxed, grinning even. “Great job then… I feel like you’ll have to work on your form, unless you like walking around, looking you you killed a man.”

It’s supposed to be funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh. Just croak weakly and move to sit down against the railing. Heat’s grin goes and he blinked at you, the man was looking a little uncomfortable at your crumbled form. He looked over his shoulder and hummed, moving over to sit down next to you. 

“At least tell me why you killed him then.” You grit your teeth. “Why.” You do not want to say this out loud. You don’t want to accuse someone of something they didn’t do, even if they implied it. You did not wish to lie to Heat about something like this. “Because I want to know? I’m curious. Come on. I’ll tell you about the first time I killed someone.” You do not want to know.

You made a face. Heat looked at you. There’s no around this. If you refuse it’ll be suspicious. You scratch at yourself weakly and stare ahead. “He.. tried to rape me.” The man next to you doesn’t do anything but raise a space where an eyebrow would be. “And.. Wire wasn’t helping me so.. I just..” You fumble weakly around.

“I mean, he did give me a knife..” The thought makes you dizzy. Fuck.. All this blood. “Can I maybe.. have new clothes?” You felt dirty. Filthy. Heat was still quite for a bit and then grabbed you gently by the arm and tugged you up. “Come on.” 

You follow after him, or that was the plan when suddenly you can hear someone yell. “YOU!” Both you and Heat turn around, barely avoiding a collision with Doctor. “Wire said he kicked you and you’re in pain about it. Come on.” This is a bit much but you’re already being pulled to the medbay. Now Heat was following after you.

“Wire  _ kicked  _ you?  _ Kicked  _ you?” You made a face and get why he was so surprised. The man had certainly the power to absolutely fuck someone up with a leg, especially someone as weak as you but somehow you managed to make it out alive the situation. Maybe he didn’t kick as hard as he could have. 

Maybe.. operation friendship was a success. Somehow. You don’t know really what you can think of it, seeing how if he did like you, why’d he torture you and force you to mutilate that dead guy. Sure, to teach you not to be a pussy. But  _ why. _ Why like that. Why did he have to re-traumatize you while doing it. 

Doc shoved you into the medbay and you hit the floor thanks to the man way overdoing it. Instead of helping you though, both just step over you as you were quietly steaming on the floor. You swallow thickly and slowly got back up. “Can you hurry? I wanna go.” Doc snapped from where he sat and made wavey motions with his arm.

You quickly trot over and sit down in front of him, just for him to bundle up your shirt and jerk it up. Heat didn’t even pretend not to be looking, he made a face of discomfort looking at the discoloration on your stomach. “Ew.” Fucking bitch. “Now I feel better..” You mutter and shoot him daggers, the man grinned at you. 

Doc’s hand was carefully testing the swelling that had formed on your stomach. He looked focused and his mouth was poking his tongue out. “I’m so over this. The fuck are they doing trying to ruin my handiwork?” What did the man even do to fix you, by the way? You didn’t have any scars so he didn’t operate on you.. 

Did he just sit next to your body while it healed on it’s own..? Whatever, you doubt he’ll tell you. “This is going to sting like hell until.. taking your recovery time into account.. until tomorrow.. maybe two days tops. You’re just bruised as hell.” 

The man leaned back and got up. “Surprises me but not questioning it right now. I’m off.” The man supplied, giving Heat a shoulder pat and then heading straight out the door. Heat and you looked after him. “..Did.. Is he angry at me?” You ask carefully, glancing up at your companion who just laughed out. 

“More like he’s angry he got hold up. Let him have a night out and he’s back in a good mood tomorrow.” Heat looked you up and down. “I’m about to head out too but before I do, let’s get you new clothes. Also I got you the stuff you wanted and the ship is relatively empty, you can probably sneak a shower.” Your head perked up.

“If you keep it under five minutes I’ll even wait outside until you’re done.” You stare at him, for a moment not connecting why he’d have to wait outside until you remember. Right. Five people were staying on board. Who knew who’d walk in while you were busy in there and you beam at him. “Thank you so much!” 

Now you’re giddy. Hopping a bit and then cramping when your stomach acted up. Heat blinked at you and then gave an awkward smile. Now he was walking to the door and you’re hot on his heels. You recognize that you never were inside the ship. (Except to go to the toilet.) Maybe this would be a good moment to memorize a little where what was.. 

For your future escape.. 

You made sure to stick close to Heat as you ventured inside. Looking around you were pleasantly surprised. Unlike the outside of the ship, the inside was in top shape. The hallways were clean and well kept. No littering, no bloodstains, not much dirt aside from some boot prints on the floor. 

You went deep until you got to the room where Heat probably slept in. Four beds in here. This room though, this room was a hot fucking mess. Clothes and booze everywhere. You make a face at the smell of sweat and musk. Heat almost looked embarrassed at least.

“Here we go.” He hummed after digging around a little, pulling out a bag and holding it to you. You grabbed it and peered inside. “The brush, tweezers and toothbrush are in there still so you can use them but after you did they’re coming with me. That’s not up for discussion.” The man supplied, sitting on his bed as he watched you dig through the content of the bag.

You’re going to tear your body apart with these waxing stripes tonight.. You’d hide in a remote spot with a trashbag and then went to fucking town.. Oh and the underwear-.. The.. 

You blink and pull the three sets of lingerie out of the bag. Staring at them with a blank expression before slowly looking at Heat, who looked like a deer in headlights before he actually flushed from his ears all the way down to his neck. “Uh-“ He lifts his hands. “They had nothing else- Remember this spot is full of horny crooks. We’ll have to wait until we’re at a normal port.” 

Pink, Dark Purple and Bloody fucking Red. The color reminded you of the hair of the captain of this ship. You made a face and felt the fabric.. it was soft. Velvety. Probably very comfortable but it was also very.. cough, sexy.. This was the kind of underwear ladies wore when they felt attractive and confident in their body. 

Both of these things you were not feeling right now. “Uh, thanks though!” You try to cheer the flustered man up. “It’s.. ok. I mean great.. Yeah.” God you’re ashamed. You pick out the purple set and then hand the other two pairs over to Heat so he could hide them with his clothes. He looked like a lobster as he stashed them away.

“Come on.. I really want to get out tonight.” He muttered while grabbing some of his clothes and shoving them into the bag you had, you can’t help but snicker at his shy demeanor right now. Getting a blank stare in turn but you just smile sweetly and innocently, bag in hand. You’re bouncing after Heat like a newborn fawn, happily thanking him for this every five seconds. The pain of your stomach is forgotten.

Until he puts his palm onto your face to shush you. You end grappling with him all the way to the public shower room, realizing why he said maybe standing outside would be a good idea.

It was a communal shower. There were four showerheads in here. The room wasn’t necessarily big but the whole room was tiled so that there’d be no wood rot with five drains in the floor, one in each corner and one in the middle of the room. At the wall opposite of the door were two windows that were currently on tilt. That was fine. The thing that bothered you was the fact that the door couldn’t be locked. 

Why would it need to be locked?.. You’re not sure, this was public space for the crew after all. Hhff.. Apparently there were three toilets on board. (You only knew one.) One at the rear, one at the front (the one you knew) and one connected to the captain's quarters (you might have seen it in passing before Eustass broke your face). The toilets could be locked.. you would risk it and hide out in one of them. 

“Five minutes. Make the most of it.” Heat closed the door once you were inside. You stand there for an anxious second, staring after him.. and then you throw your clothes off and immediately hop inside. You don’t even test the water which turns out to be as cold as ice. Ahhh fucknuggets! 

Shampoo. You basically bleach yourself, scrubbing as hard as you could all over yourself and you felt tears well up in your eyes you didn’t think were there. All the sweat and grime was coming off. All the blood. The weeks of humiliation and struggle. Your skin had become so dirty you realized how pale you’d gotten once all that filth was off. 

Your hands wander over your body with disdain. You had lost weight. Drastically. The starvation and little food you’ve gotten after had done nothing for your metabolism. You could feel your ribs. You hadn’t seen your body without clothes but hat you saw had been bad.. and then there was your stomach. 

The skin was dark purple and a little swollen, sensitive to the touch. Wire had really kicked the shit out of you.. you’re sure if he had kicked any harder you wouldn’t have gotten back up. It made you think on your plan.. maybe your approach was too.. open minded. After all, what happened today?.. 

Wire, wanting to give you advice, abused you and made you torture a corpse. Which had been a result of him finding you ok. From him wanting to give you a bit of a head start against the clock ticking down your time until you were killed by his captain. Heat was rather mellow but he had forced you to stay alive when he wholeheartedly believed that his boss would still kill you.

Doc’s motive you didn’t know, he just did as he had been instructed to by his captain. But the question remained.. did you want these men to like you? If this was how they treated you when they thought you were ok.. what would happen if they genuinely wanted you to stick around? 

“One minute!” You heard Heat call out. Snapping you out of your thoughts and shaking them away. It didn’t matter, you supposed. There was no other option but to play it safe right now. There was literally nothing else you could do. It wasn’t like you could fight your way out of this. 

Quickly you rinse your body off, ignoring the pain and aches as you quickly shook yourself to get as dry as possible, slipping into the lingerie and then the clothes Heat gave you. It’s another turtleneck but with no sleeves this time and apparently it was belly free for him, because it reached down to your hip. The shorts he gave you went to your knees. 

You slip your shoes back on and dump the socks for good this time. They weren’t salvageable. Right when you were brushing your hair desperately did Heat poke his head in without even knocking. You shriek. He curses and jerks back a little. “I wasn’t trying anything! I was just curious if you were done!” He snapped at you. 

“You should have knocked!” You squawk at him him and gather your things, shuffling over and already putting toothpaste on the toothbrush they got you. Heat looked at you with an impatient look. “I’m out of patience, Y/N. Just hurry up.” Right right- you turn and use the shower water to wet the toothbrush and scrub away, hopping from one leg to the other. You had already given Heat the brush and the tweezers. Your eyebrows could wait.

Once you felt like your mouth was finally clean again you spat into one of the drains and washed it away with water, cleaned your toothbrush intensely and handed it to Heat too, who took all three things and gave you a pat on the shoulder. “Alright.. Your.. female hygiene products you can put with my stuff once you’re done with them. I’ll tell Killer that I let you sleep in my bed so you can.. you know.” 

He made a vague gesture with his hands at you. “Do the anti hair thing.” Anti hair thing. Haha. “It’s called waxing you nail- wait, Killer?” You follow him into the hallway, your hair still wet and dripping and for the first time in a long while you felt clean. Very clean. You’re lucky you were wet from the shower still, Heat was unable to tell that you cried in there. 

“Right. He’s staying on board tonight. Didn’t feel like partying.” Oh. You stop. Your good mood goes right out the window. Oh no.. “He.. Oh.. Ok..” Now it made sense why only four guys stayed on board, hell, there probably didn’t need to be four guys but someone had to run and get help. Four would be best because they could split up. 

You’re pretty sure the protector of the ship was Killer. Not those four random idiots that pulled the straws. The realization that you’d be alone with Killer, since the four losers didn’t count, made you no longer feel all that clean. The man fucking hated you. 

“You’ll be fine. Just don’t antagonize him and try to stay somewhere he can easily find you once you’re done… which means do not lock yourself in the toilet.” Heat gave you a gentle shoulder shake and then turned around to leave. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He didn’t care. You watch the blue haired man leave with a heavy heart that was sitting in your ass right now. 

Suddenly any kind of protective layer was appreciated. Even if it was made out of dirt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback keeps me alive.   
> I want to nerd out about my love for the Kidd Pirates.   
> If you wanna request Headcanons for them go to my tumblr softy-b or nasty-b


	11. In The Lions Den (Updated)

Walking back to Heat’s room had you reeling with anxiety and nervousness, thinking about what you knew now. The only things in your possession right now was a box of tampons and waxing stripes.. plus a set of purple lingerie that would probably be more inviting than threatening, even on your body. 

You’re painfully aware that none of these things would be able to protect you from the Massacre Soldier in the unlikely case he did come down here to check if you were actually doing what Heat would tell him you’d be doing. You know, Heat said he’d tell Killer you went to sleep but who knew if he did. 

Maybe he told his friend the truth. In fact, you’re 100% sure that he just told the man outright that you were down here waxing yourself with the shit they got you, anything else would be ridiculous to even consider. Heat would not lie to his longtime friend and the first mate of the pirate crew he was in over some prisoner.

Heat had already done a lot for you with Doc, getting you all this stuff when you’re sure his superiors told him not to bother. You didn’t want to give them anymore trouble so since Heat stuck his neck out a little for you, telling his captain you saved him and all, giving you this chance to life for now, you’d behave. 

Until you had a chance to get away at least.. The plan of escape was still on the table after all, not as elaborate as it should be and really not that planned out but you’d see if there was a chance of you getting away and then.. then you’d be home free. You’re sure that won’t happen anytime soon though.. 

Even though it looked like this was a good moment to try and fuck off while the majority of the crew was off ship.. but you knew better. At first you had been slightly surprised that you’ve been left out of sight. Heat had been around you all the time until now and if not him, someone else.

Your surprise does not last very long as you remembered just who the fuck you were stuck on a ship with. Ignore the four random losers that were stuck here as well, crying that they couldn’t get their dick wet tonight. The Massacre Soldier was the second most dangerous man within the crew, if rumors were true. 

While the man was probably just as unhinged as his partner and captain, he had something cold and calculating about him that made his violence scarily fatal. The man did not like to waste his time torturing someone like Eustass did. The man didn’t seem to have anything close to the drive the redhead had. 

Not in the violence department and not in the sexual department. After all, he willingly abstained from doing any of that. You wonder if he actually was not interested in the whores or if he just wanted to keep a personal eye out for you, knowing that as long as he did you would not be going anywhere. 

After all, this was a completely unrealistic setup. Tiny, frail secretary vs a pirate that was worth 200 million beli. Of course, the results of a fight like that were stacked highly against you. There was no outcome where you came out on top. If you ran, he’d catch you and hang you to bleed out like a fucking pig. 

Man you hate him. 

When you reached Heat’s room, you needed to check if it was the right one, you walked in and closed the door behind you carefully, spotting a key in the keyhole but remembering what Heat had told you. Stay somewhere, where Killer could easily keep tabs on you. 

Also not lock yourself into the toilet.. that probably included his own room.. yes? Whatever, you do not want to risk it and just leave the door unlocked, looking around to see where you could go to hide and wax yourself in peace. There are no places to hide behind in case someone did come in.

Maybe you could shuffle behind one of the beds.. Or something. But no, you would never manage.. You made a face of dismay and eventually accepted the fact that it was now or never and you’d probably never be comfortable doing this on a pirate ship. You should be thankful you got this moment to yourself, being allowed to get clean and smooth again.

You could kiss Heat and Doc just out of gratitude. You won’t, but you could imagine it. You shiver at that thought and gag jokingly to yourself before settling down on the floor, against the wall and putting your Tampons under Heat’s bed before putting the waxing stripes to the side. 

You’d be using the bag that they were in as garbage disposal so you could toss the nasty shit easily after. The mere thought of being smooth again eased your mind a little. Sometimes, just sometimes, sacrifices had to be made for the sake of comfort and beauty and after the hell you went through, you deserved some goddamn comfort..

You pointedly shove the thoughts of your colleagues back home away, not willing to take comfort in the fact that they’ve abandoned you when you tried your best to save them. You were too petty to just accept that.. also too hairy right now. Your pondering drifted off as you pulled your shirt off. 

You remind yourself of a hog.. since you didn’t have fur. .. What an ugly comparison, why was that the first thing that came to mind? Whatever you felt like, you did not appreciate feeling like this. This unclean and chaotic. You liked being tidy and taken care of in that prospect. Not having been able to keep up with your routine did also give you a kick right in the tit. 

With all those thoughts going wild within your head though, you finally relaxed a little when you thought about how the Massacre Soldier, should he indeed come down here, would likely not want to look at you while you were waxing your whole body in the quest of smoothness. 

Even if your body didn’t look like a punching bag, it wasn’t necessarily attractive to look at. Least not from your point of view. You didn’t think you were ugly per se or way below average but that’s what you were. Average. Right in the middle, balanced and humble as some would say it. Even so, one could never be too careful.

Men, especially pirates, could be unpredictable. You think that but internally add a ‘and women’ to it because it felt weird just blaming men when women also liked to scam the hell out of a poor soul… You’re getting off track. You would do your arms and armpits for now. 

You’re happy that you didn’t need to get naked completely.. You slapped some waxing stripes onto your arms and let them stick a bit before moving to grab them.. just pull it off. Like a bandaid. You close your eyes and tear the first stripe off, gritting your teeth and squeaking. Fuck! That stung so muuchh- the skin was already turning red! 

Wiggling around desperately you shuffled about and just went as quick as you could, tearing your arms apart until you were satisfied with the results. You look like someone tried to boil you.. Your eyes were stinging and you were rubbing the skin as you tried to get the burning out of them. But oh!

SILKY SMOOTH! FUCK YEAH! You giggle a little and just start petting your arms out of happiness instead of comfort. Man.. you’re going to be so fucking well done when you were finished… Like a very smooth shark. Mhm. 

You glanced at the door and squinted a little.. there was creaking outside but maybe it was just the ship..? You wait. Nothing happened. Your happiness is dampened by the fact that you had to spend an entire night with this asshole, basically alone aside from the no names, and risk getting mauled. 

The hell did you ever do to him anyway for him to hate you so much? It’s not like you were the one who knocked him over and sent him flying on his back, only to then drag him through the dirt. 

Your thoughts drift from Killer to his partner, Eustass, who was probably shoving his tiny, dirty, wrinkled dinger into some random crack whore he deemed ‘worthy’ of his attention and money. Right after finishing that thought you felt a huge amount of guilt of being so rude, but not towards Eustass, but the poor girl that had to put up with him for a whole night. 

Faking an orgasm was probably really tough.. You’re being petty.. You notice it as you slapped waxing stripes onto your left armpit and covered the whole area with the thing. But it’s not like you could get back at the redhead somehow without losing your head or whatever. 

You tear the stripe off and underestimate the pain, shrieking out and clamping your arm down as you rolled around on the ground. Oh my fucking god that stung like fucking hell this was unreal- what torture did you have to go through just to be smooth?! You just wanted to feel like you weren’t a gross, hairy monster! 

Ah the sacrifices a woman had to make for the sake of comfort.. not everyone could be happy feeling fuzzy. You couldn’t! But at least you remembered why you had been so dismayed at the thought of having to wax, this was a good example of why you hated doing so. The pain was just.. eugh.

It was like plucking eyebrows but with your whole body and at spots that were a lot more sensitive than your face. With gritted teeth you hit the floor with an open palm and curl up a little.. before slapping a stripe onto your other armpit. What’s with these guys anyway. If you had a razor this wouldn’t be a fucking issue! 

You tear it off and bite your hand. Fuck! As if you would be able to do damage to anyone… then again, Wire was telling people you killed a fat man that should have been able to overpower you easily.. You sigh and rubbed your face, gathering the used stripes and putting them into the empty bag. 

Your upper body was smooth where you wanted it to be.. it wasn’t like you had much hair anywhere else.. and then there was the worst part you’d have to do next. You swallow thickly and slip your sleeveless sweater back on. Rubbing your face again and getting up to lose the shorts.. 

Now you’re getting really nervous. You were going from top to bottom so you’d be doing your bits before you did your legs but that meant you’d have to go ass in the wind.. You stop moving, hands on your waist as you listened for any sounds coming closer.. There are none. It’s absolutely quiet.

You were confused why he left you alone this much, or why no one bothered to check on you. Heat had left a while ago and Killer had plenty of time since then to see if you were actually doing what his friend told him you were doing but oddly, he didn’t. You were left to your own devices.. Well, now that you were thinking about it, maybe he was sure that him threatening to cut your limbs off was effective.

It was, by the way. You would do nothing to risk losing both your arms just so the man could throw you overboard.. The thought of bleeding to death while trying to breathe was enough to make you gag a little.. Just.. behave. You carefully slip your underwear off and put it close by. 

Now there was the worst part.. You stare straight ahead.. and perk a little. You were going to need to clean anyway where you sat, you might as well take out the trash in here and stuff! Then the guys would come back to a clean room!.. which only would give you more bonus points. You grin to yourself just thinking about it.

Your grin doesn’t last long during the process of waxing your private parts. You have to bite yourself to keep quiet and were crying at the end of it from the pain, deciding that you would not be doing this again. If you still lived six weeks from now, doubtful, hopefully you had earned the right to own a razor.. 

..Or gathered enough courage to do it again. It did last longer after all.. eugh. 

Whatever. You’re almost done and you managed to get through this without anyone walking in here on you! Quickly your panties are slipped on again and you shuffled into a sitting position to do your legs. Once you were done, you’d clean the room! Suddenly you’re hyped for it. Slap, slap. Stripes on your legs!

It wasn’t like you wanted to clean so super badly but you were also very excited for the chance to increase your friendship points with the crew.. Oliver and Haiku would fucking love it.. maybe. Ok, maybe you weren’t touching their sides of the room so much. You’d just tidy up their spaces. 

But Wire and Hat? You could even tidy up their laundry, fold it and shit. Neither of the men seemed to do that a lot. It was just a hot fucking mess in here.. Eugh. The smell was not pleasant either. Whatever- you stare at your waxed up legs and grit your teeth. Last call, after that.. you were done getting back to being clean. 

Much pain. You’ll never forget it. But you were done within the next five minutes, making sure all the dirty strips were stashed away safely in the plastic bag Heat had given you. The ones remaining you put next to your tampons under his bed before shuffling up and moving to pull your shorts back on. 

You looked almost cute.. ignoring your rotting shoes. You felt very cute right now, all smooth and what not. Clean.. This was the first time in two weeks that you were properly clean. You felt.. comfortable in your own body again.. aside from the bruises, the ache, the pain.. The humiliation.. 

You swallow thickly and pick up the plastic bag, leaving the room. You needed to get some stuff so you could clean the room properly but once you did, they’d be so thankful of you! You hope that maybe that would put you into a ranger where Heat would rather have you live than not. Right now the man was pretty indifferent.. 

So, your step quickens and you’re almost jogging down the hallway until you saw the door towards the deck. You smile happily at the sight of the moonlight, maybe it’d be fine if you were left alone. After all, why would anyone complain if you spend your free time cleaning? Getting busy! 

And then you step out and a grip on your arm has you so firmly you shriek out in pain, dropping the plastic bag. Thankfully it was tied shut, so the nasty didn’t spill all over the place but you couldn’t focus on that as your gaze fixated instead on whoever had grabbed you, ready to glare but instead shrinking at the sight of the Massacre Soldier.

“Where do you think you’re going so fast?” His voice wasn’t unfriendly, in fact, it sounded almost polite aside from him seeming very uninterested in the answer. His broad hand had easily wrapped around your forearm and was squeezing it like you were trying to get away. Far from it, even if you wanted to, there’s no out of that grip.

The man was as intimidating as ever and you were faintly wondering if that’s why no one else seemed to be patrolling. The deck was completely empty. The four dudes that were supposed to be here were probably sleeping or something with the lack of something to do. You’re staring. Answer goddammit.

“I was.. getting trash bags.. to clean Heat’s and Wires room.. because they let me..” You’re not telling him you waxed yourself. “..sleep in there.” Heat told him what you’ve been doing anyway, pretty sure. The man was staring at you still and you want to shrivel up and disappear. “You want to clean at this hour of the day? It’s dark out.” He sounded like he didn’t believe you.

You’re so fucking freaked out. Just let go, you asshole! “Uh, yeah about that, I mean.. I did clean the deck during the night.” Which was in fact the case! He still hadn’t broken your arm though. The pressure even let off a little and .. and.. now that you were on your way to a normal heart rate you noticed something. 

His thumb was absentmindedly stroking over your skin. You’re not sure if this was intentional but you were pretty sure he was unaware of the action as the rest of his body was oozing subtle bloodlust. Please. Let Lady Luck be on your side. “I mean.. if you wanna.. you can come to..?” 

The man tilted his head and gave a grunt. “You’re telling me to clean.” It didn’t sound like a question, even though it probably was. You reel back and jerk your arm by accident, making him hold on tighter. “No! I mean like, for company!” What? You don’t want his fucking company. You want him to leave you alone. 

“As if I’d want to be around you more than I need to be.” Rude.. fucking bitch. You want to kick him. You shrivel and can’t help fixating your sensation on the patch of skin his thumb was stroking, basically feeling the softness or whatever. You were subconsciously glad you waxed, like that it didn’t feel fuzzy at least for neither of you. 

“You.. don’t have to.” Please say no. Say no. “I just.. thought maybe spending the night alone when everyone else is off having fun.. seems lonely?” And that was the moment your stomach basically exploded into noise. Both of you jerk a little at the ungodly noise. 

Oh. Right. You haven’t eaten anything since early day hours. And before that you’ve kind of not been getting much- you’re flushing. You go red, all the way. All the way down your neck, your ears, your face. You’re pretty sure you’re steaming. “Oh my god- I’m sorry.” Why are you apologizing for being hungry? That was their fault!

But now that you got reminded, suddenly you were extremely aware of just how hungry you were. Suddenly the thumb on your arm stopped and the man’s grip got a bit firmer before he slapped your arm downwards, relaxing his body again completely. “Right.” He mused, grabbing himself by his chin, scratching a little his goatee. “I suppose you have not had much today. You were busy.” 

The fuck was that supposed to mean, did he forget that they made you slave away the whole day, scooting through shitty underwear and stuff like that?! You grit your teeth behind your lips and put on a tight, shakey smile as he seemed to think. Too tense to say anything in your defense. You’d say you were fine but you couldn’t bring yourself too.

You’re too hungry to just lie about it and be convincing about it and lying visibly to him didn’t seem like a smart part of action one could take unless they did feel like losing their limbs prematurely before death.. Not that you lost your limbs magically after death but.. whatever. 

“Go clean and come to the mess hall after. It’s right the opposite from here, up there.” Instead of pointing though he reached over and grabbed you by your chin in a rough manner, making you turn your head until you had no choice but stare at the spot he wanted you to be looking at. 

You are very aware of the fact that he could break your face just tensing a little too hard.. Also about how warm the man was. You noticed it before but on your face it felt even worse. He was like a heater on legs.. and he smelled oddly strong like pine. A choice in soap? 

..He still had you by your face. Did he want for you to answer? “U-Uh-huh.” You made a noise of confirmation and he finally let go, walking past you and heading towards the door he forced you to stare at like an idiot just a bit before. “I’ll see you then.” Which implied he’d be waiting there for you.

Which implied you’d have to fucking hurry the fuck up! You waited until he was really out of sight and then scrambled off your spot to throw the trash overboard and onto the port to a bunch of other trash bags. Ahhh the stress! Why the hell did he have to ruin your peaceful plans! 

Now you had to speed run this cleaning process or he’d get cross with you for making him wait- Asshole! But what was done was done, you needed to get this over with so you could stop panicking with every step. You grab a few new bags you could put the garbage in, some cleaning supplies and then you stumbled off and back into the ship.

You slam the door open. “Sorry!” Ah- right. It’s empty. No one was here- they’re all out there fucking around and getting laid. Eugh.. you can’t help think of Eustass again at the prospect. You hate to admit that the man had his own personal brand of charm and was probably swimming in pussy.. until the poor souls noticed his tick for sadism. 

You shiver at the thought and try to ignore the imaginary cries for help.. you couldn’t save shit. You couldn’t even save yourself. Less of all other people.. Nothing to do but clean. So that was what you did. You began picking the trash from the floor and the beds, stuffing it all into the bags, bottles included. Already that seemed to be doing a lot for the room. You left the door open to have better light as you went on and about. 

The beds you made next because you had no rhyme or reason, you just did whatever came to mind first. It wasn’t like you were a professional or something. The sheets were.. mh. You squint angrily at the fabric. You’re unwilling to do a half assed job but it wasn’t like you had a choice of washing them right now. 

You’d have to wait until you got the chance to go to a lake again. A shame they didn’t have limitless water on the ship while at sea, it would make everything so much easier.. Something clicks within your head and you jerked up a little. Staring at the wall. Limitless water.. Limitless.. Water.. 

Like the ocean.. Oh.. You had an idea- you felt yourself get giddy as you finished making the last bed. Now it was real cozy looking already. You started folding their clothes and putting them in four piles, not sure which one belonged to which, so you guessed depending on how close they were to each bed. 

You’re feeling this. .. You spray Wire’s and Heat’s beds with a bit of scentner to make it be a bit more pleasant.. before bombing the room with it. Now it smelled nice! .. You overdid it. You wince and just start wiping down the tiny nightstands next to the beds and any other dusty looking surface. The walls when there were spots. Whatever.

You even dusted the lamps off. 

“Ey.” You flinch and spin around on your heel, stiff as a stick and staring at a random dude with brown, spotty hair and a face that only a mother could love. “You’re doing ours next. Come on.” He’s grinning at you with a leer that was unmistakable. You’re scared again. “I’m.. not done yet.” You kind of were- you just needed to throw the trash out. 

“Looks done to me. Now come with.” He reached into the room easily and tore you out of there. Oh god. Oh fucking god- His grip was hard and he just grinned at your wince, twisting it and making you whimper in pain. There’s something sadistic in his gaze. “You don’t look half bad for a marine cunt.” 

You’re scared. “The- The Massacre Soldier said I’m supposed to report to him once I’m done.” But he ignored it, just dragging you deeper into the ship. “As if. Stop pissing yourself, woman. We just want a clean room.” But his tone didn’t make you feel any better. You try and twist your arm out but instead the man slammed you so hard against the wall your ears rang. 

“Stop that.” You don’t fight the rest of the way until you reach the room, where you’re thrown into. There they were, the other three. Two of them looked rather normal, pretty average as they looked with mild amusement down onto you. There was another that reminded you of a pug the way he looked who was definitely trying to look at your chest. 

This was not just a room for four, you realize fast, this was the room for probably all the henchmen. There were hammocks everywhere, in rather close proximity. Guess you could see the appeal one could find in being a crewmember. You do not want to sleep in here either. “I..” You don’t get to speak much.

Suddenly there’s something pouring over you and onto the floor, making the four men laugh grossly as you slipped on the liquid and almost hit your face. “Here, you can start with this.” It smells like alcohol. Your ears are ringing and you’re unsure what to do. “Come on. Do it.” But with what? You had nothing. He didn’t even let you grab anything. 

You don’t know what this was. They were clearly agitated, probably from being stuck here while their comrades had all the fun out there, the alcohol, the fucking stench of this room- “I have- I need to get my stuff to clean?” You want to get up but a foot into your back makes you hit the floor again. You hate them. 

You had been clean. They ruined fucking everything! “Use your sweater then.” You wince. And then you freeze in horror. You’re wearing a fucking lingerie bra under this fabric- there was no way in all the levels in hell you’d be willingly taking it off in here. So, despite the fear of consequences, you shake your head frantically.

You chance it and turn around, towards the door, stumbling up and past him as fast as you can, actually making it past the man who gave an angry noise to you just denying him the way you did.

“Please let me get my stuff.” You’re grabbed by your ankle and jerked up when you tried to stand, landing on your torso and crying out now in sheer panic, before kicking out and connecting your foot with something. You heard a loud, pained grunt behind you but the pressure is off your ankle and you fucking bolt like the coward you were.

You’re out in the hallway, hearing the angry yelling of the four men behind you but surprisingly, you’re faster than them. Probably because they were drunk and tripping over each other as you sprinted down the hallway, completely sober and alone. What the fuck could you even do right now?!

You kicked one of them. Listening to the cursing behind you, probably in the balls. You’re so fucking dead, they were going to kill you! Eustass was going to let them rape and kill you! The work you put into your survival was all for nothing! 

You make it to the deck, desperately looking for what you could do. Hide? For how long? You didn’t know a spot safe enough to last you the night. Fight? You were too weak. Get off the deck? Not a chance, if you did and Killer went after you there would be no use trying to explain yourself. He’d kill you off immediately. Wait.

Killer. 

Your eyes snap to the mess hall and you book it, hearing them getting closer. You didn’t know what you were expecting. The man hated you- He fucking hated you. What could you say that would make him help y- right. They ignored his orders! You told him that he was waiting for you and they ignored that! 

“Get the fuck back here you marine bitch!” You don’t do that and instead run up the tiny set of stairs and ram the door to the mess hall open, stumbling inside frantically and not even registering anything really as you slipped and landed halfway on the table before dropping on your ass. 

Your heart went fucking a hundred beats per second is what it felt like. Your chest hurt from the sudden adrenaline but you move quickly, crawling under the table and to the opposite end of it, popping back up there and staring feverishly at the door- only to finally notice the huge blonde sitting on the big table.

The man was staring at you, a book in his hand as he was apparently relaxing. There’s a pleasant smell coming from the kitchen behind him. You take it in. A huge table for the men and the kitchen where the food was made were in the same, big room. Oh god you’re dead. 

The fuck were you looking at the architecture?! You should be- too late. There they are, the men ram in here like possessed. And then there is a visible 180 degrees in their personality when they spotted Killer and tried to slow down, stumbling over each other and falling to the floor like idiots. 

You’re still hiding behind the table. They’re now cursing and trying to get off from one another as they tried to present themselves in a civil manner to the first mate. “Killer-san! Didn’t know you were here! Good Evening!” Suddenly they sounded so friendly. You want them to fucking die. 

The blonde had went from staring at you to staring at them, apparently a bit confused on what the fuck he was looking at. The four assholes finally managed to stand up straight and looked extremely nervous. “Did we interrupt you? Sorry about that!” Sorry your ass. 

It’s quiet. They’re still standing there, clearly hoping to leave with you and you didn’t move because you were praying to Lady Luck that Killer would not let these men rape you when you told him how they ignored his orders. There was nothing else. You’re betting everything on this. 

“..What is this supposed to be when it’s done?” The baritone of the bulky man had everyone tense up slightly. His relaxed tone had actually gotten tense itself with annoyance. He closed his book and leaned forward to put both elbows on the table and look ahead. It made it seem as if he had you all in his gaze at once. Which should be impossible..

Mr. Face-only-a-mother-could-love spoke up immediately. “The navy bitch kicked me in the balls!” You swallow thickly. Yeah. Leave everything else out, you pussy! You’re not going down like this. “H-He ignored you orders!” You stammer out, sounding pretty anxious even to yourself.

You’re getting at first confused death glares and then glares of realization at the fact you had not been lying about what you said about their boss. “I told them you told me to come here straight after I was done with Heat’s room but they didn’t care!” Now you sounded slightly more confident. You felt like you were a student trying to get help from your teacher. 

Except for where you’d get raped and murdered if your teacher felt like you were being a cunt. God you’re scared. You just tattletold on some pirates because they were mean to you.. “Next time something like this happens, just get me right away to make sure.” The blonde spoke again, he was still leaning on the table. “You’re all right this time, since believing a prisoner is not to be expected. But check next time.” 

Please tell them to leave without you. “I’ll deal with her.” He didn’t say anything else but the tone was absolute. The henchmen seemed to notice this too, as they deflated, shifting a little and looking unsure. “..Alright, Killer-san. Have a pleasant evening.” Man did their tone change around this guy. You wanted to celebrate but you didn’t feel safe now. 

He said he’d deal with you. 

They gave you evil smirks on their way out and closed the door behind them, surely to make sure you couldn’t just fuck off this time if you managed to kick Killer in the balls. You’re shaking a little but try not to hug yourself, just as Wire had taught you. You’re fucked. The man hated you, this was what he’d been waiting for.

“Sit down.” You wince and stare with wide eyes at him. He was looking at you again. Unmoving.. Did.. he mean on the chair? You didn’t really know but you were just going to risk it, too scared to talk. Your throat hurt from trying not to cry but you were sure you were covering it up well enough at least. 

Carefully you got up and sat down on the chair. It’s cold within you. You were still fully covered and dripping in alcohol. Shivering slightly from time to time as you were faced with this man. You’re gonna die. Any moment now. 

  
  



	12. Tasty and Grand Plans

You’ve been sitting here for merely a few minutes but that was enough. How many minutes were you talking? Three? Killer hadn’t addressed you again after he told you to sit down and this is how he left you. You were smelling strongly like alcohol, the filthy liquid was still dripping off of you, landing on the chair and the floor below you. 

Your eyes and your nose sting with the unpleasant scent wafting right in your face. It was uncomfortable, the clothes that Heat gave you were sticking to your body and it reminded you of the fact that being clean was nothing short of a luxury for you right now. You should have treasured those clean moments more.

If you had known that it would be ruined for you, you would have. The day ended so good too.. aside from the whole having to mutilate a corpse thing but that had been a bit suppressed by your rationality. It’s not like it would do you any good worrying about this dead guy now.. Then again. He was probably still laying there..

All opened up and stuff like a fruit basket. A fruit basket that was filled with organs and guts, gore and glory. You want to vomit just thinking about the gross soup his innards had been when you came to. Wire had acted like a proud parent, in a great mood all the way back to the ship. You were confused on how to feel about it still..

Not like you had the freedom to overthink this right now, seeing how the blonde man was still sitting at the same table as you, completely unbothered as he watched you like you were a rabbit while he was the lion. Ready to open his maw and swallow you whole. Anyway, the hell was his issue anyway?! 

The man had a thing for staring at you like you were some spot of dirt on his territory. Technically, out of his view, you probably were. The redhead, aka Eustass Kidd, had been somewhat tolerating you, just mocking you at every fucking corner. But Killer? The man had it out for you. You somehow even get it.

It wasn’t a secret that the first mate of the Kidd Pirates was a bit more rational than his captain, seeing how the man was the only one that could even begin to reason with the aggressive man. You wonder how he did it.. Maybe they’ve known each other long enough for this to be possible.. 

But even so, with the first mate being the more realistic of the two, he probably saw dangers even where none were. Like for example, when a useless, marine secretary was stuck on his ship and would probably try to kill people with … what? What did you have? Tampons. Great. Those were going to help you get off this ship. For sure.

Thinking on violence, you remember you kicked one of them in the balls as if you were trying to neuter the man. That was not something you should have done. The blonde was probably thinking on how he was going to kill you. You hope that if he does, it’ll be faster than the cutting your arms off and throwing you overboard option. 

You have not been looking at him except for a few glances, thus, you noticed he had not moved yet to kill you.. With a heavy heart you continue to stare at the wooden surface before you, unsure what else there was you could do but listen to the wind that rattled objects outside. 

Your head was swimming with every kind of possible excuse that you might be able to come up with on the spot. Not like they would do you any good right now, this wasn’t just some random schmuck you were dealing with, after all. This was the Massacre Soldier, Killer. The first mate of the Kidd Pirates.

You are pretty sure a role like that one can not achieve by being gullible. Even so, with all the odds stacked against you like a huge, trembling tower of jenga, you did not wish to just throw the towel. You did not want to die. The prospect of death scared you, especially now where you have made it through an entire recovery, where even your broken bones somehow mended themselves. 

Lady Luck had been on your side thus far and you were unsure for how long she’d be sticking around but for as long as she did, you did not wish to test her kindness. But you felt already as if it was over and she had, in fact, left you behind. You’re compensating, you realize. Trying to project some hope into your desperate situation. 

A fight you would not be winning, you think to yourself. 

“So.” The deep baritone that belonged to the man that was sitting in the empty room with you had you jerk up a bit and settle your gaze back onto him. He was still giving you an impassive expression. “Did you get finished cleaning?” The question hangs in the air for a bit before you process it.

“Oh- Yeah. Yeah.. I just got done. I just needed to throw the trash away and it would have been completed.” You fiddle with your thumbs as if you were a child that was about to be scolded by their teacher. You did not want to put the man into a fatherly corner. This bastard was way below the league your father had played in. 

“That’s good. Make sure to throw the trash away later then before you fall asleep.” It’s the way he worded things that made you so uneasy. Here again, ‘before you fall asleep’ instead of ‘go to sleep’ as if you’d be doing even more work after this until you’d pass out from exhaustion.

Maybe you were reading too deep into this. You need to stop overthinking this kind of shit and make yourself more miserable out of reflex. It was like there was a dying need to be in despair..

There’s movement right at the corner of your eyes and you can’t help but fixate your gaze upon his broad body as he moved to get up from the chair, now turning around and walking to the kitchen that was situated right behind him. It didn’t take him long before he started to shuffle around in there, doing something with the dishes if your ears did not deceive you. 

You continue to keep your eyes on him, watching the faintly visible muscles that made the body of this man as dangerous as the weapons he was constantly carrying on his body move under the strained fabric. The thought of this man needing new clothes desperately made itself known. You ignore it. 

Not like you could just tell him that without losing your tongue. But then the internal question arose to why he didn’t just go and buy himself new shirts that actually fit his hulking frame since he obviously could. The Kidd Pirates weren’t lacking money if they had enough to go out, get wasted and whore around like a bunch of savages.

Your thoughts freeze within your head as the man halted a little and turned his head slightly in your direction, not quite giving you a shoulder look but signalizing that he had probably caught onto you staring at him like a pervert. You wince and glance away quickly, averting your eyes as if they’d catch fire if you dared continue. 

Your body ached like it had gotten severely abused.. reflecting on today, that kind of was the case. First you slept on the floor. Then you spend the majority of the day on your knees, hunched over dirty laundry and scrubbing filth out of the nasty fabrics, then Wire kicked you into a bunch of nettles before making you go rabid on a corpse.. and then there was the kick to your back. 

You got thrown around just recently after all. The fact that you were no longer clean kind of got to you too.. You wondered how showers worked anyhow out at sea, did they like.. save it up or something? Here on land it wasn’t an issue but when they were out the question of how much clean water did they have came up again.

Your idea from earlier kicked in. Should you.. say something about it? Or wait on it. It felt kind of important as it was a really good idea. You doubted it was something they had on the ship, seeing how Heat had talked about running out of water when you were busy cleaning the deck. 

Somehow it felt like you had acquired a trump card that you did not own before. This idea sounded slightly weird, seeing how you usually just made tiny things but you were sure you could pull it off if you had the parts you needed.. 

Then there was the question on if you should. Having something like this on a pirate ship.. or better, building it for pirates would be nothing short of treason towards the navy and everything you people stood for. The memory of being left behind tickles the back of your mind. 

You shake your head slightly to yourself, not able to fight up much of a hate for your previous colleagues, seeing how they all had families to return to. You chose your fate yourself after all. It just.. hurt. You felt betrayed when there was no reason to. No one made you do what you did to end up like this. 

They told you to run and you didn’t, for once in your life. Now you had to deal with the consequences of your actions like any rational adult had to. Still, you faintly wondered if they were missing you. You wondered who’d be doing your job now for Han-san.. and what would he think of it?

Would he remember you everytime he saw some stranger sit in your old office? You swallow thickly and hope that he would. That anyone would. You wanted for people to miss you, to want you back. You wanted for them to feel bad about you being gone, as it would have been proof that you ever existed at all. 

You’re lost in your own thoughts of planning when a plate was put down in front of you. 

“Here.” You blink confused as the massive arm retreated and Killer went back to his previous seat to settle back onto it as if nothing was wrong, when really, everything was wrong with this picture. The man had put down hot, steaming, tasty looking food in front of you. It looked like a freshly cooked meal. 

It was a dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce. 

Fuck.

..You’re going to die. This was it. Your last meal. You feel cold sweat run down the back of your neck as you watched the man pick up the book he’d been reading before, flicking it open easily enough and not paying you anymore mind. He put poison in it or something.. and if he didn’t.. then he’d kill you personally once you were done.

You don’t pick up the fork provided to you and just sit there, tense and scared. Oh god, you did not want to take a bite.. Your stomach grumbles in protest at you not eating this tasty smelling, probably very deadly though, dish right in front of your nose. You’re unsure what to do.

You had to pick, didn’t you. Eat and die of poison or don’t eat and die because he’d put that fork you refused to use right through your skull. You were confused why he would make himself the effort of cooking you your last meal himself though. He hated your guts after all. 

“Are you allergic?” You can’t bring yourself to look up. There were tears forming in the corners of your eyes at the sudden real threat of death just looming over you as if it had never left. You guess it never did, did it? Should you try and lowball it? Lie to the guy? He’d know if you tried, you knew he would.

But you are too scared to eat nonetheless. “I..” There wasn’t even anything you could say without coming over as rude. What the fuck kind of options even were there except die right now? You don’t think there are any. “..No..” You don’t find an excuse to tell him, so you just answer his question as politely as you could.. staring holes into the food in front of you.

It smelled devine. It was hot and would probably do a whole lot for your cold body, that had been freezing thanks to the alcohol on your skin and in your clothes that made them stick to you. It was perfect.. with the downside that it’d be the last meal you’d ever eat. 

“Are you trying to insult me then?” You tense even further and lean back as far as you could without falling off the chair you were sitting on. Now the man looked at you fully again, his book still open but put down on one hiked up knee. God have mercy on thy soul. “No!” You’re still not sure what excuse to use.

So you don’t use any and just make a miserable face at the situation laying right in front of you. He’s not really looking annoyed or anything but how could you know for sure with his face hidden from sight? Was he fucking with you on purpose because you were easy to read?

Killer put his book to the side again, leaning forward and supporting his upper body on his left elbow, resting his other arm on his hiked up knee. “You’re wasting my time right now..” He hummed, as if he was thinking about something. The man tilted his head forward, slightly downwards. “It’s not poisoned and there is no catch to eating this. These are leftovers.” 

You let him talk. “I only reheated this and who knows who the plate belonged to earlier.” Oh. You feel your heart slowly calm down as you stared at the plate again, slightly worried about who the gross bastard was that the food belonged to, but then you shook it off. He didn’t cook this then? Made more sense. You wonder if he even could cook. 

You grab the fork before you realize it and start shoveling the food into you as if you were starving. You were, in fact, seeing how you barely ate anything to keep yourself going during the day. Killer doesn’t interrupt you. The man just settled back and picked his book back up to continue his reading. 

You don’t care what he does as long as you could eat this mountain of food. God, you hadn’t eaten anything in so long just a few bites made you feel full but you didn’t dare stop. You needed these nutritious, you needed the body fat and energy that this meal would give you so you could continue onwards.

Eustass was trying to get rid of you, as was Killer. You didn’t know what their game was in the long run, as they somehow tolerated you right now but that all were things that didn’t matter. You were going to do your very best so you could tell your parents that you tried your hardest when you saw them again. 

Han-san had told you to toughen up a lot during the last five years of your existence. You were trying to now. Your stomach hurt a bit more now as you continued to force the stuff down your throat as fast as you possibly could. And it tasted fucking delicious. As if it had been made by god or another higher entity. 

This were stale, old noodles and who knew who had been digging around in them previously but you didn’t fucking care right now. This tasted like the best thing you’ve ever had your entire life, like you would never need anything else again. Hot, fucking, shit. Your eyes are tearing. 

You overdid it, you realized, feeling sick and swollen but you clamp your mouth shut, refusing to let anything back out again, now facing an empty plate that was void of any noodles and only had some sauce on it. There hadn’t been much sauce to begin with but it had been delicious either way.

God, you were full. You had not been this full in a really long time. Two weeks! In fact. You licked your lips and resisted the urge to lick the plate due to the issue that you still had company. Damn him.. You were thankful for the meal but what the fuck, dude, you wanted to lick the shitty plate!

Probably it was a good idea to leave now, seeing how Killer had gone back to ignoring you, reading his book as if you did not exist.. You carefully grab the plate and the fork, getting up and about to move to the kitchen when he spoke up. “You’re not getting anymore.” It sounded rough and now borderline unfriendly, as if he was offended by your nerve to move without permission.

You startle and jump a little. “I- I just wanted to wash the dishes?” It came out like a question due to your heart beating as fast as the wings of a hummingbird and your mood just got worse from the scare the man gave you. For a moment neither of you move or speak but then the man leaned back in his chair again. 

“Go ahead.” Fucking- FUCK YOU! You scream internally as you moved to the kitchen finally and began to clean the dishes that had been given to you. Everything else was clean, thankfully, so you didn’t have to waste any of your time screwing around in here. You want to leave as soon as possible. 

Once you’re done you check the shelves to see where the dishes went and then sorted them away, carefully turning around and walking to the door. Say thanks, leave, clean. Say thanks, leave, clean. Say thanks, leave, clean. 

Once at the door you turn around to him, he doesn’t respond to the motion but you know he can see you out of the corner of his eyes, probably. “Thank you very much for the meal.” You give a quick, polite bow with your upper body, squeezing your eyes shut in hot frustration and humiliation. Thanking a pirate for food.. you really had fallen.

All the way down, the entire staircase. You keep the idea you have come up with close to you, refusing to spill the beans just yet. You needed time to figure out if it was even possible… you’d need a pen and some paper. Maybe you could steal some from either Heat or Wire, you saw some in their room. Great. A plan. 

Not a good one but maybe this would get you on their not to kill list if it worked. It almost made you giddy. “See it as a thanks for pulling Heat out of the sink.” You blinked, your eyes widening slightly as you looked up at the blonde, he’s still reading apparently but you know he had you in his view somehow.

“..I..” He doesn’t say anything. You didn’t know what this was.. a test maybe? Or a chance to soften the man up to you. Your head was immediately exploding with possible things you could say, about how you wanted to out of the goodness of your heart, how you’d do it again- you say none of that. 

You just go for what you thought would sound the most genuine. “I.. didn’t think that hard on it.. A human life is still a human life.” He lifted his head and looked at you fully now, his hand that held the book tensing a little. You saw his knuckles turning white and when he spoke it was with disdain. “Even if it’s a pirate?” He didn’t believe you.

You don’t really care if he does, or you try not to care. “He was nice to me.” You narrowed your eyes at the ground, refusing to look at him. “I was just repaying a favor.” Your hands are clenching too now, your fingernails digging into your palms as you tried not to freak out visibly. 

“He wasn’t being nice to you. Heat was just screwing around with you.” The man was sounding more put off the longer you had this conversation. You rolled your shoulders. “That’s.. fine.” You knew he was right too, Heat had told you so himself. He did what he did because he felt like it.

“It doesn’t matter.. I’m glad I helped him when I did..” You’re wringing your hands. “I’m.. just like that, I guess.” Pathetic and weak and stupid. You should have left him to drown, didn’t and now you weren’t even regretting that decision anymore. You’re expecting mockery, maybe. You didn’t know what to do.

There’s a moment of silence before Killer spoke again. “Take a shower.” You blink upwards and stare at the blonde. What? “Just make sure to not waste water.” A shimmer of hope on the horizon. Did you do it? You doubt that it would be that easy but you would do your remote best to keep what you had. 

“Thank you very much and Good Night.” You mutter quietly, quickly slipping out of the mess hall and hugging yourself after making sure no one had been watching you. He gave you food and now he let you take another shower. You felt like you were on the right path.. you just needed time and patience.. 

All of that and if you managed to work on your little device you had in mind..? They’d be real happy with you for sure. But then again.. you couldn’t just give them something like this, right? Something stuff happened and then a device like this could be the one thing that’d save their foul skin. 

You squeak happily and start jogging over the deck to get some clean clothes and then take another shower. 

* * *

Ten minutes later that included a stressful, quick shower you have put the trash away and cleaned the rest up before moving into Heat’s room for now, making yourself a home on their floor while spreading the papers you had found. God you were excited about this.. 

You pick up the pen you found on the floor earlier and just tap the paper a little, unsure on how to start but there had to be a beginning somewhere. You were still wearing the lingerie from earlier, seeing how it had been saveable. It was just a bit damp and barely smelled. You rubbed the stuff over Heat’s clothes to get the alcohol stench out.

Now you just smelled like the blue haired man, currently sitting here on the floor, wearing a sweater that was big enough to look like a dress on you. It went a bit over your ass and covered your underwear so you didn’t bother putting on shorts again for now. Less laundry to do tomorrow before you headed off. 

For now though, you needed to work on what you were busy thinking about right now. Your genius master plan. 

A Water Filtration System.

They were running short on water easily and so much could go wrong. They also only had cold showers so if you created plumbing within the ship you’d be easily able to set up a heater and give them the option of taking hot showers. Sure, that water needed to be heated first but it was better than nothing, right?

So.. what would you need for this device? Maybe you should come up with a name first.. Water Filtration System? WFA.. That sounded dumb and professional. You also needed to not be too obvious about it in case someone found your notes. 

Where would you even hide them?.. Maybe you should think on that first before actually writing something down that could cause you to get executed.. You put the pen down and got up to stroll through the room, checking under Heat’s mattress if it was a good spot. 

You blink and stare at the couple of porn magazines that were already occupying the space. It takes you a second before you just.. carefully lower the mattress again and wish desperately that this was a mental image that could leave your head. But no. Now it was in your head and you cringe internally at the inner visual to the man yanking his lever in here.

Euuuuugghhhh.. You needed to wash these fucking sheets god damn it. No way in hell were you willing to sleep in that bed now. You’d rather go back and sleep on the deck now that you thought about it. Fuck. You shake yourself and decide for your own mental health to not look under the other mattresses. 

Your gaze instead falls to the bottom of the closet in the room where the men stored their clothes collectively. You had cleaned up under it so you knew how filthy it had been, showing no one had been down there in a while. You had some tape so you could probably glue it to the top of the bottom.

Great. Spot found, you settle back on the floor with the paper and grab the pen, starting to doodle a little and just draw stick men and whatever. In case someone walked in here you needed a bit of cover to make sure no one would catch on what you really were doing. They might believe you were trying to build a bomb.

You halt at the thought.. staring at the papers and squinting a little. You probably could build a bomb big enough to take them all with you if you had the materials. Would it be worth the hassle?.. Of course it would be. If they died there’d me no more torturing the innocent and you knew they did that. Just look at yourself and what they did to you.. 

You swallow thickly and put the thought into the back of your mind for now.. you wouldn’t be able to pull it off anyway so there was no point in losing sleep or a calm mind over it. The Water Filtration System first. But you still needed a better name for it so it would not be obvious. This was gonna be your trump card. 

You doodle three pages full of bullshit and then get to work on naming the stupid thing. You name it Teddy’s Wishlist. Because you really wanted a hug right now and these were mostly things you needed for the device. You sketched out the rough shape it should be and the size of it before eventually beginning to mull over the mathematics of the whole thing.

It was gonna be rough to build something like that, getting the parts would be impossible unless you worked with Eustass Kidd and his crew to gather them. But you did not wish to present your case just yet. After all, it was just an idea that you didn’t know what to do with right now. You just woke up recently from an almost coma. You wanted to clean first.

Clean the ship, plan your device, once you were done with these you could hand the idea over. It wasn’t like you could give Eustass the plan for a machine that wouldn’t even work. You needed to figure out if you could even build something like this and that would take time and effort. You were smart but you needed to make sure you didn’t overestimate yourself..

But if this did work..? You’d be in the fucking clear man. You would wreck them with friendship. Building them something like would surely put you in their good books- and then you remember the fact that you’re a marine. You stare intensely at the papers and the scribbles of a madwoman on them.

You were betraying the cause you lived for just thinking about this. You should throw these away and forget about it, accept your death if it was to come.. The fear of death is stronger than your sense of justice and self sacrifice. In stories the heroine always did the right thing, acting selflessly and for the greater good but you didn’t have that kind of resolve.

You were just some random secretary lost in the world, trying to make it. You bite your teeth together, clench your jaw and close your eyes.. carefully moving to gather the papers and tape them to the ceiling of the bottom of the closet. You put the pen back onto the night shelf of Wire, staring at the seemingly clean room and let the self hate sink in.

God, what the fuck were you doing? You’ve almost been happy about the concept until you realized what you were doing. If you gave them something like this it might save their lives in the future.. Maybe their water supply would be contaminated but it’d be fine because you built this. Just enabling them to go and cause more torture and chaos upon people who did not deserve it. 

You’re disgusted with yourself, sitting back on the floor and hugging yourself. The fact that you could not beat your fear of death and the fact that you were making long term plans for the future when there was no guarantee that you’d live..? You remember the men who died back home. They died protecting everyone, died protecting you. 

And you were throwing their memories away, dishonoring them like the filthy scum you were. The traitorous piece of shit you- there are footsteps and they were coming closer. You flinch and scramble up, unsure what to do. They were heavy and firm, clearly carrying confidence in their step and also not sluggish. So you highly doubted they were drunk.

Oh god, was this the Massacre Soldier? Did he notice you were up to something? Was he gonna do a search and then kill you once he found the plans that might belong to a bomb? How’d you even explain the stuff you scribbled down. You whimper and cramp your whole body before forcing it to relax despite the panic, right in time too.

The door opened and you’re faced with your nightmare. You realize way too late you weren’t wearing shorts and your fragile legs were kind of in view. Thankfully it was covering the panties you wore. God, you’re sweating again like hell. The man just burst in here like he was on a mission. 

But apparently he didn’t take into account that you might not be wearing pants, as he actually halted at your bare legs and tilted his head down, clearly looking and causing you to press your legs together like a lamb unable to support its own weight. The gesture has him look back up again. 

..What did he want..? “Go the hell to sleep. Your nervous pacing is making me restless.” Eh? “Eh?” You lift your head a little in confusion, staring at the man as if he was an alien.. Restless? Pacing? “Don’t make me repeat myself, secretary girl. Stop fumbling around down here.” 

It hits you like a speeding bullet train. Observation Haki. Just like his Captain. But you hadn’t been able to feel it like with the redhead.. maybe it was better than what Eustass had? That explained how he had been there so suddenly when you stepped onto the deck and he was there to grab you, he noticed your quick pace and thought you were trying to run away. But that meant he also noticed these guys picking on you and didn’t bother helping-

But it would also explain why he believed you when you told him that his buddies ignored his orders, seeing how he saw them drag you around like a bundle of rice. Oh hell this just got so much more uncomfortable. How much could he see? Or was it more like a sensing thing, seeing how he talked about you worming around in this room instead of your drawings. 

Maybe he was underestimating you and that’s why he hadn’t paid enough attention or something.. Whatever it was. You thank Lady Luck. “Uh- Oh. Sure.. Ok.. I’m sorry..” You give a curt bow with your upper body, your arms pressed into your sides as you shifted from one leg to the other.. then you carefully, under his watchful gaze moved to the left side of the room where Heat’s bed was and sat down behind the foot of it. 

You pulled your legs close and let them slip under the sweater so that the blonde didn’t get an eyeful of attractive purple. Those panties didn’t leave much to the imagination after all. God you hope he didn’t notice those.. it made you flush almost just thinking about it. 

“..Goodnight..” You mumble quietly. Not expecting an answer and not getting one. The massive man just reached to the side and turned the light off in the room, closing the door quietly and drowning you and everything else in darkness. 

It’s not hard falling asleep after that, you made sure to press into the corner the bed provided and closed your eyes, letting the exhaustion of the day claim you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback always appreciated. It motivates me. 
> 
> Also the nEW EPISODE OF ONE PIECE PUNCHED ME IN THE GUT WHAT THE FUCK??
> 
> I cri.


	13. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a timeskip to further process our story.

_ “Congratulations, Y/N L/N. You have completed the physical exam and cleared the theory classes.” The man addressing you was boasting almost, he looked so proud of you, seeing how you failed twice and only made it now. Your third year. You felt.. so fucking stupid. _

_ All the mentors were looking like they had pushed a giant boulder up a hill and you couldn’t even really hold it against them, as you really were a fucking bother to be around. They had struggled, trying to keep you afloat this whole time and even now, you were half a point short..  _

_ You knew, because you counted. They had just ignored though, letting their pity and sympathy for you cloud their judgement. This was not in your favor. They didn’t know it yet, but they would eventually, that they had send someone completeley incompetent out to sea.  _

_ You wonder what they would have done had they known your fate. You’re sure they would not have let you pass, would have sent you home or kept you at HQ. People are applauding. Why are you remembering this? It felt like you were watching a movie about yourself, a movie that led to your doom ending. _

_ Bad End. Retry? Yes or No.  _

_ Except that there was no retry option.  _

_ The clapping gets louder. Your ears are ringing. You squeeze your eyes shut. Open them again, and everything is empty. The lights go out. You’re alone with yourself and your failures.  _

_ “You’re such a nice girl, Y/N!” Your body turns as if it was standing on a rotating platform without you even moving. Han-san was standing there. Smiling at you the way he had always done. “But you are terribly weak!” You remember this. It had been right after he took you in. _

_ “I would tell you to train and better yourself-“ Wait. “But we both know you’ll never do that. You’re way too hopeless for that!” That’s not how that memory was supposed to go. You squint in confusion at his form.. was he moving.. away? You couldn’t talk. You wanted to tell him you could do better but it was like you were just a statue. _

_ No hope, no chance of movement. Or freedom. And then suddenly you can talk again. “You’re right.” You hear yourself say against your will. “I am hopeless. I was never anything but weak and pathetic.” What was this..? _

_ You’ve been dreaming about your past so often recently, this was different. It felt wrong.. But, yet, it also felt very true. You hate this. You don’t want to see this. Nor hear it.. All of this was- _

* * *

Your eyes snap open and you’re no longer within the empty void with all your shameful actions. For a moment you don’t even blink, just staring at the room you were laying in as the memories of the dream were fading from you. Your body was stiff, having laid down all night on the floor. 

There was shuffling coming from your left and you’re reminded of the fact that this room wasn’t yours, it belonged to four men that were part of the pirate crew that had caught and enslaved you. And yes, you had been effectively enslaved, seeing how you could either work or die.

And work you did. Like a fucking dog you’ve been slaving away on this ship for the past four days now, working your way from the front to the back and then into the ship on a wild cleaning spree. It had been exactly four days since you had left the port of Hanma and set sail again.

You had not had much time to yourself, thus your progress on anything but cleaning was extremely limited. That included your little trump card you’ve been working on. Fairly fast you noticed you could only hope to get anything done when the four men within this room were eating during breakfast, dinner or supper.

You, as the prisoner, weren’t allowed anywhere near the mess hall usually as the food you got were the leftovers only. It was better than nothing and you made due because it was back to starving otherwise. You would take whatever you could, even if it was not much. At first, actually. 

You didn’t notice it at first but now at the fourth day it had become a bit more obvious that there was more left than there was at day one of your adventure here where you were allowed to eat. Not just was more left, but actually stuff you could see yourself eating when free too. It wasn’t that much more but it was there and you were thankful. 

At first you’ve been too stupid to even really get behind it, just thanking your lucky stars, but then Wire had pointed out about how the henchmen and some of the crewmembers were pretty happy about not having to clean anymore and do the laundry since you were around now. 

Well, obviously they still had to maintain the ship and clean after themselves and shit like this, but before you were here there had been rotations in a cleaning shift that had completely disappeared ever since you were on board, seeing how you did not just clean the deck but literally everything you could get your hands on in hopes of being useful enough to get to live.

Then there was the fact that some of the men started to come to you to try and get you to clean their rooms first. You did your best and worked relentlessly to show them how competent you could be. And god, there was no fucking end at first. You got done with one room and already you were dragged to the next.

Did you complain? Zero fucking times. You gave them sweet smiles and ‘ok sure’s and just did as instructed or asked. Heat had told you that being passive and compliant was the best route to take and since it was the path of least resistance you had no issue doing so. 

Well, apparently it was working. Four days in, today would be day five if you made it past sundown. That would mean you’d be an entire week on the ship while you were not rotting alive and thus three weeks in total. You never thought about it but while you could only clearly remember the one week you were working, they remembered all three weeks. 

First there was the instance of you hanging around on their ship for like, what, a day or two? In an unconscious state while their captain waited for you to wake up so he could maul you like a wild animal. Then there was the timespan where you were forced to waste away on their deck for like.. a little bit than over a week.. 

After that you and Heat spend a whole day drifting around in the middle of nowhere like two fucking chucklenuggets and after that you were four days in a semi-coma where Doc did his best to get you to come around. After that you started working. You’re hitting the three week mark of being on this ship soon. Which meant you’d be the prisoner to make it the longest. 

From the Women and Men category. 

Any betting rings that had existed had collapsed again by your sheer willpower of cleaning the shit out of any instante.. You still didn’t touch actual shit though. Which reminded you of the dude who was the owner of these clothes. The thought made you cringe in disgust and then fear at what had occured.

A day after departure from the port this dude had cornered you when you were cleaning one of the bathrooms and asked about where the fuck his clothes were. Since his was the only bag missing, you knew immediately which clothes belonged to him and you immediately wanted to retreat within your own body and pop out of existence. Fucking. Gross. 

You told him Wire kicked the shit out of his clothes. Literally. For that the dude hit you so hard your entire head snapped to the side and your neck cracked a little from the sheer pressure of that fist colliding with your face. It had been fucking agony for a split second as the dude ranted at you how he couldn’t just go and beat the hell out of Wire, even if he wanted to.

Long story short, he kicked you around a bit and that could have been it but he had to run his mouth while doing so and another henchman told the actual Wire about this, who went down there and then in turn asked the dude if he really wanted to beat the shit out of him. Frankly, you’d have said no.

He said no. Of course he said no but then Wire turned to you, fucking shit, and asked you what the man had told you. Of course, seeing which side was the safer bet, you told him the truth and the consequences were extreme. 

Wire had dragged the dude out on deck and told Eustass about it, to which they made a whole situation out of it where it was Wire vs that guy. Except for where that guy refused to get into the makeshift ring they had created with a rope and didn’t want to fight, no matter what. 

The story comes to a violent and quick conclusion as Eustass shot him in the head and told the men to throw the fucker overboard, before reminding everyone that the Crew was off limits and that if you wanted to have the privilege to shit talk them, you’d have to be able to back yourself up if they confronted you about it. 

The men proceeded to throw Mr. Poopy Pants overboard and forgot about his existence as if he had never been there in the first place. You, smartly, kept your head down and didn’t interact with anyone during this fiasko, just sneaking back to the bathroom to continue your cleaning. 

The only upside to this shit was that Wire sought you out after to force a few shit jokes onto you like a fucking retard. It wasn’t funny- none of them were funny. One of them was so gruesome and descriptive with violence you almost vomited into the toilet you were cleaning. Luckily the dude took your shaking as silent laughter and left you alone eventually.

Which would bring you to the Crewmembers.. “Ey.. Secretary Girl..” The muffled, sleepy noise from Haiku made you glance up. The man was currently sitting up in his bed, his glasses already on his face and combing his hands through his orange hair that was currently down since he hadn’t styled it yet. 

“Go and get me some water, yeah?” You don’t waste much time, you just gave him a thumbs up from your position and got up from the floor, grunting a little and stretching after spending an entire night sleeping, curled up like a fetus that was having a panic attack. You were tense all fucking over. 

But you did as asked anyway and when you passed the man he gave an appreciative grunt, giving a thumbs up back. Really, you had done quite ok for yourself in these past four days. You were surprised at how easy it had been to not get mauled after they had gotten used to you scurrying around, constantly cleaning everything. 

There were still a lot of them who saw you as nothing but a slave or pet, for instance the three dudes who had been harassing you that eventful evening where Killer fed you reheated pasta. But oddly, there was also an equal amount of men who seemed to get used to you.

Sometimes one even took time out of their day to come by and hassle you with lighthearted gossip. It made you wonder why they were acting so differently, well, not by much, but enough to notice. They still joked about killing you at every corner but it had become something like background noise. You weren’t sure how to take it.

Well, it didn’t matter, you suppose. Not just their behavior changed after all, yours had too. In just a bit of time that you had spend on this ship you had somehow become ok with these death threats or the threats of violence done to you. Mostly, because usually they were not acted out upon. 

The only person that you were extremely scared of still was Eustass and in extension Killer. Both men were these huge hurdles you had to get over to reach your happy ending in the form of freedom and making it back home. You wanted to see the faces of your colleagues when you did turn back up.. 

No one had come for you. Even now, no one had even attempted to help you, to your knowledge. You wrote it off, seeing as it was not the biggest surprise in your life. You couldn’t forget that the Kidd Pirates were brutal and unforgiving.. maybe it was too much to ask of anyone to come and try and help you. You were just a secretary after all..

To be fair, they probably wrote you off as raped and dead by now. Who wouldn’t.. You were barefeet now, by the way. Your shoes had become so gross that you couldn’t bear touching them anymore and next chance you got you threw em overboard and claimed you didn’t know where the fuck they went. Everyone assumed someone played a trick on you.

Right now you were wearing a sweater. But this time, not from Heat but from Wire. Which was just.. a bad idea. You looked like a fucking nun running around in this monster. The black thing went all the way down to your ankles. It made you realize just how much taller the dude was than everyone else. 

But it was good like that. This way you didn’t have to worry about anyone noticing the underwear you were wearing. It was still a safely hidden secret of yours .. including Heat and Doc. Doc, who had been observing your recovery with drool running down his chin basically. The man was so fascinated by your metabolism he wanted to cut you apart just to see how good it was..

Eugh.. Ah well. You reach the deck and glance around, it was still remotely dark and not many men were around but you had to be careful to not run into the captain as he seemed to have taken a liking to grabbing you and throwing you in a random direction whenever he could get his hands on you. Most of the bruises you had right now were from him abusing you.

Killer had oddly taken a chill pill since that evening and didn’t remind everyone constantly to kill you off whenever the opportunity arose. You were oh, so forever grateful.. You deem the deck safe and tap over the wooden floor quickly to get over to a barrel that was filled with water for the men and realized you didn’t have a cup. Ah. Poop.. 

You weren’t allowed in the mess hall.. you glance around and wince a little… out of all the people around there was only Oliver, who had the night shift and was currently leaning against the railing. The man was rather quiet but internally as brutish as Eustass with his habits. He liked to break his toys, if one got the drift. 

Still, he was rather tame to you compared to what the others described him at. Seeing how you got to sleep on the floor in his room, maybe he got used to your existence. Anyway, you make your way over carefully and cough slightly. The massive man shifted and then looked over his shoulder at you. “Good morning!” You smile sweetly at him. He doesn’t reply.

Ahhhhhhhh. “Uh- Mh. Could.. you do me a tiny favor?” His eyebrows are going up now and then his eyes narrow in distrust. You quickly continue to talk. “H-Haiku asked for water but I don’t have a cup. Could you give me one from the mess hall..?” He’s so hard to read. He always seemed in a bad mood.

“Sure.” He pushed off the railing anyway and walked with heavy steps over to the door to the mess hall, you trail after him like a lost duckling. “Thanks so much, Oliver-san.” The man waved you off, disappeared into the room for a bit and when he returned he had three cups in his hand. “For Heat and Wire too.” 

Aw.. he’s a sweetie to his kin. You appreciate that internally. “Oh, smart thinking. Thank you very much!” You bow quickly and then tipper tap away and back to the water barrel. Now you just needed to fill these cups and balance them all the way back to the room. They’d be so grateful.. You squint, trying to math out all the bonus points you were gathering with your good behavior.

You felt slightly guilty because you were being nice with an end goal but you couldn’t really blame yourself too hard, seeing the situation you were in. Once all cups were filled you held them firmly against the other with both hands and made the careful track back to the others.

You were almost there when you passed the showers and heard the water running. You remember that you were now permitted to take a shower every third day. They didn’t want to waste water on you but also didn’t want for you to start stinking again, so that was the solution. You were thankful.. even though the water was cold as shit. 

If your device worked, that would be a thing of the past. Wasting water and cold showers.. Teddy’s wish list had grown considerably since you just wrote down what you needed. You were not sure 100% yet but at least 70% that you could build something like this.. 

It would all come to head in a few more days. Apparently you were supposed to reach another island named Goshikai. It was supposedly part of their claimed territory and had plenty of mechanical shops and areas. The mountains on the islands, you never saw mountains before real up close, were filled with minerals that the people there used for their craft.

If you could talk Heat into taking you out on a walk you were sure you’d be able to come up with something that would help you in your quest.. and yet you were still tense about the whole thing. You were kind of highballing it right now, thinking about building something so important for these men. 

If you did, you could kiss your job goodbye quite literally. There would be no forgiveness for something like this. It was like giving these men ammo but the need to survive was greater yet and you felt like you were running out of time because both Eustass and Killer had noticed that the crew was getting used to you, without a doubt.

You’re scared of the consequences that would bring. 

Finally back in the room you distribute the cups evenly on each nightstand before shuffling back to your corner and settling on the blanket they got you. Just a blanket. Nothing else. Heat murred from where he was laying face downwards, Wire was still snoring loudly and Haiku took the cup and began sipping on it. “Thanks.” He yawned into his hand.

Your gaze wandered to Wire with a frown, listening to him murr in his sleep from time to time and proving effectively that he did have a voice. Still, he never spoke to you. He was still signing at you about everything which was confusing you. He didn’t lack a tongue and he wasn’t deaf.. so why didn’t he speak?

“Guys, get up before Kidd drags our asses out of bed. I don’t want a repeat of that.” Haiku complained into the room, already shuffling himself into some pants while Heat refused to acknowledge the man and Wire slowly opened his eyes. Ah yes.. slow mornings. You would wait until they were all eating breakfast and then you’d be able to write down some more stuff.

Patience was the key. In a few days you’d reach that other island and there’d be more progress to be made. You were going to have to convince Heat to take you out on land.. well, you needed to go on land anyway for the laundry. It had built up again ever since you left land.

..Another reason why Teddy’s wish list was desperately needed.. You did not wish to slave again for an entire fucking day wiping poopy clothes or whatever. If everything went well.. you’d be able to wash regularly and in decent amounts. You thought about building a washing machine but then you remembered there was only so much space on a ship and you didn’t want to clog it up.

Aside from that, a machine like that would need electricity.. The water filtration system you were building would be running on steam and stream, charged to action by the movement of the ship basically. You watch the three men get into movement and slowly get up. Pointedly ignoring looking in Heat’s direction as the man basically slept commando.

The dude had a body head that was out of this world for some reason and sleeping with clothes seemed to overheat him if he had a blanket on top, he refused to go without a blanket and thus usually slept in he nude. The first time you found out was right in the morning after the drinking and whoring around.

He had been wasted, come into the room and started to undress while you watched on in absolute terror, imagining the worst only for him to stumble into his bed and conk out immediately. The morning after had been even worse because he just got up without noticing you, nursing a huge hangover. 

You had covered your eyes so you didn’t see when the man noticed you but when he did he yelled and cursed as if he was being murdered, waking up every other man, Oliver, Wire and Haiku, in the room who startled up and immediately were ready for fucking battle apparently.

It had been a bit of a learning curve but once Heat’s heart stopped beating a thousand beats per minute and his flush went from high quality lobster to pink cutie he explained to the others that he told you to sleep in here tonight. He just forgot because he had been thinking about other stuff.

Neither of them had been thrilled but Wire accepted it better than Haiku and Oliver. At first they were extremely annoyed but once they realized they could send you off to get them water and shit when they were chilling they relaxed about it a bit more. Just enough so you could stay for the nights. 

“You want something specific for breakfast?” You don’t relate to the question, not seeing how it’d be aimed at you so you don’t answer, just staring off into space as you thought about what had happened and what might. “Ey, rat.” Rat. Rat? You hear Wire wheeze and Heat snorted. You blinked finally up at Haiku, who was crouching in front of you. He did mean you.. He asked what you wanted to eat. 

And he called you a fucking rat.

You stare at him with the most offended look you can muster and the man shifted a little, still crouched with his elbows on his knees. “Uhm..” You glance to Heat, who gave you a curt nod. Thankfully he put on some pants by now. “Maybe something sweet..?” You didn’t know if they had jam or stuff like that. Haiku pondered a bit but then gave you a thumbs up again. “Can do. I’ll save you some.” 

He got up, grabbed his coat and was off. Wire, you and Heat were standing in the room and aside from them getting dressed there wasn’t much noise. “..I’m honestly.. so fucked up about the fact you’re still around.” Heat muttered after a long set of silence. You don’t answer, Wire nodded. “We never had a prisoner live this long.” 

..Wire clicked his tongue and you glanced over, as did Heat. ‘Not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping you’d be dead by now at first but I guess you’re useful to have around.’ It makes your stomach clench and you glance at Heat who seemed to share the sentiment. Whatever good mood you had previously went and left you. You curl up a little on your spot. “..Yeah..” You mumble quietly.

Both men perk up a little and stare at you. “I mean.” Heat sounded a bit put off at your welting appearance. “You want to be rid of us too.” You narrow your eyes a little. Of course. You wanted to be far away from here and never see any of them again if possible. But, of course as well, you can not just tell them that. You have to stick it through. “..I don’t know.” You mumble instead.

“I kind of got used to you guys.. you’re nice to have around..” Mostly because they didn’t abuse or insult you like certain other people on this ship. But also because you were an idiot and you got easily attached to people, even if they were bad people, as long as they were nice to you. You just hide your face in your arms and remain silent again.

There’s nothing for a bit. You can hear Wire click his tongue but you don’t look up this time, even when he did it again. An awkward cough from the man and then Heat is talking. “We’ll.. We’re gonna save you something sweet for breakfast too.” Your eyebrows squint together. Was.. were they trying to backtrack? You don’t know. You’re too upset to care, really. 

Not upset at them but the situation in total and whole. You wanted to be ok and you felt like everyone wanted to remind you that your time was limited to how long Eustass would be able to tolerate you without putting his foot against your stomach and crush your inner organs. They probably did.

They’re leaving. You can hear their footsteps.. A heavy hand landed on your head and ruffled your hair carefully. Wire. His hand was massive and bigger than Heat’s. You hate how you can recognize them by their hand size alone. You don’t respond. The hand lingers a bit, as if hoping for a reaction but leaves you alone when there is none.

Their footsteps fade out, the door closes and you’re alone again. For a whole few minutes you say nothing and don’t move, waiting to see if you were finally alone.. When you were sure you were, you robbed to the closet and retrieved your papers to continue your research for as long as you could. Nervous and sweating throughout the process but the payoff might be worth it. 

* * *

Once you had gotten some work done with Teddy’s wishlist you put everything back, not wanting to risk getting caught and leaving the room and start cleaning the deck. You got yourself a bucket of water and just scrubbed down the railing for now. Losing yourself a little during work. You were kind of pondering still.

They seemed uncomfortable at your distress.. had they gotten used to you as well? Maybe if you pushed the narrative a little of wanting to stay around they’d relax more? Leave the good navy girl behind kind of play. You stare up at the sky and sigh a little. Today would be warm. Really hot weather if the sun continued to beat down the way it was. 

That meant work would be tough. 

You sigh a little and roll the sleeves up a little, tying them so they wouldn’t slip down your arms again when you leaned forward to scrub away the dirt. Something caught your eye, looking down into the water. Nothing but a dark form. Just the shadow of the ship. You blink a little.. had you imagined it?.. Hah, for a second there you thought there was something in the water-

and then the shadow moved and you realized just how fucking big it was, whatever the fuck it was. You shriek and stumble onto your feet. Staring in horror as the weird shadow was moving about right under the surface.. until you saw a hint of fin poke out from under the water. God, it was massive! 

..You’re pretty sure it was a seaking gearing up to capside the ship. You were surprised it was able to get this close with the captain and the first mate possessing observation haki but then you remembered that Eustass had probably a hangover and Killer was awake the whole night watching over the ship. 

Should you report it? Maybe you shouldn’t- maybe it’d go away on it’s own. And then you spot one of it’s eyes fixating on you and you’re off, quickly sprinting over the deck and towards the mess hall. You did not want for that thing to ram you but you knew it would to try and eat what was on the ship. You guys. 

How did the lookout not notice the thing? It was probably bigger than the fucking ship- such a huge shadow couldn’t just be ignored, could it? You stop in front of the door to the mess hall, whimpering to yourself as right now the crewmembers were eating, the henchmen would come after but why did nobody notice the monster? Was it harmless? You’re hopping around from one leg to the other. 

Ahh shit! You knock three times and open the door before you could second guess yourself and you regret it immediately seeing their faces. Heat looked like he was about to have a stroke and neither Haiku, Doc, Oliver or Wire seemed to be able to look at you right now, apparently not wanting to witness Eustass shooting you. 

Speaking of the redhead, he sat at the head of the table, currently a mug in his hand as he fixed his gaze on you, Killer to his left leaning a bit forward to have a better view and lower his head when he noticed who had just come in. You interrupted their private time- “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He’s angry. 

You’re sweating. You need to- “Seaking.” The man narrowed his eyes, you cough and need to swallow before you can continue. “T-There’s a seaking right under the ship- I think it’s gonna ram us-“ You barely even get to finish the sentence and the whole mess hall erupts into chaos. Everyone was getting up, chairs were pushed back and people were cramming to get to the door and out to the deck. 

Considering how none of them trusted you, they sure took the threat of a seaking about to turn their ship into trash seriously. Eustass downed whatever was in his mug as he got up, pulling his coat closer around his shoulders and moving around the table to engage the beast. 

Killer was actually the first at the door, you didn’t know how but he was. He grabbed you by your shoulder and pulled you out the room on his way out just in time as the crewmembers stormed the deck and went to the railing to check it out. The shadow is still there and the water was now slowly getting extremely un-calm. Waves hitting the sides of the ship roughly that came seemingly out of nowhere. 

“Who the fuck is the lookout?!” Eustass barked as he left the mess hall, having abandoned his food and his drink and staring angrily at the moving mass under his ship. Now that the crew was alarmed everyone else, the henchmen, got the picture too and was getting ready for an altercation. 

“That thing is huge..” Killer stated dryly, his hand now digging into your shoulder as Eustass took a spot beside his partner. “I still can’t sense it. What the hell?” He sounded somewhat calm talking to his partner. You’re surprised. The redhead grumbled and rolled his shoulders, lifting his arm and then suddenly jerking it down. The ship jerked again, jumping almost out of water and then everything escalated.

Whatever Eustass just did with his arm was something the seaking didn’t appreciate, as the thing spun around and hit the ship’s front, making everything spin like crazy. You’re suddenly not with Killer anymore and instead find yourself flying over the deck like a ball that had been thrown. You hit the middle mast with your stomach, your body folding a little at the force of impact. 

You slip down the wood and hit the deck with a grunt, curling up a little but not managing to relax as you spotted what the fuck the thing looked like. Because it was now out of water and lifting it’s massive head over the ship. It’s head alone was almost as big as the whole Victoria Punk. Your heart stops. God.. you never saw a seaking this huge. 

The ones your home had were usually just as big as a ship in total. Had those been babies? It made you feel stupid and pathetic. You stared with wide eyes at the monster as it was slowly opening it’s maw, readying itself to take a huge bite out of the vessel. “Oh no, you fucking don’t!” Eustass yelled angrily, tearing his arms up and sending several cannonballs right into the creature's mouth. 

The monster shrieked and jerked upwards. “Killer!” The redhead yelled out, jumping back and crouching a little forming a platform with his metal hand on his knee as suddenly there was the blonde, he had taken a running start. You watch in awe as they suddenly did the most hardcore combo you saw in your life. 

The blonde landed with his left foot on his captain's metal arm, only to be catapulted upwards like a cannonball himself. Now he wasn’t just wearing his scythes on the side of his belt anymore though, they were mounted to his gauntlets now. You see them for what they were. Killing machines. 

Both Eustass and Killer had an energy about them that somehow made you feel like it all would be ok and they’d be the ones to kill the fucking thing. It was ridiculous, there was no way- but it was. The blonde twisted in the air and fired several energy slices at the giant creature in quick succession, god be your witness, it was unbelievable.

Before your eyes the thing got cut into fat slices as if it was made out of butter. The energy cut it’s head right off and parted it’s neck into several pieces. You stared at Killer as the man let himself fall back, ending up landing firmly on his feet on the deck right next to Eustass, who was still staring at the now dead seaking with anger and caution. 

At first you didn’t get why he was so on edge, now that the thing was dead, but then you realized why when the monster slowly tilted forward and it’s pieces started slipping towards the Victoria Punk. You’d be buried at this rate. You’re readying for an impact that never comes. 

Wire was jumping off the railing, twisted his trident and rammed it right onto one of the huge pieces of flesh that fell towards his ship, for a second it looked like it’d be too much but then the heavy part of the corpse got knocked back aggressively, slamming into another piece, both landing in the ocean. Several cannons sound off as they fire at other pieces and getting them out of the way.

The only part left was the head of the monster but it didn’t last long, Eustass slammed his heels into the floor and jumped the height no issue, suddenly on eye level with the monster, winding back and then ramming his human fist right into the mounts of dead flesh. It gets basically obliterated. The skull of the monster visibly caved as if it had been hit with the ship and not with a fist before it just shot away and landed several paces away from the vessel in the ocean.

You’re sitting on your ass during all of this and remembering faintly that you had wanted to try and shoot this man. Fucking thank god you did not. He would have killed you-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only I had the social skills of a cucumber like our MC here.


	14. Level Upper

You’re still sitting on your ass as the huge waves that came from the corpse landing in the water were coming towards the ship. “Everyone hold on!” Someone is yelling and you crawl to the mast shakily and barely manage to wrap your arms around it before the first wave hit, the water red from the blood of the monster.

You clench your lips together and squeeze your eyes shut, letting one wave after the other tear on your body, trying to hold on but it proved to be too much. Suddenly you were sliding over the deck and without any sort of orientation you flailed desperately, trying to find something new to grab onto.

You were going to go overboard again- you do not want to be in the water right now, seeing how much blood was in there. Who knew what kind of monsters would be attracted to this feast but it looked like you had no choice. You doubt they’ll pull you up a second time- you’re going to- a foot slams down and your body jerks to a halt. 

Someone had stepped on a sleeve of yours and now you were laying on deck, basically nailed to the floor and not going anywhere as another wave made you hold your breath desperately. You couldn’t really see anything for a bit since there was just so much bloody water but eventually it was over.

You’re laying on deck, like a dead fish, your ‘dress’ hanging and clinging to your body. You’re drenched. Everyone else was too. But finally you could see who had helped you out.. kind of? You didn’t know if you wanted to accept this help after all, seeing that the person standing on your sleeve was Eustass, fucking Captain, Kidd. 

The man wasn’t even looking at you so at first you didn’t know if he had saved you by accident but then he gave you an angry glare and your veins froze. The man was looking like a fucking demon, drenched to the bone just like you were. You watched droplets of water make their way down his jaw and hit his neck, travelling all the way down to his pecs and along the abs of his stomach until they got lost in the fabric of his pants. 

Eustass grunted and shook his whole body like a wet dog, his coat puffing out a little as the majority of the water said goodbye from his body. Wow. Neat trick.. “Fucking..” He’s cursing again. The man reached down and grabbed you roughly by the neck of Wire’s sweater, lifting you up like this.

You’re eternally grateful that the thing was so long on you, otherwise he’d see your lingerie right about now. But there was nothing showing and he only had you like this for a bit as once he put you back down on your feet he continued to have a grip on you but was now walking over the messy deck. 

You’re crying internally. This was such a fucking.. Everyone was messed up, the laundry had just gotten so much more. You can hear someone vomit and complain about how they swallowed it. Poor soul. Sending sympathy your ways. Your feet are barely touching the ground with Eustass yanking you around. “Secure the ship and get us back on course!”

When is this man not angry..? You’re scared. He was still holding onto you. Dragging you around as his men continued to fix the course and the damage. Apparently the ship had gotten a bit cracked from the impact previously. Not a good sign and you learned real fast that the Victoria Punk was very dear to the captain, as he declared they’d stay on Goshikai until the ship was back in tip top shape.

Worked in your favor, you say nothing to it.. You were at first expecting to be thrown or something.. verbally abused at least.. but that did not happen. Eustass just dragged your ass around and you had to accept that part of your life. You spotted Heat and Wire, Haiku and Oliver, even Doc.. and the men seemed.. somewhat uncomfortable at the sight of you so close to their captain.

You know what they are thinking. ‘This was it’. ‘She's gonna die now.’ ‘Boss will kill her.’ And frankly, you agreed. Your life was flashing before your eyes but you didn’t know what else you could have done. You had to tell them otherwise the thing would have just killed all of you back there. 

“Kidd. What are you doing?” Killer had joined his partner, giving you a pointed look before turning his attention to his friend who was grinding his teeth. “About to make an announcement and don’t want her running off for it.” You just wince and try to curl a little before straightening out again in panic when you got an angry glare for making yourself heavier. 

The blonde sighed a little and reached out to loosen his captains grip on you, then he walked around you, put his hand on the small of your back and began to walk forward, basically ushering you around in front of him. Once you were at the mast he put a hand on your shoulder, turned you around and made you sit. “Stay.” 

You feel like a dog.. But you nod quietly and just pull your legs under your sweater dress. Staring at the back of the man as he was walked back to his captain. You’re scared. You’re going to be executed for interrupting their meal or what? You put your face in your hands for a second before resuming to try and look unbothered. 

No one was helping you. Heat pointedly didn’t even look at you and it hurt. You guess he was trying to seem unbothered.. but you doubted he actually cared. Maybe he pretended that your impending doom bothered him a little to make you feel a bit better. Oddly, it does a little but just as back home, no one would give you any assistance. You could not expect any help from anyone. 

It take a while but eventually everyone was somewhat calm again, the ship back on course apparently. Eustass was not feeling any better though. When he walked towards you he looked ready for slaughter. His body tense and dripping aggression. “Everyone, gather!” He yelled out loud. You’re scared. You’re terrified.

As expected, once he reached you he grabbed you by your neck and lifted you, shaking you a bit like a dog and holding you firmly even when he let your feet touch the ground again. Your hands you force to hang relaxed at your side, tense in every other part of your body. Just let it be quick and painless this time. Please. 

The men were slowly coming together, looking a bit curious some and others with sadistic glee, apparently expecting a show. Some, you notice, just a few, seemed uncomfortable. Heat was pulling a face and so were Wire and Doc. Haiku and Oliver weren’t all that bad about it but they didn’t seem too well in their skin right now either. 

You appreciate their acting. “What the shit was that?!” Eustass barked once everyone was paying attention. What? “Why the FUCK!” He shook you again, rather roughly that made breathing impossible for a bit until Killer, who stood next to him now gave him a bit of a nudge. “Is the marine rat the one to warn us about oncoming danger!” 

The men who had been ready for a show wilt visibly and you can see how now everyone was getting uncomfortable with exception of the people who had been in the mess hall at the time. “Were you playing cards? Poky?! The hell were you guys doing? When I tell you to patrol and keep an eye out,” he inhaled. “THEN I FUCKING EXPECT YOU TO DO SO!” God, he’s loud. 

His grip on your throat was so bad that you couldn’t breathe. You’re suffocating. You tried to ignore it but he continued to yell and throw a fit and your vision was slowly getting blurry. Against your better judgement you reached upwards and grabbed the man by his organic hand, trying to desperately send him a picture that you were dying.

Surprisingly he actually let you go. You cough and crumble, sitting down on the floor and holding your aching throat. Oh god, the pain. But, you were still alive with, oddly, his aggression not even aimed at you right now like it usually was. The man stepped over you and continued to berate the henchmen, who by now, were looking really small. 

Assholes deserved it.. You rob backwards until your back hits the mast and you remain there for the duration of the very loud, vulgar and descriptive lecture. While your gaze slowly roamed around you noticed something though, your roommates. They had relaxed enough to be talking to each other again during their captain tearing the henchmen new assholes.

Oliver noticed your gaze and gave you a short, firm nod with a grim expression. You blinked and pressed a little bit closer to the mast, averting your eyes in confusion. Were you not going to die? You apparently barely managed to scrape by death but the henchmen were getting into some serious trouble. Eustass had found the person who’d been in the crows nest and was shaking the man like a puppy that pissed on the carpet. 

Killer was still standing next to you, actually moving closer so he could lean against the mast right next to you. You’re stiff. Trying not to fall into his eye since you were still unsure if you were going to be killed for interrupting them earlier. The blonde doesn’t address you though, he just watched his captain for a bit before eventually pushing off the wood to walk over and intervene before Eustass actually did kill another guy. 

You’re.. kind of put off by the fact that the man decided to stand next to you for like, what, five seconds? Maybe he didn’t know what to do with himself.. Whatever. There are footsteps coming over to you. You still keep your eyes on the floor. The risk of looking at someone and them being offended by it was still too high and right now you were too scared.

“..Good job.” You don’t recognize the voice. You don’t answer and you do not look up. If you didn’t know the man you didn’t think right now would be a good time to make friends but the firm click of a tongue has you glance up anyway, now faced with Wire, who was looking down at you with an almost friendly expression. “I think you’re in the clear today.” 

Against your will, your mouth dropped open at the sound of his voice. He had deep vocals that were a bit rough on the edges as if he smoked. You knew he didn’t because you have watched these men for as long as you had been on the ship. At least the theory of him not talking just because he didn’t feel like it was now confirmed. 

You swallow down the bitter feeling that was pooling in your stomach. “..What a shame, right..?” It came out a bit snappier than you wanted it to but you were so fed up and you have been for so long. They had said it themselves. They hoped you’d be gone by now. You too, in fact, but you refused to die if you could avoid it. You just turn your head away, missing the way Wire’s body shifted a bit in discomfort. 

“..I’ll go and get you something to eat, yeah?” Why was he talking to you now? Had something changed that you didn’t know about? The rules of this shitty game you had to play were still the same as far as you knew. You think about food and felt sick to your stomach, seeing how everything was covered in seaking guts right now. “No thanks..” You mumble. 

“I’ll be too busy anyway..” You continue, staring at the dirty everything. “I need to hurry before the blood dries..” Good point, Y/N.. You needed to get going and start washing the blood off the deck before it dried and rotted. With a bit of a stumble you shuffle onto your legs and make sure to not look at Wire again as you carefully moved past the huge man. 

You spot Doc in all of the mess and wince a little, turning away and walking a huge circle around the man. You don’t want to talk to anyone right now. You just escaped death yet again and even so there was no one to be happy with for it. You’re alone in this fucking mess- your colleagues thought you were dead, as did your boss, probably, maybe this would all just amount up to nothing.

You felt like you were running on the spot.. 

You get yourself a new bucket of water and a mop and head back to the deck. The yelling had died down remotely but Eustass was still making everyone nervous with his bad mood. The dude who he’d been shaking earlier was currently nursing a broken nose. Listening to what the men around you were saying, the dude fell asleep up there. Almost cost everyone their life. 

You didn’t care how strong these men were, if their ship broke in the middle of the ocean with a devil fruit user captain, they’d be fucked. The nearest island was still a few days off. There was no way they’d be able to swim that distance. If that seaking had rammed them from below and split the whole vessel in half it’d have put an end to their adventure. 

Now that you thought about it.. you curse yourself internally. What the fuck were you doing?! You could have let this monster do what it wanted to do and the whole crew would have been fucked in the ass. Yet, here you were, cowardice your trait as usually.. wanting to live like the selfish piece of trash you were.. You sigh in a defeated manner.

Once the bucket had been put down you began your work of wiping the floor and trying to get the blood off the wood. You don’t see how you’ll be able to get all this nasty filth off the deck before it dried and became a stain that’d be basically impossible to remove. You were lucky mostly the deck was affected but still.. 

“Didn’t Killer tell you to stay where you were?” Your whole body flinched and you looked over your shoulder, carefully turning around to look up at the massive form of Eustass Kidd. The man was narrowing his eyes at you, his gaze flickering from you to the mop and then the bucket and after that right back to you. 

You swallow thickly. “..The blood will stain and I just wanted to.. I mean..” Your voice slowly died off and just just clenched your hands around the stick that was connected to the mop. “Yes. Sorry.” You grit out and stare at the wooden floor, trying to carefully tap around him and back to the mast. 

He doesn’t let you, instead he grabs you by your sweater again and pulled you in front of him as if you didn’t weigh anything at all. Fuck this man with a knife. A real sharp one. You establish eye contact to avoid looking like a rabbit about to have a heart attack as he let you go. “Doesn’t matter now. Just don’t go slacking off because you had a moment of glory.” He leaned in close, making you force yourself to not back off.

“Don’t fucking test me, navy slut.” How about a ‘thanks that you saved my ship from getting crushed’ or something? Of course not. This man had no manners, what were you even expecting. His gaze lowered a little and his mouth pulled into a tight line. “Are you planning on cleaning like this?” Eh?

You look down on yourself and find that the sweater Wire gave you was kind of clinging to your body. It wasn’t exactly revealing anything though, it was just uncomfortable. “..Yeah..” You reply carefully. Shifting from one leg to the other, not sure what to make of the question. Eustass was .. staring. You felt uncomfortable and slowly felt your face heat up under the attention. 

You didn’t have the freedom of getting a change of clothes like some people.. First of all, you didn’t own any clothes and second of all, you only had one shower per three days and you needed to wait until tomorrow until you could get clean, thus making the change of clothing unnecessary.

The man was still looking at you as if you were a disease. You felt like one right now, seeing how you were covered in guts. “..Put your mop down and take a fucking shower before you start to smell like roadkill once the men are done.” You blink. Eh? “The men who were on watch are going to be doing the cleaning, as they should have given notice much faster.” 

Eustass leaned back and stood to his full height, easily dwarfing you. You stared at him. Uhm.. “What.. am I supposed to clean then?” You asked carefully as the man seemed to be ready to just leave you on the spot. The redhead made a face and seemed to ponder. “Don’t care if you’re sitting on your ass for a few hours. You’ll help with dinner and supper then. Go tell Killer.” 

The man ruffled his own hair with his organic hand, staring around the deck and looking generally displeased but, oddly, his anger seemed to melt a little out of him. You’re just kind of processing the order and what that meant for you. You’d help with cooking and dishes and stuff like that.. That meant you’d have to enter the mess hall. Mess hall? But.. 

You were allowed in the mess hall! A bit of a shiver went through you in excitement.

Instead of dying it seemed like you have leveled up. “Alright..” You agree easily enough and don’t wait for him to dismiss you, instead just carefully moving away from the redhead. He did tell you to inform his partner so you needed to hurry before he threw you again. You were.. more than a little put off by the sound of his voice. 

He had been pissed, sure, but oddly he didn’t let it out on you as much as you thought he was going to. The man had even seemed almost.. calmer in a sense. Now, looking over your shoulder and back at him, he was heading to the captains cabin to probably take a private shower himself and then change clothes.. 

So much laundry.. Alone the thought of it made your stomach cramp desperately and you cursed this vessel, seeing how these idiots did not have washing machines. They had lamps in the mess hall and the bedrooms and shit like that so you were confused why they- Ah yeah. They lacked the resources. Washing machines used a lot of water.

Mhm.. Right.. You stare blankly ahead, scanning the people on deck and eventually spotting Killer.. who was also pretty drenched. The man’s mane was sticking downwards and based on his body posture he didn’t seem all too happy about how his clothes were clinging to his body. You could appreciate the view- What. No. Stop.

Suddenly you felt like a pervert approaching him.. “Excuse me.” The man had been handing out tasks to the group of guys who got to clean, haha fuck them, but turned around when he heard you. “Secretary Girl.” He acknowledged you dryly, .. clearly in a bad mood. You shift a little. “Eustass told me that I’ll be helping with the food today. Thanks for having me.” You bow quickly and then lift your head again to look at the blonde. You refuse to give the man any honorifics. Eustass deserved nothing.

“Ah. Alright.. You did say you can cook.” He hummed, crossing his arms and shifting his weight a bit to the left. “I’m curious to see what you’ll make, then.” The man added before giving you a hand motion that dismissed you, before turning away and continuing his duty of berating the men, who just looked at you as if you were the fucking pope. You wonder why.. then again, they had come to this gathering hoping you’d be slaughtered. 

You smiled a little after you turned away, heading off the deck to curl up in Heat’s room until you deemed the showers safe enough to venture for. Only for a very important detail to hit you. You told them you can cook. Suddenly full stop and your eyes fixate straight ahead on the empty hallway. You.. told them you can fucking cook- you knew what- two dishes at best and one of them was instant ramen that you just needed to add some herbs to and shit-

Oh god.

You lied to them and now they would expect a grand meal only for you to whip out some garbage- unless they had ham and cheese.. You’re sweating. Ahh.. not much to do but try and think on how to stay alive during the cooking session. You wondered who would be cooking with you.. Killer probably assigned people to that, didn’t he? 

Eugh.. Hopefully it was someone who thought you were ok.. A bitter clench settled in your stomach. Not just from the feeling of loneliness, also from the feeling of hunger. You had told Wire that no, you did not want to eat but that was because you had stuff to do.. you thought. Now you were here with nothing to do and nothing to eat. Hhhf..

You’re walking past the showers and just feel lower hearing the water. This couldn’t be good for their water supply, maybe that’s why Eustass had seemed so bothered telling you to shower but you got why this was needed. This was seawater and blood all over you guys, it’d start to rot and shit.. Not a good look. People would be sure to get sick.

You feel gross..

With a lowered head you finally reach the door and stare at it.. there’s noise, someone was inside. You just knock carefully and wait outside instead of risking getting flashed again. There’s shuffling inside, some cursing, then the door opened and you’re looking at a Heat, Oliver and Wire. Oliver was currently grabbing some stuff that looked like he was gonna shower.

Wire and Heat were covered with towels. You blink and look away. “Sorry.” You turn around, ready to just trot away and find a different spot to hide at but you’re already grabbed by your shoulder and ushered to your usual corner. “Ah, it’s fine- it’s fine.” Heat was patting you on the head. “We don’t mind.” 

You mind though. You close your eyes and listen to the sound of fabric.. They’re talking to each other but you’re tuning them out, curling up on the floor and facing the wall until spoken to again. Happens sooner than you thought. “Didn’t you want to clean the deck?” Wire. That’s Wire’s voice. 

“..Eustass told me I’ll help with food today instead.” You mumble, not really feeling like keeping up your facade right now despite everything that happened. You were moving up. You were allowed in the mess hall to make food, you’d get to have a shower- but there was no one to guard it.. someone would run into you.. You rub your face frustrated. “..I need to shower before dinner because he doesn’t want me to smell..” The fact that you’re scared of the shower remains unsaid.

“I’ll keep watch then.” Heat’s voice. You perk up a little and refuse to look over your shoulder. You’re scared you’ll see something you’ll never be able to unsee. Like Heat’s package twice.. the one time was enough to last a lifetime. You don’t trust either of them. Not like you ever did but now your paranoia was at an all time high.. They were being nice.

Extremely nice. So nice it made you feel weird. Wire had talked to you even. You don’t trust it.. “Ok.. thanks..” You do not voice out those concerns as you just stay on the floor. What if they were planning to kill you and that is why they were nice.. if they knew something you did not that caused them to pity you like usually. Heat continues on rambling.

“Well, dinner’s still way off. You’re hungry, right? Once I’m dressed I’ll get you some breakfast.” You squint in confusion. Not everyone had a chance to eat yet. You usually just got the leftovers from whatever was left after they ate, crewmembers and henchmen alike. Today was the first time you got offered something sweet or whatever. Now apparently you were gonna get to eat before the henchmen.

It made you extremely nervous. You curl up more in your corner and stare quietly at the wall without talking to either of them. You’re stressed. This whole seaking mess had freaked you out so badly- what the hell kind of people were they? Monsters. They were fucking monsters- they took that thing apart as if it was second nature. 

The massacre soldier just flew through the air like he had wings with his back flips and spins and then diced the monster like it was butter and he was a hot knife. You squint. Hot knife? Stop.. You close your eyes again and try to get that thought out of your head. What the hell.. But this was the first time you saw them ‘in action’.

Even Eustass was extremely capable, he didn’t have all too much leverage on a ship but he blew that thing's mouth up immediately without even hesitating.. You wondered what was under the ship. When he had pulled his arm down the whole vessel jerked and the seaking freaked out. Maybe metal parts to shoot around? Who knew.. 

The door opened and closed. You don’t move. Wire was still around, you can hear the man shuffling around on his side of the room. You stay on the floor like a good little rat and miss your bed. It’s quiet. The man doesn’t talk much even when he could, you guessed. Maybe that or your behavior put him off. You’ve been playing sweet the whole time after all. Today was just.. exhausting. 

“It’s good you’re still around.” You frown at the sentence that came from behind you. Was it good that you were still around? You don’t know if he was trying to insult you with that comment. Saying you were needed to clean and for nothing else. It’s hard to decipher, so, you don’t reply to it. You just make a show of pressing into the wall and staying there. 

Now that the adrenaline of the seaking being dead wore off, you were getting incredibly tired and sad. Just reminded how you stood literally no fucking chance against these men. They just.. fucked that thing up like it was nothing and here you were, trying to manipulate them into letting you go. You realized what a dangerous game you’ve been playing. Had they caught on at any given time, you’d be paste. 

Wire was not moving behind you anymore. You don’t know why but you know he was looking at you. Let him stare. Look at your ruined sweater. It’s full of fish guts and salt. Asshole. Fucking asshole- stop speaking words! You were freaking out over the whole thing. Just let them act like usual so you could rest.. Nice but without caring about you. Like this they almost had you fooled. 

Wire was moving again, you can hear his footsteps on the wooden floor and you assumed he’d pass you by but then he stopped right behind you, the ruffle of clothes indicating that he crouched down. He’s so close you can hear the man breathing now.. and then he put his hand on your shoulder. Broad, gigantic, warm. You want to cry simply because it’s been a while since someone touched you gently with no ill intent. You don’t. 

He cleared his throat a little. “That was.. good of you. To tell us about the seaking. You could have just let it crush the whole ship and taken us all with you.” No. You couldn’t have. Because you were a fucking coward. You’re confused he didn’t know that by now but you’d take it. “..I don’t want to be responsible for something like that..” You mutter instead, wincing at how dead and hopeless you sounded. You suppose you were in a way. 

Wire’s hand gave your shoulder a gentle knead before he let you go. “We’ll work on that.” You cringe, worried what that entailed. Was he going to force you to sink a whole ship like he forced you to mutilate a body. He doesn’t elaborate which just freaks you out more and then the door opened and Haiku was shuffling back in with Oliver. Both men looked annoyed. “-and I just freeze my fucking balls off, it’s like- do you want to be clean or castrated.” 

Oliver gave a snort to Haiku’s rant and you watched them move to their respective beds to dry off completely and get dressed.. avoiding your eyes just in time. Jesus fucking christ they really didn’t care if you looked or not. It’s not like they had to worry about you telling anyone, seeing how their captain might fucking kill you anytime. But the conversation topic caught your interest. “Not like we can change it.” Oliver, man of few words. “The cold water won’t be that cold in comparison to Killer’s mood, now that we lost so much water.” 

Haiku groaned and ruffled his hair, canting his hip to the side and then just folding his upper body like a chair to get to his feet without lifting them too high off the ground. Good that you weren’t looking because otherwise you’d get a grand picture of the man’s assets. “Don’t remind me. We’re going to have to go back to rationing every little fucking drop until we hit land. Can’t wait for it.” The mohawkian snarled suddenly and you hear him pull on something-

then suddenly something hits you in the back so hard your shriek in dismay, pain and surprise, tearing your body up in a sitting position to try and rub the pain away. “Ah shit- didn’t see you there.” Oliver breaks into full blown laughter as Haiku grumbled and moved over to you. He’s not wearing a shirt and his hair is still flat on his head since it was damp. “Sorry about that.” 

God, your back is on fire. That man was probably as strong as Wire if they were both crewmembers. Fucking shit! Haiku was patting the spot a bit where he hit you and you let him because otherwise you’d have snapped at him to get the fuck away from you. “Great job with the lookout by the way.” The orange haired man hummed once he confirmed that your back would be ok and headed back to his bed. 

“Fucking wankers that were supposed to do so were apparently sleeping.” Oliver added, sounded extremely bitter and resentful for a moment there. You suppose there was good reason, seeing how much water they had to waste on showers that were not necessary otherwise. Teddy’s wishlist comes into the back of your head and you stared at your hands. It’s not been long but it was coming on good..

Maybe.. maybe you should talk to Killer about it. You didn’t wanna risk it with Eustass because the man hated your guts still but the blonde seemed reasonable. 

The door slammed open. Heat’s back. The man was carrying a single plate he just carried wordlessly over to his bed and put it down at the foot of it, right where you were sitting. You stare at his stupid, smiling face. Even smiling he looked like he was still sad.. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, facing him, so you just looked down at the plate, expecting something like usual. Messy bread and what not.

Instead it was clean.. the food on it wasn’t torn or anything, it even looked good. Two pieces of bread, a piece of cheese, on one bread was ham and on the other something yellow.. honey? You leaned over to sniff and found, yeah, it was honey. Usually you just got bread and if you were lucky there was something left to put usually onto it. Not often.. 

Your eyes sting and you glance around carefully. Slowly retreating a bit and cramping your body. What the fuck was their issue.. “Fucking idiot, you didn’t bring any water when you gave her honey? Her throat is gonna clog, you weasel.” Haiku complained from his side of the room and Heat perked up, his smile going. “Ah. Forgot.” 

Oliver, who had just gotten done drying his hair, now fully dressed in clean clothes again, got up. “I’ll get some. Thirsty anyway and I wanna get some before Killer pulls water police on us-“ He sounded unhappy just thinking about it as he moved to leave the room. Heat nudged the plate closer to you. You felt like you were a wild rabbit they were trying to lure into a trap, all three present men staring at you intently. 

“..Thank you..” You carefully mumble and grab some bread, the one with honey, to bite into it. Your eyes sting, your vision gets a little blurry at the first taste of something actually tasty in almost a month. God, your chest hurt. You used to fucking love honey, you ate a lot of things but honey was a fond memory of your childhood. 

One of the friends from your parents kept bees and often shared some honey with your family, you used to eat it almost everyday for breakfast when you were young. After they had died and you had to stick with Mr. Harper, there was no more honey gifted to you, everything else in the honey variety you tried after never tasted that good again. Maybe it was just the fact you were so hungry and didn’t have anything decent in so long- but right now it tasted like a million bucks. 

You hiccup quietly and start shoving the rest of the food down your throat, afraid they’ll take it away from you. They don’t and once Oliver got back you even get to drink a mug of water that you were sure had not been spit into. (Not like you had risked it. If you thought someone spit in your cup you just threw the water off board when no one was looking.) They talk among each other, about the seaking and what not. You sit in your corner and just let sleep eventually claim you. Pointedly ignoring the sensation of a blanket put over you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Motivation dwindling but I hope it’ll come back. 
> 
> I really wanna know what’s gonna happen too LMAO


	15. Conflicted

Her office is empty. The man still could not believe that she had actually gone and went, taken by the difficulties of life, taken through battle. His heart clenched painfully at the memory of their last conversation. He joked about firing her as if it was such an easy decision to make. Han wanted to go back in time and tell her how much he appreciated her work..

But he doesn’t get to do that. The woman was gone, for good. They were still rebuilding what the pirates had destroyed, the people of the town had gathered together to work united and strengthen their defense while they were at it. None of them said it but he knows what they thought. He should have been here for this. 

His stomach curled at the thought of sweet, innocent Y/N on that pirate ship. All alone, no allies.. tortured and.. god knew what else. He doesn’t want to think too adubily about it and jinx it for her. The bald man rubbed over his face in distress as he carefully stepped into the office, he needed something from here after all.. Some documents or whatever..

She had all the documents that he should have been working on, because the woman was such a hard worker and so kind. She had just gone along with him being gone for weeks at a time to hunt pirates, never saying a word to complain even when he knew he was overworking her. He had been selfish. His quest to kill pirates had cost him more than he had been willing to pay.

Seven casualties. The men that had passed during his absence would never come back either, he had failed all of them. Considering that these were the Kidd Pirates they had dealt with, he’s surprised that they got off with seven casualties though. From thirty+ men only seven died and three got crippled so badly they got to retire early. 

Apparently she had caused a distraction big enough to get those awful men on her back and had paid a horrible fee over it. They had taken her and left the island. Just like that. Herm-san had given a report off, sobbing throughout it, about how he was so pathetic and cowardly. The man had just wanted to live another day to see his family again.

Who could blame him? Han couldn’t bring himself to be angry at the other, even if he felt a bitter, heavy, grudge filled part in the back of his heart, screaming to let his anger and frustration out. There they are.. he documents. There’s a sticky note attached to them and he narrowed his eyes reading it. 

‘Remember to please not lose this again! ( ‘0’)/ I don’t wanna have to rewrite it!’ 

His chest clenched painfully and he felt his eyes sting slightly. Fucking.. hell. He pulled the sticky note off and put it into his coat pocket. Not able to bring himself to throw it out. Not when he had so much to make up for to her. 

Han had wanted to go after the ship but even in his rational mind he knew there was no chance she was still alive. The Kidd Pirates didn’t take prisoners for the sake of bargaining, they took them for the sake of their cruel, sadistic games that ended in death 100% of the time. There would have been nothing to get back.

They’d have gone after these men, and only lost more than they had already, maybe if they were lucky they’d have been able to salvage her corpse but that’d be it. He felt sick thinking about it. He wanted closure. He wanted her body just so he could see she was really gone and he could give her a burial she deserved. The horrific thought that she was still being tortured sitting at the back of his mind.

He wanted to. So badly. He wanted to go after them and get the body of this girl back he took in five years ago- she was- the man grit his teeth and then stomped his foot. She had been part of his team and he fucking left her to rot. He promised her a safe home and she had given her loyalty as payment over it.

He’d scammed her. This safe home had been her death trap and her last moments had probably been painful and humiliating, wondering why no one came for her when she came back for her comrades. None of them are proud. The men who had been in battle hadn’t even noticed she’d fallen behind.

They all had wanted to live… but she had wanted to live too. Even after working hard to keep everyone’s wishes around like usually, she’d been left behind by the people she had saved. He wondered if Y/N had known the impact of her actions, if she knew how many people she had saved that night.. 

He doubts it. The woman was always a bit confused and a tad of a scatterbrain. He felt bad almost right away just thinking it, feeling like he was ridiculing her and shitting on her memory. He’s on his way out of the empty office, desperately wanting to hear the scratching of her pain and the happy noise she’d make when she saw him. She had always seen him in such high regard.. 

He stopped at the door of the office, staring into it. His eyes fall to the side of the desk.. her bag was even still here. If he closed his eyes hard enough he could imagine that she was just off on a fifteen minute break, getting something quick to snack on. He wanted to wait for her here.. It’d be useless though. 

“I’ll..” There is no one here. “Thank you for all your hard work..” He grit out, tense and with a tight throat. His eyes are burning. There’s of course, no reply.. but he wanted for her to know this, even if just her soul could listen. He knows there was no one here, he’s talking to compensate, to cope.. He doesn’t care right now.

“..Please.. enjoy your retirement and see me again when I join you in it.. There is a lot I want to talk about once we meet again..” Han refuses to cry, not right now.. there was a memorial to hold place today evening for the people who had given their life protecting the civilians. Everyone would come. He needed to be strong for his home now. 

The man turned around and walked out of the room. The bitter sting of loss ignored. There was nothing he could do about it anyway..

* * *

_ It’s empty. You’re dreaming again, you faintly realize. But you don’t think this was another memory. You were.. what was this? There’s nothing. Just emptiness around you. You turn around, glance about, but no matter where you turn, there was nothing but the velvet black of the odd abyss you had ended up in.  _

_ Then you wake up. _

* * *

You wake up. 

Your head hurt a little but you felt like that was from the fact that it kept knocking against the wall since you were sleeping on the floor and the ship kept jerking from time to time. You wondered what that was about but no one was yelling so you accepted it the way it was. You’re covered in a blanket and you wonder who put it on you but ignore the notion.. At least you were clean. Heat had let you rest for maybe twenty minutes before, then he woke you up and forced you to shower because he had shit to do and wanted to get it over with. You’re now wearing the turtleneck again that you wore before that Heat had given you, with the sleeves and the shorts. Whatever. Let them be nice to you.

You’d just be twice as nice back! .. You wonder what time it was.. You carefully shuffle to your legs and looked around. Room was empty, no- wait. Not completely. Oliver was sleeping in his bed- right. The man had the night shift up until today. He usually slept most of the day so he could work as a lookout during the night. He’s supposed to have good eyesight.

Carefully and quietly you make your way out of the room, opening and closing the door silently before walking out. It’s quiet. You wonder why.. it makes you suspicious. With careful, barefoot tappings over wood you made your way down the hallway towards the deck. You can hear someone showering.. odd. You’d have thought by now all of the men had done so already. 

Whatever- you don’t stop since you don’t want to seem like some pervert. You just continue down on your path. Mh, the sun’s up completely now but not all the way up so probably not time for food yet. You scratch your scalp and yawns a little.. You’re thankful for getting to sleep the way you did today. You’ve really been freaked out when the seaking attacked. 

You spot one of the lookouts from today morning on his knees, scrubbing the floor violently and you almost startle until you remember that you’re not supposed to clean today. Mhm.. right. You wanted to move away but then the man made eye contact with you and you recognized him.

It’s the asshole that you kicked in the balls. Both of you stare at each other for a bit and he squinted at you with a hateful gaze that then turned into sadistic glee. Oh no. You should probably just go before- “Ey, cunt,” Asshole. “Come here and clean. That’s your job, right?” God, this man sucked so much on every level. If he was pretty maybe you’d be able to tolerate it more but he was just as ugly on the outside as he was on the inside. 

He looked filthy too, you bet he didn’t get to shower until the cleaning was done, which gave you a bit of a rush thinking that you got to shower before him. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that yet. Stupid as well as mean, huh.. If only Eustass could be this ugly.. The man looked like a hot devil on a bad day. You regret that thought immediately and wince before thinking about this situation.

You want to tell him to fuck off but in the back of your head an opportunity presented itself. 

He was getting only more violent with you, bothering you and hassling you. Maybe this was a good moment to do a bit of work on earning plus points. “Sure.” He doesn’t seem all that surprised by your willing submissiveness. Of course he wouldn’t be, after all, you were a prisoner of him too. You think? It’s not like you were allowed to tell him no.

Path of least resistance. It wouldn’t hurt that much if you just did as told. You trot over with a frown and it just deepens when the man laughed at you, getting up from his knees. You were about to take the sponge but he dropped it to your feet, the wet splotch signalizing it hit the wood. Fuck this man. “Go on.” He grinned, malicious intent in his eyes. “Get to it, navy cunt.” 

You want for him to stop calling you that. You lean forward to grab the sponge anyway, only for him to shove you at the back of your head and making you lose balance. You hit the floor and land with your face almost in the puddle he’d been scrubbing earlier, thankfully you catch yourself. 

That was apparently exactly what the man didn’t want, because he kicked you right on the square of your back, trying to force you into the nasty pile of blood and water that had mixed at his cleaning. You grit your teeth and.. refuse. You put your hands on the wood and refuse to take a dip. You were clean- you hated being dirty. You refuse to be dirty any longer if avoidable.

“The fuck are you doing? You should kiss my feet out of gratitude that I’m even allowing you to use a sponge. I could have you lick this fucking deck!” There’s people noticing the spectacle. Some are gathering even, looking slightly nervous. You wonder why. Then it hits you. 

Killer told him to clean the deck. Not you. He was going against the blonde’s orders again and in extensions he went after Kidd’s because the redhead told you not to clean but to make dinner and supper later on with supervision. 

The foot on your back lifts only to slam back down on you. Oddly it did not hurt as much as you thought it would. He was mostly trying to use pressure instead of kicking to get you to admit defeat, at first you were unsure why until he grunted and you could feel his leg shiver. 

It’s him vs the girl they took prisoner. He can’t just admit that he couldn’t force you down. To be fair, he was doing a good job at it. Your arms were aching and you were sweating from the strain, unable to move away. If you tried to with the pressure on your back you’d soak yourself in fish guts again. Not this time- You don’t wanna.

Out of the corner of your eye something moves and you spot the familiar color of Doc’s clothes. The man was leaning against the railing, right next to Haiku and was watching the show. Neither intervened but their faces seemed a bit on the tenser side. Then again, you couldn’t see them well from this angle. 

You’re about to quit. Your shoulders are burning, your arms are aching. Fucking hell you don’t want to be filthy anymore- please-

The weight is suddenly off of you and you use the chance to scramble away onto a clean spot immediately to try and buy yourself time, fully expecting him to try and drag you back, only for him to not do so. At first you don’t know why, then you look up and see the reason. 

The Massacre Soldier had come on quiet soles and had the henchman by the shoulder, not using any violence specifically but definitely making a point. You can see his fingers dig into the other’s shirt. This felt like a standoff, seeing how the henchman was looking like he was gonna piss himself but not moving still. 

Both men are looking at each other, for a moment no one is talking. Then Killer finally did. “Thought I told you to clean.” He commented dryly. There’s a dangerous undertone there. It didn’t sound off at first but you could definitely hear the lowkey threat of violence within it. The dude lifted both hands in surrender. “Sure, sure. I just wanted to give her a bit of a bath, can’t do any harm, right?” 

Killer doesn’t let the other go yet. “She’s cooking today.” He sounded calmer than he did when he first started talking but his fingers were by now so cramped into the other man’s shoulder that he was visibly in pain over it. “Get back to cleaning.” And then it’s over. Killer let him go and just walked past him and almost over you if you didn’t scurry to the side. Yikes. That man was a fucking lion. 

Because of the hair mostly BUT also because he could ‘roar’ pretty loudly, even without raising his voice. You almost laugh at the internal comparison. Almost. Then you notice something. His hair was wet. Not dripping but damp at least, not as puffy as it usually was. He came from behind the asshole.. was it him in the showers? Now you were double glad you didn’t stick around.. he probably sensed you with his observation haki.

“Come on.” You startle, looking after Killer and cringing at his tone of voice. The man doesn’t stop walking and you hurry to get back up and jog after him. The man was walking to the mast, stopping under it, waiting on you.

“Dinner preparations start in an hour, until then get up there and keep watch.” He points up. You blink and slowly look up, staring up to the crows nest. You’re feeling yourself start to sweat. “..Is.. this usually stuff you make prisoners do..?” The man gave you a deadpan stare.. you think. “Never had a prisoner live long enough to get to scrub the deck either, yet here we are. Get up there.” 

You wince at his stern tone and just nod.. before glancing around. How’d you get up there- oh. You look at the nets that were at the side of the ship, tied to the railing and going up. Oh shit. You.. do not feel so blessed anymore. “Uh..” He’s looking at you. You look back and just shrug at him before giving him a tiny salut. “Aye.. aye?” You feel stupid. 

He doesn’t look at you but he seemed oddly more relaxed than usually when he was around you. You carefully start to inch away. “I’ll.. go do that.. ok..” He crosses his arms. “Alright then.” You’re weirded out by the mere fact he answered you directly. Usually he just let you go without a word. “Uhm. Bye then.” You’re almost at the net. He’s still staring at you. “Bye.” 

Oh god. What was with everyone acting so out of order- You don’t even want to really think on it. Too worried.. so.. you turn away and look at the net with worry in your heart. Oh god.. you’re gonna die. How did.. ok. You carefully get onto the railing and scoot yourself onto the net, not upside down because that’d be dumb, and look over to the mast.

Mr. Lion is still staring at you. You swallowed nervously and gave him a bit of a wave, his shoulders tense slightly but he doesn’t react much else except for giving you a nod back. When did he start responding to you? That implied he saw you as a person, right? Or at least a pet. That was more than what you could have said at the start of this journey. 

You begin a new one right now, carefully climbing up the net, one foot after the other, making sure to hold on tight. Don’t show weakness. Ignore the fact that if you fall you’ll break your neck or something that hurt a lot. Just get up there- oh god you’d have to go down again once it was time to make dinner. 

Out of the corner of your eye you spot red and glancing over there was Eustass, leaning against the wall next to the door to his quarters and watching you with an unreadable expression. Oh god- twice the pressure. You don’t wave this time because you’re too nervous and just hurry up. There’s wind up here. You squeak, knowing no one can hear you when you almost slip.

And then it’s over and you’re in the crowsnest, surprised to find no one up here- oh right. They’re all cleaning. You settle and carefully stand up, looking down and swallowing thickly. Eustass was looking up at you with his mouth pulled into a tight line.. now you give him a careful wave. His amber eyes narrowed dangerously at you and he just frowned harder.. 

You wonder what he’s thinking about. Maybe you shouldn’t.. seeing how bad this could go. Your gaze drifted around and you started to do what you were supposed to do up here. Look around. You watch the water. The sky. The horizon.. For.. maybe thirty minutes until you got bored.. You glance down and realize you could see everything from up here. 

It seemed that the men were currently doing their day to day thing. Some were playing cards, some were just lounging around.. You spot Heat and Wire sit near the railings with Eustass shoving at each other and laughing at whatever was said.. you spot Killer, sitting on the skull of the Victoria Punk with crossed legs, pulling weights. 

Yikes they’re big and heavy looking and he was doing it with both arms, hardly looking bothered. It was weird seeing both men this.. relaxed? You don’t think you’ve seen Eustass give a genuine smile while you were around but there he was. Laughing with his friends and giving off jabs at them. 

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Killer as relaxed as he was either right, now. The man wasn’t really staring at anyone, just absentmindedly looking ahead to where their ship was going while pulling weights probably heavier than you. You couldn’t see too much details from this distance but the bulging of his muscles every time he pulled the weight up was still visible enough to make your heart stop in fright. 

That man could literally pull you apart like string cheese. Eustass probably too, they were roughly the same weight class and you doubted Killer would follow someone who was weaker than him.. then again, who knew what they had gone through together. For all you knew they could have grown up like brothers and that’s why they were so close. 

It was a bit eye opening to see them all this relaxed.. Oh, there’s Haiku. The man was currently bugging Doc, who was stacking peaches on a tiny table and apparently counting them..? What the fuck.. this man and his fucking peaches- oh. It’s the asshole from earlier. He was looking at you. You wonder how he spotted you- then again, you were climbing the net earlier.

No one was looking.. You glance around. No one’s watching you.. Were you going to do it?.. Killer? Not facing you. Eustass? Wasn’t facing you either. Anyone else? Busy. Not paying attention to you. You bet Eustass and Killer and whoever else had observation haki on this ship had an eye on you. ..Not like they could literally see you, right..?

You flip him off.

It’s quick and sweet and you put your hand down immediately after, watching the dude for his reaction after making sure no one noticed. At first he didn’t seem to realize what the hell you just did. Then his face slowly morphed into something like disbelief before it turned into hot, raging anger.

He got up. Oh no. You wanted to believe he was a coward but maybe he was a coward but on top of that just stupid- because he’s making his way over to the net, clearly intending to grab it and haul himself up to where you were. Oh shit. You fucked up- he’s going to fucking kill you.

“Oi!” You flinch at Eustass’ voice snapping through the air. Almost completely sure he was yelling at you, throwing your head around to look towards the man, ready to try and find an excuse and attempt to stand your ground.. only for the man to not be looking up at you but currently slamming his heel onto the barrel that had been acting like a table for him, Wire and Heat. 

His eyes were staring holes through the henchman. “I told you to fucking clean! Get the hell back to it!” His voice was so loud and forceful it reached up to where you were sitting no problem. Unfortunately that was not the case for everyone’s voice, you watch them from the crowsnest and see how the man who wanted to kill you was gesturing wildly and then pointed his finger up at you. 

You don’t look away from the scene but you spotted Killer slowly walking over the skull of the ship so he could have a better view of the deck and the comotion. Other people were also now paying attention. Doc was peering past Haiku- the peaches were gone. Where the fuck- did he eat them all? That man..

Heat was leaning back a little to not get hit by Eustass throwing his weight around and Wire just lifted his trident and used it like a barrier against the redheads metal arm that kept slamming against it as he gestured wildly. He was hissing now and you couldn’t hear the captain anymore. Ahhh you’re scared. But if you hid now you’d look guilty..

So you drape your arms over the edge of the crowsnest and try to look as casual as you could while Mr. Ugly was slowly getting more and more desperate. Killer had hopped off the skull and was now walking over to try and de-escalate the situation apparently, grabbing his partner by his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. He’s saying something probably, because Eustass stops his rant to look at his buddy.

People are now kind of dispersing again, apparently Killer intervening meant that it was over. For them anyway. Killer send the dude back to cleaning and gave Kidd a bit of a push to have the dude take a breather and go back to talking to Heat and Wire, both who looked like they were going to piss themselves any minute. From laughter, by the way. Because now they were losing it for some reason. 

No one comes up here. Once Eustass was back to sitting down and getting hassled by his friends, Killer went back to the weights he put down to find himself a comfortable spot to sit at. Which was the previous one. You watch the man hop onto the skull as if he was a light feather with no weight, ignoring the ones in his hands as well. What the fuck- your eyes bulge out at this obvious show of strength.

If you didn’t know any better you’d say he wasn’t human.. As for the ugly one..? He was currently on his knees again and scrubbing the deck violently with a hateful expression. He gave you several heated stares from time to time and you just let him do so, not risking anything again. You were surprised no one deemed to take him seriously or lecture you. Or kill you.

It was severely surreal. Maybe the dude was a usual drama queen..? Whatever the case was, you let it go. You just sat back a bit and wheezed, hugging yourself and gritting your teeth. Yikes, that was nerve wracking. You’re not doing one of those again. That was not worth the stress.

Ohhhh fucking hell. Carefully you got back up again and tried to focus on the task at hand that had been given to you but now you were feeling rather nervous because it felt like any second you’d be pulled down, caught in your actions. You saw the intense difference though, how crewmembers were treated and henchmen. 

Had it been any of the crew making this accusation you’d probably be swimming with the guy who pissed Wire off, at the bottom of the ocean. Your gaze fixated onto the horizon, not noticing at first what you were looking for but when you did it just made your heart sink.

There’s not going to be a rescue. It’s been a while.. What.. Three weeks.. a bit more?.. You would fucking give anything just to know how the others were doing, who had gone, who had lived. You never even got to find out who made it out of this mess. Your gaze traveled over the blue sky, your eyelids drooping halfway.

It was relaxing up here. You could ignore the fact you were on a pirate ship with no one around you, just staring at the scenery and let the calm of the waves take you off into daydreaming. Now that the stress was over you felt an intense need to just curl up and sleep again, of course you do not. You’ve been given a task and you’d do it to your best ability.

* * *

The way down was as bad as the way up. When you’re called to get your ass back on deck you spend at least two minutes trying to find a good spot to put your foot before you risk pummeling to your death at a speed you did not wish to happen. The man who told you to come down only made you more nervous, because for some reason it was Eustass. 

The man was steaming as he watched you impatiently rob your way down the net, until he had enough and when you reached the halfway spot he just came up there, grabbed you by the sweater and threw you the rest. You hit the deck and almost dislocated your arm, pretty sure, but you were down and aside from bruises you seemed fine. But that put you into the position you were in right now.

Sitting on your ass, in front of him and being generally extremely scared, yet having to pretend you weren’t. You wonder how well you were doing since he was looking at you like you were a fucking cockroach.. The man was impressive to look at in every way.. The way he stood as if he owned the world just made you wonder how Han-san had ever thought he could beat this man.. especially after seeing him punch that seaking. 

He’d have killed your boss. You’re lucky they never got to meet..

“Before you run off to cook, I got a question for you, rat.” You twitch at the nickname. Rat. Just like Haiku called you. Was that your new name for them? All of them refused to acknowledge that you had an actual name. It just freaked you a little.. “Yeah?” Please let it be something harmless.

It was not. “Did you flip one of my men off?” Oh god. You swallowed thickly and resisted the urge to hug yourself. Stand your ground is what Heat said but how could you stand your ground in the face of death? The man crouched down, his elbows on his knees as he bore with his cold, unyielding gaze into you. Lie to him. You have to.

Of course you do not like the retard you are.

“..Maybe.. Kind of.. Yeah?” You felt your insides clench as his eyes narrowed even further and he pulled the corner of his lip up as if he was about to open his mouth and bite the hell out of you. He does not, miraculously, take a huge chunk right out of your face and instead pull his face into a sneering grimace. 

“If you do something like that.. you oughta be able to survive the consequences..” You don’t like the sound of that. There’s a sadistic glimmer in his eyes and his grin came out of nowhere, pulling up. “Change of plans.. You’re not cooking dinner yet. I think a little bit of entertainment is in order first..” He muttered lowly, too quietly for you to be comfortable with it. Not good. Not good at all- 

He grabbed you by your neck and dragged you so close you could feel his breath on your face. You’re scared. “I think we deserve some for putting up with you for so long..” 

This was not good at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new episode jesus.   
> My boys. The pain. Let them be happy gdi


	16. Turning Tide

_ “Sometimes, Honey,” Your father was talking, you on his lap and both of you staring out to the sea. “Sometimes violence is the only answer.” You don’t remember how this conversation began, but it led you here. There had been a brawl and your dad had to knock out a burglar. “..But how do I know?” You look up at him, his eyes were not focusing on you, just at the horizon as he continued to speak. _

_ “It’s..” He sighed and narrowed his eyes. “..complicated.” His hair was stroking through your hair. “It’s when there are no other options..” You try to imagine such a situation but it was impossible for your pure, childlike mind. “I’m sure I could talk to them about it!” You chirp at your father, who just laughed with a heavy undertone.  _

_ “I wish it was that easy, honey..” His fingers gently comb through your hair. “Kindness is good, but sometimes you need to put kindness aside and defend yourself.” His gaze finally met yours, his calm gaze to your confused one. “With any means necessary.”  _

* * *

Any means necessary. The thoughts that your father spoke to you that day were swimming circles within your mind, you couldn’t help it in the face of the situation you had found yourself in.. Which would contain Eustass dragging you towards the middle of the deck, his huge hand clamped around your neck and his long fingers pressing onto your windpipe, making any attempt to breath a painful one. 

This had not been what you had hoped for when you finally got the right to enter the mess hall, even if just to cook, but frankly this was your fault. The hell did you even think flipping one of his men off and then admitting to it like the nutcase you were. You could have bit your own tongue off and the result would have been the same. 

Every breath you take is forced, rattled and wheezing, your fingers desperately clawing at his as your legs dragged over the wooden floor below you, your feet unable to find something to stand on or catch themselves. The man huge in comparison to you after all and with him having you by the neck there was no chance of you actually getting away.

It was like a machine had wrapped it’s cold, deadly, unyielding claws around you and this was his human hand, his metal one lax at his other side as he walked with a confident step onwards until he reached the point he wanted, shoving you forwards onto the deck and grinning like the bastard’s son he was. You don’t bother looking around for help. 

You know there’ll be none. 

But people were gathering already, without their captain having said anything. The man was just standing there, watching his men form a form of circle around you and him as he waited with evil glee in his expression. You spot Heat and Wire out of the corner of your eyes, they had abandoned their spot to check out the commotion.

You don’t look too hard but neither of them seemed too bothered.. their faces unreadable. You swallow thickly and look away again, not wanting anymore reminders that you were unwanted and alone on this ship. You were so confused.. they’ve been so nice just recently and now they would let their boss hurt you. Badly.

You don’t think Doc will be able to fix you up from whatever the redhead had planned, the crazed, bloodlusty gaze fixated on you told you differently. There’s a huge pile of blonde in your vision and you spot Killer, who had taken a stance behind his captain with the rest of the crowd to see what was going on, his weights now abandoned. 

You felt like you had made progress but it seemed that whenever you did, you were just thrown back several paces. Your teeth grit at the whole spiel. Just let this be over already, the tension was doing no good to your mental health.. or overall health. What was his deal anyway.. you already did everything you were told. You cleaned this shitty ship, you wanted.. Teddy’s wishlist.. You narrow your eyes at the floor.

Not yet. In case you could survive this without outing your trump card you would. You couldn’t just throw it out all willy nilly- 

“So.” The loud, booming voice of the captain had you look up, wincing when you saw he was no longer grinning and instead staring at you with a grim expression. “You seem to think that you can go around insulting my crew..” You swallowed thickly, some people are glancing at each with schadenfreude.

You don’t look at anyone but Eustass Kidd. The man had taken a firm stance in front of you but was now turning to face his men. “Hover! Get in here!” There’s murmuring coming from all sides but then a man stepped out of the crowd and your stomach clenched at the sight of Mr. Ugly. Hover.. Huh.. He was looking like a rabid animal, basically panting at the sight of you on the floor.

“Just a while ago we had a similar situation.” The redhead hummed, looking over his shoulder at you with a bored face. “..Towards Wire. I think you remember how that went for the cocksucker.” The gears in your head are running desperately, trying to piece together what was going to happen but you were too nervous. 

Eustass continued, turning and slamming his elbow on Hover’s shoulder, the metal elbow, leaning on him with apparently his whole weight and making the other buckle under the weight as he desperately tried to continue to stand. “You’ve been on this ship longer than anyone is comfortable with..” His borderline passive tone as he was spreading your final fate out to you had a hate pool within your stomach. 

Hover looked like he was going to collapse under the weight of his captain, but thankfully for him the bigger man moved away to address his man. “But she’s been here long enough to get a proper send off, eh?” For a moment not much, then they began to roar. Feet stomping on the ground as they apparently got what was going to happen.

You didn’t still and when you looked hectically around you saw that literally everyone but Killer was getting into the heat of whatever this was. Doc, Oliver, Haiku.. Heat and Wire- They were all jeering and yelling incoherently at the middle of the circle as Hover slammed his fists together. You feel slightly numb.

You felt like you made actual progress.. sure, you knew it was fake.. of course they didn’t care. You resist the urge to curl up like Wire had taught you. Stand your ground like Heat told you to.. “I think we know where this is going so let me enlighten our rat.” The man brought silence onto the ship just by talking again, behind him Killer crossed his arms in an indifferent manner.

Eustass had turned to you again and was crouching a little to give you a mocking look to tear you down further. “You didn’t try to bullshit me.. so I’ll allow you a knife.. so you can murder Hover in self defense.” He’s fucking around. You realize it when Hover, aka Mr. Ugly, broke into disgusting cackling alongside his pals. None of them thought you’d make it.

With a grim sense of satisfaction you spot certain faces in the crowd not laughing.. You don’t focus on them as Eustass pulled a knife out of the belt that was strapped over his torso and threw it, slamming it’s sharp end into the wood in front of you. “Don’t do that, Kidd.” Killer groaned from behind the other as if the ship was more precious than a life. To them, it probably was.. 

You stared at it. Your vision narrowed down to the weapon. Now the gears in your head connected the puzzle pieces, clicked them into place and made sense to you of what was about to concur.. A duel. Hover would get to beat the shit out of you unless you managed to get the upper hand. But you knew you couldn’t do it. You have never even stabbed someone-

that’s a lie, isn’t it? “Right, right..” Eustass had turned away and was walking with his stupid grin over to his partner, slapping Killer on the arm and then dragging a barrel over with his powers so he could sit on it next to the blonde, staring at you as the circle formed in a firmer formation, not leaving any room to escape. “You’ll fight, right?” 

You know the consequence to answering that question with no. The thought of the dude that Eustass killed came up in your mind and you swallowed thickly. Nodding, because you had no other choice. You continue to stare at the knife as the ugly man you hated the most right now, probably right after his boss, was pretending to warm up with stretches. 

With any means necessary. But- you couldn’t just kill a person, could you? You couldn’t take someone’s life like.. like Han-san has been doing this whole time. Your eyes are stinging but you’re too stressed to actually cry right now. Your body felt stiff as you reached for the knife, noticing everyone was waiting for you to get ready. 

You grabbed it and to you it felt hot, almost unbearably so, as you pulled it out of the wood and fought to get onto your legs. You’re shaking, you realized, in front of everyone but you could do nothing to stop it. You had to fight this dude for literal survival. You don’t know if Teddy’s wish list would do you much good now.. it would look desperate.. and Eustass hated people who begged. 

Hover was ducking down a little, quick, think. What did you have to your advantage? Nothing, literally anything you could do he’d be better at it.. He would just ram right into you and beat the living hell out.. of you.. Right. You blinked like a fish. He underestimated you. He didn’t actually believe you had it in yourself to kill someone, even with Wire’s story floating around.

You could kill him.. When he came over here you just had to attack him first and put that knife right through his throat. You swallowed thickly at the thought. This wasn’t compatible with who you saw yourself as.. A pacifist. You only had one chance though, he looked like he was trying to rile you into running, a perverse grin on his face. “Once I broke your limbs I’m going to have my fucking way with you, you slut. Right in front of everyone here!” He’s boasting, laughing as if he made a hysterical joke, behind him Eustass made a face that you don’t notice. 

If you killed him it wouldn't just be in self defense but it would have been deliberately. It would have been a planned out act, since you were right now actively trying how to kill him instead of a way to get out of this without murder. You felt oddly numb thinking about it too, you’d have thought you would freak totally at the thought of murder.. but this was just like back then with that corpse.

Except now it was someone who knew what you’ve been through.

And he laughed.

Not just laughed, he participated. 

Something hot and spiteful pooled in your stomach and the resolve to kill this man settled subconsciously within you. It was either you or him. You would have thought more on it but suddenly Hover’s on you, the man was much faster than you thought and before you could process it you’re on your back with the man above you, the knife still clutched into your right hand.

People are roaring and jeering. The noises were bleeding together for you, slowly turning into static as you watched the man ride on his high, he was enjoying this. He was enjoying thinking he’d get to kill you. 

He was laughing-

And oddly vulnerable like this. You don’t even shriek when the man grabbed you roughly by your throat, your whole arm that had the knife shaking, the battle of morale and survival instinct at large- you wanted to be a good person, you couldn’t just lower yourselves to their level.

Right, you were a marine, a lawful citizen, a woman that upheld rules in the world and protected the weak. You couldn’t just these filthy fuckers break all of your morals- what were you? You were no longer a child. You’d go- you’d let him kill you and face your parents with your dignity intact. 

The knife slices through his throat so much easier than you could have imagined it. It wasn’t all that quick, you just clumsily tore your arm up with the sharp side pointing up, ramming the entire blade right through his jugular and tearing it further to the other side until you could see his throat split open like a fruit. 

The commotion caused by the other pirates stopped so abruptly you didn’t even notice it as you were doused in blood, with you right below the pirate it splashed right into your face and chest, arms, hands- You were seeing red and Hover was wheezing, trying to grab his throat to keep his blood within himself, for that he let you go. One stab had been enough.

Yet you stab him again, you pull your arm back and slam it into the man’s space where shoulder and neck met, causing the dude to jerk off of you and try to stumble away- just for him to slump onto the ground, choking around his own blood with wide, desperate eyes, clawing at the wound in desperate hope to keep it closed. 

You’re on him like a vulture- just stabbing the body below yourself like there was nothing else left in this world. Everything was red and wet and it smelled awful and felt warm- It had been over so fast your brain didn’t even realize what your body had done yet, a blank, stubborn expression on your face as you sent this man to hell how he deserved it. 

You’re fucking bathing in this man, his fluids were all over you and there was so much it was hard to even notice the tears that welled up in your eyes as you let yourself go, a piece of your soul flying away to never return. The morality you’ve been clinging to was worth shit in the face of death, fear had claimed hold of your actions. 

You wanted to live so desperately- yet you’ve just killed one of their men, literally in the middle of a circle- suddenly you’re hyper aware of all the blood and guts and you recoil in disgust, leaving the knife lodged into the now dead man as you crawled off him and a bit away from his body before putting your forehead to the floor and squeezing your eyes shut.

What happened to you? God what the fuck had you done- you don’t even care about the fact you’re about to be executed for killing one of them. What the fuck had you done?! You’re going to vomit- you can’t- your throat was clenched shut and you didn’t move, just staying on the floor and trying to ignore the warm feeling of blood dripping down your body. 

There’s footsteps coming closer. You don’t care. It’s Eustass, you recognize his boots out of the corner of your eyes when you opened them. The man stopped next to you and then you’re grabbed by the scruff of your sweater and lifted off the floor and into the air, dangling like a doll in front of him as he stared at you with something akin to disbelief and.. something else. You can’t place it. 

He puts you down and slams his hand onto your shoulder, the human one, forcing you to turn around and face the mess you made and the men that had just watched you kill their friend. Your gaze falls onto the knife, Hover’s dead eyes staring blankly yet in a scared manner down at the floor as if that had been where his vision fell when his head was impossible to lift again. 

“Congrats.” Eustass’s voice was right next to your ear, he had leaned down a little to look at the corpse that was currently bleeding out on deck. You can’t tell what his tone implied. “..You get his spot.” Your eyebrow twitches, not comprehending yet what was going on. But then the captain already stood straight again and walked off, towards the captains cabin. “Someone else clean that up. She stays.” It’s deadpan and deafening in the silence of the situation.

No one says or does anything.

Then the whole deck fucking exploded and everyone was going apeshit. Killer dodged out of the crowd as it went ballistic, you’re being swamped by them as they were cheering and laughing in an almost hysterical manner, stepping over the man that you just killed- you can’t breath. You’re going to cry-

Heavy arms wrap around you and you’re spun and pressed into a firm chest. “Holy fucking shit! I can’t believe it, Holy FUCK!” It’s Wire- the man had lifted you like a doll and was laughing openly at you. “My training paid off, sure as hell, didn’t it?!” He looked so excited about the fact you killed this man that was supposed to be his comrade. 

The stark contrast of henchman and crewmember hung heavily in the air again. You highly doubt you could have pulled the same stunt with a crewmember, mostly because they’d actually have killed you without getting cocky about it.. probably. You’re being pulled on. “Fucking share, goddamnit!” It’s Doc. The man was patting you over with a wide grin. 

You spot Haiku too, Heat- Oliver.. They’re celebrating but you don’t even know what the fuck they were all losing their minds over. You’re tired. You’re so fucking tired and filthy and you can’t take another shower- can you? You just dig your fingers into Doc and stare at him with as much misery you could muster into a gaze.

It seemed to snap him out of his high a little as he suddenly tilted his head back and barked loudly. “Alright! Show’s over! Fuck off already!” There’s complaints all around but they’re getting shooed off regardless, until Doc gave up and just grabbed you by your wrist and started dragging you towards the medical room. You let him.

You’re basically pushed up the tiny set of stairs and through the door, you stumble, blood dripping off your skin and clothes. There’s still voices babbling at each other. Your roommates had followed, Haiku had grabbed Oliver by his shoulder and was shaking the man, ranting at him about something. It was almost comical, seeing how big Oliver was in comparison. 

Heat was looking a bit put off but happy and Wire was kicking someone who invited himself to the group out the med room. Doc was just walking to his desk to get something apparently but you don’t get up. The sound of the door being closed broke the dam. 

You curl up on the floor.. and then you cry. First quietly but then louder and louder, it wasn’t terribly loud, just loud enough to be audible if you were within the room. It seemed to pull all of the men out of their party funk and it grew eerily silent. You don’t know what to expect but then there’s a heavy hand on your back.

“You did great.” It’s Heat again. You.. hate him. You hate all of them. They did this to you- they forced your hand into murder. You hiccup and cover your face, just bawling into the floor and ignoring the hand giving gentle rubs to your back. Up and down. Up and down. “Don’t you get it?” It’s Haiku, the man was shuffling around and sitting on a bed.

“You’re safe! Literally, you’re the first prisoner we ever took into the crew! Sure, you’re just a cabin girl and Kidd will prolly still want to test you at some corners but I’m sure you’ll worm your way up sooner than later.” The man gave you two finger guns and you narrowed your eyes at him after you lifted your head. “I got a feeling. You could probably join our crew member ranks if you work on yourself.” 

They said that as if that’s what you wanted. Which it wasn’t. You wanted to be a marine, you wanted to be ok, you wanted to not be abused at every fucking corner but all of those things you couldn’t just tell them. Not all of it anyway. You swallow. Once. Twice. Only after the third time did your throat stop clenching so badly.

“I.. Just so I get to continue to be a punching bag?” It’s a valid worry that wouldn’t be too offensive. You can’t tell them you didn’t want to be here because you wanted to be a marine but you could tell them you didn’t want to be hurt anymore. Heat’s hand on your back gave you a gentle pat. “You’re a henchy now.” He supplied.

Oliver grunted from where he stood. “Believe it or not, they’re treated better than prisoners.” There’s a pause and the men were looking at each other. “If only slightly..” Oliver added with a roll of his eyes before snorting as Doc broke into laughter. Wire shook his head and put his face into his hand. Haiku just wheezed alongside his buddies. 

It’s Heat who continues. “This rank will keep you safe from the other henchmen at least.” He grinned, forcing you to sit up so you weren’t curled up anymore. “You get to talk back now too.” He thinks a bit. “..As long as it isn’t with Kidd or Killer or any of the other crew members. I think we’re safe.” 

They continue to talk among each other, Heat’s hand never leaves your back and you slowly begin to tune them out. There was nothing you could say that would appropriately convey the mental pain you were going through right now. Not without losing the spot you had literally killed for not even an hour ago. 

Something prodded you in the middle of all this. Your eyes focusing in again as the memory of what had occurred suddenly slammed into you, but not the memory of you killing this man. They laughed at their friend saying he’d rape and kill you. Your mind’s racing. 

Among all of this mess, a clear thought finally came through. That despite all of this fucked up mess, you made it to second base. Second base being where you were right now. As a cabin girl. You were part of the ‘crew’ now. You weren’t a prisoner- well you still were but now you were a prisoner who had rights. Like the right to shave. Clothes. Not listening to the henchmen if she wanted to. It’s.. a huge step you didn’t expect to make today. 

Despite all of this, you did not feel happy. How would you be able to? It took an entire human life to get to this point. His life was gone, you bled him dry. You wipe over your eyes, carefully sitting up and feeling how Heat made an effort to keep his hand on your back. You let him, not like you could just shove the dude off. He was twice your size.

“..I want new clothes.” You hiccup. It wasn’t at all what you had wanted to say. You wanted to rage at them for daring to laugh in the face of your misery. They fucking cheered their comrade on as he proclaimed intense violence onto you. Then you killed the man and instead they cheered you on. All of these men were fucking insane.

“Sure. We’ll hit land soon.” Heat hummed, finally letting up and standing to his height. Giving a hand gesture to Oliver and Haiku, who both pulled a face at the man and Oliver even rolled his eyes. “Gimme a fuckin’ break.. I’m not cleaning that shit out there.” Heat scoffed. “So you are hiding. Wondered why you two even tagged along.” 

Haiku groaned from where he stood and walked over. “Excuse me? Team bonding? The hell do you think we are, we’re not strays or some shit!” 

“Ooof course. You two. Team Building.” Doc piped up and gave a cackle at the looks he was getting. “Shut your mouth over there, fucking peach muncher.” There they went.. Just- pretending no one died just now. Now they’re hurling insults at each other in good nature, laughing about the reactions they got and what not. 

“..Aren’t you upset?” Heat glanced down at you and gave you a depressed frown. That frown looked so sad you were sure the man was miserable but at the same time he was almost smiling- it was just too many emotions at once right now. “About?” He put his hands on his hip and gave you a stare, you try not to shrink under it.

“..I killed.. your friend?” The sentence is barely out of your mouth when Doc barked into laughter, followed by Haiku. Oliver gave you an almost angry expression, Wire seemed impassive and Heat just handed you a shrug. “Hover joined the crew maybe a week before we caught you.” Caught. Like an animal. The way he worded it seemed to fall odd with him too. “I mean, before we invited you on board.” 

Doc’s laughter becomes more hysterical in the background and he’s falling off his stool to roll on the floor like a toddler. Haiku had to crouch and put his hands onto his knees to not fall over and now Oliver and Wire looked mildly amused too at Heat trying to appease your frantic person. You, despite your effort to remain calm, couldn’t help but let tears well up in your eyes again at the reminder of your capture.

Heat doesn’t look so well, in fact, he looked like he’s about to combust. “I’ll- I’m getting you new clothes. Doc, give her a fucking rag she can’t take another shower.” The man grumbled and moved to the door, grabbing Haiku, who was still losing it and now almost on the floor, and throwing the man over his shoulder and motioning for Oliver to come along. Wire went of his own will, shaking his head slightly at the mess that was Doc. 

God. You hate them. You watch the four men depart to do whatever was next and leave you alone with your crippling guilt… and Doc. Who’s still crying on the floor. You can’t begin to imagine what could be so funny about this shit.

The urge to attack him is great but you fight it down.. staring blankly at the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Motivation dwindling for the lack of options to nerd out literally I have no One Piece pals 
> 
> Someone take my hand and take me to the promised land
> 
> Sob
> 
> I think this is my worst chapter but lemme know if I’m wrong


	17. Henchie Time

The irony of the whole situation was not lost on you. Here you were, prisoner, having outlived two henchmen on this vessel now. One who insulted Wire and one you had insulted and then murdered yourself. It was.. you try not to think too hard on it and closed your eyes, letting the soft motion of the Victoria punk rock you a little. You were currently laying in a hammock. An actual hammock, within the confines of the henchmen quarters. There were some other men, mostly sleeping, some talking, but it was mainly empty at the moment, even though it was evening.

Gohsikai would be breached in two days. It had been a day since you had killed Hover and the dirty feeling didn’t leave your hands ever since. In fact, it just got worse over time. The fact that the man had apparently just been thrown overboard like some heap of garbage and then forgotten made you just.. it was wrong. 

These people were so fucking wrong. Who hurt them to make them like this? You’re getting dizzy just thinking about it. Life had taken a huge turn since that event though. It hadn’t been long, really, right now was the first time you didn’t have to sleep on the ground. Things had changed drastically aside from your new sleeping place, which was no longer with the crewmembers. 

You’re happy you had a spot to actually lay and just melt away but it was a bit disconcerting that it was with fifteen+ other men in a single room, the bottom of the ship where there was plenty of space. A bit cramped but it was comfortable. You had been ‘put to sleep’ by Oliver around thirty minutes ago. You had spent the whole day trying to forget about your sins, cleaning and working as hard as you could with your smaller size and weaker constitution. 

It was ridiculous how much different you were treated now. Before most men on this ship hadn’t bothered to even look at you as they walked around. And now? Now people actually came to you to introduce themselves, invite you to drink next opportunity, they just acted all together as if they had not been trying to kill you for almost an entire month. 

It made you sick and oddly filled you with a fake sense of security. Before people clearly hadn’t cared because they thought you would be dead soon, the fact that they now cared to ask your actual name implied they planned on remembering it because they’d have to use it for quite some time.. Talking of time..

You had Teddy’s wishlist with you now. You stuffed the papers into the single pillow that had been provided for you and it had been in there ever since. Working on it was harder now. You made sure to roll up completely within your hammock so no one could see. Still, it made you nervous just thinking about it. How the hell the transfer of it from the bottom of a closet to the inside of a pillow worked as smoothly as it did was beyond your comprehension but you rolled with it. 

You think it might be finished before you guys hit Goshikai and you planned on talking to Killer about it once you reached land. Just to maybe put the idea there. Do something useful. Show them you were worth more than just for cleaning. Eustass had acknowledged that you liked to tinker so maybe building something like this for them would put you in the green.. You stare blankly ahead, trying to see the future.

You don’t know what to think.. Something had come to your attention that you didn’t know earlier of. Eustass didn’t seem like the type who liked to wait for retribution so why did he only pointed out your insult to Hover when you were done? Something struck you off with that. You close your eyes. Trying to figure out what had gone on when you did not hear their conversation. What did Hover tell Eustass if not what you had done..?

You doubted Killer would let something like this fester either. Maybe you’re looking too deep into this and they just wanted to make you believe that you were safe when really you were not. It was.. messed up. You’re exhausted. Your body was just aching from all the work, all the sleep on the floor, you smelled a bit of blood still seeing how you were not allowed another shower to not waste anymore water.

If Teddy’s wish list was actually going to work that would be a problem of the past.. If all went well at least. There’s shuffling noises right next to you and you try to ignore them, even though they sounded like they were right in your ear. Calm down, it’s cramped, of course people would- 

someone copped a feel.

You resist the urge to go rigid at the feeling of a hand patting around under you until it found your ass to apparently just leave the hand there. You stare with wide eyes into the darkness. You have to be- What are you supposed to do? Was this a henchman? If it was you had the right to explode but if you sat up now and you were faced with a crewmember you’d have to implode. 

The hand doesn’t leave your ass and then actually gives it a gentle squeeze. They thought you were sleeping. After this you’re never going to be able to marry without feeling ashamed of yourself- fuck it! With a ruck you sat up in your hammock and stared into the direction of whoever the FUCK was touching you. 

It is a henchman. Staring at you with at first surprise but then with what you thought were bedroom eyes?? Or they were supposed to be and then he just fucking- he grabs your ass again and you slap him. Not out of reflex alone but deliberately. It’s loud and it gives a nice, sounding smack that’s easily audible to people close to you. 

Immediately your body goes rigid this time, expecting a huge confrontation but the dude just hissed at you and backed off, giving you angry glares. “Fuck- A no would be enough you tramp!” He’s not even trying to hit you back. Not yet anyway. But you can see in his gaze that he wanted to. Say something, be strong. “Maybe ask next time then, you asshole! Creep!” You hurl insults at him. He frowned at that reaction and seemed to be about to actually get up and make a scene but the laughter of two of his comrades seemed to humble him. 

“Rejected. Damn.” 

“Come on dude, don’t start anything down here.” 

“Yeah.” 

The intervention of those two seemed to make the man who groped you reconsider starting a fight, he visibly relaxed his body and just moved over to his buddies, who were sitting in front of each other to take a seat with them. It was surreal how easily the situation was defused, just like that. Before, when you were a prisoner, there was no way you’d get out of that without a slap.

Sure, you got groped before but then you had to just grit your teeth and bare it.. and run. It was a safe way to not get beaten up. You weren’t talking back and not putting up a fight and just could claim you were trying to clean faster. 

Now.. your new life as a henchman of the Kidd Pirates had begun and you didn’t really know what else would change aside from the demeanor other people had towards her. The Hammock is comfortable but now your nerves are burning a little. Oh gosh. You were.. not sure if you would be any safer now but.. oddly you almost felt like it.

You getting touched isn’t new but the fact they’ll leave you alone this easily was. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe you’d get used to. Maybe they’d get used to you- Maybe you should stop overthinking and get the fuck to sleep before you had to wake up already and work without any rest. 

..You’ll try and make some friends tomorrow with the other henchmen. You could always use more allies. So, you curl up and close your eyes, trying to fall asleep and oddly, easily enough, it finally does come to you. After thirty more minutes..

* * *

Goshikai is a day away now. You slept, so fucking, good in that fucking, shitty hammock. What the fuck- you never even knew how much you appreciated furniture between you and the floor. Your back barely even hurt! By tomorrow you would probably not have any pain in your back anymore.. unless someone decided to kick it.

Yesterday things had still been a bit off chance and you ate with Haiku and Doc outside on deck because they wanted to fish next to it. It had been kind of inconvenient. You guys caught nothing and they lost their food when they accidently dropped both their plates into the ocean. It had been a traumatizing moment for all of you. But they said today they’d do it again. Without the food. 

They wanted to fish after breakfast and this time you’d have to hold a fishing rod too because apparently you had to learn how to fish. Why? Beyond you. But you don’t complain or fight them on it. Mhmhm.. You’re nervous. You’d be eating breakfast with the henchmen today once the crew was done. In the mess hall. You helped making food yesterday so you’ve been in there before but never to eat. 

Today was the day man. “Shrimp!” You don’t react until you’re grabbed by your shoulder and spun around. Ah. You stare in confusion at three dudes that were currently crowding you. You take in their appearance with a skeptical eye as fast as you could.

To your left was a ginger, more an orange/blonde mix that was basically a mop framing a young looking face. The dude was freckled and only had an eye, the other one being blue. There was a huge scar going down the right half of his face and scarred the corner of his mouth a little. 

Dude was scrawny and rather tall but not nearly as tall as Wire, right now he was grinning at you which made you notice he was missing a tooth where the scar ran along. Kind of? There was a gold tooth replacing it. It was surreal to actually see a golden tooth. What the heck. 

Man in the middle was a bit larger in body mass, twice your width and no hair at all on his scalp but to compensate he had a beard that went all the way down to the lower part of his chest. Both of his massive arms were covered in bull tattoos. Not. single one, no, just multiple tattoos of bulls in different poses. 

He wore a pair of sunglasses so you couldn’t even see his eyes but his grin reminded you of a grandpa.. it made his face crinkle and wrinkle a bit like a bulldog. 

And then the last of the three was a light black man on your right. He had dreadlocks, similar to Heat, but not nearly as long and tied into a short ponytail. He had a moustache and his grin revealed that he had sharp teeth. If they were el natural or not was aside from the point, his eyes were a bit sharper and the color they sported were brown.

He was rather buffly build and on second glance you noticed that he was wearing a tongue piercing when he began to speak. “Welcome on deck! For real this time. We were on guard duty yesterday so we didn’t get to introduce ourselves yet!” 

They looked like a chocolate combo from left to right.

White Chocolate, Normal and Dark bitter. You felt odd thinking about it like that. 

“Breakfast’s in a bit, you’re sitting with us, right?” Ginger spoke up, throwing his arm around you and ruffling your hair. There are hands fucking everywhere. They were petting you like a lost kitten. You’re so confused. “I- Uh! Yeah, sure!” You just go with it. What the hell? You wanted to make friends anyway. 

You didn’t anticipate it’d be this easy. They just came to you and invited you to eat with them. “Ah- I’m Y/N L/N,” You take a quick bow which made them pull their eyebrows up but they’re still in a good enough mood to ignore your tick you still had from the navy. The ginger spoke up.

“I’m Clip.” He pointed at his face and.. winked? He tilted his head like he was winking but it’s beyond you whether he actually was due to the fact he only had one eye. “Fatso here is Bruno Kleffer an’ dis asshole is Zachary.” First he pointed at the man with the beard, then at the black man.

You felt sick at hearing the name Clip. Clip like your old colleague but you guessed it wasn’t that original of a name to have, seeing why the dude was named Clip. It was because his lip was clipped, right? He looked so different from the man you knew too, they had nothing in common. Nothing. You push the thoughts away. It’s not like Clip was his actual name, it had just been a nickname. Clip’s actual name had been Chiffon.

So, ginger was Clip, bulldog was Bruno and the man on the right was Zachary. You try to commit the names to memory immediately and just gave a shaky smile. You remember them. Not by name but appearance. In fact, you were pretty sure none of them had been this friendly to you before. 

“Ah.. Nice to meet you?” You itch a bit away from them or try to but Clip’s arm around your neck didn’t budge. “You wouldn’t be able to guess how surprised we were when you got Hover’s spot.” You wince at the mention of the dead man but Bruno continued to talk regardless. “Now that you did though we wanted to apologize for our previous behavior and start from scratch 1, seeing how we will be working together.” 

That did catch you off guard. Zachary spoke up. “Yeah, I’m, uh,” He scratched the back of his head. “Really sorry for dumping that garbage on you when you got here.” And at first you’re at a loss, trying to remember when something like that happened until it hit you. It had been when you were starving on deck. You felt suddenly not as good anymore and your smile goes away.

All three notice the change of behavior. Zachary lifted his hands in surrender. “I wouldn’t do it again! We thought you were going to die anyway- So we just fucked around a bit!” ..Fucked around a bit. Fuck. Him. You force yourself to not wrench away from Clip and just give them something close to a grimace. “Hah.. Yeah. Uh.. Whatever, right?” You shrug as if it didn’t matter even if it did.

“I thought I was dying too so.. who cares. I’m not dead yet!” You give a careful fistbump upwards into the air, trying to appear upbeat and chipper and at first you thought it didn’t work but then they relax and begin to laugh at you. “For sure!” Bruno blubbered, the deep and oddly smooth almost baritone of his voice made you think of Killer but the blonde had a deeper voice yet and was far less blubbery. 

“Great that that’s out of the way.” Clip supplied and nudged you with his fist in the stomach, you laugh it off while several memory images come up where one of the people on the ship decked you in the area or where Wire kicked you there. You try not to flinch. “So.. breakfast?” You smile carefully and finally relax when they backed off a bit and headed in the vague direction of the mess hall. 

“They’re prolly goin’ to be done soon.” Zachary hummed and stretched a little, you had to hurry to fall into step next to him. Now you guys were a row of four. It made you feel like you were part of a group and immediately safer. Put on the charm! Secure your newfound spot! Would be easier with something to work with.. “Mhh..”

Your eyes find Bruno’s arms. “I really like your tattoos.” You just humm, trying to seem casual but the reaction was a good one anyway. The big man lit up like a fire and Zachary rolled his eyes while Clip gave you a side eye. “I’ve done them myself!” The man stopped to show off the ink and now that was interesting. “Yourself? Even at the back of your arms..?” The man grinned at you. “Yep.” How.. “But.. how did you see what you were doing?” 

The look you got from the man made you nervous, feeling like you offended him but then you just got a wink. “That’s a secret.” Zachary groaned loudly. 

“No way you made them. I never saw you touch a fucking tattoo needle your whole life.” Bruno bristled and made an offended noise. “How, fucking- You’re calling me a fucking liar?!” Oh wow. The change in attitude was so abrupt you immediately backed off. Sweating a little as both men got right into each other’s faces. Yikes. Hella yikes. 

Clip just continued walking and because you felt like it’d be safer you joined him until you reached the stairs that went up to the mess hall. He sat down on the ground and you mimic him easily enough, watching Zachary and Bruno, who now had begun to brawl with each other in earnest. That shit escalated so badly you didn’t even remember how it started. 

“Don’t worry about them. They love each other.” Clip grinned at you, showing off his golden tooth and you give him a smile back, a nervous one. “Ah, I’m sure. I just have to get used to it!” He gives you a gentle slap on the back and nodded. “Right so.” He leaned back and looked up to the door. 

“Let’s try to get in there first. You gotta act fast because otherwise the best stuff will be gone.” Clip grinned at you and gave two thumbs up. You stare at him and then smile back, giving him two thumbs back. “We’ll just run over the competition.” He perked up and snorted. 

“We’ll throw you.” 

“I’m the lightest among you it won’t be effective. Throw Bruno-“ You hear the man yell from over his spot. “I’d like to see you try!”

Looking over he and Zachary had each other in a grapple and were shoving around, the darker skinned man that had the fat man in his hold was laughing loud and openly. “I’ll help throw him! With Bruno as the cannonball we’re sure to take everyone out at once!” 

Clip tilted his head back and broke into cheery laughter. Bruno retaliated by throwing Zachary right over himself, the man landing on his back in front of you and Clip with a loud ‘OOMPH’. You startle and press against the wall, sure he would be upset but Zachary didn’t even get up, he just laughed and got into a sitting position as Bruno walked over.

Say something. “Maybe we could bull charge them if we’re unable to lift Bruno-“ “Yes!” The bearded man clapped his hands and grinned widely. “Let’s do that-“ “We can’t actually start an actual fight with the others calm down-“ “Yeah seriously don’t even think on it, the boss is going to tear our assholes wide open if we start another war in the mess hall.”

Your conversation dripples off, times goes on.

* * *

When that door opened you felt immediate tension. Expecting Kidd to yell around or whatever but the man was deep in a conversation with his partner, Killer, both not even paying much attention to you as they passed you by. Seemingly at least. They didn’t seem to have noticed you at all. Following their gaze you suddenly notice that the men who didn’t eat yet seemed tense.

“Alright!” It’s Oliver talking, the man was standing up there and lifting an arm. “Go nuts.” He deadpanned, stepping away from the door. And everyone exploded into action. You’re grabbed by your hip. What- “Go long!” “Wait no-“ But you’re already mid air- he threw you. You shriek loud enough you’re sure to attract attention. 

Whoever the fuck threw you is going to get your foot up their ass- the floor is upon you! You land right in the door to the mess hall, stumbling forward and running against the table. Ah fuck me. Your whole body was wobbly and you felt like you were going to vomit but the rampant sound of footsteps has you collect yourself- 

Like Zachary told you to, you hoard food you want to eat- not just for yourself though. Bruno’s coming to the door second, probably having run over everyone else on his way here and spotted you at the end of the table, you had taken residence there to not be in everyone’s reach when they entered. You lift your arm and wave wildly. “I got you stuff too!” 

His doubting face fell into one of glee and he jogged over to you- the room was bursting with noise as everyone went at the breakfast table like a bunch of rabid animals. Soon you’re joined by Clip and Zachary who help you and Bruno secure your delicious treasure from the dangers that were the hungry mouths of your fellow henchies. 

A team of four had a high success rate, you find out. Plates stuffed full of all kinds of food you four settle into the corner of the room in a protective circle, you in the corner and Bruno facing the mess, Clip and Zachary on the sides. Your mouth was running just looking at it- you got all kinds of meats and shit, you grabbed an onion that had been left half peeled but not eaten.

“You’re not actually eating the onion, right?” Zachary muffled at you with a full mouth, pointing at you with a fork he managed to snatch. You grin at him and since you didn’t have a knife you had to use your fingernails to pry it apart into it’s layers to put onto your bread before drowning it into cheese and bacon with more cheese and ham and then slapping another piece of bread on top. All three men are giving you odd looks.

You don’t even care as you take a huge bite out of your cheese, meat and onion sandwich and make a happy noise as the taste explodes in your mouth. Your first actual meal in the mess hall and you weren’t even eating it alone. It was fucking delicious. Your eyes tear as you take another bite and begin scarfing down the food. 

“Lemme see..” Out of the corner of your eyes Clip was mimicking what you had done with your bread and was shoveling all kinds of shit on there. When he was done he looked at the hot mess he created, shrugged and inhaled the thing as if he was a vacuum. Chewing with full cheeks and widening his eye before moving to make another.

You can’t possibly be the first one to think of this, right? Apparently so. Because Zachary and Bruno were now doing it too- Zachary coming up with the grossest combination of honey, cheese, onion and bacon? Well, you bet it tasted good! You were so starved out from all those days where you had to struggle for food- this was heaven. “Mpfhhf.. You guys..” 

You get their attention. You chew a bit more and swallow thickly, having to drink a huge gulp of milk to wash it down completely. Hurrah for their fridge. “Wanna team up again this dinner?” You try to sound casual but your nerves were running. It’s not like you wanted to give them the impression that you just hung out for food but that was exactly the reason. You wanted more food. 

Zachary grunted with a mouth full and gave Bruno a shove with his elbow, who looked at him in a questioning body posture. “What?” Zachary motioned with his hands while chewing vigorously. The fat man had no fucking clue- “I can’t figure out your ugly facade, you shit, what the fuck do you want?” The man with dreadlocks grunted and slammed his fist onto his chest, forcing the food down before addressing you. 

“Can you read?” Clip lifted his head and Bruno perked up a little. Suddenly you felt a bit left out in the middle. Uh.. “Yeah?” You blink at them. Clip raised his eyebrow and Bruno seemed to catch on what his buddy had wanted earlier. “Thought so. Navy Girl like you must have had education. Like, proper one.” 

“Mhh.. Kind of.” You felt a bit uncomfortable at their sudden change of demeanor. This seemed to be serious. “How ‘bout dis then.” Clip drawled, putting his chin on his hand and staring holes through you. “Ye teach us an’ we happy to hang out wheneva.” Oh. You were.. confused. 

“You.. can’t read?” It’s a careful question put into the room, you stare at them one after the other. Bruno had to be what, twice or thrice your age? Zachary and Clip both didn’t seem to be over forty but they were definitely older than you as well. Suddenly them seeking you out made a lot more sense but why didn’t they ask one of their other friends? You’re confused. 

“Sharp.” Bruno scoffed and narrowed his eyes at you. Zachary wasn’t smiling anymore either and you realized you maybe have offended them by accident. You lift your hands in defense. “I’m not like, I don’t think you’re stupid but why come to me? I’m the newest person here. Wouldn’t your friends be better options?” 

They glance among each other and Bruno rolled his shoulders, shoving some more meat into his mouth to chew and give a look to Clip who tilted his head from side to side. “Ye see.” He began. “Me, Bruno an’ Zachary actually joined the crew with Hover and another guy who’s also no longer around, ye remember the Wire incident.” Your stomach felt a lot heavier all of sudden and you press back into the corner almost automatically. 

The ginger made a face and lifted his hand in mock surrender. “We dun’ share his views an’ to be fair, didn’t know of ‘em. None o’ us knew each other joinin’ the crew but we three kinna lowballed it since, mate, the boss dun’ be needing illiterate idiots.” You can slowly piece together the problem they had. “We had kind of our own reasons individually for joining up with this group.” Zachary cut in and made a wavy motion. 

“Mostly to get out of the shit hole we had been in at the current time.” The man huffed and glanced over his shoulder. “Obviously there is a certain standard and we three didn’t meet it at the time.” Bruno cuts in. “Nor do we now. He doesn’t ask of us to be scholars or whatever but he does expect his men to be able to disarm a bomb if the written instructions are right next to them.” 

“So you lied to get in?” Your eyebrows go all the way up. This was so fucking surreal- your first actual day as a henchman and you were included in.. in what was this- a conspiracy? Not mutiny but they did admit to having denied their inability to read towards the captain of the ship. That Eustass wanted his men to be able to read was expected. The Kidd Pirates were savages but they were one of the most notorious crews out there. 

You doubted any of the higher ups had the time and want to play teacher for the henchmen. You stare dryly at the ground, listening to Zachary talk. “We didn’t fucking lie to his face-“ He spat in a rude manner but Clip put a hand on his chest and turned to you again. “We just didn’t mention it. We knew what was wanted and needed, aware of risk of death and shit, we just told him we were valid options and he let us tag along.”

So those three were the newbies before you got here and stuck together due to their secret. They were pretty friendly to each other, risking your life lying to your captain and the rest of the crew would make people stick to each other. So many questions run through your head. “How did you even know you couldn’t read if you didn’t know each other at the time?” 

“Eh-“ Clip goes red. Almost to his neck. “I mighta let it slip that I couldn’t read for shit and these two idiots admitted to it mere seconds after we talked to Killer. We kinna stuck ‘round each other afta’ dat.” 

“..And why me again? Wouldn’t you be able to ask someone who’s been in the crew longer? What made you so sure I’d say yes?” Your head hurts a little as you leaned into the corner, picking up more food to gnaw on it. The noise of the other men yelling and laughing with each other drowned out your conversation.

“Cuz we can take you.” Bruno deadpanned and you almost spit out the bread you’ve been gnawing on, looking up in confusion. Clip made a face and Zachary rolled his eyes before he continued. “You’re even newer than us and aside from that, a marine rat.” The word rat he almost spit out in front of you. The friendly feeling you had was gone. You’re surrounded by enemies again.

“Listen’, not like we wanna but if ya tried to out us we could get rid o’ ya without facin’ much punishin’. The boss dun’ like ya enough as ye are.” Clip shrugged and his buddies nodded. “So either you teach us or you go swimming.” Zachary added, looking at you with a bit of an odd face. Bruno scratched his beard.

All three men look uncomfortable and almost guilty. Almost. 

“Ye were much more amicable than we thought ya were gunna be, seein’ how we sat front row when ya were strugglin’ to live an’ laughin ‘bout it” Clip scratched the back of his head, Zachary’s disdain disappeared and he made a bit of a face. “Especially me, you just said it was cool I was dumping trash over you when you were in total agony.” 

Bruno nodded from his spot and he lifted both hands. “So we really hope you’re going to-“ “Yeah ok.” Your voice sounds dead to you. Two steps forward. Five backwards. What else was new. You stare blankly at the floor and then putting some food you wanted to take with you onto your plate. You’d save it for later..

Zachary eyed you ‘packing up’. “..Ok what?” Idiot. “I’ll teach you.. I need to find some books for it but after that it’s not going to be that hard.” You’re not smiling at them anymore. You’re getting up with your little food saved on your plate. Clip put a hand on his knee and pushed himself up as well. “Ey, c’mon- we can still be buddies aside from dis-“ Bruno perked up. “Right! Just see it as you helping out your friends!” Zachary winced. The man probably noticed how fucked up this was. Hopefully. 

Yeah. You know. These men had no issue torturing and killing their comrades. Stark reminder. “..I’ll go find some books.” You just step over Zachary and make a beeline for the exit. You hear Clip try and call after you. You don’t turn around until you’re at the door, your face hot and red with shame and anger, tears stinging in your eyes. 

All three men were sitting in their corner again and looking somewhat bummed out. Zachary threw a look over and spotting your upset form his face pulled into an uncomfortable facade. They weren’t crewmembers. You didn’t think they were that tough- because all three looked guilty. It was the first time you could read the emotions of the people on this vessel.

The crewmembers were much more unpredictable. You turn around and leave. You would go to your hammock and store your food, then help with the dishes once everyone was done. You felt like you ran right into a trap. Stupid! How the fuck could you have forgotten the fact that these men were your enemies!

Stupid, trusting, idiot. You feel so ashamed of yourself for letting your guard down so easily. Learn. Adapt. Path of least resistance. They want to be friends? Fine. Let’s be fucking friends. Your teeth grit as hate pooled in your stomach. You’ll give them a friend so good they would hate themselves for trying to hurt you. 

It was the only thing you had to offer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might cut this story short to like, put it into a series since this is getting kinda long.
> 
> Good or bad idea. 
> 
> Not that this ends with like 100 chapters lol


	18. Poker Night

_You’re staring in confusion at the picture in front of you. It was no memory, you recognize immediately. Instead you were looking at something that seemed recent. It was you, sitting on deck next to the railing. Looking around you find the ship was empty aside from you. This.. What? “Hello?” Your voice sounded different._

_Whatever was putting you off seemed unkosher. It was.. odd. This was the first time you ever found yourself in a dream like this. If it was a dream? You don’t remember usually being this self aware in them. Yet this seemed oddly calming. Your whole body cringed and twisted suddenly- what?_

_You’re face to face with Heat. With a shriek you try to block the oncoming mass of human but instead he walked right through you, following him with your gaze you watch the man take a seat next to the dream-you. Both of you smiling at each other and him reaching out to pat you again._

* * *

Your eyes snap open and your whole body jumps at the noise and feeling that your grumbling stomach gifted you, almost making you fall out of the hammock you had been laying in like a wet sack of rice. The way you were suspended in the air made you feel like produce from time to time but at least you didn’t have to sleep on the floor anymore.

It’s a new day. 

A new day after the one yesterday was such a fucking disaster, a new day that left you with another day until your reached Goshikai. If everything went well tomorrow would be the time to hit port, where you had resolved yourself to converse with Killer about Teddy’s wish list. Maybe. You were still scared of the man beyond comprehension.

Maybe you would not yet pull out all of your cards to present them to the world, seeing how you just got turned into a henchman and didn’t want to seem too desperate to move up the ranks, which was not what you wanted at all. You wanted to remain a henchman so that no one noticed you when you left and fled..

You know for a fact you were still in the radar of Killer at the very least, his captain not seeming to be one for foresight or hindsight, the blonde was the one you were more cautious of since you couldn’t predict him as easily as Eustass. People told you what the redhead did not like but Killer? You had nothing on the guy but the fact that he apparently liked pasta. 

Something you’d never have expected but just yesterday, after dinner, Haiku complained to you that everytime the man cooked it was spaghetti or something like that. It was almost endearing to listen to these tiny tidbits about how a ruthless murderer enjoyed pasta so much he made it every chance he got. If you had not watched him take apart a seaking like it was made out of said substance you’d never be as worried of him as you were.

And let us not forget his captain who crushed the things skull with a single punch- Thinking back on it, it felt like you went through a fever dream after eating something poisonous.. Like one of Doc’s peaches. No way those were peaches- he ate them core and everything! There had to be a trick there. Also who knew where he kept them, seeing how he pulled them out of nowhere. 

Your stomach grumbled again. 

It reminded yourself that yesterday it had been tough to get enough food for yourself like you had done during breakfast with your new ‘team’. You had skipped this morning's breakfast in favor of cleaning since you’ve been falling behind and did not wish to risk your current rank. After they had blackmailed you, you had kept your distance as much as possible. You found a book and gathered them ‘in secret’ after supper to tell them which letter meant what. A, B, C and so on. Zachary caught on some things already just after one lesson but both Clip and Bruno were still completely unable to get with it.

You feel like this was going to be a struggle with those two. It was easier than you thought teaching them how to read, and write by the way, seeing how they couldn’t write since they didn’t know what the letters were up to most of the time. When they told you that and acted as if it was big news it had baffled you since.. of course you knew they couldn’t write. How would they be able to write but not read- those two skills went hand in hand. Right?

Anyway- Aside from that short lesson yesterday evening you had totally avoided them, especially during dinner and supper. It felt good watching their reaction to your visible disdain. Their reaction was to look guilty. It was such a fresh wind from dealing with the crew members who didn’t seem bothered by anything that went wrong in her life and then there were these three ass clowns.

Who did feel bad about, seemingly. It was not much revenge but you took it. Still, it did not make you feel any better about the weird turn your new ‘friendship’ had taken yesterday. You stare blankly upwards and when you turn your head you can hear the crackling of the paper in your pillow.. it was a fucking miracle no one discovered it yet. 

Once they did, if they did, you were going to lose your tits. Quite literally. They’d cut them off. Snip Snap. The visual makes you cringe and you contemplate just wasting away a bit longer, seeing how it didn’t matter if you got to the mess hall first or not because you were always run over anyway.. 

Someone poked your hammock. You feel the pressure of a finger right in your side. At least it’s not your ass this time. For a moment there is the idea of ignoring said touch but then there is another poke and curiousity on seeing who the fuck was bothering you won out, making you roll your hammock until you were no longer cocooned in like some sort of pupa trying to evolve into a butterfly. 

You come face to face with no one else but Wire. The tall, huge man was standing next to your sleeping bag and gave you a grin as you blinked at him. “Thought you died in there.” His eyebrows go up in amusement as he had just watched you unfold yourself from your hammock like a napkin. “Anyway, me and the guys are playing poker. You’re my plus one.” He hummed and crossed his arms, looking around a bit. 

You follow his gaze and spot some dudes giving you the stink eye. Euuuugh. You can imagine how this looks. New girl already comfortable with their superiors while literally all of them had been here much longer than you. “Uhm.. Like, right now?” You look up at the man as he gave you a snort. “Yes? Get up.” In case you thought you had a choice, no you don’t. He just grabbed you under both your arms and lifted you like you had no bodyweight what so ever.

Ok. Guess you’re doing this now. On an empty stomach- Because that was such a good idea. Wire clamped you under his arm like a wet sack of rice and began to make his way past all the other hammocks and whatever shit was laying around. You’re just really nervous about how this would look. You felt self conscious with the fact that your butt was up front and your head was able to get comfortable with Wire’s assets. Cough.

The man seemed completely unaware of this particular bother as he made you contemplate your life just by.. man, what were you? His teacup chihuahua? Why the hell didn’t he just shove you into a designer bag and parade around with you like you were his pet. God. This was demeaning in so many levels, people were already not taking you seriously. This was not helping. What happened to building a reputation?

Suppose it just mattered while you were minced meat on the block. Now that you were a henchie it didn’t seem to matter as much- Wire walks out of the henchmen quarters and you spot Bruno, Clip and Zachary looking with an alarmed demeanor at Wire just.. napping you. Yeah. That doesn’t make you look like you’re gonna live until tomorrow. You want to flip them off and just make a pained face at them instead because.. oof.. Him carrying you like this was uncomfortable.

You can’t even see where you two are going. “Can you let me down? This hurts.” You had grabbed his arm in a vice grip and tried to not slip too much or whatever and, dunno, crack your head open. “Yeah yeah.” He still sounded amused.

And then he dropped you and you hit the floor with a loud thud- not even a fucking warning. Fuck him. Oh my god- “Augh!” You scramble to get up and resist the urge to blow up on the man but he just shook you by your shoulder. “This is a good opportunity for you to mingle a bit. So don’t be a bitch.” His shake ends with him giving you a smack over your head. Ouch again. “I’ll hit you!” 

It was a short moment of bravery that was gone real fast, already you want to apologize but he just grinned down at you. “With what? Those stick bugs you call arms?” Oh. Oh! You’re bantering! You and him had engaged in banter! Your eyes widen a little and then narrow at him.. before boxing him carefully in the gut. He doesn’t even flinch. 

“Oh that’s fucking adorable.” Wire cackled at you and then turned to walk over the deck towards the mess hall. You stick close. Not wanting to be left behind. “So, just remember, be casual, don’t cower,” Oh no. Why is he rattling that off right now? Suddenly you’re nervous again. “make sure to keep eye contact and try to stop stuttering. You know, prance a bit if you wanna but don’t be too confident-“ Oh nooo.

He stops at the door and looks down at you. “I forgot to ask, you can play poker, yeah?” Nice of him to think of that after already riding you into this huge pile of shit. “No.” You deadpan at him, watching him just grin a bit. “Great. You’ll pick it up and I won’t be the worst player on the table.” You squint. “I bet I’ll still be better than you.” 

His smile goes. You try not to break into a fit. Then his grin comes back and he nudges you. “Fuck you.” With that he shoved the door open. “Present!” And oh god. Wire wants to kill you. You’re sure.

Killer wasn’t here, thankfully, but his captain was. Eustass was currently stuffing his face with a huge baguette and blinked at you before frowning and swallowing. “The fuck you bring her here for?” Right next to him was Heat who looked like he might fall asleep or go into cardiac arrest for whatever reason and next to the blue haired man was a crew member you did not have the chance to talk to yet.

What’s his name.. You think it was… what.. Leopo.. Maybe. The man was average sized and remotely build, slightly tanned with wild, spiky hair going everywhere but what really made you remember him was the red swirl tattoo he had on his left arm right at his shoulder. Whatever, he’s giving you a bewildered face. You just wave carefully. 

He was oddly… unbothered apparently, he just gave you a nod. “That’s Gate.” Ok so not Leopo. Wire supplied helpfully, ignoring his captain who was now getting up and punching the table. “You fucker! Give me a goddamn answer!” And Wire just continued to ignore the raging redhead with a shit eating grin. “You know Heat and of course our sweet, lovely-“ “Shut your fucking mouth!” “-well mannered captain.” 

It’s comedic. You’d laugh if not for the fact Eustass was turning as red as his hair in frustration as Wire kept talking over him- and then he just sits back down and squints angrily. “Just deal the fucking cards, we’ve been growing moss waiting for you.” And just like that the tension is gone and Eustass went back to eating the bread he got from.. somewhere. 

You don’t wait for Wire’s go ahead, trying to look confident as he told you, and walked over to sit next to Gate, giving the man an upbeat smile that he didn’t return, but he did arch an eyebrow at you choosing to sit right next to him instead of.. Ah no, his face schools into understanding when he sees that it was either him or his captain. You’re grateful for him not making a fuss, Wire sits down next to his boss and just pulled the cards that were on the table over to himself.

“Jokes aside,” You’re startled by the hoarse voice that Gate had, it was fucking deep. So ridiculously deep that it made Killer sound like a girl. Like the dude was speaking in bass. You try to not be so obvious about it. Like listening to a giant machine grind into gear, ready to shoot or whatever. “we’re playing for money. What’s she playing for? I don’t remember us letting her keep her shit..”

Which, seeing how you were still wearing clothes Heat provided you until you had the chance to buy some for yourself- was a very valid concern to have. Seeing how they were apparently playing for.. actual money. “Mhh.. I dunno actually. We could call strip poker rules-“ Wire spoke up and you spin your head around to shoot him daggers. “Hell no!” 

It’s loud and it was loud enough to make Heat pay attention and his captain stopped chewing, Gate, next to you, coughed awkwardly but then Wire just flipped you off and you shook your fist at him. No tension. Only bullshit. Eustass swallowed thickly and waved it off. “She plays in the red then, once she has the money she’ll pay up.” Wow. You didn’t even want to play and you’re already in debt. That’s going fucking great. 

“If she lives that long.” You notice Gate is such a charmer. 

“Aye.

“Alright, give me a bit to set it up.” Wire began his shuffle bit and Heat yawned loudly into his hand. Gosh, he did look like shit. “You look rough. Are you ok?” You asked him, trying to be casual as Eustass was now finishing up his bread and you were sure it was about to be louder when the man was not busy eating. The man gave you a grunt. “Couldn’t sleep. Haiku traumatized us with his sick fetishes and it stuck in my head the whole fucking night.” 

Oh. “..Sick fetishes?” You should not have asked. You really should not have asked but you did anyway and what the man began to describe next was like listening to a documentation about a horrible event that happened in the past. You knew there would be no happy ending to it but the narrator sounded so charming- except for Heat did not sound charming but like he was going to barf and the more he talked the more you could relate.

“Ok! Fuck!” Eustass cringed, his whole body ruffling like an offended cat in demeanor. “Too much information- Just because he traumatized you doesn’t mean you have to take us down with you, eugh.” He’s not even yelling that, he’s just sounding annoyed and somewhat disgusted. Wire snorted. “I slept just fine.” And he’s getting three pointed stares.

“You and Haiku are just as fucked individually, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you started jerking it while he was going into detail about the throat thing.” Hell is real and you’re living it. Aside from their gross fixations, they’re talking about the do and you feel yourself get flustered trying not to imagine it. You just take the cards Wire shoves at you before he gave you some chips. 

You still don’t know how to play Poker. This was going to be a disaster. 

* * *

It ended the way you expected it to. You lost a ridiculous amount of money, not knowing what the fuck you were doing and just lowballing your way through life as always. Right now you were in the last round, because after this one it was time for dinner and you, as well as Gate and some other dude you did not know, were on cooking duty. 

You had no idea what was going on. You just knew that raise was a good thing because everyone kept doing it readily. You hadn’t done so yet, trying to figure the game out on your own but this was gonna be your round! “Fine, fuckface, I raise.” Gate snarled at Heat who had been taunting him. It’s your turn. 

“Here we go, secretary girl losing more money in three, two, one.” Eustass laughed from his seat with a mocking but oddly amused grimace.

Mhhh.. And you just shove more than half of the chips you had left into the middle of the table, making Wire choke on the beer he’d been drinking. Eustass had to double take and Heat slammed his hand onto his face. The only one with little reaction was Gate as he just opened his mouth a little. “Are.. You sure?” Their reaction made you nervous. 

Fuck. Did you get it wrong- you thought the higher the raise the better? The redhead across from you slammed his fist onto the table with a wide, manic grin. “Fuck off! No way you have that good of a hand, you trying to shit in my hand?!” Ahhh you lean back and glance at your ‘hand’. You have.. cards. You don’t even know what they mean. Your mind is reeling and you swallow down your fear. 

“Find out I guess?” You deadpan at him instead and lean on the table with your elbow, supporting your chin with your hand and giving him a careful, unsure smile that seemed to only spurn him on harder into this. “Tch, forget the fucking rules, I’m all in.” And there go his chips. All of them. Wow. This man and his ego couldn’t be outdone even in a card game, huh.

Wire and Heat threw each other looks and snorted before shrugging. “Ah what the hell.” Heat coughed and just shoved the rest of his chips in the middle too, followed by Wire and now all eyes were on Gate. The man made a face. He had won the most so far and seemed reluctant about losing his win. “Nope. I’m not risking this one out of five chance.” 

“Don’t be a coward!” His captain hissed but they were good natured hisses. Wire laughed out and just reached over to shove the rest of your chips into the middle of the table. Your stomach sank a little. What did you start and what would this mean for you- Suddenly your life flashed before your eyes as you realize the huge mistake you made at everyone’s faces. 

“Don’t you love to gamble, come on. There’s no better gamble than this.” Heat supplied, nudging his buddy who just squirmed a bit on his chair before groaning out loud and breaking into a grin that was almost as sharp and manic as the one of his captain. “You got me there.” And with that he shoved his chips all in too. 

No one has chips now. They’re all in the middle. And you’re not sure if that was such a good idea. All five of you are sitting there in silence for a bit before Wire spoke up, oddly somber. “..You idiots are aware only one of us is winning this pot and the others will be broke?” There’s a humm from the others before Eustass spoke up. “Yeah, gonna be me.” Heat made a face. “One out of five chance and you automatically think you’ll win. Of course.” 

“At least it won’t be the secretary girl, if I didn’t know any better I’d say she has no fucking clue on how to play.” Mhhhh gonna avert your eyes and glance at Wire who looked like he was going to combust into hysterical laughter any second now, shaking his head at you pulling your mouth into a thin line. 

“Alright, losers,” Gate spoke up, narrowing his eyes. “Show your cards and get this over with.” You realize you do not want to. Why did you do the thing you did- now you would be indebted and who knows how they’d make you pay if you were unable to come up with the money. Especially Eustass. 

All of you put your cards down at the same time anyway. You look around but you can’t really tell which cards are good but all of them had seem semi confident. Their eyes were travelling too, trying to determine the winner of this bout.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Gate, right next to you, mumbled almost right into your ear before he spoke up loud. “Secretary Girl has a Royal Straight Flush.” 

You do not know what that meant. Not at all. You just cling to your hands in a cramped manner and hope it was a good thing, good as in something that would let you live. All men are staring at your cards and the first to get up is Wire, slamming his hands onto the table. “YOU SAID YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY!” Wow he’s loud. You flinch with your whole body and try not to shrink.

“Are you fucking serious?! She told you she doesn’t know how to play poker and you believed her?! Poker?! Poker is literally the most common fucking game ever you idiot!” Eustass yelled out and Gate slammed both his fists onto the table. Heat just blinking at you before shaking his head with a weak laugh. “Oh fuck me..” 

What were you gonna do?

Pretend you tricked Wire and make yourself seem manipulative but tactically smarter than you were.. or tell the truth and possibly end up in debt again because you doubted that they’d accept a win that was based on pure luck. You bite the inner side of your cheek as the men were yelling at each other, completely missing the creak of the door opening. 

“Who won?” Killer’s voice startled you but you, thankfully, turn around and just give him a smile and a wave as he walked over while Eustass was shaking Wire like a puppy that pissed on the carpet. You don’t know the answer for sure, so you don’t answer. “Y/N. She got a Straight Royal Flush.” Heat giggled from his spot, even now just looking depressed as he slid out of his seat and stretched. 

Oh. You won? You resist the urge to implode out of pure joy. You fucking won! NO DEBT HERE! ONLY MONEY! Killer is looking at you and despite yourself, you grin at him with as much mischief as would fit within you. Snickering and then putting your face into your hands before breaking into giddy laughter, the stress just coming up. 

“This can’t fucking count! She’s a goddamn henchie..” Gate groaned from his spot and just gave you an exhausted glare. You notice a choice here. You kick your legs a little and look over to where Wire had fought himself free of Eustass and was just hanging in his chair like a wet gulp of water while Eustass was still standing and glaring hateful daggers at you.

“I don’t.. Hello-“ Their attention slowly fixes on you. “I just wanna pay my debt and have some belis to buy clothes and stuff on the next stop. Aside from that, you can keep your money.” And Gate’s demeanor changes almost on the beat- suddenly he has his arm around your shoulders. 

“You’re my favorite.” Oh goood- close, too close. But the man was just squeezing you more even while you tensed. “Leave it to Y/N to be civil and see reason.” Heat laughed as he walked past you and Killer and out the door. Wire was still relaxing but now genuinely and not because he seemed hopeless.. He just drops his head back. “Oh thank the shit.. I really did not want to lose all that money..” 

Eustass? He was still grinding his teeth and crossing his arms. Staring holes into you. Killer spoke up behind you. “You’re definitely not a pirate yet.” He sounds a bit amused among all that impassiveness but the ‘yet’ he added gave you a tiny spark of hope. This had been a good decision. You’re sure of it. The fact that you’re supposed to be a marine that shouldn’t aim for this kind of attention slips your mind completely until later.

* * *

It’s Dinner. You’re starving. You were bunkering in front of the mess hall and trying to not be too obvious about it. Aside from your stomach making you die, you were in a relatively good mood. Extremely so. After the game you had been able to strike a conversation up with Gate and you two found out that you were good with finances. Apparently the man took care of the treasure they looted and made sure it wasn’t being wasted on just booze and garbage. He was also responsible for the supply runs and the dividition of said treasure among the crew. After a successful raid people usually got a share of what they earned depending on how much they helped with it. 

Seeing how you used to do that, in a legal manner, both of you came to an immediate understanding of how people just overlooked how tough of a job that could be. After you let him keep his money, he was a bit stingy you noticed, he had been much friendlier to you. You felt like it was easier to get close to the man now that you were a henchman. It’s not like the groups were much divided aside from the treatment they got from Eustass. 

Anyway.. dinner. It was upon you. You had helped cook so you knew for a fact you wanted to fight your hardest. Your stomach hurt a little again but you’re sure it’s phantom pain. It reminded you of the time where you were starving on the deck and it was not a memory you wanted to keep. You spot Zachary, Bruno and Clip out of the corner of your eyes and ignore their existence.

Whatever- Ah. The door opens and you wait patiently until someone yelled the go ahead- and you’re run over almost immediately. You don’t make it to the mess hall in the first place until everyone else was already in. Fuck- God damn it! You stumble in and just stare with frustration at the mess. 

Are you seriously going to go hungry again? You did not want to. So you do your best, you fight your way to the table and find a spot at the end of it, managing to grab a piece of bread and some meat before someone bigger got the rest of the food and you have to retreat to not get crushed. 

Wow. You’re such a good hunter, aren’t you? You look at your food and make a face, biting down the bitter tears. Better than nothing- “Ey! Y/N!” You startle, looking around a bit and finding the corner you had crowded in before with the three idiots, who were now currently sitting there again. The corner, where you sat before, empty. 

Bruno was waving his arm at you. “We saved you some food! Come on!” You want to fucking bite him but.. then he lifts a plate that’s almost spilling over with all kinds of tasty stuff and your legs carry you over before you can think about it. Their faces lit up as you climbed over Zachary to settle in your corner and made grabby hands at Bruno, who grinned and settled the plate on your lap. 

Immediately you begin to shovel a huge piece of steak into your mouth, forgetting all sorts of manners. Oh hell yeah. Oh yeah. This tasted delicious- Your anger and frustration were gone almost immediately. The men were seemingly no longer feeling uncomfortable around you. Bruno began to eat, as did Clip while Zachary waited for you to eat some and then spoke up.

“So. We know you’re not so happy with us right now.” No shit. You let him talk and shove some baguette into your mouth and chew heavily. “So we wanted to apologize for being.. uh, rude. We really weren’t out to get you.” He gave you a charming smile and it made you narrow your eyes. “We’re just so used to having to threaten people to get anything in return. It was like a knee jerk reflex.” 

Clip swallowed and added to Zachary’s speech. “Yeh righ’. We didn’t mean no harm, scouts honor. In fact, we were kinna bluffin’.” He shrugged and gave you a nod. Bruno, his cheeks stuffed, also nodded to that before he choked his food down and coughed a bit, trying to throw his five cents in. “We wouldn’t actually have done anything. We were just nervous you’d tell on us.” 

This felt weird. Like they practiced this… But your gut told them otherwise! What use would they have lying to you right now? You need a moment to ponder it over, they’re looking at you and waiting for an reaction, but then you smile. “So, we’ll team up supper again too, right?” You quip, picking up some fruit and demolishing it.

All three relax and Bruno just reached over to slam his meaty palm onto your shoulder. “Sure we will! With us you’ll always get first pick!” Clip grinned and flashed his golden tooth at you while Zachary just went back to his food with a self satisfied smirk on his face. 

You feel so much better having this out of the way. Giddy even. Today had went like a charm. You played poker and made a maybe new buddy, got somewhat along with the captain, won poker and now the fight you had with these three was resolved. A good start. Before you hit your second island on this ship too. 

The fact that you’re actually a marine and shouldn’t be trying to make actual friendships on this vessel completely slips your mind. Again.

* * *

((And here, this picture has not much to do with this chapter but with a previous one in case you were wondering what Kidd looked like when Hover stuck out his assery! I assume. Gifted by a lovely anon! Super sweet person and I am so thankful and happy. I can not stop looking at it so of course I had to feature it! Thanks a lot again!))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s easer earning someone’s forgiveness if you know they’re lonely and starving.
> 
> Bet none of you noticed that manipulative move.
> 
> Assholes. All of em.


	19. Teddy’s Wishlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take a gamble

You’re not dreaming anymore. At least not this night. Maybe you had been too exhausted to. Seeing how you had to teach three children how to read on top of deep cleaning the fucking ship while everyone threw around booze like it was going out of style. Bruno, Clip and Zachary, children? Yes. Yes very much so.

Just yesterday Clip had gotten bored during your little practice and thrown in some bait for Bruno and Zachary to pick up on. You don’t remember what it was about but of course it ended with Bruno and Zachary beating the hell out of each other while Clip sat next to the mess and needled them on at every given turn. 

Children. All three of them. It was like herding fucking cats. If you had gone insane then you had reached a state of it so intense that you felt like you were sane again. A new level had been breached where you almost felt normal. Maybe after almost a month in hell that was to be expected. It was surreal to think about how ‘far’ you came.

From dead meat to henchman. Henchman. Of the Kidd Pirates. You’re leaning against the railing and staring with blank eyes out onto the ocean, dirt on your hands as you had been busy scrubbing the mast just a few minutes ago but your knees were aching and you needed a bit of a break before you continued. Take a second and breathe. You’re a henchman now, you get breaks now. 

What would Han-san think of you if he knew that this is where you were..? Nope. I’m not dead, in fact, I joined their crew! Oh he would flay you. You don’t think he’d hurt you, he’d understand the situation you had been in. He would get the sacrifice that you had to make to make it this far. Ahhh you miss him. A lot.

There’s noise behind you and you turn around to watch Oliver and Doc.. do a stunt? They had combined to reach an upper part of the mast and right now Doc was standing on top of Oliver’s shoulders. What were they doing? You don’t know but you know it will end in disaster. Both of them were arguing and Doc kept kicking against Oliver’s head to get him to go either left or right. 

A tiny smile found itself onto your face as Oliver suddenly threw Doc and the man yelled out in panic, managing to hold onto the net that led to the crowsnest before he could go overboard. Clinging to it and then beginning to curse Oliver out. That’s adorable. If you didn’t know that this was a pirate ship you might have assumed these men were cool dudes. 

Nice dudes. If only. A shame they’re all murderous, psychopathic bastards. Doc was still clinging to the net and insulting Oliver and Oliver was now flipping Doc off with both his hands before crouching down and picking up.. your sponge. You blink and your blink turns into a face of disbelief as he winded his arm back. 

That’s the only fucking sponge they had that wasn’t too nasty to touch. “Ey! Ey no!” You stumble away from the railing but Oliver throws the thing. In an attempt to stop him you run into him and move to catch the sponge but there it goes, flying past Doc and landing in the ocean. “My sponge!” You shriek unhappily and ignore Oliver’s ‘what the fuck’ as you run to the railing but all you see of your lovely item is it’s shadow as it sank into the depths of the abyss below.

“No! Damn it!” You hit the railing and hang over it with your arms, staring at the waves below with a pout before it turns into a frown. You slam your palms onto the wood below and spin around to glare at Oliver, who looked a bit put off, like he had developed a sense of stage fright and you were a headlight. “What am I supposed to clean with!? I can’t clean with just my hands!” 

At first he had seemed ready to fake disinterest but now he looked almost apologetic. Sheepish even. The man just made a face and lifted both hands to shrug at you. “..We have more to clean-“ “But those utensils are too filthy! You can’t clean with them because they’re literally made out of dirt at this point!” You gesture wildly at him. “Why did you throw my sponge?! I already take care of all the cleaning!” 

Doc fell out of the net with an ‘oomph’. 

It startles you a little out of your anger as you hurry over. The man’s laying flat on the floor, face down, and is audibly grumbling. “..Are you ok?” You crouch down, wrapping your arms around your knees, not sure if you should touch the man since, well, it was still very new, all of this. 

Since you were no longer a prisoner people had relaxed around you so drastically from one day to the next as if it had never been a thing of ‘let’s rape and kill this woman’ but on the other hand, you were not exactly close with any of them. So you couldn’t just be buddy buddy with those pirates. Doc lifts his head and gave Oliver a stare as if he had come right out of hell.. you assume. You can’t see his eyes. 

“Fuck you. Gimme a hand.” Oliver got the fuck you but right after he adressed you, lifting his arm so you immediately grabbed it and stood up, helping him up on his feet while Oliver walked over. “Not my fault you have shit balance.” “You filthy shit threw me!” Doc shook his fist and then halted, scoffing and relaxing. “You also threw her only sponge.” Oliver winces and you’re reminded of your anger. “Right!” You exclaim.

“You threw my only sponge! I can’t clean without it!” You move over and walk past him, throwing your arms in the air and dodging two henchmen who had been walking past this mess. “I’m not saying I thought about it that way but I’m also not apologizing.” Oliver called after you. You stop and glare over your shoulder. Doc swallowed the peach he had been gnawing on-

“Come on.” Oliver lifts his right arm to stretch a little. “We’re gonna be in Goshikai in a few hours and I’ll buy you whatever cleaning shit you want. Ok?” Oliver groaned and shrugged you off as you just gave him some more of a stinkeye. 

“Come on. I’ll even make other henchies clean, yeah?” You blink at him. And you think before you come to a little bit of a realization. “..I’m not a prisoner anymore.. so why am I still the only one cleaning?” Doc was rubbing his chest and shrugged at you while Oliver just made a throw away motion with his hand. “The cleaning rosters are back to normal if that’s what you’re asking.” There are cleaning rosters? “But I guess no one really wanted to tell you that.”

You feel stupid. They fucking played you. You wonder if the idiot trio knew of this and if they did? Revenge will be sweet. You narrow your eyes even more at Oliver. “Ok. Deal.” You’re still angry but it’s a bit eclipsed by the fact that you won’t be the only one cleaning from now on. That was a win you did not think you’d live long enough to make yet here you were. 

It was an ecstatic feeling and the daydream of watching some idiots, not you, scrub this shitty deck after they had thrown around booze again would be worth it once it became reality. You looked at the dirty water bucket and sighed, picking it up from where it stood after walking past Oliver and then to the railing, leaving the two men to argue. 

Whatever. At least you had an excuse to not clean right now.. You pour the dirty water into the ocean and watch the filth disappear among the masses of water. Goshikai.. You remember the fact that you’d soon hit land and you’d have to talk to Killer about it.. Maybe.. Maybe now would be a good idea..? You glance around and realize you had no clue where the other man was. 

Maybe it’d be better to ask him before you reached the island though. You wring your hands nervously after putting the bucket down. Teddy’s wishlist.. it had been a secret up until now. Your trump card in case they wanted to get rid of you but that had been while you were a prisoner. Maybe it was time to prove that you were worth more.. So they wouldn’t throw you overboard on a whim. 

Yeah. You steel yourself and trot away from the deck, looking for the blonde man now. Somehow you needed to get over this fear you had of him and his captain anyway. You enter the ship and walk through it’s hallways, only to almost get lost and ending up at Heat’s room. Ah, what the hell. You knock carefully and look at the floor beneath you.. there’s a blood stain you never saw before. Sheesh. These men..

There’s rustling inside and you were just waiting patiently but slowly go nervous. Sounds like you pulled someone out of bed- the door opens and you’re faced with Heat, sleep drunk clearly and.. your eyes travel downwards and upon your gaze making contact with a certain body part squeeze shut. Fuck. Right. Only woman on board.

“Fucking shit-“ Heat jerked backwards and you could hear him trip over something before his body slammed into the closet and then went down, something crashed. Ouch. “Sorry!” You call out, putting your hands over your eyes. “I should have probably called over so you knew it was me.” Yeah.. that would have been an idea. Too bad you’re an idiot. 

“I just- uh-“ You can hear the man struggle to put on some pants. “I just wanted to ask if you knew where Killer is but you were sleeping so I bet not?” You felt stupid asking someone who was in their room about someone’s whereabouts. How would he even know where the first mate was?

“Uhh- done.” You carefully lower your hands and peek between your fingers, looking at a semi dressed Heat. “Why are you looking for Killer? I thought he scared you.” Ah yes.. you remember telling him that. “There’s, uh, something I need to really ask him.” Yeah. Extremely important. To make yourself look better. God, you were an idiot.. 

“Did you check the mess hall? Maybe the skull. When he’s not busy he hangs out at those spots the most..” The depressed man yawned into the back of his hand, his jaw almost unhinging like a snake. You never noticed just how far he could open his mouth. It looked eerie and creepy.. You shuffle on the spot and slowly back off. “Right. Thanks for that! Haha, I’m an idiot-“ 

He arches a space where an eyebrow would be at your sudden retreat. But then he just shrugged and gave you a wry grin. “Watch out that he won’t bite your head off.” He called after you, to which you made a face. “Shut up dude-“ Out of all the people on this ship, Heat was the one you were most comfortable with. You turn around and jog down the hallway back to deck and over it, praying the man was in the mess hall because you could not climb the skull.

You were not in shape. You had lost loads of weight and whatever chub you had previously kinda left you while you were starving but that didn’t mean you were in any kind of sporty state. Not by a long mile.. Mhh.. you peek into the room by the bullseye that the door had and spotted the blonde easily enough. 

You wondered where Eustass was, since he wasn’t in there as well.. But Killer was sitting at the end of the dinner table, currently reading the newspapers. Hhhff.. Ok. Hype yourself up. You duck out of his line of sight and wring your hands. Are you seriously gonna do it? Right now? Right now now? This instant moment?

God, you felt really worried. What if it was a dumb idea- what if they didn’t want something like- ok. Calm down. Go in. Ask. Pitch your idea and either get denied or approved. Just like back home… Home. You squeeze your eyes shut and swallow heavily at the imagination of Han-san calling you a traitor. Just- fuck.. You wanted to live. So, so badly. You turn around, carefully knock on the door and then poke your head in.

Killer hadn’t lifted his head, continuing to read as if you weren’t present but at the way he slowly tilted it in your direction gave you the impression he knew exactly who was there even without visibly looking at you. Ok. Do your thing. Do it know. Don’t waste his time. He didn’t like to have his time wasted. 

With quiet steps you walk into the mess hall and close the door behind you, resisting the urge to drop the whole thing and run off as if you were facing a monster. In a way, you suppose, you were. The man had enough power to slice through a seaking that was much bigger than the ship he was staying on. “Uhh.. Hello.” You start awkwardly, staying at the door.

“I had.. a question. About the water supply.” You cross your arms firmly in front of your chest to seem like you had an ounce of confidence, which you did not right now. The blonde flicked the page, continuing to read. “What about it?” God.. that voice was dripping testosterone. It was so deep, god. “Mhh..” You look around, not really facing him yet. Unsure how to formulate the offer.

“Well, I mean, you guys- I mean we.. we run short on water pretty fast usually.. yeah? So, uh..” You tap the floor with the front of your foot, swallowing thickly. God, your throat felt like it was slowly clenching shut. Not good. “Aren’t there ways.. to help with the water supply? I’m not.. saying that you never thought of that.. but.. mh..” Killer was putting the newspapers down and turning his head to you. 

“Is this going somewhere?” Man of few words. As usual. You’re happy you chose Killer and not Eustass. If it had been the redhead he’d have probably pulled your tongue out by now for stammering so much and talking around the topic. He’s looking at you. You need to give a satisfying answer. “Well!” 

You clap your hands together. “I love to tinker! I.. uhhh.. You saw it before.. back home- I mean where you guys found me.” Cold and bitter hate is swimming in your stomach. “So .. In my free time, while I was not working, I tinkered! Or planned a tinker- Basically something that could fix the water supply issue if it’s an issue to you people?” You’re sweating. Killer’s whole body perked up a little. 

Suddenly you felt like he was actively looking at you. As if only now you had gained his attention. “..Go on.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, now his undivided senses on you and it only made you more nervous. “Mhh well, how- so.. I may or may not have.. created blueprints for.. a water filtration system?” The more you talked the more his attention seemed to zero in on you. Oh god. 

“You’d attach it to the bottom of the ship.. or the side of it.. and it would filter the sea water and make it drinkable. Like, filter out the salt.. and the germs.. and the fish poop..” You had been kind of rambling and the last part had you flinch. Be professional, stupid! Sell it! Sell the idea! “It- It could also be installed with a heater so you guys can.. uhm.. take hot showers..?” That had not been included in the blueprints since you didn’t know if you’d live long enough to even think along those lines but now.. yeah you could probably put a heater in there. 

“Where are they?” Eh- You startle. “What?” He made a hand motion. Speaking with a tone of voice that made him seem like he had the patience of a saint when really, you doubt he does. “The blueprints for this filtration system. Where are they?” Oh. Oh right. “Ah- I left them in my hammock- Want.. me to go get them?” You fiddle your thumbs. He gives you a curt nod. “Do so. Hurry up, yeah?” 

Wow. You made it this far. You turn around and are through the door in no time, jogging over the deck and ignoring Zachary when he spotted you and tried to wave you over for something. No time to rest for the wicked! With fast steps you find ‘your’ room and hop over objects and people to get to your hammock, pulling out the papers from your pillow and shoving them into your sweater. Heat’s sweater. Oof.

You get some awkward stares but who cared. You hop all the way back out of the room and jog all the way until you were back on deck and then back in the mess hall, only then pulling the paper out from under the sweater, Killer not showing a visible reaction to you doing so. You’re a bit nervous, unsure what to do but then you just jog over to him and put them down in front of him. 

The man’s massive body leaned forward and looked down at the papers, taking them into his left hand and going through them one by one.. The prototype.. the stuff needed.. the workings- the design. Hhhfff… You inch backwards and away from him. He’s quiet for a bit, just taking it in before he spoke again. “And you can build this?” He asked eventually, turning his upper body to you and resting his right arm on the back of the chair. 

You nod. “I mean, I’m really sure I could! Maybe not first try- it’s really complicated but if I had the supplies for it then.. yeah! Yeah I could. I built a smaller version of this when I was younger and it’s basically the same schematics.” You don’t mention that this had been for a fish tank.. You didn’t want to undermine your abilities by telling him how small your projects had been in the past. Hhfff.. you’re scared.

“..Mhh. Sit down and stay here.” Killer got up, grabbing you by your shoulder and shoving you almost gently towards a seat before walking to the exit. Leaving you alone with your papers as you settled down on the chair. Leaving you alone with your sins and nerves sitting on your back. Oh god.. what’s he doing?

You wait.. and wait some more.. and nothing seems to happen. It only made you nervous. Why were you sitting here..? Why did he make you sit here and wait, was he trying to make you nervous? Mhh.. You do as told though and you don’t move from your spot. Just staring blankly at the table.

The door opens and you startle a little, turning to expect only Killer and instead you’re face with Eustass coming through the door, Killer right behind him and closing the door to the mess hall again. Your stomach drops and you felt sick. Oh god. Of course he brought the big boss. Why the fuck didn’t you think of that- You swallow thickly as the man gave you a thoughtful glare but then he just walked past you, to the papers and slammed his palms onto the table, making you jump.

He’s going through them, one by one, just like Killer had. This made a bit more sense though, the mad build himself a whole arm.. probably? He had a metal fruit, maybe he was a mechanic too- whatever you’re assuming things. Still. He’s the captain. Maybe you should have gone to him- “Did you write these papers?” His voice snapped you out of your panic. “Oh- Oh yeah.. I.. I did.” You scratch the back of your neck. 

Killer leaned over to get a glimpse at the papers again, accidently touching your shoulder with his side and for a bit you’re too startled to move away, surprised by how hot the man ran body heat wise but then you angled away before he got the idea that you wanted to have contact with him. You bite the inner side of your cheek and just wait as they scanned over the whole thing. “..Teddy’s wishlist?” 

Oh. You remember you gave it that shitty name- You flush a little. “Ah- yeah.. It was.. like a codename.. I made up.” Ah yeah. Judgement. Eustass looked at you as if you were a kid but then he got to the actual blueprints and his expression lit up like a firework with something akin to glee before it turned back to normal. “..Fuck, Killer. This is out of my range of knowledge. I don’t build full on machines.” He stated dryly. 

The blonde put his arm on the shoulder of his friend and supported his weight on the other, you could see the redhead tense his muscles slightly to not fall over. “You build us a motor.” He hummed, giving you a side look which was only visible because he turned his head a little in your direction. “Yeah. Shit, a motor and a full on filtration system are not the same, you chucklefuck..”

He sighed and stood straight up again, papers still in his hand and Killer having to switch his position so he was leaning against the table more than his partner to not fall over. “...Heater.. mh..” He huffed a little and made a face. “I’m pretty sure we need electricity for a heater.” Oh shit. Right. Everything ran on gas here. You kick your legs nervously. “O-Or fire. Heat told me he could spit fire..” Eustass gave you a sour look. “Not without swallowing gasoline and a match first. The man’s build differently but he doesn’t have any devil fruit powers.” 

Oh. Oh? Is.. that how he did..? What. “..He swallows gasoline and a match..?” You look confused at Killer who just waved it off. “Heat can take it.” He supplied with a huff and seemed to lower his shoulders a little. “So we’d need to have Heat supply hot water?” You’re losing Eustass. You can feel it. “O-Or.. maybe a Heat Dial?” You yourself grew thoughtful. Putting your finger on your bottom lip.

“..Heat Dial would be the best option but then there are also solar panels that could work for gathering energy. But both of these options are super expensive..” Killer abandoned his spot next to Kid to sit down in front of you after walking around the table and putting his elbows on the table. “A heat dial I can get for free.” You blink at him. “Y-You can? How would you-“ He lifts his right and and then suddenly flexed it, clenching a fist and you get what he meant.

He was talking about stealing one and killing the owner.. You swallowed thickly and regretted bringing it up. “Aside from that, I do have some contacts I can reach out to for one.” Killer lowered his arm again and Eustass snarled from where he stood. “Contacts?! We don’t team up with other crews you fucking melt!” His fist slammed onto the table, his body oozing anger and hate but Killer remained as cool as a cucumber. “Merchants, Kidd. I’m talking about people who sell you shit.” He sounded slightly amused at the other’s outburst. 

How he could laugh was beyond you, you were ready to piss yourself. Yet, the redhead just relaxed his whole body and his voice quietened down. “So you can get a Heat Dial?” He asked his first mate, who nodded in return. “Yeah. Just give me the when.” With that both their attention turned back to you and you want to die.. “That’s.. that’s good.” You swallow thickly. “It’s fine if we don’t have one right now, I’ll just add a compartment for it so we can add it in later.” 

Please don’t let Killer murder someone over this. You’re so nervous but.. it seemed to be coming together.. somehow. “That’s good. Pretty sure we can get all of this shit on Goshikai. Aside from the dial.” Eustass scratched his chin thoughtfully. His gaze slowly moved from the papers to you, settling on your face and then his eyes narrowed. “And you can actually build this?” You’re no longer sure. 

“Yeah, pretty much.” Stop playing this cool. If you failed they’d write you off as useless you fucking dingus. You continue to play this cool anyway. “If I have the parts it’s no big deal, I’d need a bit of tinkering to see how it fits where but aside from that, I’m pretty confident.” Just not right now. Eustass put his chin on his fist as he leaned on the table for a bit and then grinned a little. “Don’t fuck this up, secretary girl.” 

Killer groaned from where he sat. “Kidd..” But the redhead kept talking regardless. “I’ll have you hanged if you do.” And. Oh. Any chance of building confidence for this project went out the window and now you were just scared. You blinked at him. Open your mouth. Close it. What was an appropriate response to that..? There is none. It’s either victory or death now. The stakes now ridiculously high. 

You shouldn’t have told Killer anything. You should have just.. just ignored Teddy’s wishlist for now and done literally anything else. “Kidd, fucking chill.” Killer put his palm onto the table and then faced you again. “Ignore him for now. Just focus on building this thing. Alright?” For now. Not once does Killer say that his boss was just fucking around. Or joking. Or that he wouldn’t let Eustass do this to you- Of course he doesn’t why would he? 

You just nod, feeling uncomfortable. You’re scared. You felt stressed and extremely pressured now. “I..” You swallow thickly and stare down in your lap. “..Yeah.” Yeah. What other answer could there be? Eustass gave an ugly snort and just stood straight up again as he grabbed the papers and put them with you. “Get ready for land then. We’ll leave it to you.” Killer stays seated. The talk is over. 

You take them, remembering something Haiku said. ‘The boss will probably still test you at some corners-‘.. So that’s what this was turning into. Huh? Was he sending you off alone because he didn’t think you’d be able to do it on your own? You felt like they didn’t believe you. Like you were just fucking around to make trouble and waste money. You get up and just nod at both of them before turning around and jogging out of the mess hall with your papers.

You’re going to show them how fucking wrong they were. You’re not an idiot. The one thing you had in this life was your gift for machinery. You built a fucking bomb out of a shitty pen and whatever other crap you found on the floor. A water filtration system? Fucking please. Let them piss into that cup and then they could drink it in shame. 

Your determination came back. You narrowed your eyes hatefully and just stomped your foot, shuffling the papers in your hands. You would need muscle to haul the parts. You’d need money- Who was gonna give you the money? Eustass? “Secretary Girl!” The voice of the devil, beckoning and taunting you. You grit your teeth and turn around a bit too fast to glare with more hate than intended at the man who called you.

The redhead was standing in the door of the mess hall. Killer out of view, probably having gone back to reading his newspapers. The man seemed a bit disgruntled at the glare you were giving him but he just continued as if unbothered. “When we hit land I want for you to come to my quarters. Until then pick someone you want to tag team with on this.” 

His voice was loud enough that people were giving you odd looks and you were pretty sure that your status went back into a ‘what the fuck is up with her’ kind of state. You were surprised that he allowed you a partner though. You already knew who you’d be picking.. You stare at him and then you just give him a thumbs up, unwilling to go ‘yes captain’. 

You’d rather get shot in the foot than call him that. Not while mad at all. He squints at you but he just walked back into the mess hall and slammed the door with vigor. You stare hatefully at it but then turn around to trot back to where you knew you’d find the person you’d tag team with. After all you were out to not get scammed. And who was good with money?

You knew who. Gate. Stingy ass grub. You know you could get him to help you just for the sake of saving money on parts. You needed to make some actual effort because this time the chance of failure meant, likely, death. Who knew if Eustass was serious but something told you he was actually being serious. Well, fuck him. Not this time. Path of least resistance would be giving up. Maybe you’d fail after all. But not this time. This time you’re doing what you can. All cards out in the open. 

You rode this boat into the shit it was stuck in now. You’d make it happen. You would. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will it pay off tho. 
> 
> The new episodes keep hurting my heart.  
> Stop abusing my boys Oda.   
> Sob.


	20. Gateway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of rape and murder of children (In the second part of the chapter)

Goshikai was bigger than you initially thought it would be, hearing the word island. Islands, in your humble opinion, weren’t that big compared to the main land but this one was massive enough to hold more than one town apparently. Who knew how many there actually were but two of them concerned you on a personal level. Seeing how you’d have to visit them both for what you needed for Teddy. 

You’re shortening it’s name to Teddy. Gender undecided. This was your child you were building now and to get invested in this project you needed to feel an emotional bond to it. So Teddy.. Teddy’s kind of a name for a dude though.. Nh. You shake your head and squint at the horizon. There were more important matters at hand than Teddy and his gender. It’s a he now. You’re moving on.

The Victoria Punk was going to hit port in roughly fifteen minutes and while the sight was a beauty to behold.. your nerves were going bonkers. 

Goshikai was an island of snow and frost, huge mountains stretching over the horizon, covered in powdery white and making you feel like eating something with sugar on it. Loads of sugar. The town that was right at the port was just as covered in snow. You never had seen so much of it. Sure, home had it too but not to this extent. 

It had a bit of snow at the beginning of winter and then maybe, if you guys were lucky, a few more times before it melted again. Your heart clenched painfully at the thought of home.. you wondered what they were up to.. You wondered what had happened with your apartment. You stare blankly up to the cloudy sky, watching snowflakes fall down from it and slowly spin until they hit resistance of whatever surface was happy enough to be that for them.

With a huff that caused your breath to turn visible you closed your eyes and crossed your arms, slightly freezing. It’d be time soon.. Once you reached port you were supposed to report to Eustass for.. whatever reason. Gate, the man you had decided to take along, assumed he’d give you pointers and orders about what to look for. The redhead apparently had a knack for machinery too. Who knew..

Gate, when you approached him, hadn’t been all too excited about the idea of hiking around with you until you told him what it was for. Aside from it saving a ton of money on supplies (clean water) and eliminating the danger of dying of thirst in the middle of the sea, since you’d power the machine with the movement of the ship, he had been the most excited about the chance of hot showers while out on sea. 

You could understand that sentiment. You, personally, probably smelled not great right about now. After all, you hadn’t been able to wash properly ever since… you squeeze your eyes shut at the unpleasant memory of gutting Hover.. Ever since then you’ve been able to wipe down but due to lack of water no one had really been able to do a deep cleansing. Everyone was happy to reach land just for the chance to get real clean. 

You open your eyes again and look ahead to the port, where people were noticing the pirate ship but not giving much reaction to it. Guess they were pirate friendly. You couldn’t really believe how they hadn’t been plundered yet.. Seeing how a village that clearly wanted to be left alone was.. Fuck. Stop bringing yourself down. You were waiting on hitting land so you could go to the captain's cabin.

It’s not something you’re excited about, seeing how the last time you were in there he beat the living hell out of you and broke your leg. Maybe he’d hit you again and that is why he wanted for you to come to him. So he could make fun of you for being so obedient to a pirate. Well, screw him. Gate would probably be ready soon too.. so might as well get it over with as fast as possible.

The ship is about to hit the port, so you turn around and avoid getting run over by men making sure the Victoria Punk did not crash violently into the harbor. You’re already sweating a little. Memories of the way your leg snapped into the opposite direction just made it feel like it was still brittle, even though Doc gave you the ok that it was completely healed.. 

With careful steps you make your way over the deck, staring at the door that you dreaded. You narrow your eyes at it and trot up the small amount of stairs before lifting your hand and knocking against it, making sure to come over firm and confident. Almost hammering it, really. You swallow heavily and shuffle from one leg to the other. 

“It’s open.” Hhff.. you push the handle down and step into the room, slightly confused for the first few moments as you didn’t see the man immediately before something moved in your field of vision and you recognized the huge coat he was wearing. You almost burst out laughing- 

The man was currently leaning over his desk, shuffling papers on his own and looking like a fluffy ball with only arms since his red hair was out of your aze. You bite your tongue and just clench your fists for a bit before forcing them to relax. “I’m here as you asked of me.” Fuck him. You didn’t care what he wanted. You just stood here because he’d probably kill you otherwise..

“Mhm..” The man murred but didn’t move and you didn’t want to annoy him, so you remained silent as he began to rummage through whatever was on the table. You can hear the faint noise of.. clinking? Like coins.. or something.. And then the man stood to his full height, reminding you that you were a dwarf compared to him in every sense of the way, before he turned around to you.

Your eyes go immediately to his hands in case he was holding a weapon or something but instead your eyes fall onto a black, unassuming leather back he was holding. Right before he lifted it until it was right at eye level with you. His gaze cold and unfriendly, fixating you. “Listen up, secretary girl..” He began without any word of warning or greeting. Just pay attention, you could do that. 

You hold his gaze when they met eventually. “This is a ton of cash. You’re going with Gate,” So he heard about that already? Of course he did. “So I know you won’t be screwed over but in the sole, possible chance you fuck it up anyway somehow..” He growled lowly and leaned a bit closer. You can smell his breath. It was oddly not unpleasant. It smelled sweet like he ate some candy not too long ago. 

“Make sure to make it back to the ship with the parts necessary. If you come back without them I’ll send you off again until you have them all. Do you fucking get that?” You resist the urge to lean back and just rolled your shoulders, forcing yourself to stand a little straighter. “Yeah.. Ok.” The man scoffed at you. “Captain.” 

Nh? “What?” You blink a few times and he just broke into a mocking grin. “Yeah, Ok, Captain.” Oh. Oh no you won’t. But the man wasn’t backing off, by now your noses are almost touching. You want to reach out and slap him but your will to stay alive keeps you from doing so. “..Yeah..” You squint. “Ok.. Cap… Tan.” Now it was his turn to blink and he wore an expression as if you decided to hand him a volatile bomb and told him to deal with it. 

“..Did you just..” He narrowed his eyes. And then he reached out to grab a fistful of your hair. Your courage goes out the window and you resist the urge to yell out in fear and pain as he yanked you close and up to him. “A jokster. How fucking grand. How’s this for a joke?” And then he slammed you down onto the floor before dropping the back with money in front of you. “Go on, rat.” There’s that nickname again. He slammed his foot down right next to your head, making you wince. 

“Get the hell out of here before I re-break your bones.” He scoffed at you, his eyes almost dripping with disinterest as he threatened serious mutilation upon you. Fuck- Nevermind whatever you were thinking. You grab the back and scamper to your feet. He watches you and didn’t stop you physically as you made for the door. “Oh, before you leave the ship.” You stop in your tracks and turn around carefully.

Eustass was leaning back with his hip against his desk. “Two things. One, if you try and run off I’ll find you and cut your tits off first.” Ouch. That’s an ugly image you could have done without but it is in your head now, there to stay forever just like the image of Killer cutting your arms off and sending you off to swim. 

“Second.” He continues without knowing how much he freaked you, or maybe he knew but he chose to not call you out on it, maybe he liked watching you freak out and worry about whether you fooled him or not. “I’m not having Gate play your bodyguard, so go to Heat and let him give you a weapon.” And then his body tensed. His full body just got even more rugged than it already was, his muscles visibly bulging.

“And if you do anything that could fuck with Gate? You will beg me to cut your tits off because what I’ll do to you then will be worse.” His voice lowered until it was almost bursting with blood lust. “Much worse.” And you believe him. You knew he was being genuine. 

You already have seen it before. That protective tick he had when it came to the crewmates. He let you live because of Heat, he killed someone because of Wire. He’d torture you if something happened to Gate. Got it. You just nod, your throat clamped shut in genuine terror as you then slipped out of the room. Oh fucking god. People kept throwing stones. 

It was hard to get ahead but if Teddy became reality you’d find yourself in a world of accomplishment and who knew what else would come your way. You cling to the bag as if your life depended on it, like it did, and made your way back and around, looking for Heat with a frantic heartbeat. Man that dude was scary. Even after all this time, Eustass made you wanna barf. 

You had hoped, subconsciously at least, that there would be an opening to get off this island on your own or find help at the very least, that now that you were a henchman they’d let up but apparently Eustass didn’t care to let you go. What would that do to his reputation after all? You didn’t doubt that Gate would keep you also, the man was as loyal as they came. All of the crewmembers were. 

Seeing how Wire had been able to kick you to kingdom come and in general how strong he and Heat were, you were pretty sure that Gate packed quite a storm too under his stingy, cold demeanor. Whatever his specialty was when it came to combat, you did not want to find out the hard way. So maybe playing along for now was the safer option but if you had the chance.. you’d probably take it. 

“Rat! There you are-“ Why is everyone calling you a rat today. You hoped the nickname was going to die eventually. But it seemed like it would follow you around for quite some time. But, talk of the devil. It was Heat who had a bag of his own clutched in his fist, Oliver following the man with a bit of a frown. You wonder what went wrong this time. 

“Oh. Uh, Hey. I was supposed to find you.” You turned your body to face him completely while Oliver walked past Heat to grab the money bag you were holding. You startle and clench your fingers shut but he just twisted your wrist, forcing you to let go before lifting something into your view. More Money. “This is an amount of 200 beli.” Woah. Heat perked up. “Me, Gate, Wire and Oliver all put in fifty so you could have some fun while you’re out. You worked hard to get here so a reward was in order anyway.”

Worked hard was an understatement but you took the compliment and watched with happy, wide eyes as Oliver put the bundle into your money bag and gave it back to you. You’re already smiling at the mere idea of all the shit you’d buy. Clothes, razors, maybe a haircut- UNDERWEAR! The ones you had had gotten nasty thanks to not being able to wash them but you had nothing else and only felt safe with that extra layer of protection for your private bits. 

“Oh gosh.. Thank you so much.” You giggle happily and clutch the bag to you. “Ahh I’m gonna buy myself pants!” Oh the joy. “Pants where I don’t need a belt!” Oliver coughed out a laugh as he waved your antics off and walked off to do whatever else he had been planning on doing, leaving you with Heat alone. The man was sighing a little and tilted his head. “So, you were supposed to find me?”

Ah. Your smile goes. Right. You looked up from your bag and shrugged carefully. “Your boss wanted for me to have a weapon so I won’t slow Gate down.” Right.. to kill people. You won’t go there again. One time was enough to last a lifetime. Heat gave you a cold, almost cruel grin. “..He’s your boss now too.” You tense slightly and don’t answer to that but he’s already moving on. “But it’s good to get you out of your bubble. I had the idea so Haiku and Doc actually made you a little something.”

He put his bag down and you noticed the heavy thud that sounded before he crouched down, putting his elbows on his knees and looking up at you. 

Uhh.. He points at the back and you put your bag down to crouch down too and open the bag, looking in confusion at.. sleeves..? And stockings..? They were clearly not made out of fabric only, they.. they looked fine but thicker. There were some obvious stitchings and.. duct tape? They’re done poorly but they oddly look very sturdy. “That’s.. very nice-woah.” 

You tried to lift one of the sleeves but found you were almost incapable of doing so. The fucking thing was heavy. There’s a bad feeling pooling in your stomach. Oh no. But Heat already picked one up and grinned at you as he then began fastening the thing around your left arm, despite you trying to pull away. Fuck- Fuck that’s heavy- “Heat- I need to walk a lot today I can’t-“ “You’ll have to. You wanna die?” That shut you up. 

No, of course you did not want to die. Of course not. The man laughed weakly at your face as he began strapping on the second sleeve. It felt like you were hauling barrels. “Exactly.. So we need to bulk you up to be able to hold your own. You got to be able to impress the boss.” You looked at him and made a face. “I don’t get why you’re doing this-“ He looked at your face. 

“What?” You exhale, trying to lift your arms but god, they felt heavy. By now Heat was working on your legs, wrapping the stockings around your calves. You didn’t like how you felt like you had been chained. “I mean- You don’t do this for any other henchie? Isn’t this favoritism? Or whatever-“ Heat scoffed a little and frowned at you. “Sure is.” Which was so forward it made you blink like a deer in headlights. 

He continues. “You’re nothing special. But you got here, which is the furthest any prisoner ever got. Aside from that.. I think we get along well.” The man’s depressed facade only deepened as he stared at the floor now. Your limbs felt ungodly heavy and you had issues getting up when you tried, but you managed while he just pushed himself up with ease, picking up your money bag and holding it to you. You take it. 

“So I’d personally like it if you stuck around a little longer. I’m not confident if anyone else feels that way but I think you’re doing good work. Now if you stopped being so weak people would maybe risk getting attached to you.” He laughed a little and you blinked at him. 

You remember the first time you had this conversation. Why did he help you? It had been because you’ve been polite, not that he cared. But now he did. You want to cry just because it felt a little less lonely for the first time since you got here. “I.. Imma get you something with the money I won off of you… I think you’d look good in yellow lingerie.” It’s the only thing that comes to mind. Jokes. For a bit nothing happens and then Heat breaks into laughter. 

You laugh too. At first not as loud but soon enough both of you are just laughing like idiots while going over what else Heat could wear to turn into a proper prostitute. You felt free joking around like this and then Sam, questionable doctor, caught wind of it and decided to tell everyone that Heat wanted to wear lingerie while the zombie look alike tried to stop him. You only laughed harder at that, not able to jog after them and the chaos thanks to the weights attached to your limbs but it was fun watching Heat freak out at everyone suggesting what types would suit him. 

Wire even gave Heat personal recommendations. At some point Eustass actually heard the trip going on and yelled right over the deck that if Heat got them he needed to pay for them out of his own fucking pocket. Killer withheld any involvement and just looked upon the chaos as if he was going through several options on how to herd cats. Your smile doesn’t last long at the memory of your parents and previous colleagues. You really were worthless. 

* * *

When you thought it was tough standing with these weights, you were corrected when you had to walk with them. They were slim enough to not get in the way of your legs but they were, fucking shit, heavy as hell. It was like walking through mud with your whole body. It was ridiculous and you didn’t know how you were supposed to keep up with the pace that Gate was setting. 

He was already doing you a favor by dragging a cart with all your supplies on it. Originally you had taken the cart with you from the port to transport the parts needed for Teddy. But this favor was not enough to keep you going- You were in agony just an hour into your journey and he predicted that at this pace, you might have to sleep outside tonight. Not good. You were surprised that he was not rushing you but when you asked him he said this was a good idea.

Killer had given him plenty of room when talking around a time table. As long as they came back before the week ended everything was fine. Gate told you also that he expected from you to keep up. Easier said than done. “My..” An hour in only. “My limbs are tearing. Please have mercy.” You’re sweating buckets and every step made you wobble. You didn’t have to carry anything but the weapon that had been given to you, and yet you were at your limit. 

A gun. A simple revolver. It was located right under your sweater. An odd feeling to have a weapon this close to your body. To actually own it. Well, technically it belonged to the pirates, Heat took it from one of the henchmen that passed them by when he thought on what to give you. “Tough it out.” Gate scoffed, pulling the cart onward. He didn’t seem to be carrying a weapon but you knew better.

The man had put knuckle rings under his vest. The mere image of him pounding someone into a bloody paste with those had you gag a little, especially because you already felt sick. “I can’t- I need to-“ “If you stop I’ll make you run the rest of the way.” Oh fucking hell- you give a dry sob and struggle to keep up with his current pace. 

“Fuck.. you..” You did not even care right now if he hit you or not. You’re already in pain. The man just gave an uncaring scoff. “You’re terribly ungrateful for the effort put in you.” He deadpanned dryly. Narrowing his eyes at the path ahead of you. “Next time you open your mouth you should think hard about what you’re saying.” 

It put you in your place fast enough. Right.. This was Gate. Not Wire.. Or Heat.. Or Sam. You got along with the man barely. You only ever really interacted when the poker game took place. Fuck. You groaned in pain and almost fell over. “No- No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t..Hhfgf.. I’m just in pain and letting it out on you.. Please.. don’t be mad.” 

You’re groveling, you realize it. But what are you supposed to do? You needed to stay in their good graces for as long as possible. Your legs give in on you and you kiss the ground beneath you. Landing in cold, muddy snow. Ah shit. You screech undignified at the sudden cold and struggle to get up. “Balls!” Blast it- Blast these dumb weights!

You totally expected Gate to have just moved on without you but when you lifted your head the man had stopped with the wagon, staring at you in an unimpressed manner. Waiting. “..Just make sure to not do it again. Now get up. I want to get over there eventually.” You groan in pain and face the ground, fighting with yourself. You’re sweating buckets just moving and he wanted for you to walk that distance- 

“Yeah.” You just say, getting up finally and then stumbling after him. The man didn’t let you slow too much but aside from that he adjusted his pace to match yours. For a long while neither of you speaks. Then you do. “Can.. I ask something?” You pant, your voice out of breath. Your vision swimmy. 

“Go ahead.” God, his voice was so fucking deep. Like you were talking to the man of men. You never knew that someone could hit puberty twice and yet here you were. If that man ever had a son that boy would always feel inferior. You wouldn’t blame him.. “You.. hhff.. How’d you.. hff.. end as a pirate..? hff..” You stumble a little but catch your footing this time. 

“Mhh.. I like to steal. I like to kill.” The man seemed to be pretty comfortable saying it out loud and for a moment you felt like you had been right about these people. It only lasts when the other didn’t add anything to it. For a really long while you just steamed into yourself..

Then he continued talking. “When I was younger, way back, I lived in a place that was really poor.” Your gaze is fixated on your feet, you’d fall otherwise but you perk up a little. “My family and I spend our days in poverty. My father worked in the mines, my mother was a whore. Together they managed to scrounge up enough money to feed themselves and me plus a little sister I had then.” 

Suddenly this conversation wasn’t such a good idea as you previously had thought it would be. You stared up at the man, who wasn’t looking all too remorseful of whatever dark memories he was dragging out of the pit. “When I was able to I began to clean shoes. My sister found pretty shells and stones and made ‘jewelry’ out of them to sell for cheap.” He readjusted his grip on the wagon, continuing to drag it. 

“We didn’t really make much. But back then we were honest people. Or I was at least. They always stayed honest.” His eyes slowly move until they rested on you. “Then a random noble decided he found my kid sister cute and decided it was appropriate to rape and kill her before dumping her body at our doorstep and telling us what a great honor we got to be part of.” You were wrong before..

He wasn’t remorseful. He was angry. “My parents killed him. The navy executed them for it. Not once did anyone mention the girl that fat man had degraded to death.” His gaze moved forward again. “Me? Without a family to support me I landed on the street and found it easier to just take what I needed from other people. Grew up like that from then on out.” He sighed.

“Eventually met Kid while he was fucking a prostitute in an alley-“ An image you could have done without. “-and tried to mug them. Got my ass handed to myself and ended up getting drunk with him the same night, joined the crew and left that shit hole.” The man tugged the wagon a bit closer. You noticed that he had picked the pace up. You automatically did the same but now that you noticed it you could no longer keep it up. 

Something had changed. Maybe your viewpoint. Maybe.. Maybe the whole perspective. “..The navy protects people from pirates..” You mutter weakly, more to yourself, unsure of yourself. Gate just laughed out, it lacked humor. It sounds dead. “Oh yeah. When they feel like it. You wouldn’t believe how easy your buddies are to bribe or threaten. The marine isn’t shit.” 

You grind your teeth. What were you supposed to say. “Aside from that, what about the slavery business? Just watch how the nobles go to random islands as if they’re shopping for pets. If they’re not doing that? Watch them buster call some poor schmucks.” You’re sweating for other reasons than exhaustion now. Squeezing your eyes shut. “..But.. We..” You’re out of words. What was there to say. A loud noise had you open your eyes again. 

Gate had dropped the wagon suddenly. You startled and only stumbled back when he turned to come for you.

He grabbed you by your shoulders, with both hands, leaning down until you could see his eyes more clear than ever before. “You. Are no longer a marine. No marine would help a pirate ship build a water filtration system. Or save one of their members. Or GUT one of their members to take his place.” His fingers are digging into you.

You’re scared. He’s looming over you like a storm incoming. “You’re a Kidd Pirate now. You buddied up with Heat, enough to make him go out of his way to aid you in becoming worthy of being on the Victoria Punk. You got Wire to lie for you about killing a man, you think anyone in the crew believed that? It was painfully obvious that you never killed someone before when you stabbed into that dude on deck.” 

He didn’t even know his name. Or remembered it. “..Hover?” Gate squinted. “Don’t know. Don’t care.” Right. He jerks you again. “Haiku and Oliver let you sleep in their fucking room. Sam kept fixing you up. Do you even know how fucking priviliged you are?” You didn’t, you suppose you didn’t. You just stared at him with wide, now teary eyes. 

You’re silent. For a moment he was too before he suddenly relaxed his whole body and moved himself a little. His grip on your shoulder relaxed.. his right hand ended on the top of your head as if you were a dog. “..Repeat after me. Yeah?” You need a moment but then you nod. He narrowed his eyes a little. Suddenly he sounded so calm and oddly soothing. “..I’m a Kidd Pirate. Not a marine.” 

You feel sick. You shouldn’t listen to him. At first you don’t but he just jerked you gently again, ruffling your hair a little. “Come on. I’m a Kidd Pirate. Not a marine.” You were going to vomit. “I.. I am a Kidd Pirate..” Your soul is leaving your body. “Not.. Not a ..” Could you say it? But what kept you? It’s not like he was wrong. You already betrayed your morals when you killed Hover or when you gave Killer Teddy’s wish list. “..marine.” You choke it out as if your body was cramping.

Gate relaxed even further and the corner of his mouth twitched a bit upwards. “..Say it again. This time without stuttering. Go on.” You need to breathe but can’t. “..I’m a Kidd Pirate..” You’re filthy. You’re a filthy fucking traitor. “Not a marine..” It was sickenly easy to just repeat after him without stuttering. Gate sighed in a content manner. “Good job..” He ruffled your hair again and then stood to his height. 

“Here,” He picks you up and places you in the wagon, rummaging a little and handing you a flask with water. You take it. You feel oddly numb. Saying it out loud felt like you were skinning yourself of your past life. Like you really would never make it home again. “take a short break. You did good.” He walked around the wagon, grabbed it and then continued to drag the thing onwards. 

You’re being gaslit. You know because you used these techniques on them to make friends with Heat for example. He made you do something that went against what you believed in and then rewarded you for it. Thus associating the action with something pleasant. 

You shakily open the flask and begin to drink out of it. Your lungs are still screaming. So are your limbs. No other choice but take the short break given to you. Shame and doubt pooling in you. The odd combination of reminding you of the misdeeds of the marines and then forcing you to admit that you were a pirate.. God. 

Every day you felt like home was moving further and further away from you. As did the chance of you being ok again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh a change of perspective


	21. A mission is a mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bada Bing Bada Boom.

You ended up having to sleep outside, as Gate predicted. The journey had been.. uneventful. Somewhat. When you tried to go to sleep you got attacked by a huge bear, almost as tall as the tree you had tried to rest under. Gate had used his brass knuckles to literally punch it’s guts out. Literally. The thing almost exploded like a water balloon as he boxed it. 

It was a gruesome reminder on just how outclassed you really were and it put you in a corner where you were unable to even imagine getting away from that man. Then he made you and himself bear steak with the fire you had going on and it actually tasted good enough for you to stop hyperventilating.

With the pace you were traveling at it took you the entire rest of the day and then until evening the next to make it to the town, which carried the name of Pinecone Valley. Frankly, it was adorable and suited this place just fine, seeing how old school and homey all the houses looked. A bunch of wooden cabins, decorated in warm colors spread around and circling the market area.

Aside from those cabins.. the many pine trees around probably helped with the name. It was a very winter wonderland kind of thing if one ignored the many factories that were stationed at the mountain that loomed right behind the town. 

The market area that you and Gate would visit tomorrow. Around this time most shacks had already closed and he didn’t feel like going over there and stressing out about it. Frankly? Fine with you. Your limbs? They’re dead. Gate had started to force you to move your arms while you walked. To train harder. Hell, you repeat yourself, was real. You were living the dream of it. 

Or the nightmare.

Anyway.. Right now you were standing in front of an inn he found you, waiting for him while he secured the wagon somewhere, where no one would steal it. The place seemed to be pretty upstanding but one never knew. But as soon as he came back, the sooner you could check in and the sooner you’d be rid of these weights and the fucking backpack that has been breaking your back in half for the past few hours.

No matter how much you whined, Gate refused to give you any leeway. He sometimes let you take fifteen minute breaks but those felt so short when you were struggling the rest of the time. You should have picked Heat to come with you. The man would have been nicer- Mostly because you could butter him up easier. Gate though? No dice. 

The man was as cold and unyielding as a wall of stone. In fact, everytime you complained he made a habit out of picking up the pace. Asshole. Well, at least he paid for the Inn. From outside it looked very cozy, just like the rest of the town. Apparently they had a bath house and that was what you were particularly excited for. You smelled like death. Gate did too. Both of you sweat a lot during your journey and again, sleeping outside on the ground didn’t help with making you smell any nicer. 

You had a huge sweater from Wire that reached all the way to your ankles for after you got a chance to clean but first things first. Clothes. Tomorrow, when you went to the market, the first thing you’d scan for were opportunities to buy clothes. You would not be able to buy them until after all parts had been bought, in case the money wasn’t enough, but after that..? Fuck you were gonna go nuts. 

Screw the fact you had to get them all the way back to the ship. You had been given money to treat yourself and you were gonna! And if it killed you. The sole concept of owning something by yourself again made you giddy. That was kind of pathetic, seeing how you used to own an apartment.. On rent but still on your own.

Now you got to share your sleeping space with twenty+ men. It was uncomfortable and changing clothes was only possible in the toilet or in Heat’s room. Ahh.. you wished you had taken Heat along instead. Maybe Wire. Gate was gonna kill you with his stubborn view on diligence and training. 

“Alright..” Gate spoke up, coming from behind a corner and scaring the poop out of you the wrong way almost. You squeeze your eyes shut but don’t yelp. You open them to look tiredly up at him as he shouldered the bags that held your supplies. “Let’s get in there. You’re almost done for today.” The gentle nudge of telling you how close you were to rest had you move a little faster than you thought you’d be able to in your condition as you trailed like a duckling after him into the building.

Faced you were in the middle of buttfuck nowhere it was such a beautiful town with loads of pretty people. Civilians. You swallowed a little as under all of your bravado the faint voice of reason babbled at you to ask for help. You had wanted to.. Earlier. But before you got into town, Gate told you that if he suspected anyone to know about your particular situation he would kill them and then drag you back to deck for round two.

The horror of the mere idea had you shut that idea down rather fast.. So you behaved like you should. Just trudging after the man, nodding when told to, smiling when smiled at, just two weary travellers. No pirates here. No siree. Even if you did decide to ask for help. There was no one who’d be able to help you. Gate made it clear that he would kill innocent people over this.

After all the bloodshed you had to witness at home.. You couldn’t risk it and refused to. Your gaze fixated on the man in question. After the conversation you had with him about his family and him forcing you to renounce your marine ways.. you had talked a little more. About nothing personal. Just chit chat to waste time.

You were not enough of an idiot to not notice the tension that had built between you after his admittance of what happened to him and his loved once. And you? You got to think about it. He just laid that huge egg and now you were forced to sit on it, contemplating the ways of the navy. 

What had gone wrong? Was the navy to blame? Did they do everything they could to protect the innocent over the years? Were there groups very much unlike your own? Was the navy just? Did what they do serve the greater good or was it a ploy for power?

Gate had talked more about the navy and the crimes they had supposedly committed. Even if some of it was a lie, the market for slavery begged to differ. How could pirates be illegal but it was ok for a noble to go to a random village and pick some unfortunate soul to rape and torture? 

You hated the brunette for having opened your eyes to this. It had been easier just hating pirates as a whole but now the more you thought about it, the navy probably played a huge part in their creation to the extent that there were as many as there were.

After all, their favoritism towards the noble class couldn’t be good. You’re not listening to Gate talking to the person sitting at the counter but eventually he gave you a signal to follow. You did so, noticing the worried glance of the inn employee and if you were anymore awake, you’d feel just as worried. 

You’re not though, so you tumble after Gate and up the stairs. Which was a new form of hell that made your eyes tear with each sore and painful step. “Hff.. I can’t anymore- I’m serious-“ You whined from behind him as he just gave you a dry look from over his shoulder. “Last bit. I paid for the bathhouse. Look forward to soaking your muscles. Yeah?” 

And as tired you were, the concept of getting actually clean after so long and after so much work was an idea you would not slap away. You nod shakily and just trail onwards. Until you both got to a room. Which is when you notice, he only has one key. “Eh..” What.

Completely unfazed he unlocked the door and looked inside before sighing in relief and walking inside. Leaving you out in the hallway.. What? No he didn’t- You hobble after him. Two beds- Oh thank fucking god. You grunt in internal relief and lean against the doorframe as he gave you an amused glance. “You can lose the weights now.” 

You completely forget about the future of you having to sleep next to this dangerous dude and just hobble quickly to the bed by the window, which he left free while taking the one next to the door. You drop onto it and unlatch the weights, squeaking and resisting the urge to straight up squeal. 

Yes. Please. You felt so much lighter already- Gate was talking about the bathhouse. You were nodding like an idiot, just listening, taking in what he told you. Time goes on. 

* * *

And passes. Passed more. Morning comes and goes and before you know it it’s late in the afternoon. This was a perfect tag team. For this, you did not have to wear the weights. You were so fucking grateful. Your limbs still ached but, oddly, not as badly as after the first day. Progress couldn’t go that fast, right?

Right. Whatever. You were standing here, in the middle of the market, holding Teddy’s wishlist. You with your mechanical prowess and Gate with his ability to get everything at a cheap price.. You’d be unstoppable. It was going well. The man had a way with his voice you’ve never seen before.

He clearly was a scammer. The man talked and talked and talked people right out of their possession as if it belonged to him and not them. As if he was doing them a favor by taking it off their hands for as cheap as he managed to wrangle it from them. And man, the 180 degrees turn this man did.

He went from a cold asshole to a charming, smooth talking man with high hopes and dreams. Fucking christ. It reminded you of his wanted poster. There had been one back on the Victoria Punk. ‘Gate to poverty’. 60 million beli. At first you thought it was just a nickname until you found out his name. Now you fucking got it. And god did you like watching.

It was like looking at abstract art. The man was such a rude individual usually but he managed to lock away all his roughness and just be pleasant for a little while until you had what you wanted. You were pretty far already. You only needed a bunch of pipes and you’d have everything you needed. The whole day you spend running around, hunting down these parts like on a treasure hunt. 

It kind of was, really, to Gate at least. You had not thought about it much but the longer you spent on this project with him, the more you realized that he was rather excited for the filtration system. Aside from the costs it would spare them on water supplies, it would also offer hot showers once Killer got that heat dial. Whenever he did. Gate knew, Eustass and Killer knew, maybe Heat? Unsure.

The nature of the project hadn’t really been made all that public on deck, as far as you knew. Whether there was an actual reason or they just didn’t think you’d make it- beyond your understanding. You doubted it was for your protection. Maybe for theirs.. nah. 

On a side note though. Fuck Heat, you were so glad you picked Gate when you did. Because with the way things were going you’d be able to actually shop for proper clothes! He kept dangling it in front of you like a reward. ‘Do this and I’ll make sure you have enough time to stock up.’ ‘Do that and I’ll pitch in if you’re lacking money.’ 

You regret to say it worked like a charm. Like a dog on a leash you listened to what he told you when he told you. It was relaxing to not think about what to do. It was.. It was fun. Right now you were standing in front of a stand, you holding two different pipes in your hand, thinking. “..Just pick one.” You make a face. “No.” 

Gate leaned a bit over you. “Why not? They’re the same.” Euugh- You scoff at him. “Hardly. This one is Titanium and this one is Cold Steel.” Two very different brands- “We are looking for something perm so this can’t be rushed.. Hold on..” You shuffle to one of the parts and compare the pipes, checking which one fit better. 

“Mhh, Mhh… I think.. Titanium.” Yeah. You smile giddily. Putting on a sweet smile as you looked up at Gate and shoved the item at him. “Yes please!” The man made a face. He takes the pipe anyway. “How many?” You shift a little and count off in your head. “Five.” Should be plenty! He nodded and turned to the merchant who already seemed to put on a sickly sweet smile.

Yeah, he’s about to get conned! By the dream team! You smile happily and as much as you wanted to watch, this time you walked back to your wagon to check over everything. Ought to be everything, right? Seemed like it! God.. You were actually excited to build this! It was gonna be great- Your biggest project yet!

Also your most important one since failure meant death- the memory made you falter a little before you shook your head and coughed a little into your arm. Business. Then pleasure. Pleasure! Right! Once you were done and had secured your stash you’d be able to shop! Ahhh you’re so excited. 

“Alright.” Gate came over, dropping the pipes onto your pile of treasure. “What’s next?” You just grin happily. “That was it! The only thing we would be missing would be a heat dial and-..” Your gaze drifted to the side. You don’t know what made you look but you do. Only to look at a huge cloak with an all too familiar symbol on it. Standing in front of a stall. 

Gate blinked in confusion and turned around as well, his eyes narrowing before settling on you. You’re pretty sure the roughly same thoughts went through your heads at the same time. Navy. Here? So far from the ocean? Might be an in-land patrol. Might be a group to retrieve prisoners- Whatever the reason, they were here.

Oh god. You count. Five men. One Officer. Six in total. Could they take Gate? Would they be able to save you- They should have combat training but Gate was worth 60 million beli and you doubted he got that high counting sheep. Maybe you could signal them- Do something, tell them and make a run for it. 

It didn’t matter, these were your people- you had to try- A hand lands on your shoulder. Firmly. You freeze. Sweating and tense. Your gaze drifted up at Gate and you’re met with an unfriendly expression. “Don’t make me kill those men.” Any imaginations you’ve had of rescue vanish into thin air at his tone.

He was serious. He would kill them if you tried to reach out. Just like he killed that bear that had been big enough to eat you whole without chewing. “..Ok.” There is no other valid answer. You had tried to stop picking the path of least resistance but this wasn’t a situation where you could pick a different one. Here, only obedience would get everyone out of the situation ok. 

“..What if they recognize you?” He made a face, his hand staying on your shoulder. “Then we’ll fight them and run.” Could you do that? “You have a gun.” You did. But could you use it? “I never shot a gun before.” His eyebrows went up and then he grunted a little, moving to the wagon to grab the handles and pull. “Always a good time to learn.” 

No. No it wasn’t. But you don’t say that. You keep your head down and just trail after him with a defeated manner. No other option. Just do what you’re told and all will be ok. No one had to get hurt because of you. You’re not worth that much. You had to pass the patrol regardless. It made your stomach churn.

So fucking close to rescue. Or were you? They’d never be able to beat Gate. You just couldn’t imagine it after he slaughtered that beast like it was made out of cotton. You can’t help but look anyway. The merchant had gone behind the curtain and into the back of his store, now coming out and holding something that made you stop dead.

Gate immediately stopped as well but you don’t notice as you stared at the Heat Dial the merchant was holding. You noticed by the way Gate’s body relaxed a little that he saw it too. Neither of you had asked if they had dials. This was a mountain town. Where would they get dials from?

But there was one.

Right there.

What a gross coincidence.

And a sick, already twisted part of you wondered just how Eustass or Killer would react if you came back with that thing. You leave Gate where he was and jogged over as the officer and the merchant talked. “Excuse me!” You just barge in, interrupting their conversation and making the men look at you in surprise and confusion. 

Gate hissed something behind you but you ignored it. “How much for the dial?” The merchant’s face lit up. The officer bristled and squared his shoulders. “Ma’am. We are already purchasing it.” But he’s ignored as the merchant spoke up. “I’ve been offered 500 beli thus far. Can you top that?” Could you? You look over to Gate.

The man had clearly not any intention of coming over here on his own. You can’t blame him. The marines would maybe recognize him after all. But he gave you a nod and lifted his hands. One finger first. Then 4. “A second please-“ You jog to him. “What?” You didn’t get it. 

“We have a thousand fourhundred left.” He grunted. “That’s with my private fund.” You’re hopping back already before he managed to finish the sentence properly. “I offer 700.” The man behind the counter smiled. Then he looked at the officer. “Do you want to top that?” You can see the anger pooling in his stomach as he glared at you. 

“1000 then.” Oh. You made a face. “1300!” You do not want to throw all the money you had out. “1700.” And yet you’re outbid. Your soul left your body in disappointment. You stared at the dial and sighed a little. No can do. You didn’t have enough money. It’s not like you could just steal the damn thing. You’d be breaking the law. 

You blink. You glance to Gate. The man raised an eyebrow at you in confusion and shrugged his shoulders. You were already breaking the law just being with the man. Even as a hostage- You shouldn’t entertain it but you really wanted to finish Teddy as soon as you could. So, as a respectable pirate. What would a pirate do when they wanted something they couldn’t afford? 

Are you seriously about to cross that line? Oddly, next to stabbing a dead corpse into paste and stabbing the life out of a person that was still breathing, this was really not that much of a deal. But maybe that’s how it started. Thinking it wasn’t a big deal. “Ma’am?” The merchant sounded so happy. You dislike it. Even though he had a good right. Who knew how he got it.

But if you failed you’d lose your life. Maybe sparing Killer the effort of having to hunt for one of them himself would give you bonus points. You want to finish Teddy. You want to make yourself look useful. You want to ensure your safety.

You want that fucking heat dial.

And you just grab it, right out of the hands of the merchant who seemed too perplexed to realize what just happened. Then, then you turn around and fucking book it. “Rat! What the fuck are you doing?!” So much for staying on the down low. Gate looked as startled as the merchant just did. “Hey! Stop right there!” And you should. As a marine, you should stop. You should give the dial back and apologize. 

Someone grabs you by the shoulder, it’s the officer, he caught up. You- You turn around and with the sturdy shell you ram right into his face. More out of reflex and fear than anything. Now that you stole the damn thing, you didn’t want to get caught. The man let go and stumbled back, hitting the ground and holding a bloody nose. His men seemed mostly confused as you just ran down the street, ignoring the yelling of the merchant. 

Their stupor does not last long though and they were a whole lot faster than you with the heavy shell. So was Gate though, the man, even dragging the wagon behind himself had caught up with you and was hissing like a viper. “What the FUCK are you doing?!” He snarled at you. “Give me the fucking shell and get our stuff out of the inn! I’ll meet you outside of town!” He looked pissed and semi stressed, throwing you a key that you managed to catch.

You’re stressed too. “I’m sorry! I panicked!” You fumble to drop the heat dial into the wagon. “Split! Go right!” You do as told, only spotting the man kicking over a stand out of the corner of your eyes that blocked the path for the soldiers. Chaos is grand. You use the many people on the market to blend into the crowd and hurry back to the inn. 

Passing the innkeeper you wave and pretend you’re not panicking and scramble up the stairs to your room. You shuffle and hurry to pack everything up, the weights going into your backpack. Just when you finished, down there was a commotion downstairs. Did not have to be but you’re not risking it. With two heavy bags in each hand and one on your back you make for the window. 

Damn it. You poke your head out after opening it. You’re gonna end up hurting yourself. The noise of people barreling up the stairs makes you scramble to hop out regardless, with a shriek going down and miraculously landing on one of the bags instead of the hard stone below. It knocks the breath out of you regardless.

Adrenaline is your friend as you stumbled back up and onto your feet, jogging as fast as you could with your heavy baggage to where you and Gate had entered the town. You’re sad for many reasons. One, you just committed to thievery for the first time in your life. Two, you had punched an ally and couldn’t even tell them why. Three, you did not get to buy clothes after all. 

You got nothing. Just Teddy. In pieces still too. God, now that you’re actually running from the marines.. it felt so real. You really were losing yourself. You stole something. On your own. No one told you to. You just did it. Like a criminal. Was there no going back? You suppose you had already ceased to exist killing Hover. How did that saying go?

New low new me. 

No. That wasn’t it.

It’s accurate though. 

God this shit was heavy- Yet you felt oddly fast as you made your way to the edge of town, huffing cold air out, watching it turn into mist. You wondered how Gate would be doing, you’re sure someone followed him too since you gave him the dial that they wanted- Oh god. He probably killed them. You hadn’t asked for help because you did not want anyone to get hurt.

Then you had to grab that shitty thing and make Gate hurt people regardless. You’re an idiot. A full blown retard- Everything you attempted just made everything worse. Like usual. You’re stumbling around a corner, able to see where the buildings ended. Your breathing stocked. 

It’s devoid of people but there were visible signs of destruction. A lantern pole had been cleanly bent off halfway. Wherever the other half was, was beyond you. There’s gunshots. Oh god no- You should have left. You fasten your pace. 

Just to watch Gate use the missing lantern pole like a baseball bat against a soldier, easily batting him against the wall of a building. There were only two enemies, one time the soldier and one the officer. Who was currently wiping blood off with a healthy arm, his left one seeming awfully mangled. 

“Of fucking course! You filthy pirates are everywhere!” He snarled, aiming his gun at Gate who had to take cover behind one of the pine trees. Neither man had noticed you. It seemed to be a standoff. 

You spotted the wagon, tipped over and abandoned near where the soldier landed. You want time to slow down. It doesn’t. The officer kept shooting at Gate. You know where this will go. You know because you could put 1 and 1 together. It’s not a happy picture. 

Gate will wait until the navy officer ran out of bullets. Then he’d walk over there and shove the pole he had in hand up the man’s ass. Kill him. You could see the way the brunette clung to the makeshift weapon. Cold harshness in his eyes. Gate was going to kill this man. 

Maybe he’d win. The officer. You didn’t know. Except for where Eustass’s threat made itself into your head and you knew that if Gate did not come back he’d not just take it out on you but everyone in this village. He’d tear these people to ribbons in his search for a comrade that had either been taken by now or left this life already. 

The revolver found itself into your hand. You had to do something. But what? Their attention wasn’t on you. Slowly you moved behind the officer, feeling tense and sweaty. You knew what you had to do. Or.. at least you thought you knew. This was a matter of whether the dude could be dangerous, right?

So all you had to do was to make sure he wouldn't cause any more trouble. You couldn’t aim though. Your aim was shit. You knew because, as you had told Gate, you never fired a weapon before. That excluded your academy days but that had been at immobile, unalive targets. Years ago. 

But the officer was still yelling at the pirate. You just.. slowly made your way over. Quiet. Close enough until you think you can make it. Then you take aim. Your hands are shaking. Where do you shoot him? Where could you shoot a person to make them useless without killing them or cause permanent damage?

Your eyes wander to his calves. You aim lower, trying to suppress the shake that took hold of you. “Hnn-“ The noise slipped out before you could stop it. You see his body wince, about to turn around but it’s too late. You fire a bullet right through his left leg. As expected, he goes down. 

The screaming was horrible. You didn’t want to do this but these were the consequences of your actions. The man was in visible pain but he still had a good leg- so of course you shoot him into the other one as well. By now the snow below him was red with his blood. Your face was pale because yours left you.

You just stared down at the man, watched his pained face as he rolled around on the ground, trying to stop his bleeding. You shot a marine officer. You had to! You tell yourself that as almost you drop the gun in the snow and just stumble away from the scene of crime. It was either him or literally everyone else. If Gate had lost there would have been no stopping his captain. 

You can’t go back to the deck. You won’t go back to the deck. You would never again sleep on that fucking deck, covered in your own bodily fluids and trash while you wasted away. Never again. Never again! “Rat?” It’s Gate. You ignore him. You’re too tense.

You need to do something. You need work. So your legs move you to the wagon to try and put it back on it’s wheels to reload Teddy’s parts onto it. You don’t have to try long as suddenly hands reached past you, grabbed the edge of it and pulled it back straight. Gate. The man was looking satisfied. “Great job.” You didn’t feel like it had been. But he just went on.

“Told you, you’re not a marine anymore. Full fledged pirate.” He sounds so fucking happy. You want to vomit. “You get the parts back loaded, I’ll take care of-“ You grab him by his arm. Firmly. As firmly as you could and you just give him the most pleading look you could. “Please don’t.” 

For a moment he seemed put off but then he gave you a wry smile. It was almost warm. Of course, it made you feel alarmed. “You wanna do it?” He lifted a huge hull part off the snow and loaded it. You did some pipes. “No. I just- I don’t like killing. He can’t run anymore- Isn’t he harmless now?” Please.. Please just accept it.

For a moment neither of you moves. Then he narrowed his eyes. “You’re gonna have to get used to it.” He’s right and you hate it. “Please, not right now.” It’s quiet while he just continued to load Teddy up. You felt sick. But.. he huffed and once the last part was on, as well as the bags, he shrugged. “Fine. Another day then. I mean it.” 

Your knees almost buckle in relief and you release breath you did not know you were holding. “Thank you. Thank you so much-“ You whine, your knees buckling a little and you just head bump the man weakly, resisting the urge to hug him. He just scoffed as if he was touching trash. Gently boxed you though. “Once we’re back on board I’ll show you how to properly fire a gun though. You got so close you might as well have stabbed him.” 

You giggle weakly, nervously. He grabbed the wagon and then made to turn around but then halted. Gate made a face and looked over. Raising an eyebrow. As if he spotted something. You turn as well, expecting to see just the officer. Instead suddenly there was a flash and you yelped, rubbing your eyes while Gate snarled. “Fucking-“ 

There are voices. His comrades- Gate groaned. “I’m going to have to kill them all.” You startle “You said you wouldn’t!” He gave you a long.. suffering look. “..Just get into the fucking wagon then.” What was the other option? These men dying. So you climb in quickly and before you knew it Gate was sprinting down the path with you and your loot. 

You see the other soldiers get there when you’re leaving. They would probably follow but their squad leader was severely wounded, as was their other comrade at the building. Gate was fast. Before you knew it, they were nothing but dots in the distance. You got what you needed.

The mission was a success. You should be happy. Eustass wouldn’t cut your tits off. Or do worse things to you. Killer would be happy, give you bonus points. You’d be safer. You should be happy, ecstatic. 

You weren’t. No- wait.. You stare dryly out at the distance Gate had already left behind. You were. You felt.. accomplished. It wasn’t happiness. It was accompanied by a whole lot of guilt but it was there. 

Satisfaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback always appreciated.


	22. Bonus Point System

Gate’s not even winded. He’s been running with the wagon that was carrying not just you but also the parts you gathered, your supplies + the stolen heat dial for what was maybe.. what? Hours? Well, he was looking slightly sweaty but his breathing was even if that said anything. 

His stamina was something to behold. You’re again reminded of the fact that the Kidd Pirates were highly competent men. The inner crew at least. Far above the henchmen, including you. You kept watch, making sure no one had followed you against all the odds. No one did. 

“Alright-“ Gate puffed out, slowing finally and eventually coming full stop. “That ought to buy us time.” You glance at him. “You don’t think that they’ll be coming after us with their leader shot in both legs, right?” You hoped they weren’t dumb enough, especially after all the mental stress and effort that had been used to save their asses. 

The man just hopped onto the wagon, seemingly unwilling to sit down in the snow as he made himself some space between a hull part and some wires, his legs kicked up and everything as he relaxed. His skin was slightly flushed and it reminded you that you didn’t even question that he didn’t wear anything warmer. 

As if inhumanity was becoming something you were getting used to. You, personally, in the huge ‘dress’ you were wearing, you were well protected. Still.. You cross your legs and stare at a bunch of packets that were filled with screws and all. Now that the two of you had made an escape, shopping would be the last thing you’d be doing. 

A cold, disappointed feeling settled in you. Then you get kicked. Not firmly, but the asshole put his dirty shoe sole against your shoulder to shove at you. “Stop looking depressed. You did the right thing.” The ‘right’ thing, not by a long shot. “Not what I’m sad about.” The admission is easier than previously assumed, Gate raised both eyebrows.

“I’m not playing therapist.” What a- You squint at him. “I’m not the one kicking people for no reason.” With a huff, easily he is ignored as you turn your body away from the man to stare at the white scenery in front of you. It had begun to snow lightly but thankfully nothing too bad. 

You’re getting a foot in your back. Shove. Slowly, despite yourself you find your eyes narrowing again, staring straight ahead. There it is again- What the shit was this. Ignore him. He’ll get bore- The next kick is firm enough to make you slam against the edge of the wagon and this time you spin around. 

“Oh my god! Stop! What is your issue?!” The way he looked at you almost made you regret your outburst but this time you refuse to apologize, feeling rather safe after shooting a marine officer. Gate clicked his tongue. “Put your weights back on.” You blink. One, twice- Then you groan. “You’re like a toddler! You’re only making me put them on now because I ignored you!” 

Regardless, Gate does not seem willing to budge, no matter how much you complain. So, despite your inner wishes and hopes and dreams, you shuffle enough to be able to put the weights back onto your limbs. They were as heavy as ever. Of fucking course.. Though you remembered them heavier yet. Maybe you just hyped it up way too hard. 

Once you were done you go on about ignoring the man for as long as he planned to commit himself to a break. But apparently Gate needed to prove to you just how much of a toddler he could be because not even a full minute passed before he kicked you again. Something told you that he was waiting for you to continue to explain why you were sad without having to ask for it.

It’s like dealing with an aggressive cat. Another kick has you grunt. “Damn it! I thought Wire was the dude with legs for miles!” You inch away and Gate lowered his eyelids a little as he grinned a bit. Damn what’s with these men and their sadistic, smug attitudes. “I’m upset because I’m still wearing a fucking rag! I wanted to be able to dress like a person again for once!”

Gate’s grin goes and he seemed satisfied with your answer. His body shifted a little bit from left to right. “That’s it?” His uncaring attitude towards your struggle makes you want to kick him back. You know what, you’re gonna. You shuffle until you’re on your back like him. “You try that and I’m shoving snow down your shirt.” 

Both of you are staring at each other. And then you kick him because while that sounded horrid, it was also not really much of a threat after everything you went through at this point. Gate looked at your foot, which was currently pressed against his ankle. Then he looked back up and scoffed.

“Once this break is over I’m dragging you until you’re soaked.” You bristle. “I’m not like you. If you soak me I’ll get frost bites and die and then you will have wasted all this money buying these parts without knowing what to do with them.” Cold frustration was leaking out of this man. “I’m throwing you off the port and won’t let you back up until you swim around the ship with the weights on.” 

Now that was something more horrific. You pull your leg back. “I’ll drown.” “If you don’t put effort in, yeah, you will.” You narrow your eyes. “That’s just as bad as the frost bites though?” Gate tilted his head back and just groaned loudly at the sky. “What the fuck- Alright.“ He perked up and looked back at you. “I’ll have you wear the weights from now on until you can hit the boss on the back of his head.” 

Eh. “That’s never gonna happen.” He smiles. It’s that charming smile that he used to scam these people previously. “Yeah.” Oh fuck him. “I’ll tell on you.” The man broke into actual cackling at the half assed threat. “To whom? Killer? He doesn’t give a shit what we do with you. By the way, if you hit the boss, Killer will probably cut that hand off.” 

“Give me a task I can actually complete then!” You shriek at him and grab a bag of bolts to throw at him. It’s heavy and probably actually hurt but he just laughed a little harder. It sounded like a moose was looking for a mate. “Alright- Here. You have to wear the weights until you can lift Killer’s. The actual weight, not his specifically.” You ponder a bit. “How much does he lift?” 

Gate closed his eyes and seemed to think a little before he looked at you. “1000 to 2000 pounds give or take-“ “NO WAY!” You slap the wagon several times with your flat palm. “First of all, there’s no way! Also! I said possible tasks! There’s no way I’ll ever be able to lift anything close to that!” The man just snorted again and waved your panic off.

“No, I’m serious. He does. I’ll show you next time- Hnn.. How aboout..” He’s thinking but clearly out of ideas. “Until you kill your first person out of your own will.” Ah. Your body freezes and there goes your good mood. You stare at him with a blank face. He continues to smile. “Aside from that…”

Fuck him. “It’s not like the town back has no shops. We can still get you something once we get there, seeing how much we have left after your.. pirating.” You don’t know what’s wrong with you but him saying that actually did make you feel better. Let’s ignore his ultimatum and let’s ignore the fact you shot a marine officer. 

An officer. One of your own- .. But then again, was he one of your own? The memory of being left behind is vivid in your head. “..Ok.” You just reply eventually and shuffle off the wagon, suddenly itching to get going instead of waiting and contemplating your changing self. The idea of killing someone willingly, on your own accord, still wasn’t there. You couldn’t imagine it. Not for the life of you. 

It was just.. beyond you to be able to think on taking someone’s life out of your own accord. Not when you’ve made it your personal job to try and protect the lives of others. It seemed like you might be carrying these weights forever.. Might as get used to them now rather than later. 

Gate didn’t follow you immediately. The man just leaned back where he was sitting and watching you trot onwards. You could guess what he was thinking. He’d catch up with you regardless of how fast and how much you walked. There were little trees on this, seemingly, never ending path of snow. No place to hide. Only way to go was straight. 

Gate had been oddly interactive just now. You suppose you shooting someone ‘for him’ had him see you in a different light but again, just like with Heat, you had not intended to do him a favor. If not for the threat of his fucking captain threatening to bring hell upon the earth if he got hurt.. But even if he didn’t, Gate would have won probably. The man would have run out of bullets and then the pirate would have lopped his head clean off. 

You take what you can get though. Let him think you were doing it to help him or whatever. Bonus points. You’d take them where you could get them. Doesn’t even need too long for you to be able to hear Gate moving again. The sound of the wagon wheeling after him.. At least this time you weren’t carrying a ba- a heavy weight slams into you from behind and you spin around.

Gate’s looking at you, then down. You follow his gaze and stare at your backpack before making eye contact with him again. ..Little Bitch. You don’t say that out loud though.

* * *

In hindsight, getting started on walking sooner was a smart decision on your part and seeing how Gate basically carried you a big part of the path back to town, your journey did not take as long as it did before. You managed to make it in a day yet, when you saw the lights of the near the ocean located town in the distance, it was already dark. The trip had taken.. What… Four days in total? Two days getting there, One shopping and then one getting back. 

You did have to take a break, seeing how when you started your journey back it was already late afternoon, almost evening hours. The only reason you left as hurriedly as you did was because you had stolen the heat dial and needed to make quick feet for a getaway. You’re almost relieved that it was over. 

Despite not having to walk nearly as much.. walking still hurt plenty. Oddly it felt like you were getting used to these weights faster than you could have imagined but.. maybe you were just in denial about having to wear them for the rest of your life. Maybe your brain was trying to find ways to cope. Eugh.. 

That’s a dark outlook. 

By now you have reached the port and Gate was looking just as tired as you. The man was sweaty from pulling the heavy gear around and you were sweaty for carrying the weights plus your backpack. 

At least you’d be able to sleep. No more work today. You made Gate promise he’d help you on that level and after a lot of pestering, pestering that lasted the whole trip, he agreed. You’re basically dizzy with exhaustion. Seeing how you didn’t take a real break during the day it made sense. 

Gate rubbed over his neck, cracking his spine and stretching as he turned the wagon to walk down the port. The Victoria Punk was back in sight. You never thought you’d be happy to see the fucking thing but now it meant rest. Sleep. Time to turn into a cocoon. 

Didn’t even matter if you had to sleep on the deck again, or wherever else. As long as you could fucking sleep. Gate jerked the wagon forward and barked over to two men walking off the deck right now. “You two!” The way the two startle visibly makes you feel for them. Relatable.

Gate dropped the handles from the wagon and shoved you towards the ship. “Bring these parts into the storage unit. Now. If any of them end up missing I’ll fucking skin you.” With a tired gaze you nodded in agreement. These parts were too important.. You stare at the wagon. Right.

It wasn’t just the parts, there was also the Heat Dial that you had literally stolen for. You shot someone for this fucking thing in their legs. A marine officer. You stole this Heat Dial and shot a marine officer in the legs over it. 

“I’ll do it-“ You speak before you really pay attention and Gate gave you a look that made you question your sanity too. You give him a suffering grimace. “Your boss is gonna kill me if this goes wrong. I’m not putting my life into anyone’s hands.” You shuffle tiredly to the wagon and pick a bag of screws up. God. Your arms are gonna fall off-

Gate was giving you a dry look and shrugged. “Have fun with that. You two, dismissed.” Gate waved the men off he stopped and they took the chance to bolt towards town while Gate stepped back onto the Victoria Punk. You’re left alone and now you just felt stupid.

Even this bag of screws felt too heavy for you.. You put them back for now and drop the backpack on the ground. You need a breather before you can carry anything onto the ship. So, you crawl right onto the wagon and nestle in between the parts. Watching like a culture. Protecting your loot. 

Who knows how long you just sit there. In the darkness. Listening to drunken assholes celebrate their freedom while you were nothing but a slave living on borrowed time. Gate had actually left. You had hoped the man would maybe come back, being moved by your kind nature but tough luck.

He was a rough customer and his favor was not earned lightly. You’d have to try harder. Eventually.. Eventually.. God you’re tired. How long were you doing nothing now? You could have been done and be sleeping right now but.. You should begin.

With a heavy heart and heavier limbs you fight yourself out of the wagon to begin dragging the parts for Teddy over the walking plank and onto deck. You take the heaviest parts first because you doubt you’ll be able to hold out long enough. Aside from taking a huge break after every part.. 

You were halfway done, currently rolling a hull part up the walking plan with everything you had and groaning in pain at your aching muscles. Agony. Someone help. You crumble next to the metal once you were done and took another break. You can’t think. You’re so tired.

It’s so dark you would not be surprised if someone told you it was either midnight or long past that. Maybe extremely early morning hours. Whatever-

“You’re back.” Deep baritone. Not Gate. No. Your body felt suddenly very tense and cold, despite the fact that you were sweating balls from stressing yourself over these parts having to get onto the ship. You’re still facing the floor but carefully turn your deck to look at familiar shoes. 

Slowly you turn your head further until you were able to glance up and look up as far as you could. It was the Massacre Soldier. Looking at the way he was standing he just got back from town. You wondered what he had been doing. “..Yeahp..” You just croak at him. 

What else? What else can you do? You begin to fight yourself off the wood and try to look confident but you have to slouch to be able to actually stand. Your limit is breached. Has been breached for at least four hours. The blonde doesn’t do anything but give you a look.

Probably. You can’t actually tell. 

“Did you get everything?” Mhh.. You nod. Yeah, you and Gate really did make a good team. The pipes and screws, the hull and the- Oh shit. You perk up a little. “Ah- I got-“ You spin around a little on the spot and then move to the parts that were already on deck, shoving a hull part aside to reveal the Heat Dial.

You put it up here first because it was by far the most valuable thing in your catch. They were expensive. They were rare. And you stole this fucking thing and lost a part of yourself over it. You can hear the footsteps of the man close in on you as he peered over you. “Nh..” He sounds mildly surprised but his body betrays nothing.

“How much did you pay for that?” Ahh.. You glance up at him and shrug weakly. Your eyes are so heavy.. “I.. Uhm.. I actually stole it?” His shoulders twitch and you shrink despite yourself. “We didn’t have enough and- I mean- Now you don’t have to go and scavenge for one, right?” Please be happy. Please. 

The man stepped around you and crouched next to the shell, inspecting it and whatever he saw, it seemed to be enough. He stood up and glanced over his shoulder. “Go to sleep. I’m not cleaning your body up if you pass out on deck.” 

It takes you almost a whole ten seconds to understand what he told you. You shuffle and gesture weakly. “B-But the parts-“ “I’ll take it from here.” And with that the conversation apparently was over. Because the man had turned away to walk off the deck towards the wagon. Maybe you should help regardless..

But you can’t. Now that you got the go ahead for sleep your body is giving out on you and you’re sure you were going to pass out. “T-Thank you! Goodnight!” You call out weakly. With that you booked it. As fast as you could with the weights you hobble off the deck inside the ship towards the sleeping quarters. 

You did such good fucking work. Good enough for Killer to actually do the rest for you. And now you got to sleep! Bonus Points! THE FUCKING BONUS POINTS! They worked! You knew they would! Before you enter the room you take your weights off, cradling them all in your arms and then slipping inside.

You put them down next to the doorframe, sure no one would grab them because who’d want this heavy trash- then you climbed around and slithered under obstacles until you reached your hanging mat. Climbing inside, ignoring the smell coming from yourself and cocooning yourself again. 

And almost as soon as you were done, you were asleep. 

* * *

  
  


You proceed to be left to sleep for a whole set of five hours before suddenly something jabbed you in the side. Waking you from your slumber and god were you comfortable in this cocoon. Sleeping on the ground in sleeping bags had been cold and uncomfortable. 

It’s sick how used you were to not using a bed anymore already. Before you and your bed had a loving relationship where you slept as much as possible in it when you weren’t working. The thought process of remembering your home is cut short with another jab. 

Pain. That hurts like balls but you begin to unravel from your hanging resting place to face the dude who’d be in charge of abusing you today. 

Apparently it’s Clip. Holding a Lexikon. The ginger was standing next to your spot and giving you a dry, thoughtful look. He’s a henchie. You could be doing more sleeping for fucks sake. “What.” Your voice is sleepy, hoarse and borderline rude. He made a bit of a face when regarding your tone. 

“Y’been gone. We thought ye died or sum’ shit.” He crouched a bit so he could be more on eye level. “Let’s learn more ‘bout the thing we agreed on.” Which wasn’t what you wanted to do right now. You still felt sore and tired. “Can’t.” You drop your head back into the thin pillow you had in here. 

Clip gave you a scoff. “An’ why not?” You don’t want to fucking do shit right now. “Recovering. I worked my ass off these past days while I was gone. Let me sleep or I’m crushing your nuts with the Lexikon you’re holding.” When did you begin to be this ‘spunky’ and ‘brave’? 

The one eyed bastard snorted and gave your hanging mat a shove, making you swing around. “If not for the painful image I woulda called dis cute, lassie. Fine, sleep.” That was easy. “But Imma come ‘round again once yer done doin’ recovery.” 

You nod. Just happy he’d leave you alone. You heard him put the book down beneath you and suddenly you’re grabbed, his hands clamping around your sides and before you can protest you’re flipped around. Effectively cocooning you once more.

There’s shuffling which you assumed was him picking up the book and leaving. You just remain where you were. As a larvae. Slowly evolving. In your own musk. Ew. You need to find a chance to shower once you’re awake. Which wasn’t right now. You doze off again easily enough. 

* * *

How no one woke you up was beyond you. Without Clip disrupting your time to cocoon properly you’re continued to be left alone to your own devices. Which leaves you to proceed to sleep for six more hours. By now it’s around noon. You wake up eventually and when you do you just vegetate around.

Like an onion. With all its layers of stank. You gotta get clean.. Hopefully wash your hanging mat. You unroll and do it a little to fast, landing on the floor with an unhappy noise. Oddly, place seems empty aside from a few dudes sleeping left and right just like you had been. 

What the hell..? You rub over your face and slowly stand, unhooking your cocoon from the wall and rolling it up. Time to do the thing.. Self care first if possible.. With the mat you trot to the door and then notice the weights sitting there next to the doorframe. 

..Damn it. 

They’re put on quick enough. But you hate them regardless. Fuck Gate. You’d get buffer than him. Then he’d regret this decision. You’d flex so hard his shitty eyebrows came off. Asshole. 

With them in place you continue on your trek to the outside world.. or you want to anyway. You were slightly freaked out, seeing how it was relatively empty on the ship. Where were they all? You make your way out of the Victoria Punk and onto the deck. Not much happening here either.

But you do spot Sam sitting at the railing, currently reading a book about.. Agriculture? Huh. Whatever. You shuffle over and his head lifted when he heard your approach. His attire was different. He’s still wearing the hat but today the rest of his clothes were normal.

Yellow Shirt. Brown Jacket. Denim Pants. Black shoes. It felt weird seeing him like that when you’ve been seeing him in only that one outfit for so long. You had at first wondered how that came to pass only to find that the dude had several pieces of the same clothing item in his closet. Freaky. Valid. Whatever. 

“Where is everyone?” You ask tentatively, unsure how he would perceive you after all your time off ship. Maybe you had to ‘befriend’ him again. The ship’s doctor looked back down onto his book, flipping a page. “Out? Some are just laying around.” That tells you almost nothing. “Uhm.. Why?” 

Doc lifts his head again. “Nothing to do. We’ll be staying here for maybe a week or two. Ship has some damage from our Seaking encounter.” Oh. You raise your eyebrows. You had almost forgotten about that. “Really? Where?” You glance around as if you could spot it. 

“Down below. Nothing serious but nothing you should leave to it’s own devices. We just have to replace some wood and recoat the thing. We’ll let the shipwrights take it. None of us are wood savvy enough to fix the ship so the boss set up an appointment for Victoria. She’ll be going to the repair bin tomorrow.” 

He flipped the page again but this time he hadn’t really looked at the page. You were distracting him from reading, you realize but you’re too curious.

“How do they fix it when the ship’s still in the water?” Sam lifted his hand to scratch his sideburns and gave you an amused look. “They lift her out of the water. They got equipment for that and all. Don’t break your head over it.” Too late. You already had. 

Like an egg.

“So.. what do I do?” He shrugs. “Take a day off. Hold on-“ He suddenly shifted and grabbed into his jacket and then suddenly pulled a wallet outta there. You blink. He shoves it at you and you almost drop your hanging mat to grab it. “Gate gave this to me to give to you since I was staying on the ship anyway. Said go wild. Not just from him though, me, Heat and Wire pitched in a little too.” 

Go wild..? You blink at the wallet and turn it a little in your hand. It’s fat. The thing was almost bursting with the money bills sitting inside. Holy Cannoli. “..Like.. What?” Doc gave you a somewhat suffering look. “Go shopping and shit. Buy yourself a hot bath… Maye.. you know.” He gives you a once over. 

“..You really need one, not gonna lie.” He added after a bit of a break. You stare at him. Oh man. Hot shame. “..Thanks..” You mumble out and just- flee. You turn around and jog over the deck and away from him. “E-Eh?! I didn’t mean you’re supposed to fuck off! The hell are you running away for?!” You can hear him complain but you’re already at the walking plank. 

You had cash- Loads of it… And still a big part of the day was left to waste it. You stop once you hit the concrete at the port. Standing around. Looking like some homeless bum. There is a moment of realization. 

You were completely unsupervised.. Not just that, but you were left without directions. No orders. ‘Go wild.’ On your own. Of course, you were not able to run off. You had no doubts that if you tried, Eustass would find and kill you. After torturing you. Maybe doing worse- Hff.. You shudder.

Oh god. You stare at yourself. A day off. You had a day off? What would you do..? You look at your dirty hanging mat. You check the wallet. That’s tons of cash. You don’t think you ever made this much with your normal salary. How loaded were these guys..? Apparently plenty. 

You stuff the wallet into your bra. It’s an ugly sight but this thing was too important to lose. It’s uncomfortable too. But you’re gonna buy a bag. Yes, you will. Oh gosh.. You shuffle onwards. The shoes you were wearing were too huge for you, seeing how they belonged to someone you didn’t even know by name. 

Your old shoes had given in after all the shit they went through at some point and before your journey through the snowy area to Pinecone Valley, Wire had pulled these shoes out of his ass apparently and wouldn’t tell you where he got them from. Weren’t his. But belonged to someone at some point.. You try not to think about it. 

What first..? The sleeping mat. You remember seeing a cleaning service on your way through town so that’s where you head first. All alone.. Tapping tentatively around people that gave you a face as if you were truly nothing but a rat. It was.. odd. Weird. Scary. You and your family had been well off. You always looked well treated. 

Clean and everything and people were just nice to you usually. But now that you looked like a street rat people seemed to write you off as a waste of space. A new door opens in your mind. Undermining Gate’s claims about society. You swallow hard and continue onwards.

Eventually, you do make it. Already having pulled the wallet free so you didn’t have to do it in the store. You stop in front of the store, reading the sign and nodding to yourself when finding that it was the right one. Okey. Great. You push the door open, causing a loud ring to announce your arrival. You spot immediately two more customers and an elderly couple behind the counter.

Their smiles go when they see you and you feel scared. Not that they would hurt you.. but because of their judgement. It almost hurt. Since the customers were browsing the menu you just made your way straight to the counter and tried to smile in a friendly manner. “Uhm.. Excuse me. How much for cleaning this?” 

At the notion that you were planning on paying when you looked homeless they gave you an odd look but the older man took your sleeping mat to inspect it. “Mhm.. For the full program I would charge you 60 beli’s.” It sounds rude. Glancing around you spot the menu out of the corner of your eye and notice that he was charging you 20 beli’s more than what was standing there. 

You shrink a little. Glance up at him and make a face at his unfriendly face. Hhhff.. You look down at your wallet and begin to pull a 100 bill out. Carefully putting it on the counter and shoving it over. It’s quiet. You’re unsure what’s gonna happen. They’re all staring at your fat wallet. 

What was going on? “Did you steal that?” You flinch and glance over your shoulder to a broad looking business man. He was wearing a suit and all. Oh. Ohhh yeah, it wouldn’t make sense for you to look the way you did when you carried around this much money. What now?

You can’t tell them the truth. Eustass might find out. If he did… “Uhm.. actually..” You swallow. “I’m from Pinecone Valley. On my way here I was attacked by bandits who beat me up and all my stuff was stolen.. but.. they didn’t find my wallet because I hid it under my clothes..” 

A collective moment of silence. And then suddenly the mood shifted completely and their demeanor relaxed immensely, suddenly their unfriendly air replaced with one of apologetic sympathy. “Oh my lord!” The older woman behind the counter exclaimed, putting a hand over her heart. 

“We are so sorry for being so rude- We just assumed you were.. well-“ You get it. You don’t really like it regardless and you can’t bring yourself to accept this friendly side of them after seeing the rude one. “..It’s ok- I just.. please give me my change.” Yeah. Please. Get going. You have shit to do. 

The older gentleman scrambled to get your money into his cash register but instead of giving you back forty he gave you back sixty beli. The original price. You make a grimace and narrow your eyes at his nervous, guilty looking form. “..When can I come and pick it up..?” 

You don’t like them. They feel sorry for you, clearly. The woman gave you an awkward smile. “We can get it done by this evening, 8 Pm?” Fits. You nod. “Thank you. Have a nice day.” You shuffle to the door. “U-Uhm-“ You turn around to look at them. It looked like the man wanted to say something. “Thank you for your service. Please forgive our behavior.” 

You would normally. The old you would have done so easily enough. The you that you were right now though..? You just turn around and leave the store without giving him an answer to what he said. Because you’d have to lie. You didn’t forgive them. Who were they to judge you based on what you looked like..? 

The change of their behavior had been based on whether you were poor or not. It grossed you out. Unfortunately, Gate and his family come into mind. It’s not a good feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :v 
> 
> Feedback always fuels me!


	23. Prep for challenge

What next? You were on your way to buy a single, clean outfit. Then you’d go to the bathhouse. Getting clean and all. Your wallet stuffed back into your filthy bra. You shuffle along the streets, scanning the windows of different stores to see if you’d find something you liked. 

You eventually settle on a cute pastel colored building that had a really comfortable and cozy looking selection out front. When you enter the store you almost run into the store assistant who had been ready to greet you but he visibly jerked back when he actually saw you. Fuck you. 

You glance around carefully, not yet addressing him. Oh, your wallet is still in your bra. Whoops. Mhh.. You turn away from him to dig around in Wire’s sweater until you could pull it free and then you turned around again. The eyes of the store clerk immediately fell on it and they widened slightly. 

“I’m.. looking for a sturdy.. cute outfit.” You’re gonna go with the excuse from earlier. “I have been attacked by bandits and beaten up so.. I have to rebuy everything.” You force a smile at the end of your sentence, watching with a sick, slightly sadistic sense when his face schooled from disdain to apologetic sympathy. 

“A-Ah. Yes, of course. Please, let me assist you-“ He gave a quick bow and then ushered you carefully into the store to begin showing you different clothes. They all seemed pretty adorable. You had a desperate craving to look like a woman again after having looked like a sack of rice for so long. 

Time passes. He’s very patient and friendly to you, now that he thought you were the victim of a hit and run. One outfit after the other is shown and you can even try on some of them. Eventually settling on one selection that made you comfortable. 

You picked some fed hunters pants, the dark brown leather smooth and hard on the outside but fed with cotton on the inside. They were incredibly comfortable and warm. Perfect. You got a white, puffy wool sweater. It was just as comfortable and warm as the pants. To that the store assistant got you hooked on a leather cap that was made out of the same leather as the pants. It fit your head perfectly and wouldn’t slip off easily. 

Shoes? He convinced you of a black pair of leather boots that went almost up to your knees. Designed to keep water and cold out. Just as fed inside as the pants. Loads of leather but then again, they did have loads of wildlife apparently.

Underwear wise you got a normal, satin, color matched pair. It was blue. Sky high blue. And not made out of scratchy lace that made you look like a prostitute. It was comfortable and wouldn’t give you chaving- Soft, yellow socks. 

Most important about this outfit though was that it was supposedly cleaned easily. You don’t even try to believe that you’d be able to not get covered in guts. You just couldn’t resist. Set on buying some more color neutral things later. 

You pay for the whole spiel 130 beli and take them to go. Not willing to put them on while you were filthy still. Which is what brought you to your next location. Bathhouse. Boom. You stare at the building and swallow thickly. Wallet in hand. In you go.. 

First thing you did was check out the menu, nailed to a wall and seeing that there were several courses you could take and you had enough money on you to pay for every single one of them. Whooo. You smile happily as you turn around. 

People are still giving you looks as if you were roadkill but by now you learned to ignore it. Easily standing in line, patiently, until it was your turn and putting a 100 beli bill on the table. “For one person please. The, uhmm, solo luxury tub. Three hours. Thank you.” The eyes of the young woman working the cash register almost pop out but she hurries up and gives you a key for your locker, explaining where what was and then wishing you a good time. 

Trotting down the hall with your two bags containing the outfit you got you made your way to the room you’ve been told to go to. 6B. 6..B? There. You poke your head in. Steam hitting you right away. It smells like lavender. Bless. Quickly you shuffle in, seeing how the room was empty and put all your stuff into the locker that stood next to the doorway. 

You grab a huge towel and lock the door. Turning around to face the huge tub that had been built into the ground. Just for you. You smile giddily and shimmy your way over, quick to strip and just proceeding to dump the old clothes into a too small trash can that was located in the corner. Well, the shoes and the underwear. Wire’s sweater you folded up and put next to the locker. Wasn’t yours. So you couldn’t throw it away… And the weights. You blink in confusion when taking them off. You had actually forgotten about wearing them. Your mind just.. slipped. When had they become light enough to forget about them? Mh. 

You slip yourself into the tub. And goooosh.. Life was good right now. You melt happily in the water and just began to hyper wash yourself. You could soak after. Now it was time to get all the filth that had caked itself onto you, off. All of it. Grabbing the soap and shampoo from the edge of the tub and beginning to using them up. 

One would think cleaning yourself once was fine. Not in your perspective. Try ten times. You’re gonna systematically deep clean yourself. Wash off all the trauma and leave it in this fucking tub to boil. You’re just happy to be able to indulge yourself right now. Couldn’t believe you even got to do this.

But then again, this only proved how inept they thought you were. Eustass knew you wouldn’t go against him after his threat. You were too much of a coward.. It.. it kind of ruins your mood. Suddenly you’re just sitting in the remains of your failures. 

Theft.. Assault.. Murder- All charges you had racked up after always swearing up and down that you were a good person. Your eyes sting. What were you doing.. All of this was worth nothing. Home felt so far away that you didn’t think anymore you’d make it home even if you got away. Your soul had gone already. 

When you sob into your hands for the following thirty minutes there is no one but you to witness this clear show of weakness. 

* * *

You’re clean and you’re wearing your own clothes as well as the shitty weights. When you came out of the room and gave the lady at the counter the key back she looked at you as if you were someone completely different. You resist the urge to show her the finger and see yourself out, the wallet now hidden in the sleeve of the white sweater you wore. The weights underneath your clothes. 

Wire’s sweater now sitting in a plastic bag you had from the clothing store. The other bag was abandoned. Let them clean it up. Who cared.. Rude assholes. You don’t remember the last time you felt as comfortable in your skin as you did right now. Clean. Clothed… You should get something to eat. 

After you got more clothes but that’s short business. You just roll around in circles, going through different stores and picking out different clothes that fit your new job as a slave. Mechanic. Whatever. In the end, you have picked loads of shit. Clothes. Hygienic products. Two different bags. A hang over the shoulder bag and a backpack. Some snacks and you went to eat. 

By now it was late in the afternoon. Slowly getting darker. You’re heading back with your massive loot. Maybe you should have bought less but you had been told to go wild. So you did. You got some more junk too that you thought you could tinker with.. You’d blackmail Heat into stashing your treasure.

The Victoria Punk is back in sight and you winced when you saw who was standing up front. Oliver, Heat and Eustass. The three men were clearly fucking around with something. Kicking it around and shit like a bunch of teenagers. Suddenly you’re embarrassed. 

You looked normal again. But you’ve been walking around like a rat for god knew how long. Suddenly presenting yourself again as a woman made you feel awkward. Like you were out of your depth. Maybe you should wait. Wait until they were gone and all-

Oliver notices you and misses his shot. His kick going past the object he’d been aiming at and going right into Eustass’s ankle. The redhead yelled and jerked his leg up to hold the sore spot, then using his arm to slap the man like a pimp and yelling profanities at him while Heat checked on what made Oliver miss in the first place.

The zombie man stared at you for a bit, seemingly not realizing it was you. Then he did realize who you were and his mouth dropped open before he abandoned his friends to come right over. Oh god. Judgement day. “You look like a human for once!” He greets you, just walking around you to check you over. 

You wanted to thank him but your gaze is fixated on Eustass, who by now stopped shoving Oliver around to see where Heat went and when spotting you he looked like he was about to have a seizure, all tense and stuff. Then he began to stomp over. Angrily. “Uhm. Heat. Help.” You hiss whispered at the other, who glanced up and snorted. 

“Check it out, boss. Finally she’s not a rat anymore.” But Eustass just gave you a look of disdain. “..Always gonna be a rat to me.” He stated dryly and took one of your bags right out of your hand to look inside. The space where his eyebrows would be went up. ..Which bag was that?

“Mhh.. thanks again for giving me the money, Heat.” You mumble at him and smile weakly. The man just gave you a depressed smile. By now Oliver is over too and made a face. “That outfit won’t live long.” Yeah no shit. “I know-“ You cut in quickly. 

“I got more stuff that will make it longer though. This one was just for me. I had a similar piece back home.” Eustass shoved the bag he had stolen back to you and you finally see what he’d been seeing. It’s the underwear you bought. The mountains of it. Shame. Shame and agony. 

You flush at his deadpan stare and hug the bags close to you. “Want to store them in my closet?” God knew Heat had the space. His captain is silent and you don’t like it. He was just giving you glares. As if you were a rotten piece of meat. Maybe in his eyes you were. “Uhm.. Yeah. Thanks.” God be your witness. 

You’re surviving this. 

Eustass is still staring at you.

You might not be surviving this-

Heat grabbed some of your bags and just shoved you with his knee forward. You stumble obediently in front and hurry back to ship. Leaving Oliver and Eustass behind easily enough. It was very unnerving.. having actual clothes.

“I’m pretty sure the boss forgot that you’re a woman since you always wore mine or Wire’s clothes.” The zombie snickered behind you and it made you pull a grimace. Eustass shouldn’t see you as a woman. Maybe then he wouldn’t hurt you. Too badly..

You shuffle together onto the Victoria Punk, you sticking close to Heat to avoid the stares you were getting. Seeing you in normal clothes seemed to put the majority off. It put you off! 

The trip inside is quick enough. You pack your shit into his closet and rub over your arms before shuffling to rummage through the many bags to find what you were looking for. Heat was sitting on his bed, giving you a curious stare. “Lose something? Better not that cash, we’re not giving you more.” 

“Har har. Hold on- here!” You smile and pull it out. Turning around showing your gift to him. His face went from curious to blank as he regarded the white lace set of lingerie. It’s silent for a bit.

“..You have to be fucking kidding me.” You smile brighter, your face going red from held back snickers. Heat stared at you as if you lost yourself- “You wasted the money we gave you on buying me- No. Stop looking at me like that- Like hell am I putting this on.” 

Perfect timing. Door opens. Haiku and Wire, apparently in conversation, stop dead track when they spot the scene in front of them. You blurt out. “I got Heat lingerie!” Now fully flushed- 

Chaos escalated so fast you had to duck as Wire grabbed the set out of your hands. “Is this his size?” The man was caught in hilarity, a wide grin on his face as Haiku slammed the door shut behind them. Heat was losing his face because right now he held onto it with both hands. 

You break into muffled laughter as Wire held the piece in front of Heat. Haiku eyeing the whole situation as Heat backed off and kicked at the taller man. “Fuck off! I’m not trying it- OFF!” He’s being buried and both Wire and Heat begin to wrestle on Heat’s bed. “Don’t be fucking rude! Accept the fucking gift-Ough-“ Wire gets decked right in the jaw. 

Haiku was by now on the floor, laughing his ass off but when Wire encouraged help the man got up to tackle right into the fray and you’re left breathless.

They never manage to get Heat into the lingerie set and at some point it tore beyond recognition but it was fun regardless.

* * *

Word got out that Heat was still looking for lingerie that fit him and the old discussion of what would do so the most perfect came back to life. In fact, it escalated long enough for the Massacre Soldier to pipe in from his spot on the skull that he should get some in his hair color. 

Eustass was a lot less tactful and just kept yelling red but that was probably because he had a bit of a bias- Wire thought yellow, Haiku wanted orange and Oliver told Heat to just go commando. Gate told them to not be wasting their fucking money on imaginary lingerie and when he wound out what happened to the white piece he chewed you out over it as if you had torn it apart and not the three assholes standing behind the brunette, giving you shit eating grins. 

Heat, in his moments of genius, decided that an appropriate punishment for a betrayal of this significance would be to throw you overboard when One of the other crewmates, you think his name was… you don’t remember.. but he went into full detail about what pieces would maybe fit Heat. 

So Heat’s reaction was to throw you overboard. 

You were still wearing the weight and went down like a stone which might have been the worst, fucking experience of your whole fucking life- If you thought the ocean sucked and you were scared of drowning?

Double that fear. You couldn’t get the weights off without seeing them and you couldn’t swim up, sinking so fast that you hit the bottom of the port under a minute- you can’t fucking get up. You were convinced you were gonna die down there.

Then suddenly your weights began to vibrate and whoop- you got pulled back up so fast you swallowed tons of the salty water and in such volumes the first thing you did when you could breathe was to try and vomit it all back out but your body decided no. You would keep in that trash. 

It was surreal, floating the way you were and it took you until you spotted Eustass and his annoyed face that he was using his devil fruit powers, Gate standing next to the man with a suffering look. 

Ah. Right. Only Gate knew that you were still wearing the weights. 

Sad news that your recently bought hat was lost to the motion of the ocean. It was an all over unpleasant experience to just go under the way you did and it reminded you once again why you hated said ocean. 

Once your wet, shivering body hit the deck and Heat showed the decency to apologize, it made you think on the fact that you now had clean clothes to change into. Sure, you were covered in sea salt again but the Victoria Punk would be here for a while, undergoing repairs and all. So you had time to take another bath before you had to leave. 

All in all.. fuck Heat. 

* * *

Evening time. You’re wearing a long sweater and some fluffy pants against the cold, sitting next to the irredeemable trio of Zachary, Bruno and Clip. Or more like, you guys are sitting in a circle. You have been for what feels like hours now. By now the sun was already going down and reading was becoming hard in the middle of the deck. 

“No- A. p. p. l. e. A and E aren’t the same letter, they don’t even sound the same.” You make a face at Bruno who was staring at a page about fruits right now and giving you a vibe that made you feel like he might fucking die any second. 

You were talking in hushed voices so no one caught on, if anyone asked, you’d tell them that you all just really loved literature. Any kind. So you were left alone with your ‘book club’. Unfortunately that nickname for your group of four had established.

Not like you could tell anyone the truth of these meetings. “A. E. A. E.” Bruno mumbled to himself. Zachary was comparing notes he scribbled with a page next to the paper. It looked like ass. Neither of these two were gifted but Clip? The ginger had by now enough knowledge to help his buddies out with their studies. 

“Fuckin’ hell, A like Asshole an’ E like Erectile Dysfunction-“ You slap him on the arm and he broke into ugly, chipping laughter. Zachary snorts from where he was kneeling and looked up to stare at you two as Clip gave you a slap back. Your sweater absorbs most of the hit. 

“Don’t be inappropriate! And don’t hit your teacher- ouch!” You get slapped again. It doesn’t really hurt. But it was a reflex to say ouch when you got hit. Right? “Can you stop behaving like toddlers? I’m trying to concentrate.” Zachary mused and sat up a little, cracking his back.

Bruno is lost within the pages of edible plants and he might not resurface the way he was sweating. You leave him to it. Everyone learned differently. Clip gave his friend a face and flipped him off before turning to you and giving you, once again, a weird look.

All three had been doing that ever since they saw you again. Clean. And with normal clothes. Ones that actually fit you. As well as shoes! Right now you were wearing short boots since your other ones were wet but whatever- 

Maybe they only now saw you as an equal. Now that you finally had the ability to dress like a normal woman again. You loved the fact that you were able but also it was a bit weird after so long. By now your bruises even faded a little. Not by much but a bit. The weights were still heavy as shit but oddly you managed to run around with them during the day. 

It made you sore though. Really sore. Very tired in the evenings.. Gate kept checking up on you too, seeing if you still wore them. Asshole. You want to take these weights and shove them up his ass. 

Whatever. Bruno made a noise that reminded you of an ‘Oh, I get it’ moment. Good for him- “Rat.” All four of you flinch so hard that you almost knocked into each other. 

You spin your head around to look up and stare the devil in the face. It’s the captain. What the hell? What would he want at this fucking time of day? He was giving the other three behind you a look. “Scram.” Easy enough, you’re abandoned. Fuckers.

Please don’t leave- But they do. And you’re left alone. Sitting on the deck. With their nutcase of a captain. Who was still giving you a look as if you were shit on his wooden floor. Ok. You should probably get up- so you scramble to your legs and pat yourself down hastily. 

“Y-Yeas please?” Yeas. Why Yeas. Eustass was towering over you as if he was about to make you piss yourself again. By kicking you so hard your bladder was gonna give in. He doesn’t waste anymore time and begins to talk, his voice a bit grating as if this conversation was below his standards. 

“Tomorrow when the Victoria Punk goes into repair, you’re gonna go along. Killer will be supervising the whole thing and while he’s not all too machine savvy, if you start building a bomb onto my ship he will notice it.” His eyes narrow and he leaned a bit closer.

You have to physically back off unless you wanted to be touching him and your back hits the railing, despite yourself your heart was going bongo inside your ribcage. “And if he does find you building a bomb, he is gonna make you finish it, shove it up your ass and then detonate it.” 

Yeah. Ok. You knew he was gonna say something like that- You just give a nod and try to not freak out too visibly. “Yeah. Ok. I promise I won’t build a bomb.” Which seems to be the right answer. His eyes narrowed a bit and he leaned back again. 

“Better not.” And yet, even though the conversation seemed to be over. He was still standing here and giving you this look. This.. very broody look. As if he was contemplating the universe. Was he even smart enough to contemplate the universe..? 

Well, he seemed smart enough to build a motor- Hold on. You blink. “Can.. I ask something?” His eyes twitch a bit wider, apparently not having expected you to speak to him. “Depends on your question. If it’s shit you’re taking another dive.” Hff.. You force yourself not to shrink. 

“Did.. the Victoria Punk already have a motor before you..” Attacked my home. Kidnapped me. Ruined my life- “uhhh picked me up?” The man frowned. “How the fuck do you even know we have a motor?” Right, he didn’t tell you directly. 

“Killer mentioned it? Said you build one.” You reply quickly enough and the redhead was seemingly just getting ticked off by that. And then suddenly his hand was on your head- digging into your hair and grabbing a fistful with so much force you could feel his knuckles on your scalp.

“What’s it to you, rat?” What the fuck?! Why was he always so easy to offend?! With immense self control you resist the urge to grab him to try and stay on the floor- “Hhff- I just wanted to ask if it’s broken!” You babble quickly. “I could repair it while I’m at it!”

Not at all. That wasn’t what you were thinking at all. You had been wondering why they didn’t use it back when they attacked your island. The way the ship had crawled it’s way to shore had given you the impression they lacked it. 

Thankfully he let you go before tearing the skin on your head- or a lot of hair straight out of you. You hold the spot with a meek noise. You can’t stop it. God it hurt. “How about you concentrate on the one, fucking task I gave you?” He scoffed, looking disinterested again as he moved to turn away and walk back down the deck. “I was serious about killing you if you fail.” 

Whatever good moods you build up, whatever small amount of confidence you managed to drag together- It didn’t matter. Nothing had changed. You just felt low. Once more. Even though you should be used to it by now.. Scarily, you kind of were.

While this got you down it wasn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. 

You stare blankly down at your feet. At the books left behind by the other guys. You narrow your eyes and pulled your mouth into a tight line. Right.. Why were you bothered? Nothing had changed. 

Slowly you redirect your gaze towards Eustass walking off, watching him leave you behind. The sick feeling in your stomach slowly made way for a numb, almost uncaring sensation. Not easing your anxiety but simply shoving it down into the ground and covering it up. Your heart calmed down. 

When you crouch down to pick up the books you felt back like you did earlier. Not good, but ok. You were ok. Like Gate had said, you had made it really far. You’d build that fucking filtration system. You’d make Eustass eat his shitty goggles.

Your face is blank when you get up and trot back to the inside of the deck, surprisingly almost running into Zachary. Bruno and Clip were right behind him, apparently they had just waited for their captain to leave. 

You say nothing to them and pass them by with the books in your arms. Fuck reading lessons right now. It was evening hours. Time to rest so you’d be able to really kick into high gear tomorrow.

“Rat?” 

Your body actually almost stops. Your mind telling you to react to the nickname as if that was really what you were. You don’t. You’re not a fucking rat- So you ignore Bruno calling out to you and just make your way back to the quarters, putting the books down, the weights next and then flopping into your hammock.

Time to cocoon. Neither of the three idiots followed you, proving they were smarter than they let on. 

You close your eyes. Forcing your body to go to sleep. 


	24. Killing Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are not getting easier.

The repair bay of the town you were in was a lot bigger than you assumed it was going to be. Previously when you heard about coming here you assumed there’d be barely enough space for a ship as huge as the Victoria Punk. 

Big Wrong. Merp.

There was enough space for five whole ships. Five ships bigger than the Victoria Punk. The whole thing was fucking massive. There were a lot of employees too, mechanics and shipwrights walking around and working on, currently, two other ships that were here. 

Watching the ship get strapped in and then lifted out of the water by machines that were as big as buildings was a sight worth seeing- Your tinkering heart in absolute awe, unable to look at anything but those massive engines working in high gear to get everything where it should be. 

You and Killer had to get off the ship before that. 

Speaking of which, only Killer and Gate came along with you for this. Apparently Killer would have gone completely solo if not for the fact that you would be using this chance to mount the water filtration system into the ship. Also for the fact that Gate was gonna haggle these men into giving you a cheaper service. 

You already conveyed to the shipwrights what you wanted to do and they’ve been coming up with blueprints for the endeavor. 

Apparently the safest way was to put the filtration system inside the ship but have a pipe reach through the hull and to the outside. They’d seal the whole thing up and make sure no unwanted water would come through. The only thing needed for this was the machine you had yet to build. 

You had almost an entire week of time, seeing how Eustass Kidd apparently had to throw money around and paid for a full course of pampering for his ship. They’d be repainting and recoating the whole thing. Well. It did look a bit rough. 

Whatever, you liked that you had this much time to work. You were sure you were gonna need it.. All of it. Right now sitting between all the parts you had purchased. Gate was sitting not too far off, looking properly lost among all of this. 

He was gonna help you with this and Killer would overlook the repairs on the Victoria Punk. Some of the parts would be hard to screw together on your own, someone would need to hold them into place. 

Right now you were connecting some internal wiring to each other. It wasn’t much. The plan was to produce electricity via the movement of the ship and the added Heat Dial. Today would likely be wasted sorting out all the wiring and setting of the machine. 

Gate was giving you a look as if he was seeing you in a new light. 

“And you know what you’re doing?” Not really. “Yep.” You did know remotely what you were doing but not nearly as much as you would have preferred to. You knew the basic layout and everything, having made something like this in the past and all. 

For a fish tank.

Now, this was a lot bigger and would need a lot more energy. Also a lot more concentration. It was like Gate was sitting on a beehive. The man was so fucking twitchy right now and you couldn’t begin to fathom why. Everything was fine, you were fine. 

Yet he seemed to be freaking out. Maybe seeing you actually be competent was putting a hole in his personal worldview. You hoped it did. Maybe it would make you feel better about the hole he put into yours. “Can you stop wiggling around? You’re making me nervous.” 

The man scoffed and forced himself to stop moving around. Giving you an annoyed look. “I can’t believe you’re tech savvy.” Hah! It did put him off to see you competent. You make a face at him. “I’d be more tech savvy if I didn’t have to wear these weights.” 

Right. The weights. It’s been two days now since you got back from your trip to Pinecone Valley and you haven’t been able to do anything without them. Gate watched you like a vulture. It was. You remembered the walk to the other town.

It had been agony. You couldn’t move properly and you had been dying in the process, sweating buckets. You had to wear them almost all the time ever since Heat gave them to you and that was proper over a week ago. And now here you were. 

Barely bothered. 

Or like, they bothered you still and made you sweat if you moved too much, made you get out of breath a lot faster but.. but aside from that? You could totally see yourself wearing them for a long amount of time now. It was like your body adjusted to them on a day by day basis. 

It was ridiculous. You had asked Sam about this just a few hours ago and of course, quak doc he was, began to check you over. 

* * *

_ “Isn’t it weird?” You’re sitting on a chair in the medical room and Doc was inspecting your left arm at the moment. You’d leave with Killer and Gate in roughly an hour and before that the man had wanted to check on your process.  _

_ The bruises were by now faded plenty, barely even visible. The broken leg that you had was completely healed, it didn’t even ache anymore. Where Wire kicked you was a bit of skin discoloration but Sam said it’d fade. “I was never this ‘adaptable’ when I was a kid. Why would I be now?”  _

_ The man mused a little. Rubbing a patch of skin under his thumb, stretching it a little and turning your arm in his grip. The man had his face set in a stern grimace. “Can be loads of reasons.” He huffed out. Letting go to move to your hand and check over it. _

_ “Could be because you almost died.” You blink. Then cringe a bit. “..What does that have to do with anything..?” He doesn’t answer right away. Just rolling his shoulders a little and letting go of your hand. Standing straight up and looking at you. _

_ The man seems to be thinking.. “Well.” He began then, walking to his desk to scribble something down. “There’s a bunch of fucking weirdos travelling these waters.” He continued. Coming back to crouch down and begin checking out your, once, broken leg.  _

_ “Something I noticed in certain people is that they can only grow when they’re faced with impossible odds. Mhhh.. What can I use as an example..” He muttered quietly under his breath before he lifted his head. “Ever heard the phrase to not poke a caged animal?”  _

_ Uh.. “Yeah. Sure.” He tugged your leg, making you wince. “Well, why is that?” He asked. “Why shouldn’t you poke a caged animal?” You shrug. “It could claw your eyes out.” Sam hummed and replied. “If you give it a chance, sure. If you get too close to the cage the animal could reach through the bars and turn you blind.” _

_ He lets go of your leg and begins with the other. “And then there are those that just break the fucking cage and maul you to death.” His hand was putting pressure on your ankle. It’s uncomfortable and you want him to stop. “Some people, when faced with death, unlock themselves.”  _

_ He glanced up, but you can only tell because his head tilted a tad upwards. “Or a different aspect of themselves. Our captain is a good example. Everytime we go so deep in the shit that we can barely poke our nose out he just pulls a fucking reverse and powers up.”  _

_ Finally he lets your leg go. “I’m not saying you’re anything like Kidd. Far from it. You’re still pretty average put next to him. But it’s not too uncommon for people in the New World to get stronger after a near death experience.”  _

_ He walks back to his desk to write his results down. “And, to be blunt, we both know your case of a near death experience was pretty extreme and gruesome. Depending on the intensity of said experience you can either power up a bit or a lot.”  _

_ The memories of said near death experience had you accept the cold, sinking feeling in your stomach like an old friend. By now it kind of was. When Sam talked about it like this, it made sense. In a way. “Hah.. Yeah.. Leave it to me to end up being a weirdo.”  _

_ Sam glanced over his shoulder. “Nothing wrong with being weird. Everyone on this ship is. I think it’s a good thing for you to get stronger now. If you had been any tougher to deal with back then the captain wouldn’t have risked leaving you to rot on deck but put you into his playroom.”  _

_ Hhffg.. He continues despite seeing how uncomfortable you were. “No one ever leaves from there. Not even if they end up saving a crewmember.” A moment of silence. “..Not that they’d get that chance. Only Killer’s allowed in there aside from the boss when there’s a guest inside.”  _

_ It’s the first time hearing about it but now you wish you hadn’t. But why were you surprised? Eustass Kidd seemed to be the type of dude who’d get off on torturing some poor, fucking soul. You avert your eyes and stare at the door. As if anxious it would open.  _

_ “Don’t worry about it now.” You flinch and glance up. Sam had moved to stand in front of you. “He never put a member of the crew in there before. Not once. Even if he decided to kill them. Henchman or not. So I highly doubt you’ll ever have to see the inside of it as a guest.”  _

_ Which still implied you might have to see it one day regardless. Lady Luck preserve you. _

* * *

Time passes. Gate had to leave. You had been so fucking relieved that he came along, not wanting to be left alone with Killer out of all people and ask him for help with this shit. And now Gate was currently talking to the blonde- 

Apparently something came up and the man needed to do his job and make sure that Eustass wasn’t gambling away all their fucking money. Because if he did, they’d have to kill everyone here to get it back. They wouldn’t be leaving without it.

The henchman who had delivered the message was giving you an odd stare. You frown. Then you look away to try and screw a huge part of the hull into it’s frame. You’ve been at it for a bit now and Gate had been assisting you but now he’s going and gone- 

Fuck. Gate was leaving. He gave you a thumbs up and you resist the urge to stick your tongue out like a five year old, just sighing and watching the man disappear from your sight. Leaving you relatively alone. 

Except for where now Killer was moving over to you. That made you nervous. Nervous enough to slip and drop the hull part, yelping as everything fell apart and one piece ended up slamming onto your foot. 

Fucking Bitch. 

Despite the pain searing up your whole leg you don’t hobble around like a bunny and just shake it out with a pained expression as the massive, blonde man finally reached you. He seemed as unbothered as always. “Everything under control?” 

If you ever found a lexikon and the term ‘deep and savory voice’ was a term, which it wasn’t, you were sure there’d be a picture of the other right next to it. If you didn’t know who he was, his voice could definitely get your knees wobbly. Right now it just made you unhappy to have to hear it because that meant he was close enough for you to. 

“Erm.. Yeah! Yeh.” No. You shift from one leg to the other and give him a bit of a stare as he stared at you. He looked down at the huge hull parts. “Can you even lift those?” Surprisingly, yes, you could. Not easily but much easier than you assumed this was gonna go.

“Mhm! I just.. need to screw them together. Haha.” Haha. Instead of laughing you just deadpanned him a ‘Haha’. What the hell. He was clearly onto you. You could see his muscles tensing a little as the man shifted his weight a bit forward to overlook the hot mess you called your working space. 

“Alright. Get to it then.” He finally spoke, standing straight up again and turning around to walk back to where some shipwrights were currently replacing a plank from the Victoria. Seeing the ship with such a huge hole in it.. It was weird.

Especially after it had taken you such massive ways.. ways away from home. You know what? You hope they broke the fucking thing- You put your chin in your hand and watch them with a dry expression as they were trying to put the plank off. 

It was a team effort and these men clearly knew what they were do- Killer gave a short clap to the shoulder to the, probably, boss and then grabbed the huge piece of wood. Right before completely lifting it off the ground and shouldering it like it weighed maybe a pound at best.

Gate’s words came back to mind.  _ “1000 to 2000 pounds-“  _ No way. He had been fucking joking, right? But apparently not. Just seeing the blonde carry that massive weight like it was fucking  _ nothing  _ put you in your place. 

God above- suck a cock that can’t be right. It looked almost comedic- You’re staring. You realized you were because when you came out of it, Killer was staring too. Right at you. He stopped walking, still holding onto the wood with both hands and giving you a stare. 

Against your will you flush a little and out of reflex just give him two thumbs up. There’s no outward reaction to this action. He just stared a bit longer and then he continued on his path to dispose of the wood. Gosh.. You could see that it was heavy. His muscles were practically bulging under the pressure. 

… He was still a bitch to you though. Bet he had a small wiener or something. Or fish eyes! Pffllrrrggpppff- Fart noise. Only a mental one. You turn back to continue working on the wiring for now. Making the layout and marking where what would go. You had a rough idea and only limited time. Lots of shit to do. 

* * *

Lots of shit to do and yet lacking the strength needed to complete your task. All this shit and still carrying the weights- You were fighting for your life over here and this shitty piece of metal didn’t wanna stay where you told it to. 

Not just that but Killer prowling around made you nervous. At the very least you weren’t the only one nervous. Plenty of the workers here seemed unsettled too, seeing how there was a wild lion trotting around their space. It wasn’t a healthy work environment. 

Not if you had to be worried about getting a sickle shoved up your ass. 

Whatever- You’re running out of time. You had set the wiring and wanted to screw the outer hull, only half of it for now, together so you could get on with the rest. But yet again, strength is lacking and your arms are too fucking short- Internal scream.

All in all this was going in a direction you did not wish to go towards. Which would be, asking Killer for help. The blonde had warned you earlier on to not bother the workers here because they were supposed to work on the ship and not on this. Maybe he was trying to make it harder on you. 

Whatever the case, you needed to get over it before it broke you. Literally. You had merely been able to fix the wiring of the inner workings and not even all of it. Killer was already seeming to wrap up some things, it was late in the afternoon by now. You’re running out of time and you need to be able to stay in your time frame. 

Falling behind was a bad idea. Fuck. 

You get up, hopping a bit, stretching out your sore limbs. The weights were uncomfortably heavy still but much easier to manage than on day one. Day one had been pretty shit. Gate was a sadistic bastard. 

When you began to wander around to look for the pain in your ass that was blonde you realized you didn’t even know where he was. Had he left?.. No, you saw him just a bit ago. God that man’s fast.

You needed to hurry too, you just wanted to finish the hull at least and when you did you’d be able to sleep tonight. If not, tomorrow would be extremely stressful. You got a bit faster, jogging around the place and looking for the man. 

Only to choke when a hand caught you by your throat to stop you. It was effective too- The person didn’t even grab you, just put their hand up and let you run into it. It was like you punched yourself in the throat. 

“Hhrk!” You hold said throat and fall over like a sack of wet sand- tears stinging in your eyes. There’s a familiar voice making you try and look up. “I thought I told you not to run around and distract the workers.” He almost sounded annoyed. Like he was the one who got punched.

You wanna reply but your throat burns, you can’t stop coughing and curl up as a sick feeling overtook you. Made you wanna hurl. Killer, standing above you, gave a low noise. “Don’t be so dramatic. I didn’t even hit you this time.” This time. Fucking asshole. You want to see him this smug when you got buff. 

Buffer than him. Bigger than him too. You’d pick him up by his shitty fucking mane and throw the man as far as the moon was away. The burning dies down once you stop coughing like a sick lady but it still stung. Your eyes are teary when you glance up. Giving him a grimace. 

He seems out of patience. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be working on your project.” The man reached down, grabbing you by your shoulder and easily pulling you to your legs. Your throat smarts like hell. 

When you talk your voice showed that it didn’t appreciate the abuse- a bit croaky and hoarse. “Erff.. I am- I just..” How to explain this without looking like a loser. “My arms are too short.” Just rip it off like a bandaid. “I can’t screw the hull pieces together on my own-“ 

And you wanted to ask for his help. Specifically. Like a retard- Who would ask someone who continued to hurt them for help?.. You blink and look back at that statement and realize you are a hypocrite. 

You’ve been doing nothing but rely on them for the sake of survival while they continued to abuse you. The weights on your limbs remind you- Killer made a noise, it made you almost wince but surprisingly he let your shoulder go to rub over his neck. 

“You should have said so. Don’t waste time hot potting around a problem. Next time, just tell me directly.” The man tilted his head down to face you directly. Crossing both his arms over his chest and you realize something. 

He was scolding you. 

Your eyebrows go up. What kind of answer would be satisfying to that. “..You told me not to leave the project alone so I was worried you’d sickle me to death if I disobeyed.” Which.. is partially true. He was armed. Your gaze glances down at the sickles attached to his hip.

His heavy gauntlets, still strapped to his forearms. You didn’t think they were as light as he made them look. You were pretty sure that if he dropped these on someone he could crush their head. 

Still, as if they weighed nothing he moved around, almost prowling like a Lion did around his territory. “Mh..” He huffed out and then lowered his arms again, his posture relaxing. “I remember telling you to come to me if you need something.” Ah. You shrug. “..You looked busy.” 

He did. In an intimidating, horrible way. Watching him haul those huge planks that had been used to make the bottom of the boat so sturdy.. it had been a frightening sight. Killer walks past you and just gave a vague hand gesture to make you follow, which you do. Like a good slave. God you hate him. 

Watching him grab the hull parts and hold them together with no problem at all just.. made you feel incompetent- His body posture was so relaxed doing it too but then you remember the ‘2000 pounds’ he can lift and suddenly you feel ok again. You don’t wait much, beginning to screw the hull together. 

“I.. may I ask something?” A moment of silence. “Go ahead.” He sounds passive, uncaring. Maybe even a bit.. what’s it called.. resigned? “How.. did you get as strong as you are? Just.. just with muscle training? Or is there secret formula or something-“ 

“A secret formula?” He cocked his head to the side. You wince. “Like, a thing people have to do, a ritual? A pact with the devil?” The man gave a scoff. “I work for one. I don’t need to make a pact with him.” Your head jerks up to look at the other with wide eyes. 

“..You see Eustass as the devil?” His shoulders lift and then lower as he seemed to ponder on the question. “I certainly see him as  _ a  _ devil. Or as a guy who likes to behave like one.” He shrugged. “I’d be blind not to.” The man continued and shifted his body, reaching out to grab another part and connecting it. You continue your job.

“What do you see him as?” The question comes out of nowhere, you hadn’t expected him to feel like indulging in the conversation but he hadn’t seen any of his buddies the whole day. Maybe he was bored and letting it out on you. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have asked anything. Because the question he was giving you only had bad answers. His attention is zeroed in on you, or you think it is by the way his helm was facing you directly. “..Erm.. As.. As a competent person to keep a ship afloat..?” Which was 100% the truth! 

The man hadn’t made it this far by being shit at sailing. It’s quiet. Both you and Killer aren’t moving. You feel cold sweat going down your neck and for a moment you saw yourself getting crushed under the blonde’s heel- 

“Good answer.” 

Killer’s body shifted again, giving you a nod. “Don’t stop with the screws. I want to get done.” Air leaves your body with a wheeze and immediately you continue with your task. “Ah, right. Sorry. The position you’re holding must be uncomfortable.” He tenses slightly. “I can hold it with no problem.” 

And now wasn’t this interesting. Your eyebrows resist the urge to go up. Killer was pretty on the down low with his behavior but stuff like this showed that his ego was just as huge as the ego of his captain. “..Of course.” You mutter quietly and finish up. The last piece clicking into place. 

“Alright- That would be all.” You move back to allow Killer to put the hull down. “It’s only half done.” It was. He was right. “Yeah, I need to put the actual machinery in there still so I have to leave it open.” You smile weakly at him when really.. you wanna spit at him. 

“Guess that makes sense.” He rubbed over his neck, his hand disappearing in the mass that was his blond mane. Combing easily through it. He’s staring at the contraption you’re building and you can’t help but feel like he’s doubting this will work. 

To distract yourself you crouch back down and begin to connect the wiring inside the hull, attaching it where it needed to go. “What are you looking for the most when this is done?” You try small talk. Maybe- maybe you’d be able to find common ground. 

But he doesn’t answer. He just tilted his head down while he was standing tall again and you were crouching on the ground. Fuck. Try again. “Let me guess.” God you’re scared of him. “Showers, right?” How do you make small talk with a murderer? You can see his legs shift his weight a bit but you don’t dare looking up. 

“..What gave it away?” Ohhh my god. His voice almost sounded.. exaggerated? “Your hair is probably tough to wash with just a limited supply of water. You probably need more for it than someone with.. short hair.” Which seemed true enough. Killer had the most hair you ever saw on a man. 

Now you dared looking up, watching him cock his head at you. “Sharp. If only you were that smart back before we caught you.” 

Ice cold. Your eyebrow twitched and your shaky smile disappeared. “I.. why would you say that..?” It was a knee jerk reaction. “..We.. I was just trying to .. be friendly..” Killer hummed thoughtfully. “I wonder why.” 

Suddenly you realize what this was. He was onto your scheme. The friendship scheme didn’t work on him because he never trusted you to do anything in the first place. Kidd allowed you around but the blonde had been pretty vocal about his dislike for you since day one. 

“..I.. nh..” You glance down again. Killer doesn’t move. You felt bad again, gritting your teeth and then rubbing over your face. “..I’m gifting you hot showers.. you could stand to be a little nicer.. show some manners..” 

“You’re asking for manners from a pirate?” Which put you into another spot. You realize, faintly, he’s separating your standing. ‘From a pirate’ would imply that you weren’t one. Even though people like Gate or Heat were putting in effort to make you see yourself like a pirate, Killer didn’t think you had it in you. 

At least that’s what you assumed. 

“..From a.. comrade..?” You try hesitantly. Watching him warily as he shifted his weight again. “You’re trying to sell to me you see yourself as my comrade.” Not at all. Not one bit. Or that’s what you wanted to say but that was impossible in this situation. “I mean..” You glance around. “..You really scare me.” You begin tentatively.

“But.. I mean- I can’t go home anymore.” You could go home. You would go home. “So I’m trying to adapt to my new situation.. and.. overcome?” You try and establish eye contact again. “And.. I mean. You have been very helpful in my cleaning endeavors.” 

The man is watching you with a weird.. tension in his body. He’s thinking. “You also.. erm.. were civil to me. Everyone was kind of beating me up and sure, you did hit me.. three times at the most.. but aside from that.. you were ok.” You continue to work, because what else would you do?

Killer doesn’t answer you immediately. You can feel his stare boring into your neck. When he does, his voice sounded deeper than usual. “I wasn’t doing it out of the kindness of my heart.” You wince. “I know.” 

You screw a piece into place. “But I wasn’t cleaning your ship out of the kindness of my heart either.” Killer snorts. Rolling his shoulders. “You were doing it because otherwise we’d have gutted you like cattle.” You swallow. True. “Yeah but like.. you could have made it harder on me?”

You finish up the part you were working on. “But you didn’t. Eustass.. beat the living hell out of me and you could have joined in but instead you were civil and even gave me the chance of making my cleaning job easier.” Like Wire told you, you don’t hug yourself. 

Killer huffed. “We have different hobbies.” A moment of silence. “But I did think it was fun to watch.” It.. you stare up. Only to find he had come closer and was crouching right in front of you. He was so close you were pretty sure you’d be able to feel him breathing through the holes of his mask if he came any closer.

“You’re naive. The fact that you can grow attached to people who abuse you proves that. And you did.” You can’t move. This wasn’t just fear you were feeling. It was horror. “Kidd doesn’t connect dots like I do. He traded his fucking braincells for booze I think sometimes. But I know that you just got lucky.” 

He leaned his body a bit forward. You’re too tense. You don’t move. Just widen your eyes a little. “I was confused at first. Why would you save Heat. When they pulled you up I didn’t pay attention to it but I did afterwards. I thought it over in my head.” You know what he’s gonna say before he says it. 

He proves you right. 

“It was the barrel. Wasn’t it?” You’re cold. Colder than earlier. Of course he noticed. Someone had to. “Heat isn’t a stupid man but he’s not good with people. He didn’t notice it until I told him.” He knew?

Heat had known? The memory of you two talking about why you saved him came to mind. The question had come out of nowhere. You chose to tell him the truth. Had he known by then already? Is that why he asked you? “I did tell Kidd but by then he already decided he wanted to see how long he can make you dance to his tune before you give out.” 

He’s so close you can smell the man. A leathery.. musky smell. He probably did sweat after a day of heavy lifting. Of course he had to sweat- “Which I’ll allow.” He’s oozing calm, collected bloodlust. Aimed right at you. 

“But you’ll slip…” He lifted his left hand, putting his point finger against your cheek, brushing a loose hair strand out of your face. “You’ll try to get away at some point. You have to. You can’t survive with us for long. No matter what the others are helping you with out of boredom. No matter what clean clothes you wear.” He lowers his hand again and stands up. 

Leaving you to stare straight ahead, too.. frozen.. to even think of moving. “When you do, and you will, I will be right behind you. I’ll cut your arms off and send you swimming. Just like I said I would.” He’s leaving, his footsteps are leading away. You wanna vomit. 

He leaves and you don’t move for a real long time- it feels like it anyway. He saw right through your internal workings. Like you were a window. As if he could read your mind. You go on autopilot- working. You don’t know how long you do this, it gets darker and darker over time but at some point maybe Gate came back. You’re not sure. 

Maybe you were imagining his presence to comfort yourself when you managed to slip to a bush to vomit into it. 

The thought that you’d imagine a pirate giving you comfort rather than one of your old comrades only proves Killer right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am slowly coming out of my hiatus! 
> 
> Working on it at least. Thanks for your support! :V
> 
> And the patience-


	25. Process Process Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting tougher!

With the Victoria Punk in repair, the Kidd Pirates reside in two Inns that were located on the same street. When you come out of your daze you’re already walking down said street, just with Killer. There is no Gate. Maybe he left again. 

Or maybe he was never there at all. You might have gone a bit off your hinges back there. Ever since your short conversation with the blonde he had gone back to being polite and civil. As if he wasn’t completely onto you. It put you back into that weird pit. Because it made you think about the truth. 

That maybe everyone knew about you having ‘lied’. If Heat knew you didn’t save him on purpose before he asked, if Eustass knew.. what about the others? And if they did- why did they pretend? Well, supposedly at least. Haiku nor Oliver ever had this topic with you.

Doc had it with you sometimes but Wire only had it with you two times. Maybe three. It put you off regardless- what about Gate? Had he known from the start? Maybe that’s why he had been so much less caring than the others but why had he mentioned it then?

It makes you anxious. 

“Alright.” you flinch this time. A full body wince as if you got hit and you automatically cringed away from him. Keeping your gaze away from him. There’s a pause. He stopped walking and so did you. He doesn’t speak. If not for the sound of his faint breathing and occasional shifting you’d assume he left. 

But he’s still standing behind you.. Guessing the man wanted for you to turn around, you slowly do so with your head and gave him a meek glance. He seemed relaxed. You don’t think he’ll hurt you right now. But just his existence upset you right now. 

Killer kept his head tilted down a bit to face you, you just have to force yourself to face him right now until he left you alone. Another moment of quiet. Then he spoke again. “Don’t let me unnerve you.” Eh..? “Just focus on finishing the filtration system. Who knows. Maybe you’ll surprise me and actually live.” He shrugged, leaning his upper body back a bit as he stretched his arms above his head. 

“..I doubt it, but you’re welcome to try.” You don’t know what it was that made him so much more.. terrifying than his captain right now. Maybe it was the civil, polite behavior that covered up the steaming  _ aggression  _ that this man hid behind his mask. 

It made him so much more unpredictable. With Eustass you got a bit of a pattern down but there was none with Killer. He just.. he kept you on edge. The bad kind. 

“..Killer?” The conversation is over. He seemed ready to depart. He would head down the street to get to the second inn. You’d stay with the one next to you. “Mh?” He tilts his head. You stare around, unsure what to do or say or why you even spoke his name. 

“..Sleep well.. I’ll.. I’ll see you probably tomorrow..” Right. You were stuck with this man.. for an entire week. Until Teddy was done. Plenty time to get cozy.. You shift away from him. He doesn’t reply. 

The man turned away and leaves you where you’re standing. Fine with you. You didn’t want to have to face him any longer than this either. You would likely not see the others like Heat unless you searched them out as well.

Oddly, right now that sounds great. You don’t wanna think about confronting someone about something like this. How would you even do that? ..You’re tired. You wanna cry- it was like swimming up a waterfall. Everytime you thought you found footing, someone pulled you back down. 

With a defeated huff you watch the blonde man walk towards the second inn for roughly five seconds. Then you turn around and move towards the other inn, where you’d be staying at with the henchmen. 

It was cozy. Seemed nice. 

Though when you found out you’d be sharing a room with the entirety of the book club because group rooms only came in four, you almost considered sleeping outside just so you could avoid their nagging about wanting to study. 

* * *

“-sounds to me like ye goin’ thru a rough phase.” Clip hummed. Seated on the carpet in the room, a book on his lap. You were sitting on your bed and staring blankly at him as he was.. lecturing you about life? Is that what this was?

“My situation and yours is.. nothing alike though?” Which it wasn’t. “Ah come on.” Bruno piped in from the side. He was at the single desk this room had, practicing his handwriting. “We all are here because of miscommunication.” He blubbered in a jovial manner. You narrow your eyes. “You guys lied about being able to read.” 

“An’ ye lied ‘bout savin’ a crewmember. I dun’ really see mush difference ‘ere.” You hadn’t actually told them. At least not on purpose, which is why them leveling themselves with you was so frustrating. This was.. so different from what they had to deal with. 

“If you guys get caught the worst you can expect is a beating for lying to the captain. If my stuff goes bad, I die!” You exclaimed, putting both arms up. No longer wearing the weights. You took them off when you got clean and changed into pajamas. That you now owned! 

They were just yellow. Sunflower yellow pajamas. Boxy, long sleeves and long comfy pants. You didn’t wanna give anyone any ideas. “I mean-“ Clip starts but halted, tilting his head from side to side.. He puts a finger on his torn lip and it was obvious he was thinking for a comeback.

He finds none and just conceded. “Aight, aight. Maybe ye need sum’ time off. Jus’ dun’ think ‘bout it today.” You make a face. “..What should I do to forget my impending doom?” Easy for them to say- ack! 

Zachary slams a book onto the top of your head with so much force you fall right off the bed and hit the wooden floor with your face. Your bones rattle and Bruno gave a surprised noise while Clip actually  _ yelped.  _

“Oh shit-“ Rough hands grab you by your shoulders and pull you back onto the bed, your eyes are tearing up. “I didn’t think I was hitting that hard- I was just gonna prod you-“ You slap him as hard as you can muster with the palm of your hand.

The noise Bruno made sounded like he was a kettle about to implode and Clip visibly winced. Zachary doesn’t even bother dodging and just squinted his eyes a little, his cheek already going redder. “Alright. Fair. I’ll let you have that-“ 

“What’s your fucking issue?!” You snarl- Zachary shoves the book back into your face but you try to get at him again for it right away. “Stop! I’m not teaching you shit anymore if you don’t-“ Pale hands. Clip got up to get between you. 

“Sheesh, first off. Zach’ fuck off will’ya.” He snatched the book out of the smaller man’s hands and gave him a shove that made the other stumble against the closet. “Second off, I nevah’ witnessed yu hittin’ sumeone befo’.” And. Oh. He’s right.

You blink at Clip with wide eyes. Stress is.. just bubbling right up. Clip’s expression went from confused to uncomfortable real fast and at first you don’t get why- right until you felt wet going down your cheeks. You’re crying. 

You don’t think you’ve cried in front of anyone in.. plenty time ever since you got on this ship- “Oi- Hey, I really didn’t mean it-“ Zachary’s voice trailed in from the side. You wipe your face with your blanket and hiccup. 

“Screw.. hk.. screw you..” It’s awkwardly silent as you just tried to calm yourself down but.. the dam is broken. You curl up under the blankets and just remain down there for a while, trying to be at least quiet. 

It takes a while. When you find yourself calmer.. you don’t feel any better. Bruno’s voice sounded muffled through the blanket. “Are you feeling better?” He sounds like a kind grandpa. If not for the fact that you watched this man break a barrel with extreme violence, you might have believed it. Hhfnn.. 

“No..” But you sit up. Wiping your face one more time and wrapping yourself up in the blanket. It’s the first time you thought on it, but you were really happy you got to also sleep in a bed. They weren’t the best but compared to the hammock you slept in usually, it was better. 

“I’m sorry..” You start. “I just.. I’m scared Killer will kill me soon.” It sounded like a morbid word game. You want it to be. It’s quiet again. It was easier admitting weakness with them. Because they were in the same boat as you. 

They lied and if they got caught, there’d be hell to pay. They couldn’t sell out your worries without you selling out theirs. “..I- gimme that.” Zachary walked past Clip and snatched the book out of his hands that got stolen earlier. “Here.” 

You glance at the cover. ‘The plant and animal life of Hass’eiraka.’ What? You take the heavy thing and narrow your eyes at it before looking at Zachary. “..What do I want with this?” Zachary made a face. 

“It’s the island we’re stopping at next. The wildlife there is crazy freaky and apparently we’ll stay there a bit too.” You look down at the book again. “..Why are we staying there if it’s dangerous?”

“Beats me. We’re not told shit like this as henchmen unless it’s important.” Ah.. made sense. You stare at the cover and stroke with your finger over the cover. Reading it would likely do nothing for your situation. 

It didn’t hurt to check it out though. “..Thanks..” Zachary huffed and just.. gently pat the spot where he hit you. “I’m sorry, again. Err.. if it makes you happier. I won’t cheer if he does kill you.” Aaaaand the moment’s ruined.

You look up and make a face at him. He winces. “Me neither! I’ll even get a new tattoo to honor you!” Bruno piped in. You turn your head. “Of what?” The man pushed his chest out and grinned. “Obviously a bull!” Of course. Obviously. As one did when a comrade died. 

Clip moved to his bed and dropped on it. “Imma be proper down if ya do bite it too, but les’ not think like dat. It’ll be fine. Jus’ focus on sleep fe’ now.” Ah, right. You would have to get up early to get a head start. 

“Right.” You pet the book Zachary gave you. Hass’eiraka. You wanted to see it. If you did, it meant you made it. For now.

* * *

You wake up because someone’s slamming his fist against your door. Out of the corner of your eyes you see the three shapes of your roomies also flinch awake. Bruno actually fell out of bed. It was still dark so you couldn’t properly see but his bed was in the right corner of the room so you could tell by the sound. 

“Rat, it’s time to get up. Be down in ten minutes.” Killer. Oh shit. Now all four of you basically bolted upwards, Zachary, Bruno as well as Clip only jolted into a sitting position though while you shot out of bed as if you were on fire. 

A moment of quiet.. Killer’s footsteps are retreating- then you panic. “Oh my god- Oh my god! Look away I need to change! Everyone under their blankets! I’ll stab your eyes out if you peek!” You hiss at them and begin stumbling around to get your clothes. 

“Ah c’mon-“ “Do it!” You throw your pillow right at Clip and by the soft ‘oomph’ you got from him, you guessed you hit. Bruno stayed on the floor at first but then crawled back under the covers as if he was a hedgehog. 

Zachary just laid back down and turned his back to you and Clip grunted like he’d been wronged and threw your pillow back, missing completely before he laid on his back and pulled the blanket over him, revealing his feet. 

Dressing and getting ready for the day is a business 7 minutes, including hair and brushing your teeth really quickly- you used a water bottle at the window to do that part and once you were done you spit out of there into a nearby tree. Gross- 

You slam the window close again, making all three men jump. “Fucking hell-“ Zachary snapped from his spot. Ass. You- you stared at the book he gave you yesterday. When you got to eat, you got breaks. .. Hass’eiraka. You snatch the book and then bolt out the door.

What were you hoping for..? Maybe just some knowledge that would be able to keep you alive. Who knew if it would work though? You almost fall down the stairs of the inn and stumble out the front, running right into Killer who stood in front of the entrance like a pillar.

It was like headbutting a pillar. No chance you could take that on- Your saving grace is none as you land on your butt on the ground. Killer looked down at you. You stare up at him. 

The fear from yesterday was back. He was unchanged, he even wore similar clothes. You wanna go back to sleep. But he turns around and walks down the street and you know that today would be another sucky day. 

* * *

He doesn’t leave you alone as much as he did the day before, usually hovering in your general line of sight in case you needed him again for something. But while he was there to offer assistance, he also supervised the repair of the Victoria Punk. They were gonna have to wait a bit due to the new coating and the fact that Teddy wasn’t done yet. 

You hadn’t eaten anything yet though and it was almost 1 pm. You, you’re positively worried that the man would make a habit out of starving you during working hours. By now you felt quite empty. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling and reminded you of your time on deck. 

Luckily for you, Killer wasn’t as sadistic as his captain when he was in the middle of work. The smell reaches you before he does but you’re already looking up when he approaches you with a plate of.. nhh. Rice balls? They smelled sweetly. 

There were four big ones in total. Where did he get them? “Ah-.. Thanks.” You take the plate from his hand and waste no time beginning to scarf down the food. Turning back to teddy to continue onwards. You assumed Killer was just gonna leave again. So when he spoke up right behind you, you almost choked on the riceball you were eating. 

“How far are you?” His voice sounds closer. You tense slightly. “Ermm.. I think I’ll be done.. maybe tomorrow or the day after if I keep this pace up.” It was like putting a puzzle together, honestly. It was tough, because this puzzle had a few million pieces.. 

But it wasn’t as tough as you thought it would be. It’s like this was your calling. Working on Teddy almost relaxed you, now that you just got to lose yourself in the wiring and all. You even finished the hull compartment for the heat dial already. 

Really, now that you got into the zone.. you almost completely phased out while working. It had been daunting at first, working on such a huge project.. but it was going well! Really well, actually. Hah. Fuck you, blonde asshole. 

“That’s good to know. They can’t put the Victoria Punk back together until it’s done and I don’t like sitting here like a shot buck.” Mhh.. You look down at your riceball and think a bit. Yeah, their ship being out of commission probably did put them into a bit of a spot if something did happen. “Well. Do you know something about connecting lines to a hub?” 

He stares at you. You can feel it. of course he didn’t. “Ah. Well- that’s fine. I’ll just try to work a bit more harder.” With that you put your food to the side, despite being very hungry and double down on your current task with a sick sense of satisfaction.

He’s an idiot when it came to machinery. You had to one up on him. There’s.. a faint realization and you narrowed your eyes. Killer was here. Not Kidd- But Killer. You don’t think the man was any use when it came to metal and it’s secrets. 

You could build a bomb and he might not even notice it until you detonated the thing. But.. then again.. he might show Eustass to check up on your progress and while you weren’t sure if Killer would recognize the inner workings of a bomb. Eustass would 100% recognize such a thing. 

And then he’d make you eat it. Maybe even literally. Definitely literally. He’s still standing behind you and it’s throwing you off.. you.. carefully glance over your shoulder and up at him. His arms are crossed. Oh god. “..Yeah?..” 

The air was thick with tension. You don’t need a knife to cut it like it was jello. “Nothing. Carry on.” It felt like he wanted to say something else. His fingers were twitching a little. You only noticed because his hands were closer to your face than his face. 

Nhh.. He’s still not moving. He seems to pick up on your nerves and shifted a little. “What is it?” How do you answer this question without risking him giving you shit for it? You glance to the side, combing through your hair with your fingers, nervously. 

Hmmm.. “..You standing there.. distracts me.” His upper body leaned a bit forward now. “Is there a specific reason for that?” He knew the reason- you know he knows the reason he’s not an idiot! But apparently he really wanted to play at it. Mhh..

Should you be honest though. Obviously, you’re scared. He knows that. But he also pretends to not know that right now so should you just pretend you weren’t scared? So.. “Erm..” What would be a good answer if you were pretending to not be scared? You wanted it to seem confident. You look over his body. 

“..Because..” You’re overthinking this. “..you’re.. Nh.. wide?” You should have overthought this more- that was the worst response you could have come up with. The blonde man jerked back a bit and seemed like a deer in headlights. It was funny seeing that reaction and you resist the urge to snort. 

Killer pulled his shoulders up a little. “Alright.” He huffed so loudly you were almost sure you saw steam come up from under his helmet. “I didn’t expect that.” He deadpanned at you and it sounded so relaxed and casual, this time you smiled. 

“I didn’t either.” The massive man scoffed, dropping his arms to his side and turning to walk away. You let him. You don’t fool yourself. Even though he was being civil and borderline friendly again, his words from yesterday echoed within you. The man had no mercy when it came to enemies of the crew.

Him acting like this made him worse than Eustass even. The redhead didn’t let you feel safe when he was around but the fact that Killer basically trapped someone in a false sense of security.. it was scary how he could switch from seemingly being an alright guy to an incredible danger to your life just with the snap of his fingers. 

You go back to work, the thought of eating forgotten. Path of least resistance was off the table. Now it was just struggle to stay afloat and pray nothing would bite your ankle and pull you down. 

* * *

Evening hours. You got a lot of work done and Killer is securing Teddy in a shed. It was made out of brick so you doubted any civilian would be able to break in there without the key. And Killer had the key.

Good luck with that.

You, you’re covered in oil at this point. Oil and dirt and other stuff. Killer wasn’t all that much better. The man had been helping out in the deep cleansing of the Victoria Punk apparently to get old blood guts off the walls and whatever. 

You still don’t know why just he was here but when you asked why he was doing it when he could ask a henchman, all he said about it was that the state of the Victoria Punk was too important to chance it. You get it. That ship was bringing them everywhere. Mh. 

You look at your project as the blonde man pulled the door shut and locked it. Teddy was going to play an important part in the state of Victoria. Once he was built, he would also get coated. Stabilized and all. Despite yourself, you were excited to see it.

* * *

Killer went ahead, you told him you wanted to buy some food, the riceballs by now kind of.. gross and super mushy. You had money left, so.. might as well. The man didn’t wait up and seemed all too eager to do literally anything else.

You never thought about it but he probably didn’t have too much fun hunkering about with just you for company. Eustass didn’t make an appearance. Not once, not yesterday or today. Seeing how close they were and seeing how Eustass took the health of the ship really serious.. it made you think what was up. 

Like, what  _ was _ up? Gate yesterday was pulled off the case because apparently the captain was gambling but oddly, you didn’t think that that’s what they were doing. Or at least not anymore. Otherwise Gate would have actually re-joined the fray. 

Maybe you were looking too deep into it. Whatever. You were just hungry for now and standing in line for a burger. Perhaps it was better to not think on what they were doing. Who knew how it would turn out if you knew?

Assuming they did something morally dubious, what could you do to stop them regardless? You rub over your neck and stare blankly at the people in front of you in the line. Somehow it’s a blessing and a curse. Sure, you’re stuck with Killer but ith him you knew what you got. 

Him hating your guts.

Now that you knew that Heat had gaslit you.. and maybe everyone else as well.. you no longer think you’re on good footing with them. They lied. They probably didn’t even care that they did. 

Wire probably knew, he and Heat shared a room. Haiku, Oliver.. them too. Doc? Probably. Gate..? Could be. Eustass knew for sure. Killer said he told the man. And all that came of it was a game to see how long you’d last. 

And everyone was in on it. 

You rub over your face, finally it is your turn to get your food. Not even ten minutes later you leave while munching on a burger and staring off into space for no apparent reason. You didn’t know what you should be doing with this information. 

No matter how hard you fought.. Maybe it would all be for nothing. They were playing with their food. Watching you struggle just to watch you sink. But.. why .. why did that make you so.. sad..?

They were pirates. Of course they would play around with your mental state- that’s just what they did! They were.. horrible people. They tortured and they killed and.. when you got there first, they were also trying to kill you. 

A misunderstanding started all of this. Heat thought you saved him and at the time everyone believed him. But by now that misunderstanding was all cleared up. You didn’t know why they bothered to keep up the charade. It was probably to fuck with your mind even further.

To watch the disappointment on your face when they revealed to you that nothing ever mattered in this situation. That they were just trying to get your hopes up. That’s what it was, wasn’t it? They just wanted to get your hopes up so your death would be more painful.

Sam probably lied about you not having to go into Eustass’ playroom as a guest. How could you trust anything that man said? Or any of them? Even the weights Heat gave you.. pretending to want for you to get stronger.

They felt like rude reminders that nothing could save you from getting dragged to your doom. The other had given them to you to make you work on yourself. Did you get stronger..? Yeah.. You did. By now.. the weights made you sweat if you moved around with them too much but.. 

It was nothing compared to day one. Not just that, but your body was changing with the way you carried those weights. Your limbs got a power up. As did the rest of you. You changed. A lot from.. when you were home. If Han-san saw you now.. would he even recognize you?

Something about you doubted it. You wouldn’t recognize yourself. Looking in any reflection of you made you notice that despite you now being able to eat proper meals, you had changed. Your cheeks hollowed out a little, your jaw was sharper. 

A once completely untrained, soft body had become scarred and rough from abusive treatment. Excess fat you once had burned with the unforgiving regime that was your work day. It was a depressing sight and after just a few moments of looking into your own, blank eyes in the reflection, you turn away from the window.

You bite into your burger and it tastes like nothing to you. Killer ruined it. Not just him, really. You couldn’t make him responsible for your sole misery.. you had to make them all responsible. All the crew members. Even Heat and his shitty lingerie.

Your frown. Actually, it was ridiculous how comfortable you had gotten with him. Buying him  _ lingerie.  _ No more of that. No more wasting money. Time to save up. 

Your heart feels cold. You didn’t even get to read a bit in the book that Zachary had given you. Well, whatever. You’d be able to read a little before it got completely dark. Hopefully. Best case scenario.

* * *

“Twelve. There’s twelve of these in total.” You read aloud and quirked an eyebrow at the sentence structure. Bruno seemed to think a bit on that. “Twelve.. plants or flowers?” You glance up at him. “Flowers are plants, but to answer your question..” 

With a look back into the book you talked on. “Each plant sports a various number of blooming flowers but they all have twelve petals. If one gets pulled off, it regrows. Every petal has a different color and effect.” 

“Tha’s freaky shit.” Clip piped in, currently sitting on the floor and cleaning his guns. Zachary was around as well but he seemed to be content dozing on and off like a lamp. “Why the fook is the capt’n plannin’ to take us there? Jus fer resources?” You humm in thought. Why indeed?

As mentioned previously, none of you knew why you’d be going to Hass’eiraka. There might be civilisation but reading about the wildlife you  _ highly  _ doubted it. You look at the page. “The Fapa Rhino. It’s horn excels poison when threatened that kills anything within a ten meter radius.” You wince. Zachary’s sleepy voice cuts in. “Kinky.” 

Bruno breaks into blubbering laughter as if that was the funniest shit ever. Clip just groaned from where he sat you frown, looking down at the pages again. “It stands at 14 feet and is usually grey colored, like it’s non-toxic relatives. You can recognize it by the neon.. pink horn…? It’s horn is neon pink???”

Nature is scary. “Read another! Another!” Bruno laughed and slapped his knee, scooting closer and looking up at you as if you were a goddess. Clip grinned from where he sat. You continue. 

“The Flurp Toad. This toad is completely harmless until it bites you, when bitten, prey will feel a large sense of euphoria. Human victims are prone to laughing when affected by it’s poison, the effects can last from 5 minutes up to an hour depending on the size of the victim.”

Aw. You look up. “That’s not so bad! A giggly toad!” Bruno made a face. “Boring.. I was hoping it would finish with someone exploding or something.” “Not everythin’ gotta explode m’guy.” Clip pipes in. You nod. “I don’t think anything could do that.” 

“In this day an’ age? ‘Course it can.” Clip says. Bruno nods. Zachary snores, the guy is dead asleep. 

“As if- Hold on.. next one!” You shuffle on your mattress and look down at the pages in front of you. “The Impulsive Flower! If touched-“ You blink. “..It makes your hand explode.” 

Bruno laughs so hard and so loud he wakes up Zachary, the man snarled angrily from where he was laying and threw his pillow with so much force the jolly man was knocked over and hit his head on the wall, knocking him out cold.

A moment of silence and you, as well as Clip, stare at Zachary. He’s sitting and giving you both a death glare. Hnnmm.. You glance to the unconscious Bruno. He’ll be fine. Probably. “I think it might be best to call it a night.” You state into the open.

“Yeah.” Zachary sounds proper mad. “I also think that might be best.” Before he went to lay back down after grabbing his pillow from the floor. You and Clip turn your lights off and nestle into your respective beds.

Still, it takes a bit for you to fall asleep with the snore wheezing that Bruno was doing now, indicating he switched from being unconscious to just being asleep. Knew it. He’d be fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback to how I wrote Killer is appreciated.


	26. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teddy is finished. 
> 
> That means he should work, right?
> 
> ..Right?

You’re scared. Work gets rougher. Not because it gets harder to put the machine together but because Killer’s mood gets worse the longer you take. The man was stuck lounging around now, all the other work on the Victoria Punk finished. It’s two days later now and he was out of patience.

The man had actually trusted you when you told him, very enthusiastically, that Teddy was definitely going to work. Because not just did he help clean the ship and all, he also worked with the shipwrights on the tubing. 

It was all gonna be connected to Teddy. The Kitchen, Showers, a faucet had even been installed on deck, wherever water was needed, now there was a system in for it. They installed an actual system of tubes that would be connected to Teddy, worked the whole time you’ve been building Teddy on it. They even build a tank to store clean water, it would stand where usually the clean water barrels stood.

You’re pretty sure that Killer was going to poke through you like a grape if this ended up being a failure because not only did this cost a lot of effort on their part, installing tubing into an already finished ship, it was also very pricey. Killer was tense about the results. 

Visibly. Because he was actually trying to assist you without intimidating you at every turn. He couldn’t do much but.. he gave you utensils.. tools.. held stuff in place. It felt like the man was a workaholic. You tried telling him to just enjoy the break but he resisted it like he was a cat forced to take a bath.

It was almost cute in a weird, sick way. Having this huge, buff man sitting next to you, a bit slouched, just so he could observe and hand you tools. Teddy? Teddy was pretty much done. Right now you were doing one last checkup but.. if he worked was up to debate. You’d have to do a test run in a bit.

The Heat Dial was situated in its compartment, hidden from sight. You connected the thing in such a way that they’d be able to decide whether they wanted hot, warm or cold water. Really, you think you outdid yourself.

If it worked. 

“I think.. I think we’re ready for the test run.” You look up at Killer, watching his shoulders slump a little in something akin to relief. He gets up. “I’ll get the water.” With that, he turns and trots off. 

Sea water. He was gonna bring a barrel of seawater that Teddy got to filter. You pulled out a tiny kit that the blonde man had brought along yesterday but you hadn’t been able to use it, since Teddy hadn’t been ready. 

It was like a pregnancy test but with bacteria. If you put it into water it would tell you whether it was safe for consumption or not. Sea water was stock full with bacteria, plancton, fish poop- the train of gross never ended. You were living the dream.. 

That aside. You were fucking scared. 

What if it wasn’t gonna work? What if you were about to die? Eustass said he’d kill you if you failed. Maybe he told Killer to get rid of you if this wasn’t gonna work? You’ve been playing it cool but.. it was hard.

You hadn’t seen any of the crewmembers aside from Killer ever since Gate left on that first day. Not even in passing outside of the inn. Something was clearly going on. Apparently they weren’t here anymore. Eustass had grabbed some men and taken off.

Zachary told you. It made you sweat. It was unnerving being unable to tell what they were up to. They could be hurting people. You wouldn’t know. They could be planning to kill a lot more. Who knew? 

Well, not that it mattered. Even if you knew what the fuck was going on, it’s not like you could stop them or whatever. You were just a secretary girl. Even if you were getting stronger thanks to the weights. Walking around with them got even easier yet.

The sound of footsteps makes you turn, watching Killer carry a huge barrel in his arms above his head as he came closer. You swallowed. Oh god. Moment of truth. Here it was. It wouldn’t matter in a bit whether they had gone off to kill some people or not if this didn’t work. If it didn’t work perfectly- .. Nh.

You had of course used smaller doses to test Teddy. But.. That was a glass of water. Where you put dirt into. This was a barrel, a huge barrel, easily bigger than Killer himself and wider than the man too. Filled to the brim with sea water. 

There was so much gunk in that barrel it would break anyone’s stomach. You rub your hands nervously and just shifted, grabbing a hose and connecting it to Teddy. Once it was attached to the Victoria Punk, Teddy would filter the water through the vents it had. 

For now.. hose. You couldn’t put Teddy into the barrel and risk dropping it. You stare blankly at Killer as he broke said barrel open and took the lid off, dropping it off to the side and holding his hand out. 

You almost take it, completely zoned out at this point. 

You snap, thankfully, out of it and just hand the hose over instead, which he puts into the seawater before he gave you a signal to wait. He was getting the other barrel where the water was gonna be filtered into. 

You connect another hose, wait until Killer got back and then drop the hose into the empty barrel this time. You’ve given up. You did everything you could. If Teddy ended up being a failure, you could at least tell your parents that you did your best on staying alive whenever you saw them-

No.. wait. You blink blankly. You wouldn’t see them again. Once you died, you’d go to hell for what they made you do. With a heavy heart you rub over your face, tapping some buttons and setting Teddy up. The Heat Dial didn’t just heat the water, it also powered the filtration system. Steam released for roughly five seconds before it died down.

It begins. The filtration system hummed to life and the slurping of the hoses working made you cringe.. for a moment, nothing happens. Then the excess pipe at the bottom of Teddy began spitting out a dirty form of slop. Since you situated it above a sewer gutter, it began to drip in there.

Once Teddy was connected it’d be going right back into the ocean. All the fish poop, bacteria, whatever else.. You raise your eyebrows and cross your arms as you watched the amount of gunk that Teddy was spitting out. It _seemed_ to be working. But who knew if it actually was.. Maybe it wasn’t doing a good enough job.

Oh god.. Killer was moving next to you, tilting his head at the gunk. “Is it supposed to do that?” What else was it gonna do? You narrow your eyes at it. “It’s separating clean water from the stuff we don’t wanna come in contact with… which.. would be that stuff.” You point at the gross slop dripping into the sewers. “So yeah. It’s supposed to do that.” 

Killer hummed thoughtfully and lifted his left arm to scratch thoughtfully at his goatee. “That’s a good start then. Would be a shame if Teddy is a failure.” He’s tense. At some point, you recon, this project of yours became his too. He spend the whole building process with you. 

Sometime earlier he began calling it Teddy too. Maybe because it was shorter. Maybe because you painted ‘Teddy’ onto the upper hull of the filtration device and it helped him visualize the machine was .. whatever he compared it to. 

But that didn’t change the fact that he also wanted this thing to work. You huff a little and glance to the barrel that was slowly getting filled with clean water. “..Are you gonna kill me if he’s a failure..?” You used to ignore such topics. But by now you’re used to them.

“If Teddy ends as a failure, I won’t kill you.” You glance up with a surprised face, waiting for him to continue. He does. “Kidd will.” You flinch. Of course. Why did you hope? You glance back at the machine and rubbed your stomach thoughtfully. 

You don’t want to die.. Your eyes sting. “Mhm..” He doesn’t say anything to your visibly upset form and the two of you break into an unbearable waiting game. Listening to the humming of Teddy, the slurping of the hoses, the dripping of the gunk and the occasional steam outburst. 

It felt like an eternity. Seeing how the hoses were rather thin, it was gonna take a while for sure. You sit down in a safe distance, watching Teddy work. He’s holding up pretty well. No weird creaking, no gunk coming out of places where it shouldn’t- It was.. going better than your previous mini tests. 

Considering this amount of water.. it was going way better than ever expected. Killer is still standing next to the machine. Staring at it as if he was planning on burning holes through it. “..It’s not gonna go any faster than this.” 

He tilts his head. “I know.” You pull a tight lip. “Then stop trying to intimidate him? Let a filtration system work in peace, gosh.” He lifted his head and looked over to you, for a moment, then he came over, his arms relaxed at his side. “You’re getting bold.” 

The man turned and fell into a cross legged sit next to you. “I mean-“ You guess you were feeling brave right now but that was mostly because your fate was out of your hands. No amount of crawling or begging would save you if this was a failure. 

Your life rests in Teddy’s non-existent hands. 

“..I guess..” You scratch your neck and dig your fingernails into the skin there, staring at the ground. “..Mhm..” You don’t know what to say. Killer has a grip on it though, like always. “You’re scared you’ll be killed.” It’s a statement. Not a question. You look at him. “Aren’t you ever scared of death?” 

The man pulled his shoulders a bit back and you could hear his spine pop as he stretched. “No one wants to die. But there are differences between fearing death, acknowledging it and embracing it.” 

Mh. “What kind of differences?” Both of you are just watching Teddy. “Fearing death holds you back. Embracing it makes you reckless and acknowledging it makes you superior.” Eh..? You frown. “Superior?” The blonde man huffed through his mask. 

“If you find that balance between fearing and embracing it, it can make you extremely dangerous to people who haven’t found that yet.” Mhn.. You’re not sure you get it. You look up. “And you found that balance?” He nods. 

“You haven’t though. First you were embracing it, now you’re fearing it.” Against your inner judgement you tense as the memory of wanting to die when you were starving on deck. And then struggling to try and prove yourself so you could live. “..Yeah. You’re right, I guess.” 

He combed thoughtfully through a bit of his hair and threw it over his shoulder. He seems to be thinking. His next question threw you off. “How old are you?” You blink. Blink again and then look at him again, now with a confused face. “Does it matter?” 

“Don’t hotpot around my question, rat, just answer it.” Rude bastard. You look back at Teddy. “..I’m A/N years old.” He tilts his head back a bit. “Really? Didn’t guess that. I assumed you were a lot younger.” 

You almost believe him. “You saw my uniform when you took me. If you’ve been fighting marines your whole life you ought to know that you need to have reached a certain age to even be able to get that uniform.” You narrow your eyes, staring ahead, listening to the slurping and humming. He gives a weak wheeze. Sounds borderline amused. 

“When you’re not groveling like a bug, you’re almost sharp.” It’s a backhanded compliment, basically an insult and you grab it up as such. “..And you’re almost pleasant to be around with when you’re not comparing me to bugs.” Killer rubs his goatee again. “So you want me to rather call you a rat?” 

If this was Heat, you’d slap him. But this- No wait. if this was Heat you wouldn’t. You told yourself you’d- No.. Damn it. You would have to continue to play along. Despite knowing they manipulated you. “You’re not denying it.” The deep baritone of the man next to you had you jerk your head up a bit. 

“I can’t stop you anyway.. I might not even live long enough to complain about it again.. I’m just.. stressing myself out unnecessarily.” The blonde slouched a bit forward, putting his elbows on his knees. He’s pondering again.

“If this goes to shit.. I will be properly pissed.” Leave it to this asshole to make you feel better. But of course, he would never do anything like comfort you. Both of you sit in silence for a while. You don’t know how long you were quiet before you replied. “Yeah.. Me too.” 

* * *

The slurping hiccuped to a stop. You startle up a little and stare as Teddy began to wheeze. Nothing was wrong with him, but now he was trying to filter air and that wasn’t his job- You hop up from your spot next to the Massacre Soldier and jog over there to turn him off. 

“Moment of truth then.” He was getting up too, following you and glancing at the sewer pipe where the gunk had dripped into and he sniffed the air, grunting. “That’s disgusting.” You blink in mock surprise. “You don’t like my cooking?” 

Both of you stare at each other for a second before the man shoved you by the small of your back to the clean water barrel. “Just do the test already.” You can’t tell if he liked the joke or not. Probably not- You look up at said barrel before turning to him and making a helpless hand motion. 

Right. Thing was bigger than him. How were you gonna reach? He just groans under his breath, snatched the water tester kit out of your hand and began to assemble it before reaching up, over the edge of the barrel and putting his fist into the water with the test stripe.

He waits a second then pulls out again. You can’t look. You turn away and just begin shuffling around with Teddy a little to try and distract yourself. The man was being fucking silent and you were growing more and more worried. 

This was it. You’re so fucking scared he’d just skewer you regardless of what he previously- “Congrats.” Nh-

You spin around to watch the man hold the strip up against the sunlight. “It’s negative for any bacteria that could make us sick. It’s drinkable.” He.. he sounded relieved. You don’t think he was for your sake but for the sake of the work he put into this. He pocketed the kit and turned his back to you.

Then he gave you a hand motion to come over. “Drink some and tell me how it tastes.” Nh.. Why didn’t he just..? Oh right. The mask. You trot over, brimming with nerves. Congratulations. You made it? He grabs you by your hip and lifts you so you could reach, you’re not even bothered, way in the zone of ‘this couldn’t be right.’

Like on automatic you scooped some water into your mouth. Smeck. It tasted.. normal. There was a bit of a stale aftertaste but it was barely noticeable. “Tastes like.. normal water.. a bit of an aftertaste but.. not much different from the barrel stored water..” 

He puts you down. “Great.” He turns away and calls out to the shipwrights, motioning for them to come over. You’re left alone. He just goes back to work to get Teddy connected into the upgraded Victoria Punk. You.. You trot off to a pillar to sit down and lean against it. 

Now that Teddy was finished, Killer wasted no more time building the thing into the Victoria Punk and oddly, this was the time your mind sobered up a little, realizing what it had done, which was helping a bunch of Pirates with not dying of thirst on sea.

Now they were even better prepared. You rub over your neck and stare blankly at your other hand. Pathetic. Han-san should never have taken you. Mr. Harper should never have sent you away. You’d have been better for the world dead. Now, quite literally..

Gate’s words about the Government ring in your head and you wince. No escape. No victories here. Sure, you were probably gonna live but.. You don’t feel happy. 

No wait. 

Your eyebrows go up. You did feel happy. You were.. relieved. Actually relieved, the amount of it overran the guilt you felt. What the hell..? Had you changed this much already that sacrificing your morals wasn’t too bad of an issue now? 

Gross. You’re disgusting. And yet, you felt ok. 

It was a success. Your months of hard work had paid off. Research and planning on how to build this thing, working yourself to the bones- Sure, you weren’t long on this ship. Couldn’t have been more than.. what? Two months? You didn’t actually know how much time had specifically passed. You were unconscious a lot and all. A lot of time on the deck you didn’t remember properly so maybe you had miscounted the days and all.

And that was on the ship, there were still the days spent on land. Your gaze flickered over to the Victoria Punk where they had already carried Teddy inside the ship. The vents were poking out of the hole made for them, the whole thing was being sealed properly.

Once it was properly mounted there would be no leaking happening through Teddy, you made sure that the water only passed through if he was activated. You wipe sweat off your forehead. Your gaze gets stuck on Killer. Suddenly, for some fucking reason you couldn’t quite identify, you think on when he lifted you.

If you thought hard enough on it you felt like you might even recall the sensation of his hands on your hips. You narrowed your eyes at that and shoo the thought off. He disgusted you.. Yeah. That was it. The man was your fucking death coming. 

You try and tell yourself you won’t let him get that close again, he could have killed you. But at the same time you knew it was worthless. Any of the crewmembers could have their fucking way with you if they planned on it. ..You stare blankly at the massive blonde mane and raise an eyebrow to yourself.

Were you scared of that? Yes. You were still very much scared of them hurting you.. but oddly, now you no longer felt like cowering, nor that it was completely out of your control. You stare at Teddy’s vents and .. you smile. It felt hollow. 

Your eyelids close halfway and you stroke some hair behind your ear, tilting your head and supporting your chin on your hand, the constant weight on your limbs reminding you of your growth.. That hadn’t been a week ago.. maybe a bit but- you were evolving. 

Into.. what though? You had mutilated a body, killed someone, committed theft, assaulted someone.. You helped these pirates get clean water even in the middle of the sea in a safe and cheap way. 

You were growing. But.. maybe you were growing backwards. People grew to become a better version of themselves but looking back at your innocent days as a secretary, maybe that had been you at your best. Maybe sometimes it was better to choose the option to stay dormant. 

To remain as one was. 

The hollow smile on your face leaves again and all that was left was the feeling that.. seemed to leave as well. The hollow sensation of having made a mistake wasn’t nearly as grave as it had been when you started working on Teddy. 

He’d been a success. You were going to live. For now. And who knew what kind of paths would open themselves up to you after this. Killer didn’t trust you. You doubt any of them actively did. But maybe you could make them.

What would you do with such a valuable thing..? You tilt your head into the other direction. Letting your fantasy take over. Easy.. you’d be a bee. At the cost of your own life you’d stab the life out of them, like you did with Hover. 

Hover. You wince and close your eyes, seeing his face as if it had been just an hour ago when you killed the man when really, it had been half a month at least. Maybe longer. You rub over your throat and drop the hand that’s been at your chin. 

You’re dreaming again.. You open your eyes and sigh, low and defeated. Nevermind the bee thing, what a dumb thought? How could you even imagine something like this about men like these? You watched them slaughter a sea king. You watched Gate punch a huge bear to death. 

It had been a short daydream of revenge, a second of bliss. But reality came back hard just looking at Killer, who was talking to the shipwrights right now and seemingly about to finish up. You couldn’t even begin to fantasize about killing him. You tried, you just.. couldn’t. 

Neither with Gate. And if you couldn’t take out a man that was 60 million beli worth, how were you gonna take on a guy that was worth 200 million beli.. Not just that, but his captain, Eustass Captain Kidd, was worth 470 million beli. These men had killed people that you could never hope to even touch.

What were you spacing off for having unrealistic fantasies..? You snort weakly, without any humor, and stare at the ground. It had been nice for the two seconds it lasted regardless. Sometimes… sometimes it was just smarter to not follow your dreams. 

* * *

You wonder what took this long. It must have been an hour, maybe two. Teddy was installed and then they seemed to give the ship another coating on top of the other ones.. Killer was not in your direct line of sight now, but you refused to get up regardless, not wanting to make the other pull out his sociopathic act again.

You still couldn’t wrap your head around how these two men had that high a difference in their bounty. Maybe it was because of Killer’s seemingly calm demeanor that people thought he was less dangerous than his captain. They were seriously mental..

Where the fuck is Killer? You don’t wanna sit here anymore, the floor is hard and uncomfortable. You don’t wanna get up though. Then you’d just be uncomfortable while standing up. Mhh.. You sigh and rub over your face. 

Time passes on and for a bit you ask yourself if he left and didn’t tell you, right before he was suddenly back in your view. There he is- He had been inside the Victoria Punk, now he’s walking over the deck and hopping off to land below.

Ah.. Now he’s coming in your direction. Thankfully.. Thankfully? You’re going mad. Regardless, you stay on your ass until the man stopped right in front of you and looked down at you. “We’re done here.” A moment.. another moment. 

Oh, he expects you to get up. You stand on your legs and pat them down from any dirt. “Alright..” He turns and walks off to the side, you follow. “What about the ship?” You look over your shoulder. It looked so good now. Like new. Almost a week later. “It has to dry and settle.. The coating, I mean.” Made sense. 

“..Ok.. Anything else I should be doing..? Otherwise I’m going back to the inn.” He doesn’t reply for a bit, probably thinking if there was something else he could be making you do but at the end of it he shook his head. “Fine with me.”

Another long moment of awkward silence as you walked towards the inn’s you were staying at. It’s too weird.. “Can I ask something?” You pipe up when you get to the street where the inns were located. Killer glances over his shoulder. It’s as much of a ‘go ahead’ as you were ever going to get. “Uhh.. What’s up with the others? I feel like they’ve been.. kind of absent.” 

Eustass didn’t even check up once on the progress.. He seemed to entrust the whole thing to Killer. You could see why, ever since you have been spending time around the blonde you noticed he was _highly_ competent.

The man was enough to direct the shipwrights to take proper care of the Victoria Punk. People just listened to him and then they did what he told them to do, like he was their actual boss. Frankly, he gave off a huge boss energy. Even though he was your enemy every time he talked to you, you felt like either you did what he told you, or you’d get fired.

From being alive.

“Could it be they’re away on.. a mission or something?” You continue your question, fully expecting the other man to give you a shitty answer about how you were dumb to even bother asking him anything. The man didn’t slow down or gave any indication he heard you, already looking straight ahead again.

“You won’t like the answer to that question.” You almost stop hearing his reply. “So you won’t tell me..?” It was like trying to bore holes into the back of his head as he continued to walk, only to slow down and almost come to a full stop, before finally doing so and turning a little to you. 

“It won’t really make a difference in anything whether I tell you or not.” And yet it felt like he was hiding something from you. “.. Can I.. ask about it then? Regardless of whether I’ll like the answer or not..?” You finally caught up the small distance and stop near the huge man. Staring at him.

Killer just looked down at you, almost standing you off. “I don’t see why not.” He’s messing with you. You realize it because the man kept bullshitting around the topic while you were none the wiser of what the fuck was going on. He could have told you three times by now. 

Instead here you were, playing hot word potato with this douche as if it was a fun activity to partake in. Swallow your pride. “..What are they doing then?” You carefully fold your hands over your lap and try to look innocent. More innocent than you were already that is.

Killer lifts his head to look around, then grabbed you by your shoulder to maneuver you out of the way of a carriage. Right, you stopped in the middle of the street. You’re almost embarrassed but your nerves keep you from it. He makes a head motion and begins to walk again.

You follow him like a good dog. Falling into step directly behind him. “It turns out there was a marine outpost planning an ambush on us while the Victoria Punk was being fixed.” You swallow thickly and want to stop but Killer continues talking, now glancing over his shoulder. “The guy you made Gate let go went to his buddies and alerted them about our presence.” 

Your legs work.. on automatic. You continue to follow Killer quietly as he looked straight ahead again. “Frankly, had you let Gate do his thing we wouldn’t have to kill all those men. In the end it’s bad for publicity to let people get away with shooting at one of us.” It sounded.. reprimating. Like you were being berated with barely any energy. 

The fact that you shooting that guy in the legs had been for nothing slowly bubbled up from the dark pits of thoughts you buried the memory under. “So.. they’re all gonna die..?” You sound unhappy even to your own ears.

“They’re likely already gone. Kidd left nhh.. Four days ago? They departed the same evening we started working on the filtration system. But knowing him, he probably is procrastinating so he doesn’t have to deal with the cleanup of the Punk.” 

An average marine outpost had up to 50 men, sometimes more depending on how high the officer ranked. Everyone was trained in combat but there were usually the men that actively went out for battle and those who took care of the finances and all, like you had done. 

The thought of Eustass and the others slaughtering 30+ men just because one of them dared to shoot at Gate made you feel whoozy and your vision turned dark at the edges. It had been for nothing. 

Shooting this man in the head would have probably been more merciful than whatever Eustass would do to him if he managed to get to him while he was still alive, with the knowledge that the man had shot at one of his crew members. 

“Still,” Killer’s voice sounds far off, like your head was stuck under water. “For a start shooting someone in the legs is not too bad. But make sure to aim higher next time.” Like you were a student of murder-

You walk into something- it’s him. He stopped. Having ceased walking and turned around a bit. “Your stop is here.” 

You blink a bit at him and then look drowsily to the side to find he was right, this was the inn you were staying at. For a bit neither of you is saying anything. You don’t really know what you could or should say or if it was even appropriate and you doubted he was gonna say something. 

When he did, it almost startled you if not for the fact you were basically dazed. “You need to give up on this sympathy. There is no escape from any of this.” You slowly gaze back up at him to see he turned fully to you. “In the end, you are making it just a lot more miserable for yourself.” 

He leaves you behind with these words and you can’t decide whether he said them out of pity or to mock you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Criticism is always welcome, especially when it’s about to ramp up the storyline.  
> It motivates me a lot!  
> So feel free to support my by leaving a comment :v 
> 
> Thank!


	27. Devil’s back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The abuse continues
> 
> But not nearly as intensely.

_ “Y/N, come on! Let me introduce you to your new superior!” You’re dreaming memories again. Standing in the middle of a too large office with too little furniture, you stare up at a face you should remember. Han-san. Except for where you were sure he didn’t look like.. this. _

_ It was odd, tiny details that made you nervous. Tiny details that seemed off about him. Not that it mattered, you remembered this like it happened not so long ago. Him grabbing you by your shoulders and lifting you to hug the hell out of you.  _

_ “What a pleasure! I have been so excited to meet you!” You felt like a puppy getting adopted. This wasn’t standard procedure. Normally one applied for a job and then was picked up by a platoon.  _

_ You didn’t get picked up by anyone, this was entirely for your sake. One of your trainers had reached out on a personal level to see if anyone needed a secretary. They knew you wouldn’t make it on the battlefield.  _

_ The hug was unexpected and went on for way too long but.. you melt into it regardless. It had been the heartiest touch you’ve had ever since your parents went and immediately you related your new boss to your father and his massive habit of hugging you at every corner. _

_ It felt better. You felt slightly better. Scared, but better.  _

* * *

You’re sitting on deck, leaning against the railing of the ship. The Victoria Punk is back in the water. Teddy is installed and fully functional. The henchmen were enjoying fresh, basically clean water. With it coming straight out of the ocean, the stale taste wasn’t as bad. It was still existent, seeing how the filtration system was new.

It might get better in the future, especially when you began maintenance and found better ways to improve Teddy. It was.. an experience all together but now that it had been a success, there was something you hadn’t expected.

The gratitude. 

Killer had made an announcement for the men present about the new plumbing system and the perks of it. The prospect of hot showers that could last as long as they wanted seemed to put them all into an extremely friendly mood.

Suddenly you’re everybody's friend. The book club trio had been the only members of the crew that had been nice to you from the henchmen category but now suddenly every other henchman was also being nice to you. 

People were slapping you on the back. Complementing your hard work or even your outfit as if this was the first time they ever saw you, it was fucked up. Suddenly they were treating you like a human. Like, an existent human that was their comrade.

Before it had been mostly as ‘the woman’. Or ‘the fodder’ since they were all behaving around you as if you were nothing but either a doll or fresh kill. Now.. Now you were part of their community. Of their group.

Like Zachary, Bruno and Clip you could now just go up to someone and ask for something and you’d get an actual answer without any sexist comment. It wasn’t like this with everyone but the majority was suddenly civil to you.

Alone this change of behavior made Teddy already a worthwhile endeavor. Best thing about him was that you built him with the thought in mind that he needed to last long. You could guarantee 3 years at least with proper maintenance. If you continued to improve the filtration system, the thing might even live as long as 15 years. 

All of this almost distracted you from the fact that you had condemned up to 50 people to their death because you pussied out. They were gone by now, Killer had said so. But the memories of what the Kidd Pirates did to your old station.. 

The image of the headless corpse that slapped the ground right in front of you came to mind. You crossed your legs and stared blankly at four men gathered around one of the faucets, getting water with childlike glee. 

Who had it been? You couldn’t tell, with the head gone you were never able to identify the corpse, no matter how often or how hard you thought on it. Not that it mattered now if you did or not. He was gone and so were you. No going home. 

But now this was happening, or happened, to another guy. Or multiple. Eugh.. You rub over your face and groan. The sick thing was that while you were fucked up over this turn of events, another part was almost as equally happy about how the Teddy situation turned out.

It had been a success, people praised and accepted you. Even Killer seemed to be in a slightly better mood than he was yesterday. Apparently he claimed first spot to take a hot shower. It was almost so… human-like of him. To care about little stuff like that. 

It made it harder to see him as this killing machine you had made him out to be for the past months. The more time you had spent with him, the more you had recognized him for what he really was. 

A human... Of course he fucking was but.. 

Despite all your efforts to detach him from that title, in the face of nature he was nothing but human. He had ticks. Like you. Like for example his habit of keeping his body in constant movement. Even when he was standing still he was usually shifting around.

Or one time he mispronounced someone’s name back at the ship repair bay- Sure it was a small mistake but it showed that while he was highly competent, he was capable of human error. 

And even if he worked extremely hard and seemed to be constantly pushing himself further than he had the day before, he took breaks. One time you saw him sit down near the Victoria to drink hot soup out of a straw. It had been.. ridiculous. 

To see a horror on legs like the massacre soldier Killer drink hot, boiling hot soup, out of a straw. You even observed him burning his tongue the first time if him jerking his head back was any indication. 

It upset you. Because you had built this image of him that was untouchable to you, he still was, even as a person. But now there was a question you hadn’t entertained before that came out of the woodworks. 

What made him like this? What did a person have to go through to become..  _ this _ ? It wasn’t just him either. What about Eustass? The man was radiating such sadistic violence most of the time, even now you couldn’t think of him as anything but a monster. 

Gate’s story came back to mind and you wondered if it had been something like this.. but worse. And even if it was, there was also the horrifying notion of.. what if not? What if these men had turned out like this on their own? 

.. And now that you were stuck with them.. what if you turned out the same way? You rub over your face again. You’re tired. You barely slept, despite having worked so hard. The images of that man you shot kept coming back ever since Killer told you of his fate. 

You didn’t know what upset you more.. that you could turn out like them or that once upon a time, they were just like you. 

The sick sensation of glee at your success and the feelings you should be having right now, like dread, horror and misery, were battling within you. There are footsteps next to you and you glance up to look at Zachary, the man looking down at you. 

He didn’t know what ailed you. Not having told any of the three, but for some reason he just dropped down next to you and leaned against the railing. Settling in as if you had invited the man to get into your personal space. Not even saying anything.

Neither of you starts to talk, so you just sit there in companionable silence. 

* * *

When Eustass comes back you make a point of not being on deck. Neither did you want to have to listen to his vulgar language, nor did you want to see any of them. Especially not Gate. You can’t help but blame him for the death of all these people-

Technically it was his fault. If he hadn’t told the others then they wouldn’t have gone out to kill all of these men. It made your stomach turn sour. Maybe he actually knew this would be the outcome and had just wanted a hunt. 

Your mind reels with possibilities. But, you avoid them. All of them, even Heat. Word reaches you of the crewmembers being as amazed as the henchmen. Teddy was making you seem so much more useful. No word about the reaction of their captain though. 

It’s evening when you inevitably run into one of them, out of all of them, it’s Heat. You almost walked right into him when on the way to the toilet because you couldn’t hold it anymore. Frankly, you were surprised no one had dragged you out of the sleeping quarters by now. 

Instead you managed to hide out as long as possible until your doom came pending- you almost land on your ass because of it, if not for two strong hands grabbing you almost gently by your shoulders. The expression Heat made was slightly more jovial than usual. 

With the information Killer gave you, it was hard to give such an expression back. You can’t even manage a fake smile at the sour feeling of betrayal pooling within you. You had no right to feel as such though, he had never actually been your ally.

He was loyal. To his people. And you? You weren’t loyal to anyone but yourself at this point. Really, nothing more than a rat. “There you are!” Stop sounding so excited. “I was about to check the quarters. Your little invention really kicked off, didn’t it?” 

Sure did. If only that could make you feel ok with yourself. You tense a bit away from him and it seems to snap him out of his glee a little as he let you go to scratch his neck with a bashful expression. “Sorry about that.” You hate them all.

“..It’s fine.. I’m.. erm.. busy..” You mutter and just try to avoid looking directly at him as you attempt to shuffle past. It’s impossible with him not budging and the hallway being so narrow. “With what?” There’s a different kind of tone.

A suspicious one. Like  _ he  _ was suspecting  _ you  _ of something. It makes you want to bite him. “.. Toilet.” You give up trying to shove past him and instead just make yourself small. The ally you thought you had, had been fucking with you and while you should pretend all was good, you couldn’t.

You were too sensitive, the tiny bit of likeness that had developed in his direction was.. like poison. You were too naive. You weren’t really ready to .. hide your emotions like that. There’s a moment of silence between you two. He tilted his head at you. “..Did Killer hurt you?” 

It almost sounded like he was actually concerned. Genuinely. It made you feel all the more stupid that you fell for it and the next thing just blurted out of you. “He told me.. about you..” He squints a bit, his smile is gone now. 

“..You fucking around with me.. and telling everyone about the barrel thing..” You wanna cry. You don’t need to pee anymore. “..I mean, I guess I deserve it.” No. You don’t. You’re not the filthy pirate. He was. You step back and away from him.

“Rat-“ He speaks up but he seemed to be unsure of what to say, shifting his whole, massive body around to try and come up with something on the spot. You’re a coward. You can’t even tell him your actual opinion because in the end you were nothing but a prisoner. 

This henchman title was just to mess with you further. “What did you expect?” His words are just, they just hurt you more and you wanna cry. Harder. “But-“ He stepped closer and showed his palms. His hands turned upwards.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been getting along with the other guys! Wire actually talks to you out loud and Sam? He keeps fixing you.” He seemed depressingly chipper again. Even Haiku brought you breakfast once. Oliver actually bought you a bunch of, errr, sponges? Because he trashed your last one.” 

You stare up at him with narrowed eyes and he almost froze. “You’re doing that to mess with me-“ The relaxation bled out of Heat as his body tensed. “You’re doing this so I feel safer around you- so that when you kill me it’ll hurt more-“ Forget trying to keep your opinion in. It was impossible. 

His expression just made you feel like it proved you right. It was an almost crossed face, as if he’d been wronged. His eyes narrowed and his mouth pulled into a frown. “You’re being paranoid because you think you’re among enemies.” The man grit out between clenched teeth. You could see the veins of his neck bulge a little as if he was holding something back.

Like mauling you. It calmed you down relatively fast and you shrink in yourself, your anger disappearing into nothing but blank horror. It put you back in your place being faced with this sheer, raw mass of power that could easily dismantle you. 

“I- I’m sorry-“ Just keep your head down and go back to your room- Nope. Heat had bridged the distance and grabbed you by your shoulders again, getting right in your face. Having to bend down for it. He smelled like gasoline and copper. He’s gonna fucking kill you- Lose his patience- 

“You’re fine.” 

It takes you a bit to blink and open your mouth but he continued to talk. “You’re freaked out. That’s fine. Here’s the thing-“ He got even closer, you could see yourself in his eyes. They looked so dead it was morbid. 

“No one cares.” He lets go and stood back up again to give you a deadpan look. “No one gives a single shit.. about the fucking barrel. Alright? That shit came out.. what.. two weeks after? Maybe a week. Killer is really fucking sharp.” You blink again.

He goes on. “You saving yourself out of self preservation is no surprise to anyone. It doesn’t matter. It saved me too. That’s all that mattered.” He shrugged his shoulders into a more relaxed stance and huffed. “Killer was probably trying to make you nervous. He doesn’t like you.” 

He glances to the side and shrugged again. “And Kidd? He’s always up for a show. He probably assumed you’d be dead by now and instead you built this weird thing so now he’s on the fence about whether it was a mistake or not to give you the chance since you’re proving to be actually useful.” 

His gaze locked back onto you. “And let’s assume I did it to fuck with you, stop taking it so personally. Crueler pranks have been played by the crewmates to crewmates. Literally one time Haiku tied Wire to the mast on deck.” 

He makes a face. “Then he dumped fish guts over the guy and watched him scream the heavens down when seagulls began mistaking the guy for food. Have you ever seen a food frenzy between those things? They’re vicious.” 

This was.. was he lying to you? Tricking you again? Whatever it was.. it calmed you down. The turmoil you’d been feeling was slowly going numb. Until it was just.. gone. And you two are standing in front of each other. Staring. 

A moment. Two. Heat puts a hand on your shoulder again. “..How about you go do your business, then you come to hang out with me? I’ll be in my quarters-“ “Why..?” You.. don’t understand him at all. “Why?” His turn to blink like an idiot.

“I.. I don’t get why you’re so patient with me-“ He groans. “Fuck- Why do people do anything? I don’t know! I just got used to you. Go piss, then come to my room. Warning, Wire might be there too. The guy was tired as hell when we got back.” He finally,  _ finally  _ let’s you go to sidestep around you and give you a shove.

You stumble and begin to walk on automatic without turning around again. You can hear him walk away behind you, his heavy steps going out of earshot. You’re still. That had gone so fast. The last few days this bugged you so hard and he just.. pulled it right out of the pond. 

You.. felt so much better. But on the other hand, he was still.. nice to you. Suddenly you’re extremely happy you didn’t fly off the handle completely to shit on him about the marine base thing. You still don’t know how to act around Gate with that.

Maybe you should pretend it didn’t matter to you.. How could you though..? The Heat situation had just proven how much you sucked at controlling yourself. It was.. god damn it… You have no control of yourself. Not like they had self control over themselves. 

Whatever the hell was going to happen next was completely beyond you. But it felt like you had no actual choice in the matter. If you didn’t show up, something told you that the other would come and just grab you up to drag you to his room.

So, after getting done with the pleasantries with Toilet-san, you wobble back to the room that you had spent quite a long while in. Damn it.. you didn’t know what to do now- what to  _ feel  _ now! You had been.. so upset about this but Heat just up and uprooted your way of viewing the situation.

Saying it was no big deal. Said there had been worse things done to them by friends- The seagull prank did sound really intense.. He just swallowed all your anger. Left is.. nothing. Now you felt dumb for having been upset in the first place when really, you were justified in it. 

You should be angry at them all for keeping you prisoner. Instead slowly you were morphing into a weird state of acceptance. You didn’t know what caused it. Maybe Heat, maybe the book club.. You had some sort of backup now.. remotely. Sure, Bruno, Zachary and Clip were cowards that would not risk themselves over you, but that was fine. You didn’t expect that from them. You didn’t know if you could sacrifice yourself for yourself if you were someone else either-

You can already see the door, it was slightly open- open? Someone was opening it and walking out of it. Your blood runs cold and you stop walking at a familiar red in your vision. Eustass ducked out of the room, saying something over his shoulder and only noticing you seconds after.

You’re not fooled, he knew you were out here. With his observation Haki that was like playing games to him. You feel sick and just.. step against the wall, assuming he would want to go past you. 

He doesn’t. He narrowed his eyes. “There you are..” Oh god- He’s coming closer. His coat and his body in general filled out the whole space without you being able to look past him. “..Good.. day..?” You refuse. REFUSE. To call this guy captain.

He had you cornered at every other topic. This was something you were unwilling to cooperate on. Today he doesn’t bug you with it, instead he grabbed you by your shoulder, turned you and gave you a rough shove into the opposite direction. You almost squeak.

“Boss?” Heat’s voice came from somewhere behind you. “Later.” The redhead just answered back and continued to herde you away from safety like you were a sheep. You do as you’re gestured to. What other choice did you have?

It’s a painful kind of journey where you had to guess where you were going, because if you guess wrong you got a rough, unfriendly hand shove into the small of your back, unfortunately close to your butt. 

The man could easily reach your shoulders, probably more easy than whatever the hell he was doing right now. Maybe he was trying to unnerve you. 

You reached the deck. “C-Can I-“ “Shut your mouth.” Oh god. Had he lied? Was he going to kill you regardless of whether Teddy worked or not? Out of the corner of your eyes you spot Sam sitting at a barrel with Gate and two henchmen. 

So they really were all back.. It doesn’t give you any comfort. Eustass had decided you were too slow and grabbed you by the rough of your neck to drag you. You can’t breath with his fingers easily going all around your throat and crushing onto your windpipe. “Hrhrk-“ Your legs stumble and try to stay up but before you knew it you were being hauled like a sack of food.

Like this you could see them still, by now both Gate and Sam were looking after you and their captain. Gate with an uncaring, yet almost empathetic expression and Sam visibly worried. 

Neither of them gets up to help. Of course not- Shit. Fucking shit- You’re dragged over the deck all the way to the captains cabin, where he opened the door and just threw you inside, for you to hit the ground and kiss it. 

It hurts. 

“Stop being dramatic, I barely touched you.” The man’s voice came from somewhere as he closed the door behind himself. You’re still trying to breathe correctly after he just crushed your throat so elegantly. 

Surprisingly he doesn’t kick you in the back as he closed the door behind himself and walked past you to his desk. “You shoved her pretty harshly.” A familiar voice, you blink up with teared up eyes and stare at.. Killer? The man was lounging in the corner of the room, on the bed. A book in his hands and his shoes off. 

What the hell?? “Do I look like I care- Get the hell up already!” He interrupts himself middle sentence to bark at you, forcing you into action and stumble to your feet. Killer wasn’t even wearing his shoes. His. Shoes. Possibly he can’t be willing to witness a murder with his socks on- 

God you could imagine he would- “You could have just sent someone to get her instead of wrangling her throat.” Kidd snarled at the blonde and grabbed a hardcover book from his desk to chuck it at his friend, who caught it without even looking up. 

“Shut your fucking mouth! If you want to be a nitpicking peanut gallery get the fuck out!” What the hell is this? Why were you here to witness this? “Throw me out then.” This level of.. familiarity- “Don’t think I won’t.” Eustass scoffed, seemingly calming down actually before turning to you. 

Killer doesn’t reply, apparently now you’re the victim of their attention as the redhead leaned back against his desk and grabbed something, a piece of paper. “Nevermind..” His voice tapered down until he was talking in a normal volume. “Pay attention, Rat. I’m not saying this twice.” You nod. 

The man was staring at the piece of paper in his hand, his mouth pulled into a tight frown. “The filtration thing was a success.” Yeah.. You don’t reply audibly to that. His golden orbs lift from the paper to your face. Scanning it visibly. It takes everything within you to not hide from the sharp gaze. 

“Your duty roster changes with that. You’re still in charge of the cleaning and laundry duty since it’s only fitting for a woman-“ Killer pipes up. “And since you’ve been doing better than the other guys in that area.” “Fucking. Shut up.” Kidd glanced over. “I’m talking.” There’s not much bite in the redheads words as he chucked another book at Killer, that the blonde caught effortlessly. 

He doesn’t say anything again though. Eustass glanced back to you to lean a bit back. “Killer is going to give you a bunch of guys to help with these, that roster changes once a week, so don’t grow attached.” You’re not getting killed. You got that much at the very least. 

“That aside, your main duty from this point on is the maintenance of the unit you build. If it breaks, I take your head. Got that?” You feel.. not as cold as you should at the threat. You just nod meekly and continue to make eye contact to the best of your abilities. Eustass watches you for a bit before checking over the paper again. 

“Out loud, rat.” Nh.. You open your mouth but your throat felt dry. “I.. got that..” Damn it, you swallow repeatedly after. Neither of the men mentions how hoarse you sound. “Great. Good to know you’re not deaf yet with the way you keep getting beaten.” It’s a low blow and you tense your body, feeling the weights on your limbs but merely because they grew tighter with you flexing your muscles. 

Not that there was too much too flex. In comparison to these two you were nothing but a beanpole in the wind. “Next thing then, which is mainly what I’m fucking bothered by.” Color you surprised. He could be bothered?

Eustass turns the page around, making you look down at it. 

Staring at your own face. 

For a moment you don’t really get what this is and why he has a picture of you.. after that moment you still didn’t get it and you look up at him with furrowed brows. “..A.. photo.. of me?” Please don’t let him say he’s doing weird shit with that photo-

“We found this at the marine base we cracked open like a coconut.” He deadpanned at you. His eyes cold and calculating, his voice calm. You think that’s what made your blood go cold. He wasn’t yelling at you. You look back at the picture.

You were staring into the lens, stressed and with wide, confused, teary eyes. Dirty, filthy with not just grime. Dried blood was still on your face and you looked .. sickly. You had been eating a lot more lately but it was tough gathering any fat when you were constantly fighting death. 

Gate’s silhouette was standing beside you, but only a part of his arm was visible. You recognize when this was then. Your eyes widen a little. “..The guy I shot.. He..” The flash. There had been a flash that took both your and Gate’s vision for a second before you had to book it. 

“Took a picture of you.” Eustass ended your thought audibly and stared continuously at you, seemingly soaking in your reaction. “.. Gate already told me that this happened by accident. Doesn’t change the fact that you shoulda paid more fucking attention.” He closes his fist. Crumbling the paper in his hand. You wince. 

“Listen extremely closely.” You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes again. “If your friends turn up here looking for you.. at my ass.. and you pull a 180 degrees to fuck me over.” Now he was getting even quieter, leaning his massive body until he was basically looming over you.

“..I’ll make you watch me torture them to death.. And then I’ll kill you the exact same way.” He shoved the paper at your chest, you grab it out of instinct before it can hit the ground and you swallow thickly. 

Eustass continues talking. “They stand no chance against me. None. Nada. If they dare come into my line of sight I will fucking kill them so badly not even the reaper will ever find their worthless souls.” He’s finally getting louder again. “So don’t try anything. Don’t even think of trying anything!” He has you cornered. 

“..If..” He stops and blinks at you speaking, seemingly it surprised him. “.. It doesn’t really.. matter, whether I listen or not, right..? You’re gonna.. kill them regardless..” There was an odd sense of.. hope? Why.. Why now. “Right..?” 

Killer gave a weird wheezing noise from the bed he sat on but said nothing, he just flipped the page of the book he was reading. Eustass stared at you and his eyes widen a little as if he was contemplating something. “If they come after us I will kill them. But I’m leaving up to you how they die.” No pressure then.

“They can either go relatively painlessly.. or I’m going to make them regret ever having met your scrawny ass.” They would regret having met you regardless of whether it hurt to die or not. You’re sure. “Listen, Rat..” Eustass narrowed his eyes and stood straight again. 

“You gave me and my men clean water. Whether I want to or not, that’s high value.” He made a vague hand gesture before pointing at you again. “So as long as you do as you’re told and don’t screw with me, I’m allowing you to remain under my leadership. Dressed like an actual person and not like a bridge troll.” You tense a bit more. 

He continues. “You belong to me. Your life is in my fucking hands- no, it’s right underneath my fucking heel!” He snapped and craned his head a bit back to look down at you like you were a helpless animal. You bet he’s getting off on this. He’s probably going to jerk off to this memory later when he was alone. Maybe he’d let Killer do it-

Your petty thoughts are interrupted with him waving you off. “Do your job and you’re going to live.” For now. He doesn’t need to say it out loud for you to hear it. “Killer will talk to you at a later date so if you have any shitty questions, hold them until then. I can’t look at your mug any longer than this-“ He turned around and walked to his desk.

You glance at Killer. He gave you a hand motion towards the door. Alright. You turn around and open it. “And Rat?” You stop, already in the doorway. “..Yes?” You glance over your shoulder. Eustass wasn’t looking at you. 

“Don’t get comfortable.” The door wobbled, vibrated. 

Then it slammed shut and pushed you out, making you almost fall over the railing onto the main deck. You wince and hold onto the wood, staring blankly at the people below you. Ungrateful bitch. But.. you felt fine. Now that you were out of there.

So.. they got a picture of you..? Despite the knowledge that people now knew you were alive.. you can’t bring yourself to hope. Maybe a little but not by much. It had been so long. What would they do now? What would you do now..?

You rub your wrists and stare around with an empty, blank feeling. You should be ecstatic, rescue might be in sight! But it was hard getting excited about anything these days. This wasn’t any different. By now you were so used to this hell it seemed unrealistic to imagine your life to be anything else. 

You needed to get clean. Maybe if you asked nicely, Heat would stand watch for you. 


	28. A whole ass week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey from Goshikai to Hass’eiraka is intense to say the least.
> 
> But worth while.

Once again, you were back on the ocean. Hass’eiraka set as the next destination. The Victoria Punk had left the harbor early in the morning, you already awake since you learned that cleaning was easier when people weren’t constantly stepping over your work. 

Like Eustass said, you weren’t the sole member of the cleaning team now. Killer had changed the roster and once again, people would have to switch their duties once a week. It was nice, having backup. Not that they were helping that early. 

You’re just happy that wiping the whole deck on your own is no longer a thing. It was like you were the captain of hygiene. You told them what to clean and what to do with the laundry. Speaking of laundry, everyone washed their own apparently. 

You were still in charge of the laundry situation though, seeing how people couldn’t just wash their sweaty clothes whenever they felt like it. So, during the week people could come to you to see when a spot was free.

Everyday in the morning from 6 AM to 8 AM four people could wash their clothes on the back of the ship and hang them there. Just four people as the clothes of four people were taking up enough space at it was and understandably, Eustass didn’t want to have the whole deck full of drying clothes. 

Regardless.. Now it was 1 pm at the moment and you got done with your daily checkup of Teddy. You decided you’d do it daily. To.. To be sure. You rub some oil from your wrist and make a face at the machine. It was huffing and puffing like it should. Working hard to keep up with the demand of fresh, clean water. 

You pet over the hull and then proceed to hug the device, letting the warmth seep into your skin as you stay like this for a bit.. Mhh.. You’re really happy with this project and seeing how it was such a success, you wondered what else you could create. 

“You want me to give you two space?” You glance over your shoulder to give Wire a look. The man was crouching a little to not hit his head, giving you an amused expression. “There’s not enough space in this world to fully support my love for this guy.” Righteously so. Teddy was the only thing standing between you and an early grave. 

The man grunted as he shuffled closer until he was looming over you to give a look over Teddy. “Can’t believe that thing’s actually working.” He muttered and put his hand on the hull, right next to yours. “Honest, you guys bet on whether or not I’d be dead after this.” 

You glance up at him and watch his reaction. The man huffed a breath out of his nose. “Obviously but come on, it went well. You’re making progress.” He’s moving away again and rubbing his back. “This space is too small, I’m out of here before I compress like a fruit.” You look after him.

“What kind of fruit compresses?” He snorts. “Beats me, I’m not finding out though.” Pff.. idiot. But, he left you alone with Teddy. So now you’re here in solitude. Left behind with your device. 

You find the internal change again, knowing that they bet on your success or failure made you not as upset as it would have in the past. You really were changing.. whether for better or worse yet to see. 

You go back to cleaning up Teddy to the best of your ability, making sure to take your time and not burn yourself by accident in the process. Time passes like this. Sometimes people pop their head in to check Teddy out, seeing how they were all extremely curious, but mostly you’re left alone.

It made you think a lot. Especially about Hass’eiraka. You would take a week to get there. The wildlife as well as the plant life made you question the judgement call that Eustass was making. Then again, as long as you could remain on the ship and not have to battle it out with that environment, you were fine. 

* * *

Five days until Hass’eiraka. You’re sitting on a barrel, watching Wire sign at Haiku with so much speed and dynamic it was hard to figure out what he was trying to convey. It was almost cute that the tall guy began to sign if he was riled up enough. 

Gate was leaning next to you, against the railing, watching the argument unfold like he was reading the newspapers. You, in your ultimate wisdom, had decided to not forgive him for what he had done. You had planned to give him the silent treatment. 

That held thirty minutes before he caught on crushed the prospect under his boot. Remind you that he wouldn’t have had to do shit if not for you stealing the Heat Dial right in front of the marines. 

Suddenly the fault was not shared anymore, suddenly it was just yours. 

You were the sole reason these people had to die. Because you hadn’t thought about the consequences like you should have had. The revelation had.. fucked you up even further but surprisingly, three to four hours later, you felt better already.

Gate has been showing you how to do card tricks, which distracted you a little and then at some point Wire and Haiku decided to join, chattering about prostitutes and.. giving you two way too much information.. again. All the way back to the poker game. 

It escalated from there. If you didn’t know any better you’d assume they were legit demons. Devils. Tiny spawns of satan. Their sexual preferences bordered on.. horrific things that made you feel queasy. 

It was like drinking acid. Straight out of whatever tube it was kept in. And then downing it with sleeping pills and catching an overdose on top of that. “Can you-“ Gate’s speaking up, his voice having hit a vocal so deep it made you question whether it existed or not. 

“Can you to stop being this fucking.. disgusting.. right in front of us?” He looked a bit pale at what Haiku had been saying just a second ago. Both men look offended over at the shorter guy. You try not to gag. “Not our fault you have no taste-“ 

“This has nothing to do with taste.” You quip in. “This is about morals.” Gate nods. “Roughly.” Wire rolls his eyes and waves you off. Clicking his tongue and beginning to sign again but you pointedly look away. You don’t wanna hear his horror stories from his sex escapades. 

He clicks one time more before he snarled at you, slapping the barrel you were sitting on, his huge hand right between your legs and not quite touching you but way too close- you kick out and get his arm. 

“Fucking- Ouch! When did you develop any form of muscle mass?” He snapped, rubbing his arm, his hand now pulled back and you giving him a surprised look. That hurt? Oh wow. “That’s because of the weights I make her wear.” 

And there goes Gate, basically gloating. “Psh. Barely feel ‘em anymore.” You immediately gloat back at him, at which he cocked his head to the side. “Really? You grow fast.” Haiku leaned over to grab a handful of your calf, where one of the weights was strapped around your leg. 

“Can’t feel shit with that thing- ouch! God damn it!” He gets kicked just like Wire had gotten kicked. “Can you guys respect my freaking personal space?!” You pull a leg up onto the barrel, sitting on it a bit curled up now. 

“Who says ‘freaking’? Just say fuck.” Is what you get from Haiku. Great. Topic of horror porn changed to you not cursing like a sailor. “Frick you.” You deadpan at him. 

It was scary how comfortable you could get around them if they just talked to you long enough. 

Scarier that you weren’t this comfortable with the normal henchmen, excluding the book club trio. Sure, they were nice to you now but.. dunno. You had better footing with the actual crew. 

Maybe because you spent so much time with them, sleeping in their room, scamming people out of their money… committing mass murder.. You wince. “Frick? Frick me?” Haiku blanched. 

Then he began audibly gagging and coughing in an overly dramatic fashion that made you pull a grimace. Gate put a hand over his face and Wire just stared at you. He lifted his hands and signed when you looked back. 

‘This is offending me on a personal level, stop it.’ Euuurhg.. “Use your words.” He narrowed his eyes at you. “I don’t remember you being this sassy.” You cross your legs. Think on it. There is no good answer. “I think I’m getting used to the chance of dying at any given moment..” 

That oughta be a mood killer. Gate glanced at you from between his fingers, Wire made a face and Haiku stopped his hacking to look up at you. “Do you feel better like that?” The man pushed his black glasses up his nose. You think again. 

“I guess? I still don’t wanna die but like..” You motion vaguely. “I’m getting used to the constant worry of maybe doing so.” Gate shrugged from where he was standing and gave you a look. “Right until you’re about to die again.” Wire snorts. “Then you’ll turn back into a chicken.” 

You know they’re right. So you don’t say anything to rebuff them. 

* * *

Three days until the Victoria Punk reaches Hass’eiraka. 

You’re not thinking about that right now. You’re.. where are you? You didn’t know how this came to pass. It’s morning. You’re laying on your back on deck, right next to Zachary, Bruno and Clip. The four of you had finished your chores early on and now had free time until dinner.

So now, with that free time, you’re cloud watching. You could be more productive but your limbs are in agony. Why? Because Gate decided to up the weight once he found out you had no issues with the old ones now. Fucking prick.

Apparently you were up to fifty pounds. Fifty. Pounds. That was a teenager, a small adult. You were… how much did you weigh? You didn’t weigh yourself in a while so.. But damn it. Apparently it wasn’t even that much!

Zachary was able to lift up to 300 pounds for like, half a minute.. Bruno could do somewhere in the 200 and Clip’s limit was already reached with 100 and a bit above. You? You had to start from scratch and seeing how you were supposed to bulk up fast the idea was for you to constantly be training. 

Which meant.. weights. Apparently the ones you wore before were just 25 pounds. Just. ‘Just’. They could suck eggs. Regardless. The plan was to double the weight everytime it went up.. which meant that once you were used to these weights.. Gate would force you to try and lift 100 pounds. 

Heat told you he’d help you with that. You don’t feel any better regardless. 100 pounds was too much. For you. Clip didn’t think you could do it either but maybe that was his ego speaking. He probably did not want to be the weakest of the group. 

Understandable. 

“Dat one looks like a dump.” Speaking of Clip, his imagination wasn’t all that great. Bruno murred. “Yeah? Looks like a cloud to me.” But it shined right next to Bruno’s. “I think it looks like me.” While Zach’s imagination was so far out of this world it was unparalleled. 

“..I think it looks like a bucket.” 

“A bucket full’o’a dump.” 

“No.” 

Clip cackles and you make a face. Bruno just slapped the guy and frowned. “This isn’t fun.” Zach raised an eyebrow. “That’s because you’re not doing it right.” 

“I find myself incapable of playing a child's game!” You sit up a little. “It’s not a child’s game only, training your imagination helps your creativity which can help your problem solving skills.” You learned that with the marines. 

“ ‘I find maself incapable’. Why ya never soundin’ so smart when we need it, Bruns.” Clip complained but also sat up now. Bruno just slaps the guy again, only to get a fist right in his gut. 

The flapping of wings has you four look up to see one of those post seagulls flap around, dropping a rolled up papers that were caught out of the air by none other than Killer, who had been standing below the drop zone. 

Man, you wished you could be this smooth. Shame you would never be able to be that. Highly unlikely, especially with these fucking weights. “Well, why don’t we work out? That’s fun!” Bruno exclaimed, his attention already off Killer who was now looking at the newspapers. 

“I’m not working out with these things on my limbs.” You deadpan, looking over to the left, where Bruno was making wild gestures. “Come on, come on! Gate won’t let you off until you can move around again anyway!” Clip snickered. “He do be havin’ a point, gal.” He does have a point. Do you have to like it? Nope- 

“Rat!” 

You wince and now Zach sat up to peer past you with a wince. “..Good luck.” Not a good sign. You turn around to see Killer standing there still, by now Heat was also there, reading over Killer’s shoulder. 

At least some backup. “..Mh..” You give the three a quick wave and get up to limp over there. Killer cocked his head at your appearance. “Did you injure yourself?” You’re surprised he cared. “No.. Erhm.. I’m wearing training weights.” 

“Good. I don’t want to waste too many medical supplies before we hit land.” Oh. Of course. That made more sense. “Uhh.. right. Yeah.. What can I help with?” Heat was like a parrot. His chin resting on Killer’s left shoulder as he scanned the papers. 

“Found this in the newspapers.” He hands a brown piece of paper over. You raise an eyebrow. Heat looks up and quirks the space where his eyebrows would be. “Congratulations.” 

Eh? You turn the paper around and blink at the picture of you. It was the one where Gate’s arm was visible. The one taken back on Goshikai. 

‘Wanted. Dead or Alive. Rat. 180 Beli.’ 

You don’t catch on. Heat does before you, yelling out and snatching it out of your hand, accidently tugging on Killer’s hair, which made the man grunt and dodge the man. “Screw you! What?! Ppfft-“ He breaks into full belly laughter.

You.. you stare helplessly at Killer. Reality slowly sunk into you. No rescue. You’ve been declared a pirate. You were.. a pirate now. Officially a pirate- Killer is looking at you, the newspapers still in his hands. 

Heat is losing his mind in the background, jogging away to somewhere with the wanted poster. Who cared. You don’t know what to say. Killer was still looking down at you. What was this..? Sure, you were not hoping for rescue at this point but for them to go ahead, proclaiming you a pirate.. 

You’ve been betrayed. Just like that, the duty you had done meant nothing, the sacrifice, the suffering. Just like that it had been brushed under a rug and you’ve been turned into the enemy like you were nothing but a.. rat. 

“I told you.” Killer’s voice was calm, borderline uncaring but somewhere, maybe you were imagining it but somewhere in there, there might be a hint of sympathy. “There is no escape from any of this for you.” He closed the newspapers and rolled them up, putting them under his arm. 

You have no words. Somehow, even though it shouldn’t at all, these words gave you a faint sense of comfort. Like he was laying your situation out for you to understand it easier. “I can see why they would make a martyr out of you, seeing how that would be easier than admitting to the world they let a navy officer get kept hostage for so long.” 

Especially someone as low ranked as you. If something like that turned up, .. yeah, you could see how that would cause problems. You don’t feel much better.. slightly.. but not much. You droop your head.

“..May I go.. I dunno.. To sleep?” You doubt it. “No.” Of course not. The man was shifting again and regarding you. “Just don’t focus too much on this.” 

“..Yeah..” You feel like a gulp of water. Suddenly you’re grabbed and turned around. Sam is grinning at you, the guy’s grin almost splitting his face in half. Ah hell- 

Some more people had caught on too, Henchmen and Cremembers alike. Not all of them came to congratulate you but some to heckle you for your bounty just being at 180 beli but frankly, you were glad it was that low. Maybe a small mercy from headquarters. 

No. No small mercies. Dead or Alive. They really didn’t care about a single secretary. You manage not to cry while the people around you were celebrating or mocking your ‘victory’. Killer left without you having noticed it. You don’t care. 

It’s evening when you have the next moment for yourself. When you’re finally left alone, sitting at the railing.. surprisingly it’s Gate who comes to you. He hadn’t been there when you had been swarmed by the others. 

Now he was sitting down next to you and just put a hand on your shoulder. You knew what this was. He was going to go on a lecture on how he told you so. How he told you the marines were a pile of corrupted shit-

“You doing okey?” You blink at him. He looks calmly back at you. Hnf.. “Don’t cry.” Yet your eyes are stinging. You swallow and wipe over your eyes. “Yeah.” You reply. “I just.. wanted things to be different.” Gate huffed in an almost amused manner, bumping you. 

“..See the positive things in life.” You frown. “Like which?” The man smirked dryly. “Starting tomorrow, on top of your weights, I’m gonna help you work out actively.” 

You stare at him. “Like hell you are.” His laughter was so deep it felt like it went right through your rib cage. 

* * *

One day until you guys reached your next destination. It’s mid day and you’re sweating balls. 

Because Gate was sitting on top of you, expecting you to do push ups like this while wearing the weights. It’s impossible- You’re struggling while the asshole is drinking a bottle of rum on top of you. “Get-“ You can’t properly breathe. “Off!”

“Try harder then.” He stated dryly, glancing down at you. Wire snorted from where he was watching. Heat was sitting right next to the taller man, leaned against his buddy and scribbling something down. Out of the corner of your eyes you can see Bruno and Clip throwing worried looks over.

Yeah, if one didn’t have context to this situation it might as well just looked like they were bullying you for no reason. “Hhrfk-“ Gate shifted his weight and your eyes widened, your muscles bulging slightly under the pressure but you still felt like a stick in comparison to them. Scrambling desperately to get out from under his heavy ass.

“Yeah, Rat, come on.” Wire piped up. “Get him off.” Gate perks up and narrowed his eyes at the tall man, grinning in a well ill mannered way. “Don’t be disgusting.” Gate replied and you just wheeze in agreement, unable to get enough air into you to reply properly. 

Damn Wire and his sexual innuendos. 

“What’s this gonna be once it’s done?” The voice came from behind you, you can not turn your head but you recognize it. Gritting your teeth and trying to struggle harder. The confusion in Eustass’s voice made this almost funny.

If not for the fact you were defenseless, buried underneath Gate’s ass like you were a chair. “Hhfrk!” Nope. No audible words. Just.. choking and wheezing. What the fuck were these men expecting of you. “Training.” Gate deadpanned. Taking another swig of his bottle.

“This is training? Enlighten me.” The man was walking to the side. You can see the edge of his boot if you struggle hard enough. “She needs to do push ups.” Heat cut in, now sitting up and stopping his scribbling. “..And how is that working out for her?”

The sheer.. cruel glee in his voice.. you’re suffocating down here not just because of Gate now, but also because of shame. Shame and anger. He can suck a fucking egg. Prick. 

“I mean, she’s persistent. It’s a start. You wanna try?” You hate Gate too. Fuck him. You make a shrill, wheezed noise from beneath the man to try and make clear that, no, you did not want this man on top of you. 

“Pffsch, get up then.” Of course he wouldn’t pass by a chance to humiliate you. Gate’s weight is off of you and while you want to breathe, you prioritize getting away, trying to scramble out of reach only for a hand to grab your ankle, tug you back and then an even heavier weight pressing all of your air out of you.

The little bit you had left.

This? This was agony. Your bones were protesting. There was no chance what to ever you could even struggle now, your fingers twitching as you desperately tried to take the weight off your torso.

“Pretty sure your mechanical arm is too heavy for her still. Maybe detach it for now.” Eustass snorted on top of you, but surprisingly with a crunching noise you heard the sound of heavy metal settling on wood.

Suddenly you can wheeze again. But god. Damn. Even his ass felt like it was made out of metal. That man was muscle incarnate- why are you thinking about his ass right now? He’s crushing you!

“Come on, Rat.” Eustass wasn’t speaking but Wire was cheering you on. “You can do it!” No, no you can’t. You groan weakly and slap your palms onto the deck of the ship to renew your efforts of struggling. If you didn’t, they’d just prod and poke you until you did.

By now Zachary had found Bruno and Clip and all three were sitting near the back, seemingly playing cards but you can see their expressions. They weren’t comfortable with you in this position. 

Stop sitting over there like a bunch of retards and help! You try to gesture. Only Clip seems to catch onto your desperate expression and pulled his mouth into a tight line. Not much happens for a bit while the four men bullying you are joking at each other.

“Eyo, roll call!” Your head jerks around. Clip was waving his arm. “We playin’ cards. Anyone wanna join?” Yes. Please. This was the first time someone tried to intervene in this shit and you’re eternally grateful for them even trying. 

“Mhh.. I can go for a round.” Gate murred from where he was standing. Wire perked his head up and tilted it at the trio, clicking his tongue which signalized he was signing something.

Thanks to your odd angle you can’t look though but before you knew it, Wire was dragging Heat by his hair after himself. Gate and two henchies coming to join as well. Plan failed. Hardcore. 

Because suddenly you’re left with Eustass who didn’t even bother to get up from you. Instead he shifted his body until he could watch his buddies screw off and abandon him. Gate glanced over his shoulder and made a hand gesture to follow.

Eustass doesn’t audibly reply but you’re gonna assume he made a hand gesture back because Gate shrugged and joined the others. Clip gave you a helpless look. At least he tried.. 

“Come on, Rat.” You grunt as he shifted his weight again and ground you against the hard deck, you squeeze your eyes shut and pant out weakly. “I bet if you try hard enough you might learn how to breathe like this.” He’s cooing at you like you’re a dog. Fucking jerkwad. 

“Eughk-“ Yeah, no words. Just desperate attempts to get a lungful of air. Clawing weakly at the wood beneath your fingers but it gets you nowhere. This wasn’t even training, you recall. This whole sitting on you thing began because Heat said he could lift everyone on board. 

The actual training had been going on for like, four hours before this happened. So already you had been really pooped and out of stamina. Now this shit. No wonder you weren’t getting anywhere. 

There’s a hand on your hand, ruffling your strands and messing it up. You want to bite his fingers off as he cackled above you. “Good reminder of where your place is though, aint it?” He chimed like he was having such a great time. 

You groan and out of desperation flail as much as you can, slapping against his leg weakly by accident. You freeze and are about to accept death when Eustass just shifted again and snorted. “Good try, Rat. Maybe if you stopped being so pathetic I might even feel it next time.” 

You’re remaining under him while he’s mocking you for the next hour until Killer finally had enough and told the man to help him with the fucking navigation before Eustass bitched again about the blonde doing it without him.

When he finally gets off you’re so sore that you just stay on the wooden floor, abandoned easily enough until the book club trio gathered the courage to drag you off deck and to the henchie quarters to help you curl up in your sleeping hammock. They even help you out of your weights. And despite this whole experience having been shit, it was nice realizing that you had indeed.. made friends. 

* * *

Today was the day you were supposed to reach Hass’eiraka. You’re excited but unable to hop around as much as you wanted to. Mainly because right now Heat had decided to include you in his training routine. He had one for agility, seeing how he fought with two sabers. 

It wasn’t strength but the fact that he wanted you to be fast was killing you. Sam was sitting at the sidelines and munching a peach. “Come on, he said he was sorry.” The doctor supplied while you continued to give Heat the cold shoulder unless he was giving you instructions.

“I want for you to accept an apology that easily after spending hours under someone’s ass while the guy who’s apologizing to you sat right next to you.” You complain, following Heat’s motion to try and stretch down to your toes. You can’t.

You’re as agile and flexible as a person that hadn’t been doing much sport their whole life. It was painfully obvious that you were out of shape. “What would I have to say for you to forgive me then?” You refuse to answer Heat, who made a rainy face at you. “Or do?” Pffshh.. you narrow your eyes.

“Lay down on your stomach and let me sit on you.” You deadpan almost immediately, Heat perked up and flushed. Your eyebrows go up at the sight of him going red from his ears, all the way down to his neck. Wow that was cute. 

Almost made you forgive him just like that- But nope. You remain steely. “Seriously? Any other guy on this ship will take that as a reward, they’re all horny and desperate after a week without any female interactions.” Sam piped in. 

You make a face at him, then at Heat. The man flushed even further and waved his hands frantically around in front of his chest. “Hey hey- No! Don’t lump me in that corner! I am not a pervert-“ “Of course he is.” Sam interjects again, laughing at his friend's misery. 

“Shut up. You could stand to work out with us you know.” Heat switched the topic and you’re surprised that it was even suggested. “I’m not a fighter.” Sam is eating another peach already. One day you’ll get past that secret.. Unravel that mystery. 

“You could stand knowing how to dodge a bullet.” The man just popped the rest of the peach into his mouth. “Don’t need to! I’m never involved in the fighting anyway!” You stretch to the side and groan. “Why not?” 

Heat decides this is the moment to grab your left wrist and ankle and stretch you further, making you grit your teeth and squeak out in stress. “Bear with it.” He mumbles in a somewhat soothing manner as Sam answered your question. 

“I’m the only doctor on board. Killer doesn’t want me biting it so I get to stay in the limelight!” Hhrrffk- “Enough! It hurts! Ouch!” “Bear with it.” Heat’s not letting go and you need to find a way to distract from the pain. “Hrrhhf- How is your bounty so high then?!” 

Right. His nickname was ‘Dr.’ and his bounty was at a 50 million beli. That was a lot for a guy who didn’t fight at the frontlines. Or a guy that didn’t fight at all apparently. “What can I say? I’m really good at my job. Just ask your bones!” The man cackled gleefully as another twist from Heat had you shriek in dismay. Yeah. Pain. 

True though, the guy did bring you back from the dead or whatever.. Maybe he shouldn’t have but he did and you’re rolling with it. 

Suddenly Heat let’s you go and like a gummy person you snap into the other direction, toppling onto the ground and groaning, holding your sides. “What the hell?!” You complain but the man was peering over the railing. 

“I can see land from here.” Heat stated, making Sam twist from where he sat and pull a frown. “Aye.. Is that..?” “Dunno.” You’re still on the floor. But now you’re sitting back up to blink at what they were looking at. 

And wow.. it looked just like in the books. Hass’eiraka. You actually made it this far.. 

Congrats to you.. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I may have rushed this journey but also I was told I should try and write faster or the storyline gets boring so I decided to try it out one time to see what suits me better. 
> 
> I’m unsure so you’ll see the results of this experiment next chapter.


	29. Hass’eiraka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: 
> 
> Character Death  
> Graphic description of injuries and broken limbs
> 
> You have been warned

The island, Hass’eiraka, was a lot smaller than Goshikai had been. That winter island had been big enough for villages to be placed all over it, this island? It was big enough to get lost on but not forever. You could for sure lose your comrades though. For that it was big enough. 

Looking at it, it was difficult to see if there were actually any locals. You remember someone saying there were but now apparently there weren’t? It confused you. Then again, reading about the crazy weather and whatever not.. It would not surprise you if it was empty, whether people ever lived on that stupid thing or not.

Still.. You stared at the island, or hung off it a bit more likely. The weights were killing your limbs off. You couldn’t even properly walk without them without having balance issues. That’s how used you were to them. Gate kept forcing you to move around whenever he saw you lounging around in them too.

God he sucks… Nhh.. you glance up a bit further to analyze the island that was still in quite a distance. The whole thing seemed pretty weird.. seeing how the trees were so massive they went.. high. Extremely high.

At first you thought they were a mountain only to remember the book saying that the trees grew this tall on their own and there were no actual mountains on Hass’eiraka. It’s pretty intense.. You wonder what kind of animals would live all the way up there.

Sure, the book covered some but definitely not all of the creepy crawlers, even if you wished it did. Still, like Zachary had told you that studying the damn thing would be smart in case you had to get on land. Same for the others, you and the book club trio had been learning about the shitty wildlife like crazy- “Nervous?” 

You shriek and flinch downwards, only to glance over your shoulder to spot, think of the devil, Bruno. The man was holding an apple from the storage room but he wasn’t eating it yet, walking to take a spot next to you. 

The man was alright.. he was pretty much an oddball between Clip’s rude smartness and Zachary’s rude strength. Legit, the guy was probably the most balanced guy out from the three. 

“About?” You settle again, now next to the bulldoggish man, who was finally taking a huge bite out of the apple he was holding. “Going on land.” The man quirked a bushy eyebrow and sniffed, shaking his beard out a bit. 

“Do you think they’ll make me..?” “Oh please, the captain clearly has it out for you. He’s definitely sending you into this mess.” You want him to be lying to you but already.. you knew that was not the case. 

Chances of you having to leave the ship to try and survive in these weights were extremely high, especially since the guy sat on you that one time. 

Afterwards you didn’t really have anymore interactions with him aside the one or other uncomfortable encounter of almost running right into him. Seeing how huge he was, he moved as quiet as a fucking feline if he felt like it. Like his blonde asshole of a friend. 

Killer was so hard to read it hurt your soul.. Kidd wasn’t as predictable when he wasn’t threatening to chuck out off board every single day. He now only did it when you two engaged in conversations apparently- 

Except for where he hadn’t done it while suffocating you with his ass made out of metal. 

“Don’t stress so much.” Bruno carefully nudged you with his elbow. “I’ll try to stay in your team so you won’t get eaten by a wolf or something.” You smile weakly. “Pff.. the one on our ship?” The man glanced around with a nervous grin. “Girl, the captain has ears everywhere-“ 

“That means he hears his men jacking off in the henchie room.” The man guffawed. “You hear that too?! I still can’t believe Zachary would be that shameless-“ “Zach?! It was Zach??” You perk up and he just lifted a hand. “Only one of the many, many fucking times we had the pleasure of that.” “Ew.” 

You blergh at it and shake yourself. “I couldn’t do that with over twenty people in the same room as me, gosh darn!” Bruno made a face. “Don’t say that right next to me. You remind me of my daughter.” You stop making faces and blink at him.

“..You have a daughter?” Bruno stalled for a second before huffing out and waving it off, putting his arms crossed over onto the railing to stare at the approaching island. “..Somewhere out there.” ..This was a landmine and you’re unsure whether or not you should ask. 

You do anyway because you’re not as polite as you used to be. “May.. I ask what happened?” The man makes a face and just adjusted his ever present sunglasses. “If I was her I wouldn’t want a deadbeat dad either.. I had to choose between her and my current lifestyle a few years back and just made the wrong decision.” 

This was so human it hurt. “I was young and dumb as shit..” The man rubs over his bald head and sighed, long and deep. “So I made the wrong choice, tried to correct it ever since but she wasn’t having it.” You glance at the water. “..And her mom?”

“Out of the picture.. She.. Ah man, she did not make it past the birth of our girl and.. you know, that woman made me brave like nothing else. Suddenly the concept of raising a kid on my own.. I just fell back into bad habits I got out of previously.” 

You stare blankly ahead, unsure what to think. You had conversations with them, for sure. But this was a lot more intimate. This was like what you and Gate had with each other when you moved to Pinecone Valley. You glance at him now. “What habits?”

It’s a wonder he’s humoring you, his resigned expression was enough to give you a hint that the guy was feeling vulnerable. “You know. Usual shit. Drinking, gambling, loafing around instead of raising my daughter. I was so wasted the barkeep had to keep her for a few days once.” 

Wince. That’s bad. “That’s really bad.” “I know.” Bruno looked over to you, his bushy eyebrows going up. “See, I was never going to be a proper dad and seeing me always made her uncomfortable.” “So you decided to become a pirate?” He paused and turned his face away. 

“I was never all that smart but avoiding my responsibilities is something I’m a natural at. I thought that.. I dunno, kid.. Maybe this trip could make me less of a deadbeat.” It sits with you. You stare ahead. “But now you can never see her again.” 

Bruno shrugged. “Very true.. But you know, I was never anything else but another bad spot in her life resume. Now that I’m gone, she’s completely free from her past demons. Mainly me.” 

“..I don’t think how that works.” You leaned a bit more against the railing, Bruno making a noise next to you to continue. “Well.. sure, you’re gone now.. but.. demons don’t go away just because the cause goes away.” You rub over the thigh of the leg that Eustass broke. 

“She’ll always remember you and what you did to her.. regardless of whether you’re still around or not.. and it will affect her..” You wince. “Likely.. negatively..” Now it was his turn to wince. “Ah shit.. kid..” He rubs over his beard. 

“I know.. Lord knows I do..” His shoulders slump a little and you made a face. You shouldn’t sympathize.. This man had neglected his kid deliberately to cope badly with the death of his.. wife..? Woman..? “Were you married?” Bruno tilted his head a bit to the side. 

“What? Oh. No.. No, we couldn’t really afford anything like a ring or a wedding. We just.. we said we were when people asked.” He huffed. “Illiterate bastard I am and she took me anyway. Found me in the trash behind her shop and got me clean and shit.” 

He made a face. “Once I go to hell and pass her on my way there she’ll kick my ass for failing our brat.” You continue to listen. Or you would but he doesn’t say anything more. “Well.. I mean.. I mauled a guy by now so.. I’ll go to hell too.” He looks up.

“So.. when we inevitably end up down there.. let’s try to sneak some books in.” His eyebrows went higher than they had before and his mouth opened a bit, staring at you before snorting and just shaking his head in a soft manner that you don’t think you’d ever had seen him do. “Pffft.. Hell yeah, kid.” 

The man elbowed you, making you topple off the railing thanks to the weights and he broke into booming laughter as you struggled to get back up again. “What the hell! I’m being supportive!” When he likely did not deserve it..

You don’t know how that all played out, you barely had any details really and even then, he might be lying to you. Still.. You didn’t have any other friends on this fucking ship. It was them or nothing. When the man bothered to help you back up it reminded you of the fact that you were barely any better than them by now.

After all, there were over thirty men on your conscience.. 

Once you were back on your feet you patted yourself off, giving him an odd look as he grinned weakly at you. “Why are you telling me all of this..? Not that I’m complaining or something. It just.. came out of nowhere, kinda.” The man seemed to think a bit before he leaned against the railing again.

“I guess it came up naturally and it would have been more awkward for me not to share, plus.. I know everything about you already.” He pointed you and you made a face. True.. you weren’t as secretive and by now anyone who bothered to ask knew your whole life story. 

Funnily enough, that included Killer but mostly because he had wanted to know as much as possible about their prisoner so he could classify whether or not you were a danger to them or not. 

He deemed you a complete and utter, worthless pile of mushy trash and after that conversation his opinion seemed to just steadily climb down a ladder. Well, screw him. “Mhh. I guess.. Well, you know what that means, right?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Go ahead and tell me.” 

You just hung yourself over the railing again and gave him a grin. “Now we’re even closer friends! I should ask Zachary and Clip about their past shenanigans. I mean, sure, you’re the oldest but Clip seems to be well in his forties too! Zach’s just a few years older than me!” 

Bruno groaned. “Don’t bet on them telling you anything.” You two begin to bicker at each other, just watching the island from the distance it was at. The weather is nice today. You felt pretty ok. 

* * *

Wow. Wow those trees were fucking huge. The island was coming real close now and it was getting more scary the closer it came. Speaking of, you decided to find Gate and then beg the guy to not force you onto the island with these weights on. 

You’d fucking die like a dog. 

People were already gearing up for a trip to land as soon as they reached a good spot. Apparently there was a natural bay that they’d use to get as close they possibly could to the island. From then on they’d get into their tiny boats and row all the way over there. 

You know already, after your talk with Bruno, that Eustass would force you to get on this shitty rock to struggle desperately. So, ahead of him, the plan was to maybe get some fucking mercy for once in a while..

Whoop, with a stumble you dodge getting run over by a guy carrying an empty barrel and glance around the deck, only to spot the man near the mast with Sam, seemingly going over a list. Sam was safe so you shimmy your way over. 

Gate noticed you immediately and Sam was too busy mumbling over the list. “Did something happen?” Not yet. “No- Sorry, am I interrupting?” The man shook his head. “We’re just checking over what kind of herbs would be good to get.” You raise your eyebrows.

“You know stuff about herbs?” The man made a face. “Loads of shit. Wasn’t able to buy any medicine when I was a kid.” Oh. You shriveled up under his stare and he glared of you.. before he relaxed and snorted, gently patting your shoulder. “Calm down, I’m fucking with you.” Of course he is..

“What do you need?” Gate asked and Sam’s still zoned out, going over the list. Oh right. You came here for a reason. “Oh, ehm, yeah, I was asking if I could maybe.. lose the weights if I have to get on that island.. Or the twenty five ones again.” He’s staring at you.

You raise your hands up in mock surrender and try to pull a puppy dog face. “It’s just! I don’t wanna die on there and if you let me off with these weights and I can’t move properly then I am going to!” 

“She has a point.” Sam mumbled from where he was brooding over the list, finally glancing up. “Give her lighter weights at least. I’m not replacing her fucking legs.” That wasn’t even possible. “No.” Gate lifted a hand. “This is actually better.” His eyes both narrowed down at you and you felt oddly put on the spot as he was regarding you. “How is that better..?” 

Sam grumbled from behind Gate. “Yeah, how?” The brunette man leaned back a bit and regarded you quietly for a bit before giving a broad grin. Then he turned his head to the doctor and gave him a nudge. “Almost dying might give her another power up.” 

You blink and Sam’s whole face lit up with something akin to excitement you did not like right now. Both of them were suddenly giving you looks like you were a fun pet project. Eughh..

“I really don’t wanna have another near death experience.” “Don’t see why not.” A heavy arm came down on top of your head and with that the heavy pressure of a cloak came onto your back as well. 

Eustass, who had crawled out of his little hell hole, was supporting his weight on your smaller body, making you stumble a bit and try to stay on your legs. “Builds character. Might even make you a bit less like a potato.” You frown but don’t reply.

Eustass liked to heckle you but he still also liked giving you a punch when you didn’t reply the way he wanted you to. So, you learned not to. “Right?” Gate grinned from where he was watching you being pressed downwards a little. 

You didn’t say anything but Eustass shoved you anyway when he moved away from you. “That aside, get the fuck ready for land. We’ll be in that bay in roughly twenty minutes.” That was aimed more at Sam and Gate, who just nodded him off to check over that stupid list one more time.

“Rat, you’re in the first group so get your shit together.” The redhead glared down at you before stomping off, barking at people with orders that they scrambled to come after. You were left with a feeling of helplessness. Ah shit.. 

Now that you were forced to do this with the fifty pounders there was no way you wouldn’t get hurt. Bet your ass you’d end up falling down a hill or drowning. 

Good moment to remind yourself that technically you were carrying two hundred pounds on your body overall right now. But that weight showed. You couldn’t lift your legs properly and if one leg was lifted your arms couldn’t go up either.

You had to stalk around like a puppet with the worst muscle ache in existence. It was everywhere at this point. Still, the mere fact that you moved from being unable to lift shit to stumbling about with two hundred pounds in total.. It was.. you did feel a bit victorious at that physical growth.

Still, doesn’t change the fact that you were gonna die as soon as you stepped on that island. Ahh.. First group. You oughta go to the toilet one more time.. You abandon Gate and Sam by themselves to hobble over the deck and back inside the ship. Can’t believe these assholes. 

What if you ended up dying for real? What then? Then they would have no more pet project and they’d get to clean this ship with zero coordination once more. Leaving nothing but bad hygiene. Teddy would go to waste too with no one to maintain him! Hhff..

So you take an angry piss, like any sensible person would do in this situation. 

After said angry piss, you go right back out there because you have no choice and this is going to suck no matter how long you stall in the bathroom or not. You enjoy the hot water on your hands while washing them, thanking the stars that you took mechanic courses back in your school days. As well as your fathers obsession with any machinery he found.

Your father.. Ahhh.. You ignore the sting of guilt and just hobble out, back on deck and shuffling towards the railing where some guys were gathering, your expression lightening up spotting Clip and Bruno. “Are you guys also in the first group?” 

Clip waved and smiled a toothy grin. “‘Course, we caught tail o’ yu gettin’ shat on again so we traded places.” Bruno shoved his sunglasses up his nose and crossed his arms confidently. “Zachary got stuck with group three but I told you that at least I would stay close.” 

Pfft.. “Oi, ya nasty fucks, I’m righ’ ‘ere.” Clip threw an arm around your shoulder, having to crouch and nudged you. You smiled happily at the prospect of not being completely abandoned. Your gaze drifted over the railing when people began to move. 

“Already? Wow, I didn’t think I’d need this long to and back.” “What?” You avoid eye contact “Nothing-“ The first group seemed to be made out of you, Bruno, Clip, two more henchies and.. nhh.. You look around but found no one else.

The boats had space for six though, so someone else was bound to join, right? Well, you got the go ahead to climb into the boat and thus followed the rest, taking a spot in the back, Bruno and Clip having made sure to take the paddle spots in the middle. 

The other guys seemed to want to feel important, because they took the spots right in the front.. Now you were waiting for your last buddy to join the fray. “Do you think it’ll be a crewmember or another henchie?” You asked, pondering visibly only to have Clip turn his upper body.

“Obviously gonna be a crewmember. Ya dun’ wanna get on an island like dis without some serious backup, eh?” Guess he was right. The noise of footsteps coming over from the deck made all five of you look up, right before someone hopped over the railing and landed on the empty spot with his heels before basically melting into the seat. 

Blonde. You blink at Killer’s massive body sitting now directly next to you, your blood slowly running cold. Ah.. He rested his elbows on his knees, completely unbothered, a few strands of his mane rolling over his shoulder when he slouched a little. “We’re off. Come on.” 

There’s a different aura on the boat now. Before it had been almost like a field trip or something, now everyone was slightly more guarded. First mate after all. That was one step below captain. 

One of the guys all the way in the front didn’t get the memo. “You guys think there’s gonna be treasure?” And just like that Killer’s existence seemed to just bleed into the background as everyone began piping in their hopes and dreams.

It was like the blonde wasn’t even here. He didn’t bother interrupting you guys or telling you to stop, so, conversation continued as Clip and Bruno began rowing you guys towards the beach of Hass’eiraka. “Well, me personally, I’m hoping to find some cool bones.” Guy on the right side, all the way at the front. Blonde. 

“The hell do you want with bones? Bone them?” Comedy is dead and this guy choked the shit out of it while it was sleeping in it’s own home. You couldn’t see the guy on the left thanks to Clip being too tall. “That sucked so hard I lost my ass.” Bruno grumbled.

“Lots of it to lose.” Is being shot back. You perk up and watched Bruno’s pace, then Clips. “Bruno’s paddling is so much better than Clips.” The ginger snapped his head around. “Oi, the fuck dat supposed to mean?!”

Bruno just pushed his chest out in a proud manner. “Of course he sucks in comparison to me, there’s a technique behind it! You see, it all depends on how you-“ 

You don’t hear a bang. There was no indicator of a gun having been fired when suddenly the left side of Bruno’s head exploded backwards, covering you and Killer right behind him in gore. 

The scream you want to free from your throat gets stuck there as Clip bolted onto his legs and yelled out in shock, same for the guys in the front- Killer hadn’t gotten up but suddenly his sickles were on their gauntlets as he turned his head to the direction the shot had to come from. 

The whole boat is shaking. No other shot comes- instead the water beneath you went up, slamming the guys in the front down and against the middle. The guy that sat in front of Clip rammed into the ginger so hard he went.. right overboard. “Oi-“ His eyes are wide and panicked. A desperate grab from him for the edge of the boat, you shoot up to try and grab for him, it’s a useless effort with fifty pounds on your limbs each and you only find air with your fingers. 

He’s gone, fallen off and down below while the rest of you got catapulted into the air, completely demolishing the rowing boat. There’s water everywhere, tearing on you. You’re soaring through the air, higher- higher- You tried holding onto Bruno’s vest but at some point holding onto anything was impossible with the water pressure jettisoning you towards.. where?

And then for a moment you were just floating, no longer being pushed by anything, staring in horror at the height you were at, not nearly close enough to reach the top of the trees but remotely halfway, smaller and normal trees way below. You can’t see anyone else- 

You’re beginning to fall. With a helpless noise you just reach out, for anything really. You don’t even have time for any form of flashback, thought, the sky and clouds blurr past you as you close in on the island. 

Whether or not you had become stronger. Nothing would guard you from the impact that would shatter your body into tiny pieces.. It doesn’t matter. The sudden shift of air pressure made you pass out before you even got close to your first branch. 

* * *

You should have learned by now, your body didn’t know when to let go. So.. when you wake up and you’re in horrid pain.. you’re not even surprised. Well, no wait. You are. You are incredibly surprised.. 

Everything is pain.

You don’t even have to look at your left arm to know it was broken, seeing how it didn’t respond to what your brain told it to do. Your entire rib cage burned like fire. Every inhale felt like fire in your lungs. Your head was feeling heavy. Your eyelids falling close over and over again as you tried to wake up fully.

What.. where were you? Where.. what happened? You squeezed your eyes shut, beginning to carefully shift your body it- fuck. The weights. One of them was gone, the one on your left leg. That doesn’t help you. 

You need to get rid of them. No way past it. That meant moving though and fuck, right now it just felt impossible. So, despite knowing you should get moving this instant, you can’t. You lay here, trying to stay awake to remain alive. 

This shit again. Why the hell are you struggling? Maybe they already left the island behind, knowing how dangerous it was- there is no way Killer got blown away with the rest of you. You groan.. close your eyes even though you tried to fight it. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been out, might have been an hour, might have been a minute.. But surprisingly you wake up again, even though you likely had. heavy concussion. Your whole body was bruised and bloody from random cuts and scrapes. 

Your clothes are ruined. No recovery after this. If you didn’t get the fuck up and began walking the same would go for you, god damn it! So.. you try to move again. Left arm is still not doing anything but twitching. Your right arm was shifting. The weight has to fucking go.

You turned your head to drowsily watch yourself begin to wobble your arm up and down on the floor, trying to catch the weight on a root or stone to slip it off like a sock. It’s a tough job. Takes you almost twenty minutes or so to finally get rid of it. 

But god, did that feel better.. You groan and turn your head to your fucked arm, your eyes widening a little. Holy.. shit.. this was really bad.

The limb was visibly broken in two different places. Making it look like you had three elbows as it basically zic zacced like a racing wagon. One break in your upper arm, one in your lower arm, and then the actual elbow. 

Fuck. Fuck that was so fucking- You grit your teeth, trying to fight the dizzying blackness that was coming over you. You manage to not pass out like a pussy but you can’t stop the string in your eyes. You want to cry. Nothing comes out. 

Just weak croaking.

You want to give up. You just want to close your eyes and let go. Just- Just.. Fuck. After everything you’ve been through, letting go that easily seemed like the worst possible outcome. You just can’t bring yourself to.

So, despite the absolute agony of moving even slightly, you begin unattaching the weight on your broken arm. You can’t just slip the thing off like the other one, lest you risked damaging the limp further that was laying there like a limp, fucking noodle. 

You make a face of agony.. it was.. open. But now you had to move it off. You don’t know how. But you try your best, just.. carefully beginning to pull the thing outwards. It’s numb, you’re going through tons of adrenaline. It wasn’t a good sign yet right now you were incredibly thankful. Especially when you manage to remove the fifty pounds without breaking into screaming. 

Screaming in the middle of a forest where everything was out to eat you was not a good idea. How you hadn’t yet was beyond you. 

Fuck.. you grit your teeth and begin the endeavor of sitting up. The adrenaline was still fueling you, making you feel like you were on fire but the pain of your broken arm was roughly the same as every other limb right now. 

That wasn’t gonna last. You knew. As soon as that tapered off you’d freak out. So you had to act faster than your adrenaline fading. You wobbled, your healthy arm pushing against the muddy, soft ground below you as you began to shift into a sitting position, hiccuping at the feeling of your broken limb just.. hanging there. 

What first..? You needed to get this arm in a position where it wouldn’t hinter you. You glance around but find nothing to work with. The first group hadn’t been supposed to go all that deep into the forest, you were just supposed to check for locals. 

You’re shivering just thinking about the group- oh god.. Clip.. Bruno.. You put your face into your hand and grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut. This couldn’t be happening- This.. Fuck. Bruno was definitely gone. You saw his head pop like a grapefruit under pressure and Clip..? 

Seeing how the water was exploding around you and he fell right into the source.. You want to be hopeful and go by the logic ‘if you don’t see the body’ bla bla.. But, fucking shit! You grind your teeth hard and open your eyes. 

The urge to curl up and give into the dismay you were feeling right now was strong, so strong you almost just gave into it. The only thing keeping you from doing so was the fact that you had to get up now or never leave this island. At least not alive.. maybe as bird poop if they scavenged your body. 

Who knew what happened to the rest.. The Massacre Soldier was probably fine.. the other two in the front? You don’t even know how you survived the fall, finally looking up with the distinct intention to check what you fell on. 

Loads of huge leafs that had broken, you could see right through the holes you made. Yikes.. You shake yourself and begin to tug your sweater off, grabbing a sharp rock nearby to begin cutting it into stripes with a shaky, unaimed hand. Doing this shit with just one hand was a real fucking struggle but there was literally nothing you could do against it but struggle harder. 

You’d rather have the extra layer of protection but you needed this arm to not flop around when you began to move. The weights on your legs could wait for later when you actually got up. For now.. You just worked on trying to get this messy shit under an semblance of control. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gift you pain.
> 
> Bet I blew your minds.
> 
> Get it. 
> 
> I know where the door is thank youUDHIjiklöppä


	30. It doesn’t go Bump in the Night. It goes Flurp.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets good guys.

For the first time, ever since the Kidd Pirates took you.. You were completely alone. There was no one peering over your shoulder to insult you.. or mock you.. or hurt you. But there was also not even an ounce of misplaced support to be found anywhere. 

Your actual friend group had consisted of the book club trio. But suddenly you were down two members.. You swallowed thickly and stared emptily at the muddy ground below you, past your legs. By now you removed the weights. 

The struggle of getting mobile had been intense and painful and you had shrieked at some point like a pussy, but even now you couldn’t really bring yourself to cry. It was tough, it felt like you were gonna explode with the internal pressure that your grief brought you.

You had at the very least put your arm in a better position. Angling it and stabilizing it with sticks had been literal agony and you passed out two times thanks to the pain that came with moving the floppy limb around but now it was tied in a healthy angle against your upper body. 

You had used the strips of your sweater to ensure it wouldn’t budge or move unless you wanted it to. To the best of your abilities you positioned it so that it no longer looked too broken too. You don’t know if that would help but you.. you did your best. 

You wanted to get to Sam so he could fix you again.. With a dry hiccup you began to push off the ground, giving the abandoned weights a bit of a look before turning away from them and abandoning the things like they were worthless. Right now, they kinda were. You’d have to apologize to Gate for having to abandon them.. 

There was no other way. 

What direction could you even go to? You felt like you landed in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, maybe center-ish to the island? There are no other noises but those of Hass’eiraka. You haven’t been here a single day and you hated it already. 

Usually when you’re lost and in a group you should possibly not move so you wouldn’t get lost any further. Unfortunately that does not apply to this situation and if anything, it would make it worse. You had to move and get somewhere but.. how could you know which way was the right one?

You look up again, dazed on your shaky legs as you tried to figure out where you must have come from to land on the huge leafs like you did. At the angle you had fallen there was.. maybe from the west..? You glance into the vague direction and sigh, slowly beginning to trot a slow pace. 

You want to be faster but your legs are still fucked from the awkward landing. The fact you’re even still breathing was beyond you but by now you decided to not question that shit and just take it gratefully. 

Climbing the huge roots was another fight in itself and it was ridiculous how you realized that, despite injuries, you were still in better shape than you had been when you left home. 

It was comical.. By now the sun seemed to be halfway over but it was hard telling for sure with the way the trees blocked a clear look at the sky. You didn’t know what you could do to enhance your chances of survival.

You had a sharp rock, that was roughly about it.. The muddy ground earlier must have contributed to your survival, seeing how you left a you-shaped print in the ground but now it was fucking with your balance. 

You want to call out but know it won’t do you any good.. You grunt and heave yourself up with one arm to rob sideways onto a root, gritting your teeth in the pain that shot down from your dislocated shoulder into your broken arm. 

Fuck this.. seriously. If you made it out of this situation you’d be mad proud of you-erugHGAH! 

Nothing, a steep decline. You couldn’t believe you almost fell down again- Hold on. From here you had a much better view, with the overly huge trees behind you, you could actually see a big part of the island… and the Victoria Punk!

Right direction for the win! They didn’t seem to be leaving but.. circling the island? You made a face. Would they circle the island for henchmen? You didn’t actually know. But maybe if they did still circle that meant that Killer’s whereabouts were still at la-

You got too close to the edge and the ground breaks off. 

With a shriek you tried to grab onto literally whatever, only to grab a whole lot of nothing and slide the decline down on your already bruised ass. It’s a very noisy way of getting down, despite trying not to. With your healthy arm you shielded your broken one as you tried to regain control.

Nope- you land in a pond below and immediately break into paranoia since you couldn’t feel the bottom.. nor see it. Ahhh! Panic mode engaged! You hectically doggy paddle to the edge of the water. You didn’t think much of it once you were out but when you turned around to check the pond out you landed in you spotted a large figure under the surface of it.

You’re not an idiot and recognize this as an alligator- with a yelp you jump away from the pond so it couldn’t grab and pull you in. It sinks back into the depth and you felt.. really queasy. Oh god what the fuck even was that..?

There’s a faint sound of.. a person? Nh..? You stop in your panic and stress your ears to work overtime.. What.. was that noise..? You glanced around, not feeling like it was animal made. You blink and turn your head in the direction it was coming from.

..You… shouldn’t. But what if it was one of the guys..? You had to take the chance. So.. despite your initial worry, you begin to track down where the noise was coming from. Only to grow more confused.

Because this sounded like someone laughing his fucking ass off. The pitch was a bit higher but.. it oddly sounded really familiar. Oh god.. You make sure to not land in anymore pits as you brush past a bush-

Just to be face to face with a huge carcass of a lizard-like creature. You whimper and pull your shoulders up, glancing at the ground and lifting your shoes in disgust. This thing just died- it was even still twitching! 

It looked like something had cleanly taken its head off. Which should give you the incentive to get the fuck out of here but by now the laughter was so loud it seemed to be just a few steps more. The fact that you’re in pants, shoes and a _bra_ was making you even more nervous. 

Carefully you move around the corpse only to come upon more. With a glance around you find that this was a clearing! It had just been difficult to tell because.. someone.. or something.. turned the place into a mass graveyard. 

Suddenly the laughter was really off putting. Like a psycho had a fun time shredding all these animals- They probably got attracted to the noise and came to check out what they could eat. Only to eat dirt. Because they’re dead now..

Tock. You look down.. a huge claw at your feet and it was by miles better than the shitty stone. So.. you pick it up, despite it still being pretty nasty. It was either this thing or fucking nothing.. seeing how the sharp rock did little. 

You’re really freaked out, freaked out enough to be picking gross but sharp bones from the ground. This felt like a stealth mission, seeing how you decided to glance past corpses before passing them now.. 

Oh.. You stop dead in your tracks. Finally having tracked down the source of the noise. You blink.. in utter confusion at the sight before you. 

It was Killer.

The man was kneeling on the ground, curled up a bit on all fours as he was just.. laughing his fucking ass off. He was so busy laughing he didn’t even notice you and it was so hard out of character you immediately felt like something happened to him.

You never heard the guy laugh. Not once. So suddenly just getting it in such a big amount put you off. “Killer?” You tried carefully- his whole body tensing and his head jerking up. He went quiet but his whole body shook with the stress of apparently trying to keep it in. 

“Y-You- Hhffa..” He had trouble just forming a sentence and by now it was pretty clear he wasn’t actually laughing because he found something funny. He was literally kneeling in gore, unable to stop.

Which is when you spot a tiny, very colorful frog on his right shoulder blade. Oh.. OH! No way! You immediately jogged over despite Killer still staring at you and shaking with muffled laughter as you- ahh shit. You grab a stick from the ground and poke the thing up with it. 

It gives you a stare. It’s a fucking Flurp Toad. The giggly toad. What?? And Killer got bit. Killer, out of all the people that thing could have bit. It bit Killer? When Killer moved you’re reminded of how close you were to him right now and immediately backed off. 

“It’s a Flurp Toad! They cause euphoria when they bite you!” Quick to try and explain why you got this close. Toad hops off the stick and back into the grass. You stare after it.. Bye cute toad! 

“A.. ffucking t-toadhhnfaahaha?” You wince and glance at him “Yeah! I- whoops..” You back of even further as he fought to get on his legs, but it was visible the man was exhausted. You wondered how long ago and how often he got bit and how long he’d been fighting the animals of this island while going mad with laughter. 

Killer wrapped his arms around his middle and actually wobbled. He. Wobbled. You can’t help but pity him so suddenly the urge to get over there and help him stand properly was there.. but you knew he didn’t need that. If anything, it would likely hurt his pride. 

The man wasn’t happy, in fact, his body was tense and his legs were slightly angled, an almost crouch as he stared at you with his unmoving mask, hysterical cackling breaking from him. “Out-.. hfhfafafa.. Out of all the fafahacking people to.. to fffmm-“ He buried his face in his arm and just snorted without being able to finish the sentence. But you got it-

The thoughts you were pulling together don’t finish- suddenly you’re grabbed and slammed down by your shoulder, at the end of one of his sickles. His whole body shaking with muffled laughter through closed lips. Your eyes are wide and you shriek. 

Your broken arm burns, your healthy arm grabbed him by the wrist that was holding you down. “Wait! Wait- Why?! I didn’t do anything! This wasn’t my fault!” Oh god not again. Please- Killer is seemingly trying to regard you but he keeps breaking into odd laughter, his grip switching from your shoulder to your throat. 

He’s going to suffocate you. Your eyes are wide and frantic as you try to struggle out of this clip, his voice sounding wrong with the forced hilarity. “T-This is- ffhhafafafahaha thehahafahaha wohorst!” His grip on your throat got tighter, his sickle, despite his whole body shaking with false glee, completely still as it closed in on your face. 

Don’t beg. “Nonono- Wait! I- Stop!” You instead reach out to put your flat palm on his fist with the sickle aiming at you, trying to push the arm back before it impaled your eye or something. “We can talk this out! T-This-“ 

What the fuck are you supposed to do?! You didn’t even know what upset him so much! You didn’t blow up the fucking ship but he was acting as if it was your fault. Which it wasn’t, by the way. He’s pressing your throat harder and your voice begins to wheeze and get hoarse. 

You only had one arm and trying to keep him from poking your eye out while trying to keep him from choking you was.. it was tough. “This- hnfg- could b-be worse!” You have no idea what you’re doing. 

The man stopped pressing down so hard but instead grabbed your throat, wrapping his huge hand around it like it was your new collar and pulling you up to slam you back down with a noise that sounded horribly, horribly angry. “En.. nnff.. Enlighten me.” 

Your head is spinning from the impact and despite trying not to, you can’t help but whimper. Your vision was blacking out and so was your hearing but unfortunately Killer wasn’t giving you enough time to recover as his fingers dug into your skin again. You could feel his fingernails almost break through it.

“W-We could be dead! R-Really hurt!” His grip isn’t getting any softer and you are having problems breathing again. Shit- Shitshitshit! “Nhhfg-“ You claw at his hand desperately to try and wheeze for breathe. Come up with something, literally anything. Maybe if you gave him enough reasons why this could be worse he’d let you live. 

“These a-animals could have eaten you o-or hurt you!” His body was bristling, visibly, he’s gearing up and the gears in your head are spinning wildly. “Th-The poison could have been d-deadly?! Y-You could have an ugly laugh!” His body winced but still didn’t budge, you continued because while the pressure was extreme on your throat and windpipe, for some reason he wasn’t adding anymore to it.

“O-Or the others could be dead!” You kicked your legs weakly against the ground to not accidentally kick him and make him kill you regardless. “B-But I saw them! Just earlier from a hill!” God you’re tired. Your adrenaline was just.. it kept you going-

Suddenly the weight is off your throat and immediately you gulp in hectic lungfuls of air. Oh sweet maker, bless oxygen. What was their fucking issue with choking you like a prostitute- no that was mean nevermind. 

Regardless, you needed a bit to get the burning to subside and when you sat up, rubbing your throat, Killer was gone. You could still hear him though.. So it wasn’t hard to track the man down who had taken a seat under one of the trees, his back pressed against the bark. 

The man’s still laughing but it looked like he gave up trying to hold it in as hard as previously, his massive body melting against the bark like he was just trying to relax. He’s tired. Something told you that the guy had been laughing longer than just an hour.. maybe he got bit repeatedly. But you couldn’t imagine that a single hour would tire the dude out so much after considering he was a lot stronger than Gate or Wire for example.

You remember you’re standing here with your bra out in the open, having used your sweater for your broken limb. If not for the fact that the man had just loomed over your body and .. well.. you guess he did have more to worry about than a lady showing her underwear. You wince at him.

“Aren’t.. we going to the beach..? I think they’re circling the island looking for us..” You asked carefully, remaining in a safe distance away from him. He was snorting giddily, his sickles still mounted to his gauntlets, of course.. there might still be danger afoot. 

Guy doesn’t try to audibly answer but he shook his head, looking pretty dishevelled. Maybe.. you didn’t doubt his ability to get the hell out of here on his own, judging by the way these massive monsters were torn to shreds.. but for some reason he didn’t want to. 

His voice sounded hoarse.. Ahhh.. You glance over your shoulder, towards where the beach was. You could leave him behind. He would just catch up. You knew he would, once this was over anyway. You make a bit of a face.. You couldn’t help him. 

It didn’t matter in the end, with Killer set on remaining against the tree, you sat down next to a huge, dead thingie with thick armor. Whatever.. You might as well wait for him in case.. something happened. Who knew. “Erm.. If you need anything that I can provide.. lemme know..?” Sounds more like a question. 

But you didn’t know what else to offer him. He wouldn’t take your help anyway so.. you settle in your spot, having taken a place where the ground wasn’t sopping wet with blood. Killer doesn’t acknowledge your existence any further than he already had, you didn’t try to talk to him again. 

Instead you curled up, leaned against the shell of the dead animal and tried to tone out the hysteric, borderline agonized and by now painful sounding laughter.. Never did you imagine that laughter could sound so.. miserable. And yet.. you don’t think you ever heard someone sound so upset while doing so in your whole life.

* * *

Monsters came and went. They went because Killer slaughtered them. None of the creatures were able to stand a chance against him. Even while he was poisoned. You realized at some point that the guy must have gotten bit more than once indeed..

The time he’s been laughing had to have been longer than a single hour. You think.. At some point you had to relocate a bit because.. god there’s so much fucking blood. You tried to help, kinda but.. well, with your one sharp bone there wasn’t much you could do. You managed to scare off smaller critters if they decided to try their luck but mostly with making yourself big and yelling profanities. Like Frick. Shirt. Poop. Heck. 

You’re stressed, alright?

By the time Killer’s laughter finally tapered off into nothing but heavy, labored breathing.. it was dark. Pitch black. The moonlight didn’t penetrate the trees. You couldn’t see .. shit. You were super scared because if a monster came now, you’d be helpless.

Killer didn’t have to worry. He had his stupid observation haki. You? You’re blind now. Completely blind. You could hear him though. You remain silent and.. just carefully scooted over. One time because you were scared of getting eaten and two to check on whether the guy was conscious.

He hadn’t said anything since earlier. Your foot bumps into something and after carefully reaching out you found the wild mane that the guy sported. You flinch away immediately from the body but he still doesn’t react audibly to your approach.

The pirate just continued to pant and wheeze. He’s unconscious..? “..Are you awake..?” You whisper quietly into the darkness. No reply.. The body shifted a bit but made no other noise. You stare dryly into the nothingness before .. carefully reaching out again to find his hair again, you found his back too. 

Like this it seemed like the guy was laying on his front, on the ground. There’s still no reaction to your hand on his back, not moving it. You swallow thickly, feeling his muscles twitch from time to time under your fingers. He must be asleep.. Had to be. This.. had been awful. You weren’t even affected and yet this had been exhausting to witness. The man had to be whistling out of his last holes when it finally stopped.

..You gently pet the guy’s back, just.. up and down.. you make sure to not accidentally touch his butt and just rubbed comforting circles into his back, not purely with good intent. It was just.. so surreal. To be this close to the man who usually made clear that he wanted you dead.

You don’t think you had ever been this close and he was.. he.. you blink and suddenly the weight of the sharp bone that was currently in your lap felt heavy. 

He was unconscious and vulnerable. Your hand almost wandered unconsciously to the bone, gripping it softly and lifting it.. this was your chance to get rid of him. No one would ever have to find out. You’d kill the guy. Leave. His body would get eaten by animals. No evidence. 

..It was right on top of him, the tip of it hovering over his body. Your hand is.. it’s shaking of course. All the abuse this guy put you through? He was the one who caught you in the first place. This was it. You could get revenge for all of that-

And yet you don’t do it.. As soon as the tip of the bone touched his back by accident when he inhaled you flinched and jerked the thing away and back into your lap. Your eyes are stinging and you grit your teeth. You couldn’t fucking do it. Not even now. Not even to a guy like him, who surely deserved it. 

You just couldn’t.. 

Instead you gently put the palm of your hand over the spot you accidently poken with your makeshift weapon and rubbed another soothing circle over it. You don’t apologize. What would be the point-

“I thought for sure you’d try it..” The sudden, deep baritone had you shriek and jerk your whole body backwards, scrambling as fast as you could in reverse until you hit a root. Your whole body tense and trembling in something akin to shame and fear. 

He was awake. He had been awake when you tried to kill him- How long had the guy been awake?! Had Killer been awake the whole time?! Oh god. “H-How…. How long..?” You can hear his body shifting, making it sound like he was sitting up. His breathing had already calmed down, now that you were listening to it but his voice sounded incredibly hoarse when he spoke regardless. “Whole time.” 

You want to disappear. You’re going to. He’s going to fucking kill you for having touched him. Bracing your body and resisting the urge to curl up like a fetus- he’s shuffling closer. You can hear his pants shift against the grass underneath you two. “C-Can you please not- I’m sorry ok?” You’re backing off when you heard him approaching until the man grunted and got up on his legs, the shuffling noise replaced with steps. “Don’t be dramatic.” 

“I’m not being dramatic! You literally tried to kill me tod-erugh!” You’re grabbed by your healthy shoulder and tugged up. “W-What are you doing?” You’re shivering in his grip as he steered you around, making you stumble. “We’re going to the beach.” 

“Now?! It’s pitch black! I can’t- whoa!” You stumble but his grip doesn’t relent to keep you up. “Which is why I’m leading.” Which is what ended up happening, you guess. The guy kept his hand on your healthy shoulder as he began to lead you like a dog on a leash. “Did you break your arm when you landed or after?” What the fuck is with this situation. 

“I.. er.. when I landed, I think..” You replied truthfully as he dug his fingers a little into your shoulder. You’re going mad. You have to be. Could he maybe stop being so unpredictable? 

“If you tell anyone about this, I will-“ You cut him off, tired, in pain, annoyed, freaked out. You almost even stopped to walk. “I won’t! Can we just.. walk in silence?? The secret that you’re capable of laughter stays with me, my god.” You hang your head and he jerked you around a little. “We both know you found this hilarious.” 

You almost stumble again but this time- nope. He let you go when you stumbled this time and you ended up landing on your front, right on your fucking arm wincing and hissing. The limb felt numb. That couldn’t be good. “What about this would have been hilarious?!” He did that on fucking purpose. “Oh please.” Killer nudged you up with his shoe, you’re still blind so it’s a struggle. “My laughter must have been great entertainment.” 

He sounded bitter and unfriendly again. You.. why? Why was he angry this time? “You’re underestimating my bar. I don’t rank one off every time someone gives a chuckle.” The man huffed and seemed to gear up to talk again but you just continue. Your bad mood made you brave until he would inevitably hurt you again. “You were just laughing for hours. There wasn’t anything hilarious about it.. If anything I got kind of scared at the end because I didn’t know what to do..” If not for the fact the laugh was forced.. it was even kinda pretty.. kinda cute. 

There’s a moment of quiet as the man continued to lead you around whatever hurdles were there, somewhat. You stumbled again but this time his grip on your shoulder kept you on your feet. More silence.. then.. 

“When we get back to the ship, I’ll tell Sam to take a look at your arm.” You frown. “..Thanks.” You can’t be quiet now though. Because suddenly something came to mind. “What.. about Bruno?” Killer seems to think a bit. “What about him?” You wince. “Are we.. is this just it..? He’s just gone like this and.. everyone pretends he never existed in the first place..?” 

Like with the guy who fought Wire.. The guy who fought.. you.. what was his name..? Your eyes widen a little, frantically darting around before it came to you. Hover! His name had been Hover.. Shit.. How could you forget?

“No. Those who passed away here will get a moment of silence and a drink.. But if you’re asking whether we will bury him.. No.” Your shoulders slump a bit.. For a second you thought you felt his grip getting more gentle. But it remains firm. 

“It’s impossible to find him now.” Killer added. As if trying to explain himself but it made.. it made you just more miserable. If only you held on a bit longer. If you had held on to him.. “I had him in my hand and I let go..” You muttered. Why are you opening up to the Massacre Soldier anyway? He’s gonna tell you to stop being a pussy like always. 

“Then it’s good you let him go when you did..” When he actually replied like he was giving you something close to comfort.. you don’t know what to think of it. “Had you held on to him longer than you did, you might have broken more than just one arm.” And he was right.

“You guys seemed close. I doubt he’d have wanted that.” This was.. “Are you comforting me?” You look over your shoulder but see nothing still. Killer doesn’t reply immediately. “I’m not. I’m just telling you how it is.” Or would be.. 

“..Well..” You look straight ahead again. “It.. made me feel better anyway.. thanks.” His fingers dig a bit harder into your shoulder. “You’re the most dense idiot I ever met my whole life.” Of course something has to ruin it-

“Why-“ “You’re literally thanking the man who kidnapped you from home and family.” Oh. That. Right.. “I mean.. yeah. But I’m also thankful that you didn’t gut me back there even though you were going through a really hard time..” Try to be understanding. Just.. relaxed. Killer seemed calm, now that he wasn’t laughing anymore. 

“I was seconds away from that.” Ahhhh stop reminding you. “Ahaha.. hah.. Yeah..” You wince. “What.. convinced you not to?” When did he stop choking you? It was right when.. “Was it because I said your laughter is nice?” Ah- wait- The man’s whole body behind you jerked and he actually stopped walking almost before catching himself. “You didn’t say that.” 

Shit. He’s right. You outed yourself- “I mean- Nevermind, I’m sorry” “You’re serious.” It’s a statement, not a question. You just want to change the topic to prevent yourself melting from shame. Shame and self disgust. This man was literally your abuser and here you are complimenting his laughter.

Oh shit.. was this.. was this Stockholm syndrome? Had to be. Otherwise why the fuck weren’t you absolutely disgusted at having any form of contact with him. Oh god. “You were right.” You mumble out. “Mh?” 

“I am an idiot.” Because you were growing attached to pirates. Even Eustass, if you thought about it. Ever since he stopped trying to kill you at every corner he was almost tolerable. You were even getting used to the bruises you kept getting out of the encounters with him. 

“What brought you to that conclusion?” What was he getting out of humoring you? Somehow it felt like the air changed around him. “Evidence.” He huffed breath out from behind you and just.. suddenly he let your shoulder go. “This is too slow.” “I’m doing my best-“ 

The feeling of his strong arm wrapping around your middle made you flinch and yelp. “What the frick are you doing?!” But you’re already lifted and held at an angle. Your broken arm was pressing a bit against him but your feet are no longer touching the ground. “Getting us out of this stupid forest.” 

He’s crouching. You can tell because your feet are touching the ground again. “Curl up and make yourself as tense as you can.” He instructed you, which you followed immediately even though now the position was really uncomfortable and kind of hurt on your mid section. 

You want to complain but you know it’s no use- 

When he pushed off the ground you can’t help but cling to the arm holding you and shrieking. “Oh my god!” Killer grunted, his body slamming heels first against a root he landed on. The wind flying past you, the shaking of you guys landing. 

This was so fucking scary doing blind. “C-Can you wait a secEEEK!” Nope. He continues to jump around like a fucking frog. You pressed against his body, clinging to him. It was scary. What surprised you though was the firm hold he had on you. 

At first you thought he’d drop you at some point but he kept moving you guys forward and not once did his grip on your waist waver. You don’t get your hopes up..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok since Killer is going to be more involved with MC from this point on, let me know what you think of me writing him.


	31. Sheltered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check out the note at the end for a bit of an important announcer

It was still night when you two finally reached the beach. Killer landed in the soft sand with his feet first, not even slipping. Right after he put you down to drop on his ass in the sand and give a low groan. You’re left standing on shaky legs, staring in confusion around without being able to see much.. 

Your eyes adjust to the sudden moonlight though and short before long.. behold. The beach in it’s dark, shapey glory. You can’t see well like this still but now you could recognize vague silhouettes.. “This will take a while. Are you going to be standing for the whole time?” 

Killer speaking up made you glance in his direction… You felt like you’re about to get mauled by a wild animal, even though you couldn’t spot any around. If you excluded the literal killing machine sitting not five feet away from you.. 

Nhh.. You take a few steps away from him before you sit down. Killer’s body shifted a tad but he doesn’t say anything about you behaving like this. Why would he? “Are we.. just gonna sit here until the others pass this spot by again?” You ask into the empty air. 

“Yes.” Of course. Well, that was the smart thing to do since you didn’t know which direction they were sailing in right now. That’s what you mom told you anyway. When lost, don’t move.. But she also told you not to go with strangers. Hah. You don’t say anything else and he doesn’t either for a while.. before you felt too awkward. 

“..Are.. you feeling better now..?” You could spot him shifting out of the corner of your eyes. Barely. He doesn’t answer you.. Nh.. You glance back away and just hug yourself with your one arm. Flinching when you accidently came onto the broken limb and hiccuping softly. God.. it was painful. 

“What about you?” His voice came from the side and you turned your head again. “Pardon..?” Killer’s form was barely visible in the dark but you could somewhat spot him. “Are you feeling better now.” The way he phrased it made it seem like a statement, not a question. You frown. “.. As in..?” 

He shrugged and just exhaled long and hard from where he sat. “From when I took you.” Tch, you resisted the urge to click your tongue and looked away again. You didn’t answer and resisted the urge to just leave him behind and sit further away. Why would he mock you now? After having been so nice to him?

“I am.” You replied. As firmly as you could and despite the urge to just say nothing. “In fact, I’m fucking thriving.” You should have stopped while you were ahead. But the bitter anger at his behavior was too big to ignore. “Never been better! Barely even feel this broken arm!” You snark into your knees. Slowly having curled up. 

The sound of him getting up made you jerk your head up and widen your eyes a little in worry. The man came over, his body posture seemingly relaxed but by now you knew not to trust it. The urge to scoot away and try to run was immense. “You think you can afford to be cocky just because you saw me like that back there?” Ahhh hell.. There’s that tone of voice again as if he was going to.. do something. 

You pull your shoulders up and hug yourself tighter with your one arm. “Like what? Watching you cut through these monsters like they’re made out of butter made me only more scared of you, if that’s what you’re trying to brag about.” You knew what he meant though, he probably knew that you knew too. What were you talking about? Of course he did. He finally reached you and stopped right next to you.

“.. You have the chance of ridiculing me after what I did to you and you decide to stroke my ego by telling me you’re more scared of me than before?” You make a face. “..If I were to ridicule you, you would gut me like a fish.” A moment of temporary silence before he sat back down, now directly next to you. When he crossed his legs his knee was almost touching you. “True.” 

Damn him to hell. “You’re too blunt..” You muttered, quietly, staring at the ocean now to avoid having to look at him. “Would you rather have me lie to you about being on thin ice, only to then kill you without any warning?” You try to imagine that and you cringe internally. No thank you. “..I get it. Thank you very much Mister Killer.” 

He wheezed. “Don’t call me that.” But he didn’t make a move to shove you or something. You narrowed your eyes and pulled your mouth into a thin, pouting line. “..You guys get to call me rat.” “Because you are one.” The comment was blank and just.. hurtful. “Elaborate on that please.” 

Killer rolled his shoulders. “You were dirty and as persistent as a rat epidemic. You also ate anything given to you, even old leftovers that may or may not had expired by that time.” Don’t remind you. There’s literally no good answer to that but yeah, now that he mentioned it, guess your soul animal was a fucking rat. “It’s rich that ‘Rat’ ended up being your pirate name too.” He mused out loud.

You hope he chokes on his stupid mane. “Haha.. yeah. Rich.” He continues. “Even your picture makes you look like one.” Please shut up.. You can’t help but slowly curl into yourself when the feeling of betrayal welled up again. “Mhm..” You didn’t want to continue talking to him anymore. Not that you ever did. Not that he ever did. 

Ahhh.. You’re so tired and now you just had to sit here.. Like a statue. “...May I take a nap.” You know the answer, he’s gonna say no like he always does when you ask for something that would give you any remote comfort. “Fine.” You blink and look up at him. What? Oh. You narrowed your eyes.

“..Very funny. Haha..” Killer was shifting his body again, crossing his legs and putting his elbows on his knees to slouch a little. His blonde mane covering his back like a blanket.. “I’m being serious.” Yeah like hell. 

You bristle. “You’re gonna leave me here when they pass by, right?.. Or kick me while I’m dozing off..?” The sound that came from Killer reminded you of a wheeze but not quite. “You’re pessimistic. Don’t give me ideas. Sleep or don’t.” With that, the topic seemed to be over for him. For you..? Now you’re left with an even greater urge to lay down and sleep. 

But could you risk it? 

That was the real question here. You know he’s going to screw you over, when did he not..? But shit, you’re so fucking tired. So, you try to stay awake but now with given permission you find yourself falling asleep more and more. You go from sitting upright to slouching to curling up in the sand. It’s so.. tough to continue to keep your eyes open.

You don’t catch the moment you actually do fall asleep. 

* * *

A soft shake wakes you and your eyes snap open. The effect was probably supposed to be nice and slow but you jerk your body off the sand like you’d been hit, the first thought coming to mind of: shit, I did end up falling asleep.

You slip on the surface of the sand and land on your front, kissing the dirty ground and sputtering as you rolled about and around to get the fuck up again. God fucking damn it your arm- Landing right on the broken limb burns.“Euurgh! Shit!” Who knew what kinda animal pissed on this beach- “Wow.” Deep baritone. God damn it- 

You throw a glare over your shoulder, assuming the worst.. only to blink in confusion. Killer was still sitting on the spot right next to you, seemingly having sat there for a while by now, his left arm still hovering a little. “Do you wake up like this every morning?” He asked, sounding like he was talking to an annoying kid. 

“..Erm..” Did you? “No..?” He cocked his head. “Why does that sound like a question?” “..I dunno.. You startled me.” Ah, he gets up and patted his legs, getting some dirt off and then stretching. “Regardless. Cavalry’s here.” He pointed past you casually and when you turned around, there was the Victoria Punk, slowly sailing in your direction. 

“Let’s go meet them.” Killer was saying behind you. The man had taken a spot next to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. You.. You turn a bit and realize that he didn’t just abandon you. He actually woke you up- He was being nice. “..Please don’t kill me.” 

Killer’s body twitched a bit and his hand flinched off your shoulder. “..Believe it or not, I was not going to.” His arms dropped in a relaxed manner at his side and he seemed to be growing oddly fidgety for a second there, making you nervous in turn. You squint at him. Right. You are totally believing that. 

He began to walk and like a good duckling you followed him. They were still ways off.. could take ten to twenty minutes. “..So..” You mutter after a bit of a walk, Killer doesn’t react. “..Are we just.. leaving them? The others?” Killer glanced over his shoulder to you. “.. You mean the men who abused you?”

It’s a reminder. You don’t get why Killer keeps reminding you though. It was like he was set on making sure you continued to hate all of them. “..Not recently.. I just.. Nh..” You can’t help but think of Bruno.. think of Clip.. Your eyes sting and you just dropped your arm to your side. “There is nothing we can do for them on an island such as this.” 

It is not what you want to hear at all but it’s all you get. Your legs felt weak. Your broken arm burned like shit. Every movement hurt. You did not know whether or not Killer slept but he seemed .. exhausted. He was dirty, full of dried blood.. you glance at the sand. “..I won’t tell anyone about what happened.. in case you’re worried about that.. Your.. secret is safe with me.” 

He stopped walking so abruptly that you walked right into him, stumbling backwards and landed on your sore ass with a pained hiss, eyes wide and confused as he turned around to you to stare directly at you. 

You’re super tense. He’s not answering you audibly and you pulled your legs up, looking worried at him, swallowing thickly and forcing yourself to continue to establish eye contact. Killer was tensed up again. His hands were clenched into fists.. then he relaxed again. 

“.. I appreciate that.” He reached over and grabbed you by your healthy arm to pull you up again. “Now let’s get your arm treated before you get another infection..” It.. sounded genuine. His deep baritone, for once, wasn’t lacking sympathy. It was an almost warm tone. But it was gone just like that as he gave you a push forward to resume walking. 

Your stomach clenched at the almost gentle treatment you had gotten for a mere split second. It had been so long that the simplest of gestures made you feel.. good. You were basically, internally, ecstatic and giddy. Smiling despite yourself just happy at having been spoken to in a kind tone for once.. 

You were pathetic. Months of abuse and one little straw is handed to you.. and you can not stop yourself from swallowing the whole, fucking hand. 

It just.. had been a while. The two of you continue to walk and both of you hear when the others finally spot you. Mostly because Eustass hopped off the ship, slammed heavily into the sand and dashed towards the both of you. You squeak and scramble out of the way when the redhead was aiming for Killer. Who stiffened and lifted both arms. 

“Kidd- Kidd no! OUgh!” He gets barreled into and Killer had to press his feet into the sand to not topple over, slamming his arms around his captain to hold the guy and steady him. “Kidd, what the hell?!” And then..

Then Eustass punched the guy in the gut, making the blonde grunt and retaliate by kicking the man backwards with apparently as much force as he could muster, since the redhead went flying back, landing on his heels and barely managing to not kiss the ground with his ass. 

What the fuck?

Both men were standing there, staring at each other and glaring each other down with something of an intimidating aura.. right before Killer groaned and rolled his shoulders before he walked over and slapped the redhead on the shoulder. “Good to see you..” 

Eustass grunted before glancing around and his gaze fell on you. “Seriously? She’s still alive? What the fuck..” The man looked.. kind of baffled, borderline surprised. His gaze fixated on your arm and he narrowed his eyes. “Of fucking course she got hurt.” He added. Killer shrugged. “Better than what the others can say. Pretty sure only we two made it.” 

“Nh.. Clip managed to live thanks to Sam so that’s three out of six dead.” Eustass mumbled and scratched the bridge of his nose, looking annoyed. Annoyed. At people having _died_ under his leadership. You wanted to fuck him up and.. and you don’t. You just stared away and to the ship. 

But Clip was alive.. You swallow thickly and try to drown your sadness over Bruno’s death with the happiness you got from those news. 

Speaking which.. the guys were all staring over the railing like a school of fish. You made a face and looked away in shame, rubbing over your face and tuning out Killer and Eustass as they began to talk to each other about.. what the hell.. anything really.. You didn’t even bother to try and listen and just turned away to start your walk of shame back to the ship.

Leaving them behind and feeling like shit. You didn’t need their fucking judgement. You just wanted for the pain that was pounding in your broken limb to stop as you tried to not wobble too hard but your body needed serious medical attention. Who knew what else was broken. 

Throwing a glance over your shoulder you spotted that Killer and Eustass were now walking back as well, seemingly in a deep conversation. You just turn away before either could notice you looking but they probably already had. Ahh hell. You picked up the pace so they didn’t manage to make you look even more pathetic than you probably did. 

When you’re close to the ship there’s a thud in front of you and you looked up to stare up at Wire, who frowned down at you. “..Rough day.” He reached out and you don’t complain when he picked you up by your waist to jump back up onto the railing and step down on the deck with you, where he put you down. 

Your legs were going to give out at this rate but you were already getting grabbed by your healthy shoulder and dragged after Sam, who just huffed curses under his breath as if he was berating you.. You hung your head and did not speak. Not much to say.. Didn’t even bother to look around, right now you didn’t feel like talking or making shameful eye contact. 

Door opened, slammed shut behind you two and the first thing you noticed was a rough looking Clip laying in one of the beds within the medical room. Your heart pounded in your chest, looking at the seriously hurt man. He seemed to be sleeping before you came in with Sam but now startled awake with a confused grunt, his eye widening a little when he spotted you. “Fuck- Rat!” 

You gritted your teeth, your eyes stinging a little harder as Doc forced you to sit on the bed next to the ginger. “Don’t agitate each other or I’m sewing your legs together.” Eurgh.. Both of you fell silent at the threat and Clip dropped back on his back, looking.. genuinely happy to see you. Your heart clenched, looking at his bandaged form. 

His face was bruised and swollen like shit. His eye was still settled on you as Doc began to remove the makeshift hold you made for your broken limp. Sam spoke up. “Am I expecting any more patients?” He sounds bothered. You shook your head, unsure what to make of his bad mood. He nodded, Clip winced. 

“..Bruno’s really gone.. Aint he..?” You blinked at Clip and swallowed thickly. The burning wells over and you felt a wet streak roll down your left cheek, before the dam completely broke and thick, fat tears began making their way down your face. Clip’s face turned sour and Doc halted a bit to grab a tissue and made you grab it.

Neither of the men said anything about your obvious show of weakness and it made you feel a little bit safer.. You just wiped your face with the tissue that had been given to you, felt miserable. “..I tried to hold onto him but .. the water pressure..” It sounds small and weak. You try not to sob and sniffle. It is remotely successful. 

Suddenly there was the muffled sound of.. what the fuck? Both you and Clip winced at the sudden, muffled crashing and banging noises that apparently came from somewhere on the ship. You turned your head to the door, eyes wide and worried. Sam just huffed softly. You.. was this.. was someone drumming? It sounded like it. “Don’t worry.. Killer’s having a stress session. They happen sometimes.” 

Stress session? Killer played the drums? And they just now got back and this was the moment he chose to play them? He needed medical attention too! Probably.. and rest. And food.. Oh god, food.. But you couldn’t bring yourself to ask for anything. Finding yourself barely hungry. “Does.. How did you guys fit.. a drum set onto this ship?” You carefully asked. Dumb question, same way they fit Teddy probably.

“..I’m gonna need to operate on this.” Sam mumbled instead of answering you, holding the limp and bruised limp in his hands, giving it a thoughtful stare. “Bet there are tons of bone shards in there.. Dunno what you did but this arm shattered like glass.” You made a face.. unable and unwanting to try and imagine that. 

“..D-Do.. Do I get.. erm.. do I have to be.. awake for that..?” Sam made a face. “As if you’d be able to sit still. Hold on and lay down.” He scoffed and moved to begin and pull medical instruments over, tapping a syringe he pulled from a drawer and filling it with.. some liquid. 

You did as told but grew pale. “W-Wait- Right now?? Like, now now?” Sam huffed. “I’ll clean the arm before that but you need to be under by then.” You grit your teeth, unsure what to make of this. “But- wouldn’t it be better to.. I dunno..” Clip gave you a sympathetic face. 

“When else do you want me to fix the thing? I’m doing it now.” Sam’s wheeling over with a stool and without any warning grabbed your healthy arm and poked the needle into it, just pushing the stuff inside and making you squeak in discomfort. His mouth was pulled into a tight line. “Oh my god- You.. Nhfnnf..”

Shit hit fast. Not five seconds after the stuff was in your system your vision and everything else went. It was like going to sleep. Just.. scarier. 

* * *

_It’s a nice day out.. the sound of water splashing on the side of the ship you were on was soothing to listen to. It was nice, just sitting here on deck with your friends and playing cards. You weren’t a good player but they stuck around regardless, teaching you._

_You felt at peace. You felt safe. “What are you thinking about?” You lift your head and smile at the figures in front of you._

_Except for where only Zachary was really all that visible. Bruno’s head was missing and Clip’s body was mangled to a point of barely any recognition. There were two more people sitting in your circle now that you checked._

_A man whose head was hanging off a few muscle strands and a damaged spine, his body sitting upright but his expression was blank and empty. Then there was another figure who had been shot. His face was empty too._

_“I’m just really glad that today is such nice weather.” You state and shuffle the cards, flicking them into the middle so everyone could grab them. Only Zachary and Clip took them though, you raise an eyebrow. “Do you guys don’t want to play..?”_

_You blink. They’re gone and only Zachary and Clip are sitting in the circle now, Clip looking normal again and looking at you with a lopsided smirk. “Who you talkin’ to?” Zachary snorted._

_You blinked your eyes open._

* * *

You woke up because you can’t breathe and because there were people yelling. Your eyes snapped open, drowsy still from the medication you were on, indicated by the IV drip connected to your right, healthy arm. 

The first thing you saw was a random dude you didn’t recognize immediately, your mind still pretty high on painkillers but more familiar faces like Sam and Zachary trying to drag the guy off of you clicked immediately into place upon spotting them. It seemed like it didn’t matter.

Your eyes slowly rolled up again, the lack of oxygen seemingly having gone on longer than you actually had been awake for. Because your body was shutting down on you already. 

With a snap he broke your spine. Your adventure ended here. 

(Just kidding.)

Thankfully Sam had enough, the guy suddenly let the guy go and then slammed his fists on either side of the man’s throat, forcing him to choke and let you go as the doctor proceeded to do it again. Either he let his arteries get clobbered and possibly burst or he’d defend himself. 

He chose life but in the end it did not help him that much as Zachary grabbed him by the back of his neck and threw him backwards like a dog that pissed on the carpet, ending up with the man slamming into the cabinet with medical supplies. 

Despite the pressure off your throat, air does not come immediately after. It takes you a few seconds with Sam massaging your throat carefully while Zachary kicked the other dude to stay down before you finally could take a rattling breath. Rough. Painful. The skin would likely bruise.

With oxygen re-supplied to your brain, before you knew it, the ringing and vague yelling was replaced with the actual context. Sam was grinning at you in a lopsided manner, a bit of sweat going down the side of his head. “There you are. Hello again.” 

Too tired.. Hurt.. You blinked like a fish at him as he just stroked some hair out of your face and threw a look over his shoulder, where Zachary was still wrestling the other guy. “Fucking hell-“ What was even going on? 

Right at that moment the guy who’d been choking who managed to get Zachary off of him for long enough to begin to snarl at the two men, glancing to the side you noticed Clip seemingly in not much better of a state than you. Also IV dripped and totally unconscious. 

Speaking of unconsciousness.. your own consciousness was leaving you again, now that you could breathe once more. Sam had finally managed to kick the door open and yell outside.. something something about.. what? You couldn’t make it out anymore. What did you do..?

Were you going to get killed after all..? But then why were you being defended..? It all blurred together.. your eyes fell close once more. Darkness took you. 

* * *

When you woke up again.. you were alone. It was dark. Clip was breathing loudly next to you, basically snoring.. And you woke up abruptly and fast. Your whole body jerked a little as you became lucid from 0 to a 100. Just like that.. But what woke you? 

The memory of having been choked like that suddenly felt so real, like it was happening right this second.. but again, you were alone.. with no one but Clip. You swallowed thickly, moving your healthy arm to rub over your sore throat, squeezed your eyes shut and whimpered in the safety of your solitude.. 

What did you miss and what did you have to worry about now..? You swallowed a few more times.. began to shift your body and tried to sit up. It took you.. four tries, before you managed to do so and the immediate feeling of stiffness from your left arm had you blink to your side and notice the cast. 

In fact, you were bandaged up- Oh god not again. The dude cleaned you again- Sam had done that before after you got dragged back onto the ship with Heat. .. Awkward. You winced and shook yourself. Gosh darn it.. That man.. At least he hadn’t been creepy about it..

You glanced to Clip, who was still snoring.. If not for your aching throat you’d have assumed you were dreaming. But the feeling of the bruises having formed there told you what you needed to know.. Now that you had the mind to think back on it, you recognized the man as one of the henchmen. 

One of your ‘comrades’ who’d been congratulating you too, based on Teddy’s good performance. 

Why he tried to kill you was beyond you.. But now that you got worked up about it, finding sleep was tough.. So you moved out of the bed, supported yourself on the stand that helped the IV drip to do its job and limped towards the door, frantic for some fresh air. Shoving it weakly open and managing it to the railing where you could overlook the whole deck. 

It seemed empty but by now you knew there were three random henchmen and one crewmember stationed somewhere on the island.. Lurking around.. Wearing nothing but a very long sweater that was.. of course because who else was this big.. Wire’s.. you stumbled into the fresh air and immediately sat down on the cold, wooden floor. 

Hass’eiraka was gone.. The open sea greeted you. 

You missed your departure. They.. actually left those guys behind.. didn’t they? Left their bodies.. just like that.. Hhffg.. Bruno. The image of his torn, rotting corpse plaguing your mind. You whine weakly and rubbed over your cast carefully. You were so hungry.. but oddly didn’t need.. to .. pee.. 

Your eyes narrowed at the thought crossing your mind that Sam took care of that too.. God damn that man was invasive like a rabbit overpopulation problem. He made you piss and didn’t feed you? Fucking prick.. 

Suddenly, movement caught your eye and when you looked up, on the other side of the deck was no one but.. Killer? You perked up a little, blinking at the man as he stared back at you.. before he began making his way over the deck towards you. Ah shit.. 

You wanted to just go back to sleep and pretend this wasn’t gonna happen.. But watching him come over reminded you of what had happened to the two of you on that island. It felt weird now.. Oddly.. even though he was now more dangerous than ever, he seemed more approachable. 

He was looking less like a dirt pile again, like you now. Wearing clean clothes, washed hair and skin.. The man seemed like all of this had never even happened. Not a single scratch seemed visible from where you were sitting and even when he came close enough for you to actually check.. you only found him unharmed. 

“..Shouldn’t you sleep..?” You manage to croak out first, looking up at him as he stopped next to you to lean against the railing. “You’re sitting here, crumbled and looking like a half corpse.” He retorted easily enough, crossing his arms as he now rested with his hip against the railing. Looking so relaxed and.. unbothered. “I already slept. Twelve hours, actually.” Yikes.

“..Errr..” You squinted. He continues. “You were out for two days since Doc did not want you moving around with your injuries. Apparently you cracked your ribs.” Ah. 

Made sense, seeing how breathing hurt a little. You didn’t know what to say.. so you said nothing. Just.. glancing away. Not that it mattered, Killer didn’t enjoy your company on good days and couldn’t stand it on bad days. So when he spoke up again it surprised you. 

“You should get back to bed. Just because that sweater goes over your knees doesn’t mean it’s enough to keep you from getting even sicker.” There’s that weird, fucking tone again. Your eyebrow twitched. It sounded friendly, not this polite type of friendly, but _genuinely_ friendly. Like he was talking to.. anyone but you.

Usually the man was keeping talking to you to a minimum if possible. He would be curt and while polite, oozing cold rejection towards you. But this? This was so off putting beyond reason. 

Something felt different about this. He was actually talking to you in a.. normal manner. He was basically striking up a conversation. “..Yeah.. Ok.” You agreed quietly, unsure what to make out of the change of his behavior. “Before I go.. did I miss anything..?” Slowly you fought your way back onto your feet. 

He shrugged and tilted his head. “..We held a short moment for the three we lost on that island but neither you nor Clip were lucid enough to attend.” It made your heart clench. 

They said goodbye to Bruno and here you were.. you fucking missed it. “Alright.. thanks. Erhm.. Goodnight..” You began to shift away, shuffle back to the door. “Night.” The blonde replied and you almost flinched at him actually responding to you. 

You didn’t react to it and just made your way back inside, closed the door and then fought your way back to your bed to nestle into it and allowed sleep to slowly grab your soul. When you had turned around to close the door, Killer had still been standing there, staring at you. God damn it.. 

You forgot to ask him about the guy who tried to murder you.. tomorrow for sure.

“..Bye Bruno..” 

It was said into the basically empty room, almost drowned out by Clip’s snoring. But for a moment.. you felt like it was better than nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so thanks for reading, first off, it’s not rly that important more of a thingie. 
> 
> We made a discord basically for One Piece peeps who are 18 years or older. (No minors allowed.) In case you wanna make OP friends but dunno how? I had the same issue so I went ahead and made this. 
> 
> We got:  
> -Memes  
> -Manga Talk  
> -Anime Talk  
> -Shipping  
> -Art and Writing Sharing  
> -Roleplay Search  
> -We also talk a bit about other fandoms if it comes up ngl  
> -We play games together, vc sometimes, but ya don’t gotta
> 
> and a buncha other stuff? Like, if you made it this far in my fic you’re fine with darker themes too so that’s good.  
> Well, this is the link: https://discord.gg/zZXS8X42dC
> 
> If you’re interested in any of this check us out? We’re fairly small.


	32. Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Change comes, regardless of whether or not it is wanted.
> 
> Sometimes, it is not for the better. 
> 
> But other times it is.

Sleep came only in fits after that. The attempted murder kept coming back to mind, waking you from time to time. It was rough, attempting to find any rest like this. Everytime you were about to doze off you felt like someone wrapped their fingers around your throat once more. It forced you awake, left you dazed as you stared around, only to find you were alone.

No surprise to anyone if you were unable to actually fall back asleep that night. That horrid cycle ended up lasting until it was bright out again, your never ending struggle ended with the door opening and Sam trudging in with a sleepy yawn. 

You wondered what time it was.. you could see faint rays of sunlight but the sky still seemed dark. So probably dawn..? “..Morning..” You croaked from here you were laying, just happy to finally have someone to talk to. 

The doctor jumped a bit and spun around to face you with a confused warble. “Fucking hell! How are you awake? I- Oh.” His gaze fixated on your IV drip, which made you look up as well only to find it empty. Throughout the night it seemed like it had finished up with pumping you full of.. whatever you got. 

Glancing to Clip you found the guy’s drip seemed to be going a lot slower than yours, since he still had a little left in his bag. “Right.. Right.. Shit. I’m sorry, Rat, I’m usually on top of shit like this.” He muttered and walked over to your IV drip to begin taking the bag off the stand. “..I’m not really in any pain right now.. so I’m good..” 

He smiled weakly to that. “Alright. I’ll give you another one regardless since you’re not getting enough fluids otherwise. I’ll tone down the dosage though.” The man began to move about to do that. You were watching him. ..You could ask him now. But should you? He had not brought it up on his own.. So maybe you weren’t supposed to ask..? 

But that weighed really heavily on you.. So here went.. “Ehm.. Sam?” The man hummed to show he heard you as you watched him go through a cabinet where medication was stored. 

“..Did someone try to kill me.. while I was out?” He halted and looked over his shoulder, pulling a mouth. “You remember that?” Hhffmnot the answer you were expecting, you guessed. “Uh. Yeah.” 

“Well, Kidd’s probably gonna make you deal with that later today. So you’ll get all the snuggly details then.” Your whole body went rigid and pain shot up your arm, made you wince and hiss, which in turn made Sam perk up. “Oh- Sorry. Didn’t mean to make that sound so bad- You’re not in any trouble or anything.” 

He came back over and connected a new bag to your drip, then proceeded to pat your shoulder. “If anything, since he tried to kill you while you weren’t even conscious, you’ll probably just be asked some generic shit. Dude was spouting some wild stories.”

That did not make you feel any better. “What.. kind of stories?” But you were shrugged off once more as the doctor grinned at your tense form. “You’ll see. It’s gonna be fun to watch so I don’t wanna spoil it.” He reached out and ruffled your clean hair. Clean. Oh right. You squinted. 

“Did you wash me again?” He froze a bit and his smile slipped off his face. “I- Nh-“ He tensed up now and seemed to flush a little. “Don’t make it awkward.” It was exactly the reaction you were hoping for, guffawing laughter. “Now you know how I feel! Give me the details, gosh darn it!” You slapped him weakly and the man caught your wrist. 

“Don’t move that arm so much, you’ll pull your needle.” He griped, waiting until you were done wiggling before he leaned back again and giving your bandages a once over. “Bet my ass you’ll be fine if I force enough food into you..” He mumbled quietly before looking up. “By the way, I’ll bring you some food now before the others take the best shit.” 

He straightened out and you waved towards him. “Thanks.” He gave a thumbs up before the man left the room again, leaving you and an unconscious Clip. You glanced over to him. The man was still out. Knocked flat. Hhmf.. 

It was awkward again, now that you were alone once more. But the knowledge that you were able to eat in a bit, it made you feel a bit better. It was better than nothing though. 

Minutes passed… some more minutes passed.. you were left alone with your dark thoughts.. and then the sound of footsteps was barreling up the stairs and your whole body tensed, since that sounded too heavy to be Sam. Oh god-

Door got slammed open with so much force it almost got torn right out of the angles and you stared with wide, unfocused and confused eyes at the intruder who was no one else but Gate. You both stared at each other for a moment before he came in and closed the door much more calmly, coming over and grabbing a stool next to the bed and sitting on it. Grabbing your healthy shoulder.

His gaze was way too intense and you were so fucking surprised, you said nothing, just blinked worriedly at the clearly agitated man but when you attempted to ask what was going on he was already talking. “You were right.” Eh?

“I shouldn’t have made you wear the weights. When I was joking about you having a near death experience- I wasn’t serious. I didn’t want for you to have another near death experience.” It takes you a whole second to make it click. He was apologizing. 

To you. 

He still had a firm grip on your shoulder. “And sure, Kidd was also for it but the man’s insane he would have probably kept the weights on even if he broke his bones-“ He’s rambling. Actually rambling. 

The tough, cold and collected Gate. To see him so agitated was.. it was something. He was coming to a close. “-anyway, I was just.. I just wanted to apologize.. and make sure you know I didn’t.. instigate this.. in any manner.” Oh. Your eyebrows went up and you frowned. “W-Why.. would I think that?”

He blinked at you. “..You didn’t?” “No. Not at all..” Both of you stared at each other. He leaned back and finally let your shoulder go, which by now hurt a little bit. “Ah.. that’s good. Let me get you something to eat-“ “Sam already is off doing that!” You interrupted him, grabbing him now. “Please give me company? I’ve been awake the whole night because of this weird ‘strangler’ that I had to deal with.” 

The man made a face, seemingly thinking before it clicked. “Ah, I remember. Right. He’s currently stuck in a barrel since a day prior Kidd accidently bent the bars of our cells beyond repair.. We’ll have to replace them.” That.. was rough. “..How did that happen?” 

Gate huffed. “When Killer got ass blasted into space the captain lost it a little and rampaged for roughly three hours before he calmed down. It doesn’t happen that often.” Good to know though.. You pinned a note in the back of your head to make sure to stay the hell out of his path if it happened again. 

The door opened again and Sam was coming in with a big plate with.. that’s too much food. You stared at it and he just grinned. “You have to eat all of this.” He kicked the door close and moved to your bed, Gate already working on making you sit up. “I- What? But the rations-“ 

“Don’t worry about that. Killer and Kidd headed off onto the island one more time to kill some of the wildlife after Killer was well rested. I guess as some form of revenge at it? It did take three of our men.” Nh.. “Heat and Wire went and grabbed some fruits and herbs too so we’re good to go again. Kidd would never let us leave a place empty handed, especially if it fucked us over.”

The plate’s put on your lap and you stared in dismay at all this.. this mountain of nutrition. You were hungry, basically starving but you knew your body couldn’t hold that much. Gate pats your shoulder. “Get to it.” His sheepishness seemed gone now and he prodded you to begin eating and under two watchful pair of eyes you did. 

* * *

The first thirty minutes were delicious. Everything after was still delicious but now painful but Sam had no mercy, claiming that if he was right in his theory, then the more food you’d take into, the quicker you’d heal. At some point you needed something to drink so instead of plain water they made you chug milk like crazy. 

Point taken: You did feel a lot better after this huge meal and surprisingly, once you started to go past your comfort zone and just had to keep going, it felt like you might be able to fit as much as you possibly wanted. 

It was still very uncomfortable though. 

Regardless you’re forced to consume all of it and once you were done, you felt like you were actually pregnant. So you laid back down and groaned weakly, you were exhausted and Gate was talking to Sam about herbs that they could get at the next stop or whatever.. You didn’t bother to listen since you wouldn’t be able to understand anything anyway.

Tech was your doorstep. Anything with plants.. nah. Not your expertise. At least they cared, you guessed. “I wanna sleep..” You whined from your spot and Sam looked down at you. “Reasonable. Do that.” Just like that? Fine. 

Any worries of having to deal with the strangler turned to barrel hermit or Clip still being out or.. the weird behavior Killer had given you.. it’s drowned out by more sleep.

* * *

This time you actually slept well, having felt a lot safer with Gate and Sam around and you remained asleep until suddenly, as usual, someone decided you shouldn’t anymore. You were grabbed and roughly shaken awake, wincing and opening your eyes abruptly. “W-Wha-?” 

Only to stare at familiar, golden orbs who stared down at you in an annoyed manner. “Come with.” “Boss, she’s not fit to walk that distance. Just put him in front of the door or something.” Sam piped up from where he sat but Eustass just threw a sharp look over his shoulder. Then his gaze settled back on you. 

His eyes were narrowed and he was positively  _ seething.  _ You could see bloodlust and anger drip off of him as if it was tar. Oil. Corrupting and dirtying anything it came into contact with. You felt dirty just being this close to it- He grabbed you by your healthy arm and simply pulled your IV needle out of you, making you wince and Sam curse as he got up from his stool.

“Boss! For fucks sake-“ But the man was borderline ignored as Eustass proceeded to grab you and haul you out of the bed, switching his hold from your now sore feeling arm to the scruff of your shirt, lifting you like a bad puppy and making you feel glad once more that Wire’s sweaters were basically dresses. You were save-

No you weren’t. The man was carrying you out of the medbay and you just hung in his grip like a limp doll. Feeling as vulnerable as could be with your arm in a cast and most of your body in bandages. The deck was almost empty..

It was late in the evening apparently. You had ended up sleeping the whole day away while recovering.. 

“What did you do?” Eustass’ gruff voice made you flinch and try to remain limp. “..Pardon?” The man lifted you a bit closer in front of him as he stepped inside the ship, passing the living quarters though. Where were .. oh. 

You were headed for the brig, you thought. You’d been there before a few times to clean.. They’d always been empty and unassuming.. but weren’t they broke? So why did they bother putting the guy in the barrel down there?

“You’ve been accused of killing men under my service.” The redhead shook you a bit. “Anything to say to-“ “No! I didn’t!” You couldn’t even bring yourself to wait. Coldness settling in you. “How would I?! My arm was broken and all-“ “Shut the fuck up.” He snarled and kicked a door open, shoving you inside. 

“Court’s in fucking session, you pricks. Get him out of the shitty barrel.” Your legs almost gave in under you but you managed to catch yourself looking up and widening your eyes slightly. 

Killer, Heat, Gate and Haiku were situated in different spots within the bigger room. Your gaze drifted to the side. Three cells, all bars bend open and torn. One closed barrel in one.. 

Haiku shrugged and grabbed the thing, before kicking it over to Heat who caught it with both hands. You flinched hearing a muffled curse from inside but winced even more when Heat cracked the barrel like an egg, letting the man inside slap on the ground.

Immediately it smells like piss and all people present made a face of disgust. “Not this shit again-“ Eustass mumbled behind you. Euughhhh.. You cringed and stepped wobbly backwards. 

You bumped into the captain and almost lose your marbles but instead of beating you, like usually, he just shoved past you to take a spot next to Killer, who was at the back. Heat was in front of the cell in the middle, Haiku was standing in said cell and Gate was next to the door. 

They really were taking this seriously.. “Alright.” Killer spoke up, making you concentrate on the guy on the floor, who just.. looked horrible. Dirty and whatever else.. he was not doing well and when he spotted you, you flinched. 

“This is gonna be quick. You tried to kill her on the accusation that she was responsible for the death of the others-“ The man wobbled to his legs, his eyes frantic and panicked and your heart clenched in sympathy. “Who else?! Who else coul-“ Eustass slammed his fist against the wall of the room behind you, making everyone wince. “Shut your mouth! Where the hell do you take the nerve-“ Killer bumped his friend with his elbow.

“Doesn’t matter. She was with me during our trip on the island and when I found her she was already dying of an infection thanks to her broken arm.” You had an infection? You looked back at him but he just continued. “Seeing how this is pointless and we already know that she had nothing to do with their passing we’ll go right to the verdict.” 

..Was.. was this pirate court? Were they holding the guy trial? “You had explained your reasoning earlier but it had no legs to stand on, the story didn’t add up and then you proceeded to take this into your own hands.” Heat yawned behind the shaking guy and looked ready to fall asleep. 

You didn’t know why you were here but you didn’t want to be. 

“Seeing how Rat wasn’t conscious at the time without being able to even verbally defend herself, we decided the most appropriate punishment would be letting her decide how you die for this transgression.” 

You swallow air and the man who choked you paled. “D-Die?” Eustass grunted and stepped past you to lean next to Haiku against the bars. “We can’t have guys on this ship that run around killing the crew off. Sure as hell not taking a detour to drop your ass.” 

You were right about not wanting to be here. Your gaze slowly wandered to Heat and Gate out of fear. Seeing him as your only sturdy anchors. By now Gate took a spot next to Heat, them having mumbled between themselves but noticing you staring Heat blinked. Gate lifted his head in your direction. 

Then he gave you a thumbs up and your stomach dropped. They were making you kill another person.. You zoned back in when Eustass suddenly surged up. “Stop your bitching and go with some fucking dignity! We don’t take mutiny lightly on this vessel, you worthless piece of shit!” 

You didn’t even know his name, having never bothered to remember it. “But I would never betray you, captain-“ “You went directly against our orders when we announced that she’s part of the crew now.” 

“How was I supposed to know you were serious?!” He exclaimed, his voice high and panicked. You needed to make a decision. Like.. right now right now.. Heat was making hand gestures at you and you deciphered them. ‘Hurry up’. 

The more the guy argued the more likely it became his death would be extremely gruesome and painfully. Eustass was losing his patience. He probably had little left, seeing how his direct orders had been ignored and this henchman had decided on his own to kill another member of the crew. 

“-nd even then she’s still alive!” He was backing off from Eustass, who was coming closer with twitching fingers and an infuriated expression. “What? Am I supposed to ignore murder attempts,  _ on my own fucking ship,  _ just because they were unsuccessful?!”

There’s no saving the man. You knew, because this has happened multiple times now. Wire, the guy you killed, people’s lives were worthless if they didn’t listen. At least if you were a henchman. There’s a prod at your shoulder. 

You were cramped up as you turned around to Killer, flinching when you found that the man was already looking at you. His arms were crossed and while he seemed zoned in on you, you knew he was probably listening to the shit show that was happening in the middle of the room, where Eustass had now grabbed the poor soul to begin crushing his shoulder. 

The disgusting crunching noise made you want to whimper but you just shuffled closer to the blonde. You couldn’t save this man. They kept telling you. “Y-Yeah..?” He inclined his head. “..Just make a decision. Seeing how you’re in no condition to do anything, I’ll take care of it.” 

It’s probably the kindest thing the man had ever done for you.. ignoring not leaving you behind on Hass’eiraka. “But..” He interrupted you, crouching a bit to continue in a calm manner while his captain was yelling the other dude into the floor. “This is either you giving him a quick end or Kidd’s going to hang him by his entrails..” That image was horrible. 

Your left eyelid twitched. “I.. Can..?” “I’ll allow it.” He stood up straight again, watching you with his head tilted a bit to the side. You swallowed and looked over your shoulder, Eustass was shaking the guy. Heat and Gate were staring at you and Killer with wide, baffled eyes. Haiku was not looking much different, watching the two of you. 

You turned back to Killer and clenched your fist. “P-Please..” You started, once again the familiar feeling of sickness settling in your stomach. “Could you..?” He.. might? Please let him feel good enough to take pity right now. You beg lady luck.

She answers and the man stepped past you, letting his arms drop to his side to nudge his redhaired friend, who snapped his head around. “What?!” Killer huffed in an almost amused manner.. it made you sick. “She decided she wants him shot in the head.” You hadn’t.

You hadn’t been able to think or decide at all.. He did that for you. And when Eustass looked over to you, you didn’t bother correcting the blonde. Just praying you wouldn’t be forced to pull the trigger. Golden orbs fixated on you. He narrowed his eyes. “..What the hell.. fine.” 

Fine??? What was he expecting????? But the man just mumbled in an agitated manner and shoved the dude to you, who stumbled and landed at your feet. You stared down at his shivering form. Eustass looked pissed. Twitching and seemingly barely halting himself from mauling the guy. 

“Do.. you wanna do it..?” You looked at the redhead, trying to not seem to desperate- “Yeah- Shit- Fucking blessed.” The man snapped without even waiting for you to actually finish the sentence, lurching forward, grabbing the man by his ankle and dragging him out of the cell, ignoring his attempts to negotiate and beg.

He left you alone with the other four men but Killer already moved past you to follow his captain. Thus, leaving you with three. 

“That went smooth.” Haiku peeped up from his spot. You just.. “I’m surprised he’s not making me watch..” “Eh..” Gate shoved off the wall to walk over. “He was too mad. Sometimes he just has those moments..” Sometimes. When was the guy not angry..? You stood helplessly in the middle of the room, blinking.

This.. had gone by so fast. Ridiculously fast. And.. you were still trying to wrap your hand around this whole thing. What took you the most off guard was.. you were unhurt. Eustass had dragged you around and shoved you once without making you fall.. But he didn’t hurt. He didn’t even force you to shoot the guy. 

You were gently nudged into the side. “Come on. I know the boss didn’t say it, but you should be up there when it happens to build rep.” Haiku wrapped his arm around your healthy one, linking you two together as he supported your weight when he began to tug you along. 

The realization that you had just condemned this guy to death made you snap out of your haze as you cringed. “I.. I don’t wanna..” “You have to.” Gate spoke up. He grunted and just ushered you and Haiku a bit faster but when it came forward that you couldn’t go any faster the man with the iroh cut picked you up to jog up the hallway. 

Heat and Gate right behind you two. Already you could hear chanting and screaming and yelling- you began to sweat. “I don’t want this-“ Haiku stopped right before you guys got out to put you down. “Don’t sweat it.”

Gate pressed past you. “Yeah, this time isn’t even your fault.” “Don’t say it like that, it’ll freak her out.” Heat mumbled as he took a spot behind you. “Go. Before it’s over.” You didn’t want this. But since when did that matter?

It took them another nudge to get you to limp onto the deck to spot the barrel guy laying on the ground, looking severely beaten by now. Nothing too extreme.. no bones seemed broken but Eustass clearly threw him around. 

Killer had taken a spot next to the mast, leaning against it, Kidd was ranting at the men gathered of what was gonna happen if someone wanted to play, judge, jury and executioner on his ship. 

You were.. staring at the scene and felt a bit sickly. But not nearly as sickly as you should. The man on trial had tried to kill you. For.. for what? He assumed you had killed the others. He assumed you killed his friends and attempted to get revenge. 

You felt sympathy. Bad for him.

And just like that, it was over. Eustass finally turned around, pulled his gun and fired. Not at his head though- He riddled the dude’s body with as many bullets as his revolver held. The third shot going right through his chest and finally killing him. 

Killer doesn’t twitch. People were going through several stages. Some were cheering, some were clapping- but some were just.. quiet. You could tell something shifted. Especially when some of them found you and the glares you got were borderline getting glares.

The three men with you noticed too and Heat lowered his head a bit to huff. “..Now that weight training is gonna come in handy..” You turned a bit to look at the other with a quirked eyebrow. “..What did I do?” 

“Boss just killed someone who tried to kill you. Sure, it was because the guy went against him but also because you’re an actual henchman.” Haiku was looking down on you. “I don’t think anyone ever considered you to be one up until now. You were just the marine lady we picked up and screwed around with. Now that they know that the ship rules apply to you as well, I’m sure it’s not as funny anymore.” 

That was .. it was worrying and relieving you at the same time.

* * *

You were back in bed. Stared blankly at the ceiling and felt itchy. It was so surreal. You hadn’t realized just how much had changed from the day of where Eustass was beating the piss out of you, all the way up to now. 

The fact that you were protected by rules of conduct on this pirate ship.. You rubbed over your face and sighed lowly. 

“C’mon..” Clip’s voice sounding next to you had you turn your head. “S’ gud, righ’? Now yer recognized to be one o’ us.” He was sitting up, a plate of food on his lap. You had your own plate of food but you couldn’t bring yourself to eat. It felt like your stomach was filled with lead.

It felt.. another guy was dead and you were worried. Because even though he died, related to you, you barely felt anything. You felt bad, sure but.. you weren’t as upset as you had hoped you’d be earlier. Before, you assumed you were in shock. Now you realized that this was not the case..

Not initially. You had been in shock but by now it had to be over, right? So why did you feel better? Why weren’t you feeling as guilty as you did previously with Hover.. or the Wire guy.. Or… Or those marines.. 

The scary revelation that you were changing kept coming into your mind.. How could you stop it..? Could you even stop it? “Rat.. Eat. Ya gotta.” Clip’s voice made you wince. With a weak nod, you began to eat. Recalling it.

Eustass had kicked the corpse around a bit before hauling it overboard. He declared once more that any sign of mutiny wasn’t gonna pass and if anyone wanted to try and overrule him, they should do a better job at it. Killer cut in telling people that they wouldn’t stand for people ignoring the rules of conduct on the Victoria Punk, but everyone was safe from repercussions as long as they abided by them.

Still. The atmosphere afterwards was a mix of tense and uncaring. Dude had some friends in the crew. To have him die for trying to kill an ‘ex-marine’.. People weren’t too happy with that. Hover had been different. 

You killed the man in self defense. After he bragged about going to rape you. Not just that, but the guy was as fresh as Clip, Zach and Bruno at the time. He didn’t make deep connections yet.

Now Eustass had killed someone that had made connections, over him breaking the rule of not killing fellow henchmen unless warranted. 

You should feel safer. Instead you felt as if you had been taken from the fire into the frying pan. It was a step up but still extremely dangerous. No one liked to be fried and right now, you were worried that you would end up doing so. 

“..Rat..” You looked up to stare at Clip, chewing. “..Yer gunna be aight.. kay? Neitha’ me nor Zach’ are gunna let peeps hurt ya… as long as they’re not direct crew or the bosses.” You swallowed your food and blinked slowly. 

“..Promise?” Your voice sounded weak. Quiet. “Yeah, gal.. we got’chu back.” You took another bite of your food.. your mind.. slowly calmed down. You felt better.. The last bit of hesitant air cleared up with a friend at your side. 

“Thanks.” You smiled weakly at him, once done eating your food. He was done right about the same time and he just grinned before yawning. Right.. Both of you got put back on IV drip. Personally? Even without it you felt fine at the time. But Sam didn’t wanna risk you getting an infection. 

It looked like the two of you would be sleeping a lot for now until you made a full recovery. You couldn’t wait.. You were worried about what might happen to you in case you weren’t able to defend yourself while everyone was out to get you. 

  
  


The day passed relatively fast after that incident. Clip was asleep already again. You?.. You did not wish to sleep again so soon. So, you decided to not go to sleep. You pulled closed the drip to remain awake, spending the time reading the medical books in the room. 

Sam caught you but once explaining to him you were feeling fine he made a weird face, only to leave again without saying anything else. It had been thirty minutes now. Whatever upset him, you hoped it wasn’t too bad-

The door opened again and you looked up to see the man having come back, now with a bucket in his hand and a grim expression. “...Sam..?” You blinked at him. He walked over and slammed the bucket down next to the bed, snatched a tool and grabbed your cast. You winced. “Ehm- What are you doing? Are we changing my-“

“I’m taking it off.” The man stated gruffly. You blinked. “..But.. I-“ “It should hurt. That arm got  _ shattered. _ For it to not feel like anything doesn’t mean anything good. Maybe I fucked up and damaged your nerves or overlooked something.” 

You fell quiet to watch him remove the rest of the cast, dropping the pieces into the bucket, joining the man in observing the limb. It looked fine.. Felt fine too. You raised your eyebrows and moved your fingers a bit. Doc’s mouth opened a little.

“..You can move your hand already?” You glanced up. “Y-Yeah..” “Does it hurt?” You tried again. “No.. No, I don’t think so. In fact, I think it feels fine.” 

“Try and move the whole arm.” “But-“ “Do it. Come on.” The man was getting agitated. You could see it. His mouth was open and a slight flush was on his face, he was basically panting when you carefully straightened the limb out. Your own mouth dropped open and you felt.. fine. No pain. 

“..You have to be shitting me.. How..? It’s not been a fucking week..” Sam grabbed the limb, began to carefully move it in different angles and directions. You just stared at the limb. 

The doctor giggled, actually giggled like a toddler. “..You evolved again..” You blinked at him as he grabbed your wrist firmly with a borderline unhinged expression, his eyes still hidden under his hat. “You’re the fucking best, Rat.” 

He said that. And when you glanced in disbelief at your seemingly completely recovered limb.. despite never having had any remarkable abilities aside from your mechanic skills..? 

You believed him. 


	33. Just do the Pokerface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or lose-
> 
> btw https://discord.gg/hkzUgC3W one more time.
> 
> it’s a one piece server for adults only. ngl we just. nerd out?? mhmm

Healed. 100% healed.. You clenched your hand into a fist, watched your fingers curl and your fingernails press into the palm of your hand. With a blank expression you contemplated your recovery and couldn’t help but grin. 

You felt good.. ever since you turned out to be completely fine, you felt different. It was like suddenly you had some form of safety net.. 

Sam figured out what fixed you. Apparently it was the same thing that fixed Killer and Eustass whenever they got beaten to shit. 

Milk.

Who would have thought that milk would be the thing to get you back on your feet.. Now that you knew, maybe you should make a point of carrying some on your body.. it would only be of use if you broke your bones and you couldn’t drink it when they were completely unaligned- but.. mh. 

You were in thought about this since yesterday, at the moment leaning against the railing. Full of soot and oil after having given Teddy his well deserved checkup. The guy was running just fine. You were glad. 

For once.. everything was going smoothly. No one was beating you.. Your invention was working.. you were basically healed aside from bad bruises and stitches from where you got cut..

The only thing that was bugging you was the change of behavior in some of the henchmen. It was the minority, most having seemingly accepted your initiation easily enough, now that it was official, but there were some of the men who didn’t want to follow suit. 

But.. it wasn’t too bad. They were rude mostly, giving you the stink eye.. It’s been two days now since you’ve turned out to be Mrs. Incredible Healing Abilities. When Eustass got wind of it he told you to stop grinning and threw the cup he was holding at the time right at your face.

You got a nosebleed. Alright- So maybe you had been getting hurt but that was.. normal by now. You merely got a nosebleed. Who cared?? All your bones were in tip top shape! 

You rubbed over your wrists, staring blankly at them. How far you came.. You.. really were kind of a pirate now. You even had a bounty.. of.. how much? 180 beli. The thought made you feel better. A bitter sting of betrayal.. You narrowed your eyes.

Depression made way for anger. Resentment. 

Footsteps made you glance up and you froze a little, seeing it was no one else but Wire. The man was sauntering over with a grin and once close enough, draped himself over the railing a bit. “There you are. Already done with your chores?” 

Cleaning. Laundry. Teddy.. “Yeah.” “Great! We’re playing cards again and I need a plus one!” He was way too chipper.. You felt exhausted just looking at him. Suddenly, you noticed some of the henchmen giving you bitter glares. It made you remember a question you had. “Uhm.. sure.. before that, I wanted to ask if you think I might get into trouble with the others for .. I dunno.. being close to you guys?” 

It had been weighing on your mind for a while now, ever since the trial.. and it was a good moment to bring it up, seeing how you two were alone. Wire perked a little. “Close? You’re not that close to us.” His expression wasn’t humoring, it seemed almost annoyed. You lifted an arm. 

“I mean- In comparison- You guys let me sleep in your room.. you helped me train.. Gate bought me these weights.. which I lost.. and apologized to me-“ “He apologized?” “and I mean.. I don’t see you inviting any other henchmen to play cards.” Wire was pondering.

“..Nhh..Alright, fair point. I guess that’s a valid worry.” He glanced over his shoulder, the men immediately, pointedly, looked away. “But I don’t think you should worry too much.” He looked back at you. “Could be worse. Being friends with crewmembers has its perks. Plus, you’re not getting paid, so they have little to complain about.” 

You blinked. “They.. they get paid?” Wire grinned, an eyebrow quirking up in amusement. “Sure they do. Under a half of what we salvage from our loots goes to the men to keep them motivated depending on how well they do. We, as the crew get a mighty cut out from those 100% but we do pay the guys for their work.” 

You glanced over your shoulder. “..This is a mighty dangerous job..” Wire huffed. “Not like most of them have other options. The majority of the henchmen consists of criminals that’d be on death row otherwise, useless deadbeats, guys who dream of adventure and riches. They wouldn’t do well in a normal setting.”

The tall man made a vague hand gesture. “Not just that, but our application progress is pretty rough too. We don’t take guys who are too flaky. Once you join the crew that’s your station until you fucking die. They’re all aware of that when they step foot on the deck. At least if you’re on the Punk.” 

Your eyebrow twitched. “..Do you guys have more ships?” Wire snorted. “Uh, yeah. We have four fully packed ones in total but they act completely independant. They’re run by guys from the close crew you haven’t met yet and will likely only ever see in passing.” Oh god.. Oh god, right.. You remembered.. 

The Kid Pirates had more crew than the ones you met- You just.. it flaked on you. But you didn’t remember if they had official wanted posters- when neither a description was taken, nor a photo, the navy had to wait until at least one was provided to avoid accidently framing a civilian. You stared at Wire and he just smiled in an amused manner, clicked his tongue and signed at you. ‘Close your mouth or a fly will go right in there.’ 

You snapped your jaw shut and blinked again. “..Who.. runs those ships?” Curiosity peaked. Wire scratched his chin. “Mhhff.. well, the three other vessels are handled by four guys in total. First we have two guys on one, Rufioh and Less, they’re two douchebags but they’re good guys. We got Arial, guys older than Killer.. Maybe twice as old? He’s a fossil but fucking smart and then the last group is commanded by Hemlet.” 

Wire rubbed over the railing with a flat palm, staring out to the sea with a softened expression. “I miss them all, they’re good guys to party with but Kidd’s right when he says the ships need to be under command of guys we trust. Plus, none of them are good with spotlight, so being on the side-ships keeps them out of the biggest messes.” 

“So they don’t have wanted posters?” You inquired, peeking at his face to try and gauge his reaction. He gave you an amused glance. “Nope. Nothing to tell your ex-comrades about if you see them again. All four are extremely protective of their privacy. You might find pictures of their side crew though, seeing how they’re independant acting. They will likely not be related to the Kid Pirates though, those guys are sneakier than us.” 

“Don’t they sail under your flag?” Valid to ask, right? “Yeah, but they don’t leave many survivors either. Maybe even less than us. Those three ships are a volatile pile of steaming shit. The guys hire the sickest, nastiest assholes they find.” Uh.. Mh.. You glanced away.

He chuckled and then grabbed you by your neck, his huge hand wrapping easily around your whole throat with spidery fingers. 

“Now let’s go play poker.” With a tug, as if you were a dog on a leash, he began leading you over the deck towards the dining room. You didn’t protest, still imploding with the new information you had gotten. 

Wait, Poker. 

“I still don’t know how to play poker-“ “Don’t try this shit again.” Wire groaned. “I’m serious. I won by chance last time-“ It’s been long enough so it felt safe to come clean and Wire stopped to stare at you with narrowed eyes. “Say that again and look me in the eyes.” 

Hhhffff.. “I.. don’t know how to play poker? I won by chance last tim-“ He let you go and snarled, beginning to aggressively sign at you. His hands moved too fast and you couldn’t understand shit. “Wait- what?” 

He paused and grit his teeth before grabbing around your throat again. “Fuck you.” And just like that he was dragging you after him again, up the stairs and slamming the door open to tug you inside. 

You felt oddly giddy, snickering instead of being frightened. It was weird but by now you felt like Wire wouldn’t hurt you unless told to do so by his captain. “What’s she giggling about?” The voice made your laughter cut out.

You craned your head back and spotted the owner of it. Killer.. The blonde was sitting at the table and supporting his weight on his elbows. It was just him and Gate today, Wire shoved you into the room.

“She doesn’t know how to play poker.” Gate made a face. “You’re falling for that agai-“ “I checked, alright?! She fucking lucked out last time.” Wire dropped opposite of Gate.. leaving a spot opposite of Killer wide open unless you wanted to ruin the square they made. Gate and Wire were bickering at each other, leaving you on your own on this one.

..You slide gingerly into your seat and when you noticed Killer looking at you, you smiled weakly. “..Hello again.” 

Neither of you had talked ever since that evening where he talked about Bruno’s memorial. “Hello, Rat.” He tilted his head. “Congratulations on your sudden recovery.” ..He sounded genuine about this. It.. he was being creepy again, wasn’t he? Blindsighting you with civil behavior. “Oh- Thank you.” 

He leaned a bit closer, his long locks dropping over his shoulder as he was assessing you. “Are you still in any pain?” You glanced at Wire and Gate but they were busy discussing on whether you could be trusted or not. You glanced back to Killer. 

“No.. Not really. I’m kind of still bruised but aside from that I’m doing ok.. and you?” This was so domestic.. The man just shrugged a little. “I am doing well. I see you kept your promise.” Which is when Gate finally piped in from the side. “What promise?” Wire added to it. “Are you guys keeping secrets? What the fuck-“ Killer lifted a hand to stop them.

“Nothing like that. We just made a little deal. Good for you on keeping your end of it.” You felt a bit worried but squinted. “What.. was your end of the deal?” Killer tilted his head to the side. “You’re still here, aren’t you?” Wire tensed slightly next to you and Gate elbowed the blonde. “Don’t be ominous right now. I just want to play already and if she’s shitting herself it’ll get in the way.” 

Killer huffed and leaned back. “Relax. She’s fine.” A stamp of approval- The door opened and you craned your head back to raise your eyebrows and curse lady luck. Eustass. The man was wearing his usual attire, his huge coat covering his whole back as his gaze almost immediately fixated on you, then on Killer.

“What the fuck?” He exclaimed. His eyes narrowed. “Why the shit is she here again? I don’t wanna have to look at her while crushing you guys.” He sounds unfriendly, annoyed, and frankly, you wanted to leave. “Kidd, sit here.” Killer had lifted his arm, only now you noticed that the man wasn’t wearing his battle gear. 

You couldn’t see it from where you were sitting. Eustass just groaned and walked over to his buddy. “Why didn’t you at least move the tables? I don’t want to sit on the edge-“ “Don’t be a bitch right now.” Gate muttered as he had grabbed the cards to shuffle them. 

“The hell did you just say to me?” The redhead slammed his hand onto the table but now sat down next to Killer, who elbowed the other. “Don’t break this table. The next one I’m making you build.” “Yeah yeah, suck a cock- Gate, deal the cards.” 

“Erhm..” You looked up at Wire who perked up once catching your expression. “Ah- Yeah, right, here..” He began to loosely explain the rules of the game. Gate rolled his eyes and Eustass leaned closer, his massive body dwarfing you, even from across the table. “We’re playing poker. I saw her play last time-“ 

“Oh, yeah. She was faking it.” Wire looked up to give a sheepish grin to his captain. “Mhh.. she got lucky last time.” He added.. 

You could hear a pin drop- 

The redhead turned his attention to you again. “You lied to me.” He sounded- accusatory. As if he  _ deserved  _ the truth! As if you  _ actively  _ lied to him. “Wh- I didn’t ever say I knew how to play!” You were quick to defend yourself with a dismayed expression. “I wouldn’t dare lie to you!” With raised hands, up in defense, you leaned back and away from him.

The man sneered at you. The scars on his face wrinkled a little, looking uncomfortable. “..Of course you wouldn’t. You have no backbone.” You blinked, watching him back off a little. That.. was somewhat tame. Your gaze flickered to Killer, who was now chatting to Gate in hushed voices. 

The guy definitely told his captain what happened on the island.. but what else? This was the most civil you’d ever gotten to talk to the other man. He hadn’t tried to hit you once. Not even to shove you. You glanced back to Eustass. Your brain was wrecking itself, trying to figure out what would be the smartest move. 

“..Like.. a chocolate eclair..?” Wire snorted next to you and Eustass’ expression went from mocking to confused and then a little baffled before it went grim, his grin looking rather unfriendly and snarky. “Cotton.” 

You’re bantering. What the fuck. 

“..Am I.. medium quality cotton?” The man was clearly trying to get a read on you, his mouth pulled into a tight line as he seemed to attempt and decipher whatever fucking code you were speaking. “..Killer.” He grit out, glancing at his buddy. The blonde turned a little. 

“She’s not insulting you.” You flinched as the man glared at you again, his eyes narrowed as he snatched the cards from the table when Gate threw them over. You just.. grabbed yours and glanced away. 

Everyone’s checking out their cards.

Being relatively quiet for a moment.

“...”

“...You’re low quality cotton.” 

Your head snapped up again to stare at Eustass, who was making a grimace at you as if he bit into a lemon. The redhead was staring you down still, his sharp jaw being put on show when he tilted his head to the left, bearing the right side of his throat. That was a wide neck.. Guy probably got more muscles in there than you had in your whole body. 

“Alright, call. Get your asses in gear, we’re playing for money and this time no lucky stokes.” Wire huffed out where he was sitting and gave you an annoyed glance. Hnnff.. “I don’t have so much.” 

“Then we’ll get wishes.” Gate piped up. You made a face. “You already tell me what to do constantly.” Gate narrowed his eyes and then grinned in a malicious manner. You could see his gums, that’s how wide he was grinning. “Then how about this: If you win this, you won’t have to wear the new weights I made you.” 

Fuck. There’s the familiar pressure. The dread of the consequences that would occur if you failed. You held onto your cards tightly and tried to remember what Wire told you.

* * *

You lost, as predicted, a lot of money. Lady Luck wasn’t blessing you a hundred times in a row and not only did you lose all your money, you lost the weights back onto you. He was gonna go easier this time though. 

Apparently he’d start with two 50kg weights first. 

Not this was any kind of comfort, knowing you’d be struggling to move once again.. Whenever Gate created those weights. Still.. This game was a lot calmer than last time already. Maybe it was because Killer defused any fight threatening to break out.

Eustass seemed pretty chill at the moment. Relatively smug too.. Maybe because he won the majority of the games played at the moment. Was probably the reason why Gate looked as grim as if his legs had been cut off. 

You hoped that wouldn’t be taken out on you. All in all, it went somewhat well. Sure, you were poor as shit once more but necessities like shampoo, feminine hygiene products, whatever whatever, was provided to you by Sam. So it wasn’t like you were stressing over that.

You had a shit ton of new clothes from your one and only shopping trip and you also ended up getting fed three times a day. You made a face, looking at your cards. With Clip stuck in recovery and Bruno being straight up dead, your power dynamic was off. 

Zach did his best but he wasn’t enough to shoulder you two to victory. The food you got was enough but not nearly as much as you’d been able to get with Bruno just bulldozing everyone over and Clip covering the guy with Zachary. 

You tried to pitch in but learned relatively fast that some of the guys would use this window of opportunity to just, well, punch you. If able, in the face. If that happened you usually just.. kinda did your best to avoid it. Funnily enough, you didn’t get hit that much. Even if guys tried to.

You had gotten a lot quicker since the start of this journey. It was a surprise to both you and Zachary, but on the defense, you might be able to take one of the weaker henchies in a fist fight. Maybe. You don’t wanna test it.

“I win.” You weren’t even paying attention to the game. You weren’t gonna get it anyway. Wire was looking awfully smug about it at first, but lost that real fast when he began realizing that while you weren’t winning, he was not either. 

Killer put his cards flat on the table and Gate slammed his fist onto the table. “Alright- I’m out. I lost most of my loot on you shits.” He was.. proper miffed. Wire groaned and slouched. “Me too. I’d like to keep some dignity.” You jump onto the train and nod hectically.

Yeah. Please. You don’t wanna play cards anymore, sitting right in front of Killer. Because speaking of the dude- he was staring. 

At first you thought you were imagining it, seeing how his head wasn’t even aimed at you but something in you  _ knew.  _ Some, unreasonably, huge part of you felt watched. Eustass wasn’t doing it, neither Gate nor Wire. 

And when you looked back at him abruptly he cocked his head a little, as if to challenge you. Challenge. You. To what??? You couldn’t help but stare back. It became.. you didn’t know what it was. A contest?

He noticed you were staring. At some point he just stared openly back while the others were cursing at each other. It felt like a full minute before he stopped doing so to intervene and prevent a fight from breaking out. But after that it was obvious the guy definitely knew what was up. 

At first you were worried about him getting on your case for looking at him but once realizing he wasn’t just noticing it but  _ indulging you  _ by  _ looking back _ ?? You kept getting more bold. It was dumb. Now that the game was over, Eustass too busy gloating and Gate already up and on his way out while Wire gathered his shit, you were painfully aware of Killer’s position once more.

The guy was sitting in front of you, his bulky arms angled with his elbows resting on the table and somewhat crossed. His massive torso slouched a bit forward and.. openly.. staring. He was facing you completely and all. 

“At least he’s not making you lift 200kg at once.” You grimaced. “Y-Yeah.. Just a 150.. am I right..?” Just hearing that reminded you of the fact that you were a changed person. 150kg would have been impossible for the old you. “I’ll be observing your results.” His deep baritone made you shiver in worry. He tilted his head back to the side and some of his blonde strands fell over his shoulder. God, so much hair..

Erhhg.. You smiled weakly, awkwardly and got up to trail after Wire like a lost little duckling. Feeling his eyes drill into you the whole time on your way out. It made you nervous and you weren’t gonna mention it until you had reached halfway over the deck. Gate was still grumbling over the loss but Wire was looking down at you over his shoulder.

“By the way.. what kind of deal did you make with Killer? He’s been staring a lot, hasn’t he?” Erk- Your body flinched and with a tilt of your head to the side you pulled a pout. “Dunno..” Gate stopped and turned around. “Don’t lie to us.” This is putting you on the spot. You were getting itchy.

“We wouldn’t tell on you.” Wire grinned and slung an arm around you after crouching to your level. Both men were looking at you expectantly but.. Nhff.. You glanced away.

* * *

In the end, you didn’t tell them. You didn’t know how without getting murdered over it. They understood. Well, Gate did. Wire decided to take it personally for roughly ten minutes so he needled Gate to get your new weights immediately but they first had to finish them up, Gate needing to put in different weights into the stockings and armocks. 

You had maybe an hour before your suffering began again. Great. Zachary was currently visiting Clip, you were on a search to find something to do.. Dinner would be soon. Maybe you could get started on that.. You rubbed over your face and stared at your hands.

You can’t cook.

But you might be able to do food prep. That was something you had been doing a lot back in the navy, while on a ship. Not for long but.. well.. You knew how to prep food. So, off you went. Wait- You stopped.

Were Killer and Eustass still in there? You made a face. Should you risk that..? Genuinly- Up until recently Killer had been acting very civil with you and even his captain was more than his usual self with you. He hadn’t broken anything- you weren’t bruising, he didn’t even really yell at you. He sneered, mocked you, was rude- but that was the worst of it right now.

Bonus Point System.. Maybe the decision to not try and stab Killer while he seemed to be at his most vulnerable had gotten you.. somewhere. You were unsure where though- Wait. When did you get here? Somehow your dumb brain managed to walk you towards the kitchen anyway. 

Mhh.. you could check through the circular window on the door- you carefully stood on the tips of your toes.. only to look right at Eustass giving you a confused look. Oh right. Observation Haki. They would know if you were crawling around in their near. There went the little amount of dignity that had managed to cling to your soul. 

Hhrr- You duck down and just open the door after a short knock. Killer was still present, now looking up from what he’d been checking out- seemed to be a bunch of blueprints. Wondered what that was about.. “What?” The redhead sounded a bit put off still but his eyes were already narrowing in annoyance.

“I.. was wondering if I should start on food prep..? For.. dinner.” The two men glanced at each other. “Fine. I’ll help her then.” Eustass made a face at Killer, leaning over to mouth something against the side of his mask where his ear would be but Killer just elbowed the guy. 

“Alright! Dumb idiot..” Eustass muttered under his breath and got up before he stopped in his movement when he went to grab the blueprints. His face lit up a little. “You know what, scrap that idea. I’m taking her.” Killer didn’t complain, he just shrugged. “Fine. That might work better, actually.” 

Please no- but the man grabbed the blueprints and turned to you with a grim expression. “Get.” You dodged backwards so he wouldn’t walk into you when he left the room. Oh god. 

“Come on. Look at these.” He didn’t stop walking but was now shoving papers at you. You grabbed them and skimmed them over. Nh- What..? You looked confused at the blueprints while you made an effort to follow him. What.. it looked like.. a canon? “What.. is this gonna be?” You looked up at the man, he glanced over his shoulder. 

“Remember your little pussy bombs?” Oh.. You knew where this was going. “Well, you’ll be making more of them. But with something more aggressive.. Like.. nnn.. Nerve gas?” The man perked up and laughed a little. “Ah fuck, that’s a good idea- Or just shrapnel bombs-“

He was rambling, talking about all the gruesome ideas he had for this. The fact he was now trying to make you help build something that would kill a lot of people- you felt tense. “I.. I dunno how to help with that.. those were just.. freak accidents..” The man stopped and looked at you, turning his body a little and his grin was gone. 

You wanted to hide. “..And here I thought you said you wouldn’t dare lie to me..” Oh shit- he grabbed you by your wrist and jerked you forward. With grit teeth you just stumbled after him as he continued to drag you. “This isn’t up for discussion. Either you’re making yourself useful or I’m shoving your ass into this canon.” 

He would. Of course he would- Up the stairs to the captains cabin and you were shoved inside unceremoniously. Your wrist hurt a little but it was nothing in comparison to what he had done before.. “Sit there.” He pointed at the ground in front of his desk and like the dog you had become, you did. 

What surprised you was when he came back with pens, papers and some more plans to sit down right in front of you, his legs crossed and his prosthetic undocking from his stump to settle next to him. 

His feathered cloak spread over the ground like water, you wondered again what poor animal had to die for it. But from this angle, while he wasn’t focused on you but on spreading out your working space, he looked almost peaceful. 

As soon as his eyes found yours again the expression made way for a scowl. “So, this is how we’re gonna do it.” You crossed your legs too, holding your hands in your lap. You blinked at him. “Imagine you’re building these bombs not for some random douchebags.” Nh?

He leaned a bit closer and gave you a wry grin. “Imagine you’re building them so you can use them against me.” Your body tensed and you jerked back a bit. His arm snapped forward and his long, strong fingers wrapped around your neck to jerk you forward again, your noses now almost touching. You could  _ smell  _ him.

Your eyes wide and unfocused, borderline panicked against his own, which were now squinted in sadistic delight. “Give it your best.. pretend you could come up with a way to kill me.” You couldn’t breathe without taking in his scent, which seemed to be a mix of metal, booze and natural musk. So you didn’t breathe- You just tried to jerk away again, mostly out of reflex.

The man let go, watched you shrink in on yourself thanks to his demonstration. “Come on. Isn’t that something you can get behind?! Killing the person you hate the most!” You were leaned back, supporting your weight on your left arm and stared at him. 

The person you hated the most.. your body twitched. “..That’s not you.” And you weren’t even lying. The people you hated the most weren’t these guys.. It was the guys who killed your parents. Your friends. A lot of people got hurt thanks to the pirates that invaded your home back then. It was their fault you ended up on this path. 

The Kidd Pirates were just a side dish of pain. Eustass craned his head back and narrowed his eyes again. “..Who is?” You shook your head and narrowed your own eyes at him. His lip turned into a snarl. “Fucking tell me, you navy bitch, before I-“ “Why do you even wanna know?! It’s not a competition! Why do you even care?!” It broke right out of you when you should have shut your fucking mouth. His organic hand shot forward to grab a good amount of your hair, jerking you forward again. 

“ _ Shut up!  _ I asked you a question, so at least pretend you have an ounce of self preservation and  _ answer  _ it!” The man snarled at you, his fingers digging into your scalp. With a wince you clenched your eyes shut. You didn’t want to get into this right now! Not with him-

He shoved you backwards and sneered. “Fine, be like that. But before you leave this room you’ll answer that question. Now get to work.” You still didn’t get why he cared..

Maybe this was his ego speaking, seeing how miserable he made you, maybe he just didn’t want to be outdone. Not that it mattered now.. You were thankful that he let you go for now.. glanced down at the blueprints and felt sick regardless..

Building them a water filtration system was bad enough.. but now making weapons for them..? The ones you made were small- barely anything. But he wanted for these to do actual harm.. You leaned over the papers just so he wouldn’t bug you immediately already.. and tried to do as told..

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is nasty-b for nasty shit softy-b for wholesome stuff. 
> 
> Also please befriend me. I need One Piece pals to nerd out with. 
> 
> For obv reasons this fanfic is for people over 18. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have a Ko-fi now :v’’ https://ko-fi.com/nestyb https://ko-fi.com/nestyb  
> It’s just there. In case you feel like it. I appreciate any form of support, verbally or financially.


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